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T O P I C R E V I E Wleo_on_fireWhen I combed back yourhair with my fingers that nightand you moved so much closer to meI felt whole.I felt right.I felt perfect.Then I held you while you slept and I tried with all of my might tomove closerto get as close as I couldBut it never seemed close enough.My heart felt like it would explode so powerful was my need to beyou and for you to be me.I shed silent tears that nightbut wiped my eyes and kissed yourforehead when you moved andwrapped your arms around me.I don't think you realize thatyou did this.I don't think you realize that you look lost when I have to leave.Perriwinkle blue looks so much morebrilliant with unshed tears.And you didn't even realize youwere hurt.If you did, you gave me no hint.I hold your hand when you sleeprubbing your palm with my thumbbecause I know it relaxes you, everytime I try to stop thoughyou squeeze my fingers tightlyto let me know..no.My heart bleeds for you whenduring the daylight hoursyour eyes refuse to meet mine.One night while you sleptand I watched over you again,you spoke a single sentence."Kt, don't go."and I saw the tears on your face.I sobbed out loud that night, but you never woke.Our little girl is hurt.She is fighting though,with everything she has.And because of that, you are refusing anything I offer.During the time that you consciously think of me, youthink nothing more than aw ain't she nice.But when you sleep,and when I watch you,I know that you don't wantto let me go.No matter how manytimes you say "I haven't had time to miss you."And maybe this is wishful thinking on my part,but sleeping words tell no lie.Pulling me back every time I tried to move, you anchored your arm aroundmy waist and refused to budge.Staking your claim in yoursleep.Letting those watching knowI am yours.It hurts me more everytime.I see your heart when you sleep.I feel your pain when you sleep.I know your secrets when you sleep.But when you wake, I am nothing.I am now going over everygesture, hoping against all hopethat I am not imaging this.That I am not trying to justify my not wanting to ever stop loving you.My not wanting to ever leave youno matter what.I love you.That is for sure.And despite all of the things I have written here, and despite all of the things I hold close to my heart that were gifts from you, I still believe you don't love me.And that is alright for some reason, as I am not sure how to tell you that I love you.How do you do that? Love, never a truer word thought right?____________________________xxKt------------------love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. William Shakespearepixelpixieoh my gosh.This is so real. *I know it is*Thank you for sharing your world in such a pure way.I feel it.Love and patience to you.Just keep holding his hand.Bluemoonyour words move me, Leo_on_Fire!
------------------love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. William Shakespeare
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