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Author Topic:   crabby drama....
sadcat
Knowflake

Posts: 12
From: Canada
Registered: Mar 2008

posted July 31, 2008 11:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sadcat     Edit/Delete Message
I am nearly worn out with the crabby drama people. I am seeking some input....

I am still riding a rollercoaster with a cancer guy since December '07. We never became an item per se. But, it seemed like we were making gradual progress until May when I told him I wouldn't tolerate his saying that he would call then not calling. then I told him 'I guess its time I let you go'. Meaning, leave him alone. Then all communication stopped. I was just so frustrated....but I guess on retrospect I can see why he stepped back and put me on ignore....I was hoping for a change in behaviour...or at least a conversation about it..NOT for him to disappear.

I sent him texts here and there to which I would get no response. Since end of June we have been communicating again but all at my initiative and only by text and MSN chat. I asked him why he cut me out out his life and he responded "I didn't cut you out. How are you?" Then I reminded him that I hadn't heard from him since May so what would he call it. He didn't reply at all so I let him be for a week or so. On the weekend I asked him again where I stood with him and am I wasting my time trying to keep in contact with him and he replied: Can we change the topic? So, I have been trying to keep it light. At the end of a chat he says it was nice chatting...he keeps it friendly. Oh, and he flirted just a tiny bit too.

If he didn't want anything to do with me, do you think he would just tell me? Would he bother communicating with me at all? Why might he be avoiding answering my questions? Is he trying to let me down easy cuz he doesn't want to hurt my feelings?

I know we can only speculate here so if anyone has ideas I am grateful to hear them. I really adore this guy but I also respect him and don't want to be too pushy. I just wish he would be straight with me. Thanks.....

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 4094
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted August 01, 2008 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Love isn't wishing someone will call...
love is wishing for them to have peace.


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Snookie
Knowflake

Posts: 52
From:
Registered: May 2008

posted August 01, 2008 12:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Snookie     Edit/Delete Message
Clearly dosn't like you but is nice about it. Forget him you don't deserve to be treated like that - regardless of the sign it's still a person treating you unjust.

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PeaceAngel
Knowflake

Posts: 1151
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008

posted August 02, 2008 12:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message
sweetie, stop calling him. he doesn't have the personal strength or knowledge to deal with this any other way. preserve your own dignity and let him go. don't call him any more.

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 1438
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted August 02, 2008 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
He's getting mixed messages, especially with your contacting him recently. It wasn't how you wanted it to go so you told him it's time you let him go. That's perfectly fine, especially if the relationship doesn't serve you.

But now you are questioning why he isn't pursuing you. Just let this go. I have found that if it wasn't working and communicating (or trying to) doesn't help, then let it go. Trying to resurrect it by you will only frustrate and never works.

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 347
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted August 02, 2008 01:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
sadcat.
How can you say you respect someone when they are so rude to you?
It is a known fact that men actually don't like confrontation and will avoid it by making excuses.
They invented the saying "It's not you...it's me" to get out of relationships that no longer hold their interest.
Only you are experiencing the drama.
He evidently couldn't give two hoots and is just too cowardly to say so.
Don't waste your time and your self respect on this one but.....and I guarantee this....if you don't contact him at all give him a couple of months and you will hear from him again.
And not contacting him again also includes the text you are about to send...DON'T DO IT...saying "I'm not contacting you again"

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Natural111
Knowflake

Posts: 375
From: Los Angeles, CA, USA
Registered: Sep 2006

posted August 02, 2008 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Natural111     Edit/Delete Message
Sadcat,

From what I've realized the Cancer male's love style is slow and steady. He has a lot to exorcize before he can get serious about a woman. And the woman that's willing to respect that, may in fact be the one that gets him. If you can't deal with that, then you'd possibly need to move on. I say, be his friend first and foremost--if not only. He needs to trust that you know him and like him as a person. And that simply is going to take some time. NOW. He hasn't cut you out all together, which is a sign that there's someting about you that he DOES like. For whatever reason. But if you keep texting him and emailing him, pushing him, you're going to convince him otherwise. BUT. Stay true to what will make you happy. It seems he's not making you happy. Your love styles aren't matching. Let that inform your decision of whether to stick with it or not. Either understand and accept his lovestyle, realizing that he's NOT your boyfriend, thus you are free to date whomever you like-- and do date, while still getting to know him as a person, and he you. Or just let him go, if you can't do that but you will get frustrated and may fall into acting like what he'll term "crazy". Not realizig he's driving you to act that way! I mean, I love my crab. But I went on a date the other night and had a great time! Because I realized just as I GREW to love the crab by just being his friend. If he's not the one, I can grow to love someone else. Though the guy is an Aries, and not as deep as the crab--not as witty (those silly one liners said to let you know, I get it, let me think, let it go for now), laid back or organically sexy. Though everytime I'm out with the Aries, women check him out. He's nothing compared to my deep crab. So...It took time for me to feel that way about him. So, TIME. TIME is key.

toodle loo!

And remember you are the important one in the equation. And the only person that can make you happy first and foremost is YOU. That's your responsibility. So, it's an important act to take say to a guy, look, I'm trusting you to make me happy--I'm giving you with a spare key to me. Now I have one, and you have one. But if he doesn't want the key or isn't ready to accept the key, then you got an important decision to make...comprende???

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sadcat
Knowflake

Posts: 12
From: Canada
Registered: Mar 2008

posted August 02, 2008 10:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sadcat     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks for the advise and suggestions everyone. You all make good points.

So, I need to back off completely I guess. The thing is this. Cancers are known for their disappearing acts and their push pull games. I have also heard that they don't chase due to a fear of rejection. I have been keeping my distance, but contacting him here and there just to let him know that I still think about him. I haven't seen him since the first week in May and since we have been talking again I haven't even brought up us getting together. If I leave him be altogether....and he doesn't contact me...that's that. I am fine being his friend but its pretty impossible to be friends if there is no communication.

So, what do I do? I guess just back off and see? The whole...if you love someone set them free thing? I am so damn stubborn though; if he wants me to leave him alone I would rather hear the words from his mouth....

And no...I didn't send a text saying "I'm not contacting you anymore"...lol...that was funny!

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CoralBird
Knowflake

Posts: 52
From:
Registered: Jun 2007

posted August 03, 2008 10:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralBird     Edit/Delete Message
If you let him go, he will, especially if he’s not committed. He may or may not be hurt inside, but he will keep a smile on his face and be polite. If he was really angry about it, he wouldn’t even give you the time of day. If he was hurt, but still willing, then he would let you know in a subtle way that he was hurt (which would only be revealed after some time). If he says “it was nice chatting” and doesn’t take it any further, then he is not giving you that opportunity. You can’t push him into a friendship or anything for that matter, by calling him. It’ll frustrate the heck out of you. This is probably the most elusive man I have ever met; he rarely gives a direct answer unless he knows for certain. So my advice to you is to move forward with your life and go out and get what you want. He may reappear again, but you can’t push or extract feelings from him now because he will not budge. My 2 cents worth.

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