posted February 09, 2007 02:00 PM         

My first lover, a piscean, I thought he was my soulmate, I still think he is at some level, but it didn't work out. He didn't share my feelings, or at least, he wasn't ready for a relationship (apparently still isn't with anyone). We stayed friends for a couple years, I allowed myself to constantly long for him, even if I wasn't aware of it.

Then I cut him out. But even when we're not communicating, he's still there, deep within, buried, in torpor, but not dead. He appears in my dreams usually when I start a new relationship, he often calls or emails when I'm getting serious with someone.

Even when we are apart we are playing a water game between my scorpio moon and his pisceans sun. Perhaps its only a game I play with myself, but perhaps not.

He sits deep in my psyche, as a symbol of rejection, many of my insecurities stem from that heartbreak, and after 6 years, I'm starting to think I may just never be beyond it, that it is an integral part of me.

I saw him last June, and it was a somewhat difficult visit. I've pulled away again. I feel like I can't be in contact with him, that it protects my psyche, but being out of contact doesn't seem much different. He says that us being in contact makes the world a more beautiful place, which is very idyllic but I'm not sure I share those sentiments.

posted February 09, 2007 02:30 PM         

But, I often hesitate, beacuse I feel like sometimes I am giving him the wrong message--even though I state over and over that I do not want a romantic relationship with him...I would be wise to take my own advice and acknowledge that people's actions often speak louder than their words.

posted February 14, 2007 10:15 AM         

BR, I so wanna give you a smothering hug right now!

BTW, I've always had a fascination with Pisces. I am married to a quadruple Pisces.

posted March 07, 2007 03:55 AM         

I felt like I finally put it all behind me and I wasn't going to hear from him again and didn't want to and now he's emailing me.

He called me twice, but I let them go to voicemail and don't return them... what for? I don't want to become unmeshed by him again. I feel like, what do you want? Isn't it enough already? You wanna try for a hat trick? Rip my heart out and sh*t on it a 3rd time?

I'm usually a typical Aqua, I LOVE being friends with exes and remaining on good terms, but this one is different. I need to protect myself. I know any contact with him is playing with fire.

quote:

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He sits deep in my psyche, as a symbol of rejection, many of my insecurities stem from that heartbreak, and after 6 years, I'm starting to think I may just never be beyond it, that it is an integral part of me.

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posted March 07, 2007 11:55 AM         

"I really relate to that Almost verbatim."

Me too.

I like to think I can be friends... it's a nice idea... but it doesn't work out that way...I get over my head if I have anything more than casual contact of the almost never variety..Its a protection thing...
and of course for me, Ice can be eternal...
I have lotsa Aqua friends who still have friendly relations with old lovers...I am in awe at this..mostly.

BR...

What you wrote feels very Karmic indeed...
{{{{hugs}}}}}

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"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment"

posted March 07, 2007 05:38 PM         

I can really relate I am a Pisces sun who was involved with a scorpio moon to say the least I believe he is my soulmates. It may have something to do with the sun trine moon in water signs but yes I do communicate with him in the depths of my soul.I can actually feel his presence,for the bond is not broken.

posted March 09, 2007 11:47 AM         

Personally, I am just leaving it alone because our time has passed and I am now happily married...but he still seems stuck after all these years. Weird.