posted January 18, 2011 05:34 PM            

I am curious how you would interpret the behaviour of a man I know given his planetary placements. I feel I need to figure it out before I can move on

He is an Aquarius sun with Gemini rising. Venus in Pisces, Moon in Cancer, Mars in Virgo.
House IV is in Leo, House V in Virgo, and House VII in Sagittarius.

The gist of the story is that this man is a friend whom I have not known for long; we had a very long dinner at a restaurant; we obviously enjoyed each other's company and engaged in some harmless flirting: safe from my pow because he is married and in my mind it was clear that nobody was going to cross any boundaries. Also, he struck me as a person who generally respects society's rules, in other contexts for sure. When we were about to part, out of the blue, he gave me a French kiss :bigeyes:

When I got over the initial surprise, I reminded him that he was married in the gentlest way I could, and then walked away. Since then, we met one more time in person, when he non-verbally made it clear that he continued to be attracted, but verbally and physically he was very proper (ie no French kissing attempted this time ).

Since I can't avoid seeing him due to our areas of work, and I do like him a very great deal as a person, I'd love to know what you think might have been/might be going on with him based on his planetary dispositions. Is he just a womaniser (I don't know him well enough to tell, but he is otherwise very respectful and does not at all strike one as a cad)? Did he think I'd offer him easy s*x, that would not "count" for some reason vis-a-vis his commitment to his wife? Or is it possible or likely that he really fell for me?

posted January 20, 2011 04:01 PM            

That dinner was only the third time we met one-on-one, though we'd met several times in a group. And we had some wine with the food, but neither of us was drunk.

posted January 20, 2011 08:10 PM            

I am Aquarius sun, Gemini rising and Venus in Pisces, though a female I can tell you we don't play with love. If he was a bit forward I can tell you that it is because he feels connected to you and you have passed all of his tests making you a candidate for riding his rainbow and living in his world which is millions of light years from earth (LOL).

Regarding him being married for 2 years to a woman 10 years his senior may indicate that they have some kind of understanding (just guessing).

Trust me he does not consider you loose, if he did he would never have looked twice at you (consider this a compliment). Aquarius have very high ideals in terms of a mate.

Try to get him to express his feelings (this will be difficult). However try not to be pushy this will send an Aquarius running for the hills never to return, LOL.

posted January 21, 2011 04:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sublime:
Hi there,
... If he was a bit forward ...you have passed all of his tests making you a candidate (LOL).

Regarding him being married for 2 years to a woman 10 years his senior may indicate that they have some kind of understanding (just guessing).

Trust me he does not consider you loose, if he did he would never have looked twice at you (consider this a compliment). Aquarius have very high ideals in terms of a mate.

Try to get him to express his feelings (this will be difficult). However try not to be pushy this will send an Aquarius running for the hills never to return, LOL.

And above all else, be honest, we like the truth even if it hurts. Good luck.

---

No offense, Sublime, but I just have to comment. We are a proud sign, but when we are wrong, somebody please TELL us. (even if we don't listen) LOL

Ok, Motyogo

1.) You passed his tests? Honestly, the nerve of this guy. HE's married, not her. What is he judging her worthy of -- being his wh.ore?

2.) Yeah, maybe there is some kind of "understanding" (freaky?) between him and his wife. Ok, or maybe something "classier" (hmmm) like with John Lennon and Yoko Ono. She was older and the Aqua. Sorry, don't get that. Either she reeallly loved John or he just wasn't turning her on. Maybe the mistress was doing that for her! LOL

3.) Yes, take it as a compliment if he wants you as his mate. But if he wants you to be his wh.ore? Yikes.

4.) Try not to be pushy so he can express his feelings? Who reached over and french kissed who? Motyogo, you should have SA--LAPPED his bold-azz face. He was out of line. Running for the hills? Yeah, every time he sees you...

5.) Honesty? Yes, tell him whether or not you find his being married is a deterrent to your getting involved with him -- no matter WHAT kind of arrangement he has with wife. Be honest about that.

I'm not judging you, M. You are probably a very caring and sweet woman. IMHO, he doesn't deserve you. That kiss was out of bounds. Just because he can or wants to fool around on his wife, doesn't give him the right to bring you down to his level. Unless that's what you want...

posted January 21, 2011 07:17 AM            

Don't get me wrong...I am not condoning any bad behavior but what I am suggesting is that Moto dig deeper to find out what is really going on here.

Moto, Sometimes, things are not what they seem.

If you indeed find that he is a friend then the very least you can do is find out what is up, correct him on his behavior and leave things off well with him.

posted January 21, 2011 01:44 PM            

Let's Dance, I don't have a problem with open relationships in principle, as long as they are conducted with honesty, respect, and full endorsement by everyone concerned. I still think monogamy has more going for it, as it seems to (or should) force people to persevere and work things out within their relationship, and to apply self-discipline. I am also too insecure to deal with the possibility of my partner loving others beside me. But all of this is an aside.

posted January 21, 2011 02:44 PM            

Good move...there is a lesson in everything and communication is essential to divining the message.

Keep us posted.

posted January 22, 2011 11:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by motyogo:
Thank you very much, both!

Let's Dance, I don't have a problem with open relationships in principle, as long as they are conducted with honesty, respect, and full endorsement by everyone concerned. I still think monogamy has more going for it, as it seems to (or should) force people to persevere and work things out within their relationship, and to apply self-discipline. I am also too insecure to deal with the possibility of my partner loving others beside me. But all of this is an aside.

My thinking is along the lines of what Sublime suggested (if it is true that crossing the line the way he did does not mean that he considers me without value.

My Aries vanity and desire for truth both push me in the direction of trying to find out (and of communicating that I have no interest in being somebody's mistress or occasional affair ).

---

I know the french kiss (tongue, right?)caught you off-guard and you probably experienced several emotions like flattery, excitement, etc. I get the "aries vanity" part, nothing wrong with that. You are/were attracted to the guy. But the mere fact that you are posting here suggests that you are no longer feeling that "ego thrill" and possibly beginning to feel that he took advantage of you and may now think less of you than he did before the french kiss.

I mean, exactly where can this go between the two of you? He's married, you know he's married and you didn't put him in place when he french kissed you.

Moty, maybe I'm making more of this than I should. But imo, you don't need validation from him that he still respects you. If you feel disrespected, then tell him. Make a bold move just like he did. Who gives a darn what he thinks? He needs to know that you don't play that and let him think what he wants. You don't need his respect, because you respect yourself enough for EVERYbody. And that is your Truth, right?

posted January 27, 2011 12:54 AM            

Why a long, intimate dinner with a married man? I think you are feeling guilty (with good reason).
You should have slapped him rather than worry what he thinks of you. He should be worrying you'll tell his wife.

posted February 01, 2011 06:08 PM            

In reply to the question on why have a long, intimate dinner with a married man: I have had long, intimate dinners with many friends, regardless of gender, with no intention of bedding them. I realise that I am lucky in knowing evolved people who are capable of sharing that experience as something that almost feels like art with no intention to disturb that if people or the friendship could get hurt, or to take this to a different level for whatever reason.

I will grant you that I may have been naive in thinking that just because he is married, the boundaries are more secure than they otherwise would be. I can assure you though that I feel no guilt.

posted February 01, 2011 10:09 PM            

Would you like YOUR husbund to be dining with a female friend that way?

posted February 02, 2011 12:16 AM            

Men do not ask a woman to have dinner or spend time with if they are not motivated sexually. You even admit you flirted and called it 'harmless'. If you were obese and unattractive, he could care less about your mind. He wouldn't give you the time of day. This is how men are. All married, heterosexual men not 70 year old monks.

If you were married to him and you found out he had a long intimate dinner with a young, attractive female (who flirts harmlessly) ugh, your perspective on this would differ. Men do not want to be your friend, they want to be your lover. Or flirt or get an ego boost by being seen with you. The high-minded spiritual stuff is the way women think not how a man thinks.

posted February 02, 2011 03:58 PM            

mintgirl, I guess my common sense does not tell me that. My own partner of seven years has met with other, attractive women on his own plenty of times. As far as I know, he doesn't tend to have dinners, but coffee, cinema and drinks have featured on the list of things he's done with female friends. I do get p.o.d if I get the sense that the woman is trying to get into his pants, and it is true that I am not ecstatic about the fact that he charms women - but not in a 'player' way - he charms men too (and is as straight as it gets). I am totally ok with him meeting women on his own as long as it's harmless, and also ok with him engaging in harmless flirting as long as he won't cross our boundaries and I don't witness it.

Getting married does not mean that you may no longer do things and enjoy things independently, in my opinion. What I do assume, unless I know otherwise, that married people pledge fidelity to another, and it is up to them to define fidelity for themselves but personally I don't think that long, intimate dinners with others = cheating.

Steam - maybe the majority of men don't, and I am sure you will continue to think I'm kidding myself, but I know for a fact that heterosexual men have dined and spent time with me without sexual motivation. Maybe the reason in some of those cases too was that they thought they don't stand a chance and/or nothing will happen. Again, I would have assumed that married men - who are decent enough people that I want to spend time with them - would also operate from the self-imposed assumption that no sexual action will happen.

posted February 02, 2011 11:37 PM            

Lol. It's like you're trying to act like you're oblivious to what you did, but you really should feel bad, bc seriously what you did wasn't right (of course the guy was at fault too)

posted February 03, 2011 01:17 PM            

mintygirl, if you hadn't even read that he kissed me, what was the source of your outrage? Just that I'd had dinner with him? LOL.

Of course there is harmless flirting.

You are also making a lot of assumptions, and this is getting more and more irrelevant to the thread. But I'll humour myself with addressing the question about obliviousness. I am in fact pretty good at picking up on it when people are attracted to me. I am not a mind reader and can only infer how they plan to act on it or not from circumstancial evidence.

In this case, I knew very well that he's attracted to me on some level. What I referred to as flirting was a shorthand to say that he could also infer that I was attracted to him in some level. (Please don't pretend that most people only ever feel attracted to one person, even when they are monogamous.) We weren't even exchanging innuendos and my boobs weren't hanging out. I was smiling, I was animated, yadda yadda.
Circumstantial evidence pointed to him NOT acting on this. He is married. He was not trying to brush my body parts. He was not making allusions or suggestive comments. He generally respects social conventions. The reason I was shocked was precisely that he was not giving any sign that I could normally have picked up on. Can you not imagine that some people just do not telegraph this? And as I say, this was the first time such a thing (unexpectedly being kissed) happened to me. The only sign was that his eyes darkened just as I was reaching up to give a peck on the cheek (standard greeting in the country we come from), but that was a nano-second, and I was going for his cheek when he 'intercepted'.

posted February 03, 2011 04:11 PM            

His interest was further stoked by the fact that you didn't resist his flirting during the meal and in fact enjoyed it. Naturally he got more curious and wanted to see how far you would go. I'm not saying it's all your fault, but I don't think he would've French kissed you had you not reciprocated in the flirting exchange earlier, meaning you maybe unconsciously communicated to him that you are, for lack of a better word, "game". But your reaction after the kiss clearly showed him that you didn't appreciate the fearless tongue action and that's why he didn't try to do it again the next time you met. You have set the boundary line and he is honoring it.

I don't think natal placements can show whether he fell for you or not. If you really want to know you will have to ask him.

posted February 03, 2011 10:57 PM            

As to what he wants from you, easy, sex. Does he think you're cheap, no, I don't think he believes that.

This guy wants two things;

1. A committed emotional relationship with his wife.

2. A committed sexual relationship with you...& no drama.

The sleazy ones lie about a failing marriage, and/or ill treatment from the spouse. At least she's honest about his desires without insulting your intelligence.

posted February 06, 2011 12:07 PM            

Thank you also for your comment, Deux*Antares.

posted February 06, 2011 01:52 PM            

Touche. You know what you did was wrong. I don't need to say anything bc the fact you're so defensive shows you know deep down you were at fault.

But whatevers. Whatever floats your boat hun. Not everybody lives life the same way I guess.

Dinner and flirting with some other guy when they're married. Now adding kissing on top of that.