T O P I C R E V I E W |
pixelpixie | How can I hate myself so much that self preservation alone has me withholding and even then it is not for me not fully the story for my loves to tell would be different if I were well I try to see and I do then it leaves me like it wasn't there but I can dissect it like a many layered, multi-legged germ on a slide or pinned down with pride I see the chaos on the inside but without, they are amazed that I should be troubled They can't see the mud beneath the shiny polished skin and the coloured cheeks there is dirt undrneath that infiltrates with so much energy that no soap will cleanse it'll only multiply again anyway and I can't go but I can't stay and everytime I make my way and announce to everyone who counts (and sometimes ones who don't) I will do this I can do this I can see this It turns into I won't do this I can't do this I can't see this or anything else except my lack of vital verve except the ways that I can't serve and can't be and can't do I could blame the men I could blame the lack of them or him but it is mine to take, not place It is me who sees this perfect fake not grace crumbling now with every slip not willing to face her own flagship Sailing away without a captain I am nothing now No coping skills to learn no blue clouds to discern under those lulling shadows I turn
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Bluemoon | Do you want someone to talk to? {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} |
future_uncertain | Pix... A living death. You are about to become new again, Miss Scorpio! You know it too. Something is certainly dying, but I have no doubt that you will find your way, and when you do you will find that it is more than you can imagine right now. We can see your strenth, but are looking at the dirt. Look at the dirt, then. You already know the strength and only you know the dirt below. You've perfected the outside... perhaps to a larger degree than the inner foundation could withstand. I'm being abstract, but sometimes this makes more sense to me. I hope this isn't sounding like verbal sludge to you! Your poem is wonderful, as always. I'm sorry if I can't separate you from your work. I can feel your torment and it seems necessary for you right now. I only hope that it passes quickly for you. Take care |
pixelpixie | I just did, thanks. I don't know what I would say anyway........ |
pixelpixie | oh...... Future uncertain.. thanks for the confidence.. I do think in terms of the way you write as well.... so it made sense to me I wish I could see it abstractly or transiently, or a necessary rebirth... all I want is to fade and not be. Maybe it will lead to something beyond, but right now I will rely on facades and strange relations not sense. |
future_uncertain | Sometimes it's the only thing. I understand. When you can't get out of it, the only thing left to do is go with it. Almost a primal thing. |
pixelpixie | yes. |
Heart--Shaped Cross |
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pixelpixie | Do you mean that I am cold? |
sweetlibra | ----------- and announce to everyone who counts (and sometimes ones who don't) I will do this I can do this I can see this It turns into I won't do this I can't do this I can't see this or anything ------------------- Exactly what i am doing nowadays..! Pixie i feel u are portraying me..! |
pixelpixie | Oh, I am sorry you feel this way.. sincerely! It really sucks, as I am def. writing from the first person.... so I know how it feels. To doubt the very thing which motivates you...... |
pixelpixie | *and I have misplaced my magic wand* |
sweetlibra | Lots of love to u pix |
ladya | pp- I like your dark chocolate-y filling! Yum |
Devilfish | whew, appreciate this love this so pure and true in expression i feel it pain penned honestly is beautiful |
sue g | So real, so raw, so you (and me) |
pixelpixie | Thank you sweetlibra.. Ladya~ *gulp* Thanks. That was cute, it made me smile. Then lick my lips. Devilfish~ Thank you for appreciating.... yeah.. honesty is something I've got.... pain too.. it is poopy sometimes. Sue~ I'm glad you liken me to you. Cuz I feel it too. *It's a rhyme! To everyone. |
Devilfish | "its poopy sometimes" lololololololololololol funny lady lololololololololololol
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whiterabbit | I hope you're feeling cheery today pixie |
Jonathan Gull | sorry pix, i didnt see this, or i would have replied sooner.. maybe you're just kidding (?), but, no, how could I (or any warm blooded mammal) ever find you cold? The snowflake was partly there to indicate the fact that your poem was so deep, it left me speechless, there was nothing I could say to add or take anything away from it - and it was partly to imply the fact that I see you as an absolutely unique individual, like a snowflake (you know, they say no two are alike). In retrospect, I ought not to have been so cryptic. Sorry pix. love you, hsc |
pixelpixie | Thanks. Love to you. |
Jonathan Gull | |