posted May 22, 2007 05:28 PM         

So I'm in my first seriously relationship, and we're going on 7 months. I am a Libra, seventeen years old, turning 18 in Sept, and he is a Gemini, and is turning nineteen this upcoming June.

And I dont know what to do. I am so confused and dont really know who to ask for help. Since he is my first, I am so afraid of the strong feelings I have for him. I never used to worry for anyone before. And now I find myself praying all the time, hoping that he will be all right, hopding that he isn't driving in bad weather, etc. When he's sick, or has a headache, I feel awful and wish it would end.

It's like...its not...love, or anything. But I think I would do a lot to keep him happy. And he would for me.

Is this how it should be? how a real relationship should be? Isn't it bad? Doesn't it give him too much power over me? Where his physical safety seems to be so so important....

but to be fair, my safety, and my health is just as important to him as well...

but....what I want to know....how can I....in a healthy way, detach myself, so that I do not fret so much? Is there a healthy way to do so? Or is this worrying all the time a good thing?

I read somewhere about Attachment-Detachment....What should I do?

And also, he is leaving at the end of this summer. to college. and I'll be here. We'll break up, and it'll be mutual. So, is there some way, I can save myself a bit of pain, by detaching? And if so, what? And How?

Here are both our birth data...if it would help anyone?

Mine is:

Sept 23, 1989
Elk Grove Village, IL
10:39am

his is:

posted May 22, 2007 07:08 PM         

If I would have asked those questions or just stopped long enough to think about your thoughts when I was your age....who is to say...it is our history that makes us and only in mid-adult life do I ponder such things...

I will leave the astro up to the "experts" but I will tell you from experience, find you, find who you are and take of you first and foremost---and in taking care of you you are taking care of him and everyone close to you. And in caring for him and everyone close to you, through loving your self first, you will make the world a better place.

posted May 25, 2007 08:38 AM         

So, i know what you mean when you say your worries and the surprising thing to you when you find yourself being more focused on him than in you and your life and health.

You know,that´s the way things are,just dont be worried to mucj about the attachment/detachment feelings.
I to find myself always thinking if he´s allright;mostly his peace of mind..and whenever i feel his voice it´s not good im always thinking "what can i do to hepl him?" - i believe you are trhough this yourself,right?

The key word here is balance and equilibrium.
Try to think of your relationship as a way to start seeing love larger than life. Our 1st serious relationship will marks us very deep and its most beautiful thing is that we´ll always remenber it as our most meaningfull love
Dont be so afraid of worrying about him and maybe to suffer a bit - no true love is great if we dont feel deep inside its good and bad things!
Believe that in the ed everything will be allright and working torwars your and his right path and happiness.

posted May 27, 2007 02:05 AM         

Thank you guys for responding.Hippichick-thanks for your advise. I'll def keep that in mind. I have read about that already...about how you must first work on yourself and love yourself, before you are able to be in a good healthy relationship.
Moondreamer81-lol! thanks for your advise too. I actually did read the book the other day....I have mixed opinions, but I do believe in the whole not worrying because it will bring the undesired results upon you. I'll keep that in mind toolol!
and Diandra23--thanks for writing about your experience. Yes, your right..everytime he's upset, or depressed, I feel awful and would give anything (cheesy as that sounds) to try to help. And often times, I cant, becuase I wont be able to get to whereever he is (physically) so it leaves me frustrated and angry and upset too. .
I dont want it to mark me so deeply. I am acutally so so afraid of getting hurt. This relationship was extremely hard for me and on me...becuase I've not come from the best functional family, and so it was bound to leave a few scars. But...long story short, I fought the whole time of our relationship, not with him, but with myself. Fighting to make sure that I dont fall too deep, or not enough, wanting to maintain the balance (ie. I am in power...lol) needless to say, most of that backfired, and i've fallen deeper than I want to. What do you mean that our love is larger than life? I dont know....I hate feeling this way, feeling like he has so much power over how I am. I could be soo happy, and then he could tell me how upset he is, and I am unable to help him, my day gets turned upside down. I hate feeling so helpless all the time, and worrying and wishing that he is with me so I would know he is all right. I suppose I will get used to it...?
The possibilities....? Well, we talked about it, and we both decided its best if we break up at the end of the year. A nice clean mutual breakup. I feel like I would miss him like hell for awhile, cry etc, and maybe get over him. And I think that'll be the same with him. If we stayed together...that might be harder..just because of how we both are. We both need and want that other person to be there physically with us, to be able to hold one another...for little kisses, and smiles...
The thing is...he is so so good. Such a good guy. And I think I love him mor ethan I've loved any other guy (though he is my first...so thats not saying much.) But....I dont know....He's such a good person, over all. responsible, kind, strong. He always puts me first, would do all he could to make me happy and safe, to keep me from harm. He is close with his family, he is willing to share himself with me. Willing to put up with my....well tendency to sometime pushing him away. He always sees such good and beauty in me. And we're both so so close, that we can do almost wahtever in front of the other. I mean, so close one can fart in front of the other, and the other wouldn't care. (Kind of a crude example..but...lol) I mean, just tonight, we spent FOREVER just tickling each other....like full out fickling, and laughing so so hard. Like kids.

And I am so so afraid....I think this is what makes it so hard....that I can't find another guy like him. That is what I am afraid of most. What if there is no one else like him? I mean...there isn't anyone else like him exactly, is there?

Aw, I dont know what to do. I miss him so so much, and I'm like...near tears. Its driving me nuts. THe other day, I stayed home from school, and ate ice cream and watched chick flicks and laughed and cried. Its insane.

posted May 27, 2007 04:20 PM         

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm

Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need (right now )

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
You, ooh

[Instrumental / Sax solo]

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
[Repeat]

I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love
You..
Oooh
Ooohhh

( ^ Whitney Houston)

He was working through college on my grandpa's farm
I was thirsting for for knowledge and he had a car
I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child
When one restless summer we found love growing wild
On the banks of the river on a well beaten path
Funny how those memories they last

Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine

I still remember when thirty was old
My biggest fear was September when he had to go
A few cards and letters and one long distance call
We drifted away like the leaves in the fall
But year after year I come back to this place
Just to remember the taste

Of strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine

The fields have grown over now
Years since they've seen a plow
There's nothing time hasn't touched
Is it really him or the loss of my innocence
I've been missing so much

Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine

( ^ Deanna Carter)

Memries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
Memries, may be beautiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

posted May 28, 2007 11:51 PM         

MM--Thank you so much. those songs/poems were beautiful. I think I'm going to save them somewhere

Let ther b light---thanks too for your advise. Mmhmmm...i think MM's song is perfect too. <3 And I'll def try to be open to new things and ppl. Lol..all the best to you too.