posted February 05, 2003 06:25 PM         

Ok... here goes.

i was with my first boyfriend for about 15months. He cheated on, me and left me. The whole thing was very painful for me, i didnt handle it well. i got very sick.

Looking back on the relatonship i see what i couldnt see when i was in it. and i think that i really went out with him because he was the first guy who ever showed any interest in me (i know that is so incredibly selfish!).

Since we broke up, which was almost two years ago, the only interest i have had from men is that they want to get in my pants, and im just not like that. I have also attracted a couple of guys who i think have the potential of being stalkers, whom i have considered calling the police about. I just keep attracting strange people. and i dont want to sleep with a guy, i need more than that.

Its really starting to srew with my head. My self esteem is being knock around a bit. Whenever anyone compliments me i automatically think that they have an alterior motive. and i sometimes think that perhaps my ex was right. He used to tell me that he was the best i could ever do.

Can anyone give me some feedback?

posted February 06, 2003 02:59 AM         

His OpiNION sounds like a very smelly ONION to me!

I have been told similar things, and I once beleived it.

We also reflect how we feel inside and sometimes attract people accordingly. Of course sometimes wierd people just target people and go after them no matter what vibes we go out.

How is your posture? I am working on mine. People pick up subliminally how we hold ourselves. Let me tell you a quick story.

I was once in a very difficult place in my life- a direct result of my self-inflicted problems. I was living in a very bad neighborhood. I was sitting on the sidewalk and a man came up to me and asked me if I wanted to do some drugs with him. I told him I didn't have much experience with the drug he was talking about, and I also didn't have any money, but wouldn't mind trying it. He told me that he already knew I would do it, he said by the way I sat he could tell I cared nothing for myself! I realized I was hunched over and my head was bowed, as if in shame. Now, this was no spiritual moment obviously- I only ended up dabbling in something that caused many problems in my life for many years!

But I always remembered how the guy saw me as weak because of the way I sat, how I welcomed that into my life. So even if I do not feel proud- I pretend I do and hold myself up I am not implying that you are like me in anyway, I am sure you hold yourself very well, just wanted to relate my experience

d

posted February 06, 2003 03:42 AM         

I try to believe in myself, its just dosent come very naturally to me, ive never been very self confident.

As for posture, mine actually isnt the best theFajita, i think its better than i used to be.... Cant believe i am sharing all this but here goes!... I have always been very tall and slim. I still am, but puberty brought be some very large breasts and i hate them, all they do is get unwanted attention i cant buy bras, swimmers, tops that fit right cause im a size 10 with these stupid large things! So they cause me much grief. So i hunch over a bit cause im self concious... perhaps my posture does affect how people see me. Its something to think about, thank you. And theFajita, im sorry to hear about those hard times for you. Thank you so much for sharing.

Alena, thank you for the love smiley!

Thank you both for replying

posted February 06, 2003 04:09 AM         

SO we do relate to each other. Well not that my chest is that big that it attracts a lot of attention, but that I was ashamed for along time about it.

I know we are being very open right now and that is OK.

So we can both work on how we hold ourselves. Because we are dynamite women and deserve the best, this I am sure of

d

posted February 06, 2003 07:18 AM         

But jjjax (did I get all the j's?), you just have to know that people say controlling things like "you'll never do better than me" for gross reasons-out of insecurity mostly, but for power reasons-to control someone else. Now how can *anyone* who claims to care about someone possibly want to control them? If he really cared, wouldn't he only want what's best for you, and not to hurt you?

Now I hear you about the breast thing. I started wearing a training bra (i think it was a training bra, at least it was an A cup) right after 4th grade. Yup. I got my period when I was 11 and I perfected the art of changing for gym without revealing any part of me (pull one shirt through another).

*

Ok, I'd better finish another cup of coffe and get out of here!

posted February 06, 2003 05:31 PM         

What you said about controling, its true i know. I dont know how it happened but suddenly i had no friends, he would get annoyed if i spent time with them, and i would cop a trillion questions about where i went who i saw. I went out with him and his friends and he would get jelous if i spoke to them. So i ended up as just a thing that walked around on his arm... im quite pathetic really to let that happen. He used to check my sms's, email, mail. He was very controlling. It is hard to get out of a bad situation, when your in it, its as if you cant see whats really going on... or you dont want to.

posted February 06, 2003 07:05 PM         

Aphrodite: Im 22. But many people think i am younger... maybe thats because of how i carry myself also? i dont know. I always have ladies at my casual job ask what year i am in at school... when i say i have just finished my uni degree they seem a bit shocked. Two weeks before my 22nd b-day a guy at a petrol station said i didnt look like i was old enough to be driving by myself. Strange. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent then. You do you ask Aphrodite?

posted February 06, 2003 07:41 PM         

Maybe I'm one of those later bloomers...actually I know I am...but I also had my period at 11...so it looks like big boobs are out of the question anyway.

posted February 06, 2003 09:01 PM           

My very first b/f sounds very similar to yours (I think us girls go through similar experiences with guys). He even said the 'you will do no better than me'. He told me that because he wanted me to think that. Thing was, he couldnt bear the thought of me being with anyone else and he was so insecure (I wasnt allowed to go barely anywhere without him, he was so suspicious). So, I lost all of the friends I went to school with just to keep him happy. My reasoning? They didnt understand him (coz thats what HE told me). and they were close minded coz he was from the mainland and dressed different and liked different music. (we were country bumpkins and he was a city raver). He was so dark and depressive and I thought a little love and I could help him and make him happy.

got to go....

posted February 06, 2003 09:49 PM         

Men love boobs, whether they are small or big, so never sorry about that

wow so alot people can relate to this. Thanks Alena

posted February 07, 2003 04:54 PM         

I had written a reply, but I guess it is now lost because I don't see it.

One thing I would suggest as constructive input is to read "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. For just $15 dollars and a very short and easy read, I know this book will shed a lot of light and wise guidance into your life.

The second thing is you need to kNOW deep insEYEde that you are responsible for your happiness. You are the Master of your Soul and nothing anyone can do can break you, only the words, sentences and ego that beat themselves inside your mind will manifest themselves. Re-MEMBER that. Always do your best in the interest of your emotional, physical and mental health.

The third thing is nobody is perfect. It is all judgement and expectations within the mind that we project to the outside world on each other. The truth is clear as day, and we all lie to ourselves and to others to one extent or another because we only live through our own vessels, and it is hard to accept the truth about certain things because we may not have accepted it within ourselves. I hope this provides a perspective you will consider in looking within.

Never give up on yoursELF. Your Soul is a beautiful LIVING entity of light within and the projection of you. Learn to use your heart wisely and never be afraid to LOVE and FEEL. It is never a crime to love compassionately, especially yourself.

Lots of L ve and Compassion to yOu,

posted February 07, 2003 09:25 PM         

Hi jjax, I'd like to add that you should start sensing the energy around you. When you become sensitive to it, you will have more control over it. Then you can direct it as you see fit and use it to your advantage. Start this by meditating. Afterwards, be very quiet and listen to all the sounds and movements around you. Learn to become familiar with everything around you--especially the energy of people. When you learn this, your intuition will increase because you will know when something isn't as it should be. It will feel off and different than what you are used to. Use this to your advantage. When you learn to sense the energy of others, steer clear of people who had energy that makes you uncomfortable. By doing this, you will attract those to you that will make you comfortable and fulfill your needs. You should also start thinking in the positive and visualize good things happening to you. And, K-NOW that they will come true. If you beLIeVE, the Universe will deliver them to you.