Hello lovelies,I'd like to share a very painful and shameful thing with you all today...It is very difficult for me to talk about this, but thanks to my psychologist I realized it was the trigger to many problems in my life.
At the age of 12 I developed acne. Over the years it became terrible cystic acne that ravaged my skin, by the age of 16 things calmed down enough that I could cover up with makeup and feel kind of normal. Except I wasn't. For years I'd avoid social situations, harsh lightings, swimming and photographs. I lost many years and memories of my life, while spending lots of money on treatments that never worked. (If you want to give me skin advice you can, but let me tell you I tried everythingggggg!!! Meds, topicals, over-the-counter, natural alternatives, diet modifications, drinking apple cider vinegar three times a day, acupuncture, meditation, hot yoga, prayer, birth control, then natural supplements to get hormones back to normal, naturopathy, wearing lots of makeup or no makeup, natural products...eveerything!) I felt so ashamed and guilty that my body wasn't functioning properly, even though I had the strictest healthy diet, exercised and was a health nut.
Finally, after many years now at the age of 25 my skin calmed down, but I was left with heavy scarring. The picture in the link isn't the best, I can upload more though it will be very embarassing so you can get the general picture. In the pic I am also wearing makeup, but I have tons of scars on my cheeks (deeper ones), on my forehead (medium depth) and on my neck and jawline (mostly dark discoloration but that I am not too worried about).
After many years of struggle, and very close meeting with suicide near my birthday, I have started therapy with a psychologist. Because of all the costs my acne consumed and my student debt, I cannot afford acne scar treatments at the moments. I try to save up as much as I can but with debt and school costs (I am in my before last semester) I simply can't do this fast enough. In the meantime, I feel like my life is passing me away. I treat my body like garbage in relationships (casual sexual encounters because I feel I don't deserve someone who will love me), but I am working on that thanks to my psychologist.
This is why I set up a crowdfunding page, I didn't know these existed until recently. I feel so terrible as a proud Leo, this is a very humbling experience but these acne scar treatments will greatly impact my life. I am not a shallow person and ironically, I hate wearing makeup though I have to wear it to be taken seriously in my job. I wish I could share this with my friends and family on facebook, but because of the personal nature and the bullying I went through, exposing this pain of mine is too hard...
This is why I turn to this community, perhaps some of you can help me.
Anyway, if there is any way in which you could contribute, the amount can be as small as a dollar (and I think they accept debit too), I will be forever grateful. If you cannot contribute financially, please share this with friends and family who maybe will be able to. I really wish I could ask my loved ones for help, but I feel so ashamed that I simply can't.
Oh, also I understand people can feel like this is a fraud or something, but I can send you more photos privately and ''proof'' photos too. I have consulted a cosmetic surgery already (100$ consultation fee...sigh) and he said I'll need dermabrasion, some peels followed by laser treatments. I will consult another one too to get a second opinion, but there are consultation fees...
http://www.gofundme.com/hl1fvs
thank you so much!!!
much love and light to all of you,
A.