posted November 25, 2006 03:00 AM         

Over three years ago, I met this man. It was basically about 4 months after I moved out of my mother's house. I moved in with her for a couple of years. And while I lived with my mother, it had been 6 years since I had a relationsip with any man. I was cellibate, because of religion. However, I got fed up with people and their "religion" and just cut out the middle man.

(Stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this. I promise)

So, when I moved out of my mom's house, I was good and ready to get back on the trapeline and jump. So, I joined a dating service. The popular. Match dot com. And, yadda, yadda, yadda, and that's where he found me.

That was in July 2003. When we first met at a coffee shop, physically, I was bit disappointed. He wasn't as tall as I liked my guys. And height has always been important to me. BUT, we sat down and connected like I've never connected with anyone in my life. We were experiencing the surroundings together. What happens deep on the streets of where we were. Why he named his company what he named it. He was interesting. A lot like myself. And I know these guys on these sites play women, pretending to be compatible when they're not, but he was genuine. We sat down and talked for 4 hours.

Okay, ups and downs followed. I had a lot to learn about love and relationships. And I'm afraid, he met me too soon. I told him that. I felt that. We met too soon. And even though we were never really a couple, something always pulled us back together.
It is SO scary how alike we are. How we fit. How I can touch his soul. How I just know. Even once, while we were out, he said, he knows we're exactly alike, that's why he keeps coming back to me. And we are.

Of course during the time I've known him, I waited until one drunken night, him being the drunk one, after he said he loved me, to a few weeks later, after I had one glass of a alcohol, to tell him, I love him. To that, he just sat there and held my hand. Said he couldn't say it back.

Okay, over the years, I promise, I fought like crazy to get him out of my heart and mind. But we just kept connecting. I didn't want the sound of his voice to be so familiar. To make me feel like home. Or just his nearness to be comforting. He moved in with me this year as a "friend" and it didn't work. I tried, I promise I did, but I can't understand what in me sabotages that. I think it's because even in my apartment, as my roommate, he worked hard to withhold himself from me. And I promise I could've taken him in any dosage. The friend pill or the lover pill, I just wanted to overdose in whatever he'd let me really be. But he never let himself be close to me long enough to form a solid bond. For real! Whenever we watched a movie together, he'd sit on the floor, far away from me. And I wondered if I made him uncomfortable. And if I did in what way. You know once, we did a friend thing. We went to the drive in together. We had a blast! We watched Spiderman II and that movie with Matt Daman as an agent who lost his memory, the second installment. And we both just picked both movies apart. And basically he said everything I wanted to say. And I said everything he wainted to say. BUT. I did notice how he sort of cringed when my cell phone rang and rushed out of the car. He had a history of that. But it was my sister in law!!!

Anyway, he always made me feel so "crazy". Like I wanted him more than he could ever want me. I remember the last time we made love, April 19th 2005, and I asked him to kiss me in the morning, with me lying on top of him and him holding me, he refused to do it. I felt only because I asked. And I know there's morning breath. But I promise, I don't get that! And he doesn't either! Which has always made it extra fun!

Anyway, so I'm watching this movie tonight. And it's about this guy who gets to live the life he'd given up with the woman he should've been with.

And I promise, I have let him go. But what I'm afraid of is, I let THE ONE go. All I ever wanted to say to him is, LOOK YOU IDIOT, I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!!! It's me. I'm the one. You're the one. But he WILL NOT choose me. He battles it. He battled it.

And so, now I'm afraid I've lost. And that is my fear. The ONE has rejected me because I know, I screwed up when we first met. I wasn't quite sure but I was. The thing is, I had a lot to learn. He's Irish, I'm black. Interracial was very new to me. I never trusted in it, which is why I felt a lot of fear and dischord, and was really scared of what I felt back then.

And, I CAME from a world where there is a belief that "soulmates" are the same color. But fun can come in any color. Remember I said CAME. Prejudice is taught and learned. It's not Godly and it's not inborn. So, I did a horrible job of getting him to trust in what he felt for me in the beginning. I mean, on our first date, I got a phone call from another guy! And, I also, told him I was seeing someone else! And believe me, I had no knowledge of never doing that to a Scorpio. But I did it because of self preservation. I couldn't throw myself into it. I told him he was chicken marsala, and I'm chicken marsala, and we both need meat and potatoes. BOY WAS THAT STUPID OR WHAT!??!?!?!

And thus the confusing part for him. He knows he should've left me alone a long time ago. I think he wanted to! But he couldn't. And so we parted in October this year as roommates, it was a horrible parting. I think I told everyone about it. He kept leaving his email up, so one day, I snooped and found a message that he's back with his ex and that he's going to ask her to marry him. And so the night I found that, I decided to lay my heart on the line before he actually did it! Or stop him if he already did! The results? In short, he was mean to me. Rude, and told me he never had any feelings for me. It was just sex. And that crushed me.

Do I believe it? No. And that scares me. Because I don't want to be one of those crazy women who can't get a man who keeps rejecting them out of their skin. You know? But I just don't believe it. But, then maybe I should. I wonder is he one of those guys that get women to love him. I read all these things about Scorpio guys and how they can get women to fall under thier spells, and I wonder if I'm under his spell. But it's so crazy at the same time, because I can feel him wanting me. Is that crazy?????!??!? And I can feel him not wanting me. I feel the problem. I know I hurt him a long time ago. I did the Venus and Leo show off thing, paraded my lovers through his brain, thinking that'll impress him. And he's willing to give up the ONE for that? It's just crazy.

So, you know, I asked someone here to give me some insights on love, but all he gave me was bunch bull. Negative and UNTRUE. Especially about me. No one knows me, better than I know myself. I promise. I've deconstructed, reconstructed and constantly do this to me. And I'm not manic. I don't have bad relationships with men. I was once the only woman in the my entire military unit and the guys treated me like their sister. A few years ago, I was the only woman who worked in my unit at the university I work at, and I'm still close to those guys. I'm the one who kept the dang peace there. I knew how to bring the information from the user and translate it into words that their individual personalities could hear. So, I was sort of disappointed to read that. And a bit perplexed. Anyway. Could someone take a shot. I know I have to make things happen, but, I just need to know, because my heart sort of is pushing me to believe this: have I lost the ONE? And that hurts.

Could you tell this by me? 9/2/1969, 4:28pm, Riverside CA.

I don't know much about the details of his birth. All I know is that his birthday is on October 25, 1969, and he's from Philadelphia, Penn. But I'm not sure if he was born there. I think so. I don't know the time.

But if you can tell me something independent of him, that'll be good. And you know what's sad, EVERY single man that I've been with after him, has been a bandaid for the wound he's left in me. And I'm SO sorry for that. Wow.

posted November 25, 2006 12:27 PM         

I don't knw wht else to say. but i feel tht something tht u said in the beginning of the relationship, whn u hardly knew him, shud not hold water now. as in, do u feel he has some issues with being rejected? unless it is tht, i dont see why he behaved distant to u whn u were roommates, and why he runs away from you every now and then. its probably just your nitpicking virgo sun trying to find faults within yourself, and blaming yourself for the whole situation.

take care honey, and don't be so hard on yourself. he will come back if he loves u. and i bet he wud find it difficult to marry tht ex, IF it is the uranus conj venus tht made him run away frm u in the 1st place. only another woman with venus/ura aspect can give him as much freedom as u gave him, 3 yrs of without having to commit. i wud be running after him with a whip, asking him to lay out exactly whr the relnship was heading, with my venus in cap !!

sorry i cudnt be of much help, but i feel tht its better to give no advice than to give the wrong advice. whtever i hv said, is just my conjecture...so take it with a pinch of salt.

posted November 25, 2006 01:03 PM         

There are no dominance and submission issues between the two of you, because you have
absolutely equal power to stand up to each other. You will have to negotiate all issues between the
two of you, as neither of you will allow the other to get away with any power trips. You can be
very supportive and helpful toward each other in times of challenge, because your strategies of
dealing with difficult situations are right on track with each other.

Virgo's North Node conjunct Scorpio's North Node:

Your soul paths are on the same track--where you have been in previous lives and what is
growth-oriented for you in this life is the same for both of you. You have natural empathy for each
other's history, and a good sense of what is in each other's best interest.

Virgo's Chiron conjunct Scorpio's Chiron:

You are naturally empathic toward each other's deep sensitivities and support each other's efforts
toward healing.

Virgo's Sun trine Scorpio's Moon:

A natural flow exists in the relationship with your energies naturally supporting one another. Scorpio
feels safe to drop defenses and be at ease around Virgo's natural energy, allowing Virgo to feel
accepted and appreciated.

Virgo's Sun trine Scorpio's Saturn:

You have patience with each other and can work well together either professionally or when
sharing life's responsibilities. You can even be patient with each other's "bad" days. You learn from
your experiences together and typically don't make the same mistakes twice with each other.

Scorpio's Sun opposition Virgo's Saturn:

Scorpio feels the hammer of Virgo's disapproval always close at hand. Virgo gets irritated with
Scorpio's lack of responsibility. Projections abound between the two of you, and the wise person
sees the very qualities you dislike in each other as projections of unclaimed parts of your own
character. It takes character strength to deal successfully with this one; otherwise Scorpio can feel
disapproved of and Virgo feels unappreciated.

Virgo's Sun opposition Scorpio's North Node:

There can be something deeply familiar about each other when you first meet, as if you are picking
up where you left off. Although the familiarity leads to the likelihood of some type of relationship, if
you don't encourage new growth in each other, the relationship can wither from its own redundancy.

Scorpio's Sun square Virgo's Venus:

Your tastes and values can clash, and yet this is not entirely bad. It creates a strong sexual
attraction, though not the comfortable type; this type of fascination comes from that which is
different. The strong sexual attraction is favorable for getting the relationship going, but difficulties
can arise over differences in basic life values, making it difficult to live with each other on a
day-to-day basis.

Scorpio's Moon conjunct Virgo's Saturn:

Scorpio feels the pressure of Virgo's expectations and judgments, and thus is extremely sensitive to
Virgo's approval and disapproval. If handled wisely, this creates a strong sense of responsibility
that binds the two of you together. If not handled wisely, Scorpio feels unsafe in emotional
expression, and close interaction can be blocked.

Virgo's Moon trine Scorpio's Venus:

You can feel very natural and comfortable in each other's presence, making time spent together
enjoyable. You support and even take delight in each other's emotional responses to life. You can
become interested in the arts and socializing together.

Virgo's Moon trine Scorpio's Uranus:

This is an aspect that encourages evolutionary growth on both your parts. Virgo feels encouraged
and supported for breaking out of old emotional patterns, and Scorpio feels emotionally supported
for pursuing an authentic path of individuality.

Virgo's Moon trine Scorpio's Pluto:

You give each other the emotional strength to make important transformations in life. Virgo feels
safe and unthreatened by Scorpio's use of power. Scorpio feels comforted by Virgo's support.

Virgo's Moon sextile Scorpio's Chiron:

A natural empathy and sensitivity exists between the two of you over wounds that you experienced
in the past. You support each other's emotional healing from these wounds and nurture each other's
compassion for others.

Virgo's Moon opposition Scorpio's Neptune:

It is not likely that you see each other clearly. You can imagine qualities in each other that don't
exist, or pull each other into escapist behavior, or feed each other's fears. Absolute honesty,
including avoiding "dishonesty by omission," is required for a healthy relationship.

Scorpio's Moon square Virgo's Venus:

Emotional issues are quite tricky to resolve. When one of you expresses emotional needs, the other
person's feelings get hurt. Or you get your feelings hurt when the other person is simply having a
bad day. It is hard not to take the other person's emotional issues personally, but that is exactly
what can improve your relationship.

Virgo's Mercury conjunct Scorpio's Venus:

This creates a stimulating spark in your exchanges as you both enjoy each other's personality.
Virgo communicates in a way that Scorpio enjoys, and thus friendship and romance are favored.
Creative outlets are also favored, although any relationship and any activity would benefit from this
delightful combination.

Virgo's Mercury conjunct Scorpio's Uranus:

This is a very exciting connection for communication and learning together. Scorpio's energy
liberates Virgo's way of thinking, though it does make it difficult to stay on the topic at hand. While
in conversations with each other, ideas just come flying in about all types of issues, not just what
you are currently discussing. Some of the ideas that you come up with together are likely to be out
of synch with your culture, so it's best to think things through before you act on some of your
radical ideas.

Scorpio's Mercury sextile Virgo's Mars:

This tie is favorable for motivating you both to act on ideas. You rarely trigger each other's
defenses in communications, and can even work through difficult moments together without feeling
threatened by each other.

Virgo's Mercury opposition Scorpio's Chiron:

You likely have different opinions and views concerning health issues. It is not easy to accept each
other's help, because your views about what would be helpful differ. Try not to convince each
other of the right way toward health and healing, and instead, acknowledge and allow for the
differences to help avoid difficulties.

Scorpio's Mercury square Virgo's Ascendant:

Misunderstandings are not uncommon with this aspect, as you both tend to misinterpret each
other's attempts at communication. Avoid this potential for misunderstanding by double-checking
important communications with each other.

Scorpio's Venus conjunct Virgo's Jupiter:

Fertile, abundant, and indulgent are all words that could describe this combination. Your love life is
upbeat and positive together, and it's easy to enjoy each other's company. It would be easy to fall
in love. The only danger with this extremely positive combination is the tendency toward excessive
indulgences and spending sprees together.

Scorpio's Venus conjunct Virgo's Uranus:

This creates an electric magnetism between the two of you, but it is highly unstable. Virgo liberates
Scorpio from conventional attitudes, and Scorpio is excited by Virgo's uniqueness. The
unpredictable nature of Virgo keeps a tone of uncertainty in the relationship.

Virgo's Venus trine Scorpio's Chiron:

Virgo's values, appreciation for beauty, and capacity to receive love are fertile ground for healing
for Scorpio. The activities that you enjoy together naturally lead to soul growth for both of you.
You can be drawn to the arts and creative expression as a method for healing.

Virgo's Venus sextile Scorpio's Uranus:

Your relationship will never be in danger of stagnating because you constantly find innovative ways
to explore life together. You are attracted to each other's uniqueness and allow each other
considerable freedom in the relationship.

Scorpio's Venus opposition Virgo's Chiron:

Your values concerning health and healing can be at odds with each other. Scorpio's desires for
pleasurable activity can activate the wounds Virgo is carrying from previous relationships.

Virgo's Venus square Scorpio's Saturn:

This aspect dampens the natural attraction and magnetism of the relationship. It is hard to avoid
judging one another. Virgo sees Scorpio as no fun, too harsh, and demanding, while Scorpio
judges Virgo's values as superficial, indulgent, and undisciplined.

Scorpio's Mars conjunct Virgo's Ascendant:

This is a hot, intense, and potentially sexual combination. Scorpio is motivational, giving backbone
and courage to Virgo. Virgo admires the strength and courage of Scorpio Scorpio will have to be
careful not to be overly motivational/pushy. Shared physical activities are favored.

Scorpio's Mars trine Virgo's Pluto:

You draw hidden strength from each other and thus are great allies for one another. You inspire
each other to the right use of will and power in ways that benefit everyone. You feel safe with each
other, from the physical activities of Mars, to the deep mysteries of Pluto's interests.

Virgo's Mars sextile Scorpio's Jupiter:

You bring out a confident and positive attitude in each other, allowing you to work and play well
together. You also travel well together and encourage each other to take part in the opportunities
life has to offer.

Scorpio's Mars sextile Virgo's Neptune:

This combination is excellent for romance as it brings the best of imagination into your passion. You
can inspire each other creatively in all types of ways, and the danger of the blind spot with Neptune
is minimized.

Scorpio's Mars sextile Virgo's North Node:

You keep each other current with the times and on track with your soul growth. You give each
other courage to move forward, away from the path of least resistance and toward growth.

Virgo's Mars square Scorpio's Pluto:

You are being tested with the right use of power in this relationship, and power conflicts erupt with
the slightest provocation on either of your parts. Taking martial arts training together would be a
good metaphor of your test. With this training you would learn that your power comes from staying
in your center, and not getting pulled into anger. This is no small trick in your relationship because
of the hair-trigger reactions you both have to conflict issues when either of you tries to change the
other in any way. You can bring out each other's shadow issues, and need to be willing to question
your motives in any plans you come up with together.

Virgo's Mars square Scorpio's North Node:

Virgo's choices of activities are often off track for the path of soul growth for Scorpio. You would
be advised to allow space in your relationship for your separate interests.

Virgo's Jupiter conjunct Scorpio's Uranus:

This aspect creates excitement between the two of you about the soon-to-be-discovered future.
You both have the potential to be a liberating influence on each other's beliefs, allowing there to be
continued growth and evolution together. You encourage each other's radical freedom, for good or
ill. If ungrounded, this combination can lead to reckless, speculative behavior with no thought of
caution.

Virgo's Jupiter opposition Scorpio's Chiron:

Your beliefs and philosophical views clash with each other concerning health and healing issues.
Although not with malicious indent, Virgo can encourage directions that hinder, rather than help,
Scorpio's healing process.

Scorpio's Jupiter square Virgo's Ascendant:

Many disagreements can erupt because your basic beliefs about so many life issues are at odds
with each other. These arguments aren't so hot as to be threatening, with Jupiter involved, but
Virgo can experience Scorpio 's beliefs about education, religion, and politics to be way off base.

Virgo's Uranus conjunct Scorpio's Pluto:

You are catalysts for each other to pursue interests beyond the ego. You could fuel each other's
interest in social/cultural change, or animate each other's spiritual interests. Your relationship may
take on a greater purpose and get pulled into some type of movement together, as in the
consciousness movement, the peace movement, or other important social causes.

Virgo's Uranus opposition Scorpio's Chiron:

Here, we have two rebels with two different causes. An example would be two people who both
rebelled against traditional health care and found their own, but different, alternative paths. Until
you can honor these differences, the tendency to look at each other's path as eccentric at best, and
as having little merit, will certainly be felt as challenging.

Virgo's Uranus square Scorpio's Ascendant:

This destabilizing aspect will keep your relationship from becoming stagnant, if nothing else.
Scorpio feels uncomfortable with, and even threatened by, the way Virgo expresses individuality
and independence. Virgo constantly hammers at Scorpio's conventionality.

Scorpio's Neptune trine Virgo's North Node:

You can trust each other to provide spiritual guidance and insights as you have a natural empathy
for each other's soul needs.

Virgo's Neptune sextile Scorpio's Pluto:

Your interactions with each other invariably help you both rise above the petty, lower currents of
reality. If you attempt to meditate together, you will feel as if you are being lifted up on unseen
wings.

Virgo's Pluto square Scorpio's Ascendant:

Scorpio can feel intimidated by Virgo because of something that neither of you is conscious of. This
makes it difficult to have a relationship until trust is established. You see each other's idiosyncrasies
and subconscious behavior patterns. It takes great sensitivity of delivery to discuss such issues
without arousing your partner's defenses.

Virgo's Pluto opposition Scorpio's North Node:

Karmic patterns of control games worm their way into the relationship. It is as if Virgo can't help
but dominate Scorpio, who can't help but submit to the will of Virgo. This can bring out destructive
behavior patterns in the relationship until the power trips are put behind you. Scorpio is being
tested to claim the right to follow Scorpio's personal will, and Virgo is being tested with the right
use of power. The question is, can this undeniable influence be directed in a way that is in
everyone's best interest?

Virgo's Ascendant sextile Scorpio's North Node:

This allows for an easy, growth-oriented approach to life together. Your natural pursuits and
interests support each other's soul growth.

Scorpio's Ascendant square Virgo's North Node:

It is sometimes difficult to stay on a growth-oriented path together because personality conflicts
periodically pull each of you down into past behavior patterns.

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"-Khalil Gibran

posted November 25, 2006 04:33 PM         

And!!!
Let me say, after I read the synastry you posted on us, I cried. Because it's all true. That's what I mean. I even ommitted to him I read his email to preserve the honesty we share with each other. I mean, I can write a paragraph on something that has happened between us on every point in our synastery. He is SOOO familiar to me. His scent. His kiss. His touch. His spirit. His soul. And with all those positives, proven, and the few negatives, proven, what do I do?

You know Inlovewithlife, we never really got together as a couple because he knew we'd never part. That's I believe.

We're both screenwriters. He directs too. He actually has a movie you can rent at the video store! But, you know, a man at 37, I think he feels so unfullfilled. I can feel his depression and dissatisfaction with his life. And there's nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.

It just, could've been great. Long lasting. REAL. And I don't know if I'll have that again. I can't even look at another guy and not want to feel that familiarity that I had with him again. It's just sad and tragic. For me.

It ended so bad with us but I just want to send him our synastery and ask him. What does he think about that. BUT I WON'T. I CAN'T. BUT I WANT TO.

posted November 25, 2006 07:06 PM         

There was one experience that stands out in my mind some seven years later. It sounds crazy but he was quit a bit younger than me-legal and all but much younger and we were just sitting and chilling listening to music and I was looking at him and suddenly right before my eyes he began to age into a man of about forty. It lasted less than a minute but in that time I saw the future. Who knows maybe we'll meet up again when he's older and finds his way-at least I hope he does because he was very lost when I knew him.

Anyway, hang in there honey. Try looking for what you have gained from your relationship outside of romantic, happily ever after notions and take those riches with you on your journey.

Peace and light to you

posted November 25, 2006 09:31 PM         

Thank you.
It helps, helps, helps....

I think I have to rely on hope. Hope that there can be actually someone better for me, or he'll come back.

But I've been thinking. Maybe I'm meant to be with someone less perfect for me. I don't do internet dating anymore because I believe it messes with fate. Just my belief. I feel that strongly. And, a part of me thinks that he and I were always supposed to exist separately in this universe.

I'll see though. Time will tell. But one thing I have to do is let time tick.

posted November 25, 2006 09:32 PM         

Thank you.
It helps, helps, helps....

I think I have to rely on hope. Hope that there can be actually someone better for me, or he'll come back.

But I've been thinking. Maybe I'm meant to be with someone less perfect for me. I don't do internet dating anymore because I believe it messes with fate. Just my belief. I feel that strongly. And, a part of me thinks that he and I were always supposed to exist separately in this universe.

I'll see though. Time will tell. But one thing I have to do is let time tick.

posted November 25, 2006 10:27 PM         

if i were in your place...i would meet up with the guy again, and have a heart to heart talk. tell him its the last time, but i need to know the TRUTH, so i can move on. everything, abs everything. u knw, we have a picture in our minds abt wht went wrong. but may be thts not the reason at all. so, i wud ask him to explain how he felt abt everything we shared together. and why he thinks things didnt work out. and make it clear to him beforehand, tht i am not trying to make him change his mind, but just to know wht exactly went on in his mind during all those years.

i think that tht's wht i'd do....give it a shot, aim for a resolution atleast, if not a reunion. u know.

posted November 26, 2006 12:40 PM         

Simply through who he is on an ordinary everyday level, your partner stirs a feeling of almost electric fascination in you. His instinctive harmony with the physical world around him

You and your partner have an easy and instinctive way of empathising with each other's feelings and emotional needs. There is a great natural closeness and harmony between you which may at times

Although the sexual attraction between you and Natural111s flame is likely to be quite high (at least initially), there is a covert cat-and-mouse quality to your exchange which points to a much

The keynote of your relationship with Natural111s flame is vitality. This quality of raw dynamic energy which is generated between the two of you has many different facets and could take many

The dynamic and sometimes combative energy of your relationship is given a further injection of fuel by another element within it - a longing toward distant mental and physical horizons which could

There is an intense and almost "fated" quality in your relationship which may invoke some very uncomfortable responses in you. There are areas of your personality which have been hurt or deprived

The loving and physically affectionate qualities of this relationship have a powerfully positive effect on your partner's feelings, offering him a sense of security, contentment and personal (If he's accept them)

The transformative potential of your relationship with Natural111s flame may be greater than you realise. Every important human bond activates many levels of the personality, and some of these levels are unconscious and unrecognised. All of us bring our own inner issues and preconceptions into a relationship with another person. A relationship involves not only the chemistry between the two personalities, but also our unconscious images of what it is to be a man or woman. The inner images of man and woman which we all carry are really pictures of our own needs, expectations and potentials. And each deep relationship we encounter in life could activate a quite different aspect of our inner world, presenting us with very different challenges and bringing very different responses out of us.

posted November 26, 2006 01:44 PM         

ILWL, I already tried to ask him but he was hell bent on giving me the most hurtful answers he could conjure up. This guy is full of paradoxes when it comes to me.

Zoso, Yeahhh.... It was, Family Man! When I was initially writing the message, the title of the film eluded me and I didn't feel like looking it up. It was late.

And, GypsyDancer, thank you.

Part of me doubted what I felt was happening between us becuase of his pull and push approach towards me. I mean, he would always tell how MUCH he valued our friendship but the thing is, with all this "friendship" we had, he worked like the dickens to put physical space between us. And then he'd crack and make up some excuse to see me. And I could see in his eyes how that's all he needed. Was just to see me. I think he still lives in my neighborhood. I knew he wasn't going to move to far from me. AND, I know he reads my blog. I keep a blog. And what's sad is I know he's getting his fix from those two components of me. And to tell the truth, I write for him a lot. Geesh. I love him. Okay, gosh, I still, love him. Because I know him. His soul. The truth of who he is. And I see through the facade of indifference. And that's why I feel like one of those crazy women who just don't get it. So alas, I will not force myself on him. But I do have a feeling he'll be back. Somehow, he will. But then, I doubt that too because, I know he's stubborn.

Ahhh....
I don't know, maybe there's someone else out there for me. Maybe. I'm pretty picky. Only because a guy has to be more than good looking. I have to FEEL it. The connection. And that's a pretty rare occurrence. But I can't take his punishment anymore. I just won't.

posted November 26, 2006 11:49 PM         

Yeah, if he comes back, then I'll definitely give him a hug. AND, we'll have to start from scratch. Like, dating again.

posted November 28, 2006 01:51 AM         

quote:

---

There's a forum thread on here that talks about how you can establish a deeper connection and understand people better through hugs because you allign the chakras, combine the auras

---

posted November 28, 2006 12:44 PM         

Natural...

I so understand how you feel.

I wish i had the magic words to comfort you.
or the cure for the "spell"...

please don't blame yourself... He can't give you something he doesn't have...
God, it took me so long to accept that.
Who knows what the future holds? I think you were right about the timing.. and of course, timing is everything. All we can do is be more self-accepting and love ourselves unconditionally.. That light unto ourselves shines the brightest and is the beacon that will attract the right people to us.

You are probably right. He will come back around eventually.. Usually, just when you get to an "okay" place. Its almost like they sense it. Uncanny really.
It is hard to be ready for that...But surely if its meant to be... he will be blinded by the light.. The big shiny Natural light....

Love and {{{hugs}}} to you...
keep us posted.

posted November 28, 2006 01:24 PM         

{{{{{{Stargazer}}}}}}

Back at you!

You are so right. That's what I tell myself. And so if it's meant to be, then it'll be at a time when we're ready for each other. And if it isnt' then, at least I learned something that'll make me ready for the next guy!
And boy, this next guy, must be something else!

Thanks again!

And I'll definitely keep you all posted.
But right now, I do think that I'm in love....
With YOGA!!!
I'm allowing that to strengthen me, in so many ways.

Peace and Love!