quote:
Originally posted by MAKLHOUF:
I often wonder whether anaesthesia actually removes pain or whether we feel the pain but just don't remember.
MAK!!!!!! {{ }} That is EXACTLY one of the deepest fundamental questions I have about Medicine and the brain. They give drugs called 'dissociative' drugs now during medical procedures to 'spare you' from "remembering" the live-torture you JUST went through at the hands of callous medical secret-sadists?
(Of course, I'm speaking in a poetic sense, in a way. Yet, seriously based-upon past-experiences AS A CHILD. Coincidently, I've having my asteroid Child Scorpio H12 RETURN!! O yikes.)
I had tonsils & adenoids removed when I was 4 years 2 months+ years old. (Aug 1959)
I became "aware" during the surgery.
I "saw" my body on the table, and the metal-contraption set in my mouth, while I was floating behind the doctor's right shoulder. ... Then he 'moved' and it blocked me from continuing to see what he was doing.
Then I "felt" as though someone had "bloody-punched me in the nose." It hurt soooo bad! I *remember* the pain, MAK.... It still upsets me.
I recall the 'helplessness' of being 'at the mercy' of someone-else's hands and NOT being able to do ANYTHING about the 'pain' I was feeling....
So, I have this really morbid fear now of anaesthesia as an adult. (And I had ONE other super-painful BAD experience 'being put under' from ~Feb 2003). Could this 'bad experience' being 'put out' have been a vestige from something that transpired originally when I was a child of 4 years old?
There was another medical procedure they did on me when I was 5 years old. The medical people 'acted' as though I didn't understand what they said (like I was a carcass), nor that I could 'hear' what they said in their conversations around me.
.... I remember SCARY SCARY machines!! I thought I was going to be crushed-to-death! And throughout the ENTIRE procedure I not only had to deal with 'what's going on outside of me' but also INWARDLY because I absolutely felt *horrible* in my guts throughout the time of the procedure.
I recall one technician or nurse-or-someone saying compassionately that they felt terrible having to use Adult-size equipment on such a small body.
"Someone" who was supposed to set-up the procedure didn't Care, I guess. They didn't "care" to make sure that my body stayed as comfortable as it could be through something really hard to go through. NOR did they consider that I was psychologically going through something I did NOT understand. I did NOT feel 'accompanied' through the process that had to be done. I was ALONE, and a CARCASS.
It wasn't "convenient" for them to have provided what *I/my body* and my mental-being would need to survive it better.
I was to them "a piece of meat" lying there on the table, which they performed their task on. There was NO regarding that there was 'an Aware Child' subjected to and at the mercy of their deliberate tortures.
There was NOTHING I could do to save myself, nor anyone I could TELL who would understand what I was saying to them and to comfort me. Maybe other kids or people didn't 'need' that? Perhaps I was a freak and simply not 'like' everyone else?
These are some of the things that have had an underlying underpinning impact on my life as a completing forming whole. It's a pit in place for me.
It's like I've had to frantically hide-hide-hide-hide and duck for cover at things in the environment, and when the cover is ripped open there's a terrible surgical-light glaring in my face and eyes... and something terrible is about to happen because I stand there in its light.
Heh-heh.... Welcome to Saturn back into Scorpio, eh?! Having a body sucks when you can't control the circumstances--- Is there a way that I can be turned into only a cloud-etheric, WITHOUT the pain of having or needing to rely on outside-people 'who don't get it'? ... extrapolations.
Maybe that's a Quest'ion that never finds its True solutions as long as I'm trapped in a body on this earth.
(I hope this vid has 'good sound'... my sound-cancellation headphones broke a few days ago. I'm back to using my $5 earbuds here.)
(music) No Where To Run (Martha Reeves and the Vandellas) [3:00] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQRIOKvR2WM