Posts: 358
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 22, 2009 02:35 PM         

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why does it always hurt to know someone you have known died ... even though you were not very close?

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Posts: 383
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 22, 2009 02:39 PM         

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i don't know. sorry you are sad.

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Posts: 255
From: Stonehenge
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 22, 2009 06:36 PM         

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Because it highlights the transience of this life?

I look forward to those other dimensions.

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Posts: 297
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted May 22, 2009 08:23 PM         

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I've been to six funerals in one year. 3 were super close (one of the 3 being my best friend) and the other 3 were family members that were sort of in and out of my life. My opinion is cos you know that now there can never be that last time. You can't orchestrate your last moments like you can if a person has a long illness, and or you go and see them in the hospital before they die..with this you just sort of have to accept whatever your last time was; be it good, bad, or indifferent. Does that make any sense?

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Posts: 41
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 23, 2009 10:00 AM         

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I tried to trace a friend that I had been to school with through Friends Reunited when I returned to N.Z in 2005 for a holiday.
Suffice to say we are talking decades here and when I came back to the U.K it was inevitable (pre Facebook..pre anything!) that we lost touch.
I couldn't find her but she had an unusual surname and I found someone else with the surname (relative?) so I took a chance and fired off an e mail.
Only to get the most tragic one back, saying that my friend had committed suicide in 1995 after years of sadness and depression because of a broken heart.
I was absolutely devastated. I remember us having such a carefree time,laughing all through school, meeting boys at the weekend, sneaking cigarettes from our fathers packs.
Seriously I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me when I found out that her life had been so sad.
She had attempted suicide apparently several times and finally succeeded.
So yes. Time and distance have no meaning.
It still hurts.

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Posts: 62
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 23, 2009 04:39 PM         

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I think it hurts because you are a caring person. The hardest part is knowing somone has gone through their pain and died alone. We all have to make that journey alone it seems... And we don't even know what happens after.
Being a human means you have the ability to tap into and feel someone's pain as another human being... We are all connected, we all can understand each other of we are willing to.
:bheat:

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Posts: 38
From: A symbolic tree, Earth
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 26, 2009 04:19 PM         

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Maybe you feel guilty about not spending time to get to know them.
Also, that they never got the chance to continue their life when you did.
Feels a bit unfair that they died and you weren't there for them, or help them because you never got to know them.

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Posts: 178
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 26, 2009 11:02 PM         

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Why would you expect it not to hurt?
Aren't we programmed to mourn the dead?
Isn't that part of our cultural and religious beliefs?

I've only known one person in my entire life who were cheerful about somebody's death... found it extremely distasteful at the time although now I think it was the right attitude.

There have been times when I wanted to die along with the people who were not longer physically here. Still not sure that that is such a bad idea...

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Posts: 41
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 27, 2009 12:29 PM         

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If ever (not very often)I am feeling a bit sorry for myself I walk around the cemetary near to where I live. It's quite old and historic.
I find cemetarys really uplifting.
You look at a gravestone that tells a story.

Herbert Jones b. 5 April 1886 d. 20th Jan 1947
And his beloved wife Alice 23 Feb 1893 d. 1963

So you know that Alice lived 16 years after her husband.
Did she miss him?
Did she meet someone else and fall in love?
Were her and Herb split up during the war?
What was it like when they reunited?

Sometimes there are whole family histories written on one headstone and I think

"Well there's Herbert, been 6 foot under for 62 years and there's me worried about trivial crap.
Ha! Everything immediately in perspective!
Bugger all you can do about anything when you are just an etching on a gravestone.
Carpe diem because tempus fugit.

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Posts: 115
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 28, 2009 09:38 AM         

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Maybe you sense the loss to yourself at a deep level. Some people's passing are a greater loss to you than others.

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Posts: 599
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 28, 2009 04:44 PM         

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most of the people i have known who died went at the perfect time. in my mother's case it was a relief. though i miss them there are only a very few who caused me sadness when they went. when i was small my mother told me people die when they are ready to die...whether they consciously make the decision or not...perhaps that is why it doesn't seriously affect me. or maybe i am just a cold-hearted aqua rising...yet i feel very connected to most of them still!

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Posts: 358
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 29, 2009 01:54 PM         

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thanks for your input everyone, I guess I think about their families

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Posts: 5
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted May 29, 2009 03:56 PM         

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I lost my grandmother 3 years ago and we Super close it feels like 3 hours instead if 3 years,then I lost my Aunt in Jan of this year to cancer it hurts everyday.I feel like my heart is missing.

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Posts: 297
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted June 02, 2009 01:26 PM         

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yes, I know what you mean. My grandparents deaths were very hard on me. They raised me as their own, so it was like losing my parents. They were so funny, they fought like cats n dogs their whole lives long, then when my grandma went, my grandpa just didn't want to stick around anymore. I picture them still fighting where ever they are.

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Posts: 26
From: Grafenwohr, Germany- but my heart is in Iraq
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 11, 2009 05:08 PM         

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I wish I knew the answer to that. I have attended more Memorials for our Soldiers in the last 3 months (from my husband's Brigade and the Regiment that I work for) than I have in my life time.

Most I did not know.. but they are part of our family..meaning.. they all serve together. It is heartbreaking.

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