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Author Topic:   Subservient wives
GeminiLover75
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posted September 24, 2007 01:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
I read an article today about a woman who followed the advice of a book that recommended wives being subservient to their husbands. She says it saved her marriage and she's never been happier! She says if she does everything for him and never questions him, he repays her by being a good husband...

Personally, the thought of saying "yes, dear" to everything a husband says makes me hugely uncomfortable! It seems like giving up yourself and your needs, really. What does anyone else think?

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Isis
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posted September 24, 2007 02:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isis     Edit/Delete Message
Well...how does this woman define "good husband" for starters?

And why should "subservience" be a prerequisite for him being "a good husband"?

I think it's totally giving up yourself and your own needs - unless those needs are solely comprised of pleasing others, which I'd argue is still highly unhealthy.

People have needs in relationships and if they can't express those needs or their needs are "subservient" to the needs and desires of another...sounds completely unhealthy to me.

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GeminiLover75
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posted September 24, 2007 04:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
I agree... I just can't understand it. It seems like giving up so much of yourself.

This woman was previously a career woman, who constantly argued with her husband about things - so, now that she stays home ironing his pants, doesn't argue with him anymore and lets him be the boss, she says that the relationship is much better. He's affectionate towards her and he gives her whatever she wants.

Somehow, even though she claims to be happy, this disgusts me. :-| Different strokes...

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yourfriendinspirit
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posted September 24, 2007 05:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yourfriendinspirit     Edit/Delete Message

*sorry, this is the best I could come up with, LOL!

------------------
Sendin' love your way,
"your friend in spirit"

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nattie33
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posted September 24, 2007 08:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for nattie33     Edit/Delete Message
If that's the only way her husband can "Man up" They both sound pathetic.

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OMG Jay
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posted September 24, 2007 09:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OMG Jay     Edit/Delete Message
Sure...Dear...I'll scratch your a$$.

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miss_muffet
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posted September 24, 2007 09:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
LOL! This woman sure took her vow to "Honour and Obey" right to the letter.

Are they still living in a cave?

MM

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Unmoved
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posted September 24, 2007 10:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
Hmmm... there is more to this story than what meets the eye, no? Maybe she is happy ironing shirts?

Or... She has to be playing him to get her own means... she can not be seriuosly "obeying" him, as in doing things she is ordered to do, things she does not agree to.

What does "obeying" mean anyway? I'm afraid the term does not register in my brain.

Hello Isis

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ErickaF
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posted September 24, 2007 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ErickaF     Edit/Delete Message
maybe she is just lazy and doesn't want to work! hehe.

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hippichick
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posted September 24, 2007 04:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

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Mama Mia
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posted September 24, 2007 04:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
Nope way to independent for that..We can create a balance but I could never see myself being that way and I am not the passive type either..So that would never work..

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MysticMelody
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posted September 24, 2007 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Here comes the annoying Libra to talk about Balance... Interesting topic.

I think people can just be self centered at times and refuse to see differences between not only our culturally held gender beliefs and biological differences between the sexes, but also the differences between masculine and feminine energies.

Some feminine people, for example, expect a more masculine person to be more (receptive and understand receptive needs) sensitive, to understand their needs for emotional conversations and "listening", to remember sensitivities and to make changes in themselves to remember "important moment dates" like birthdays and anniversaries etc... and when the masculine person does NOT bow to these needs and differences and make accommodations, the masculine person is viewed as an ass.

If the masculine person agrees to make these accommodations in return for some similar accommodations that would say "I love you" to him (I'm going to say "him" and "her" but people are a combination of both energies as students of astrology understand), such as taking care not tread on his sensitivities at being looked up to, admired, and encouraged to go out there (active) and be the best he can be, while doing active/concrete things that say care and devotion to him (by washing his socks or whatever)... then some women say he has a raging ego or is just a big baby who needs reassurances and everything done for him etc.

If he doesn't take out the garbage or know how to be the home repair man, he is looked down upon by some women and society in general. Yet, if a woman is expected to know how to cook, and expected to clean and do laundry, we again look down on the man. Our society has made the roles more ambiguous with women working as many hours outside the home as men, which leaves no one to be the home-maker (and HOME MAKER is an important job). New philosophies might try to go back to the old ways which takes away some of the ambiguity to the roles and is a temporary fix, but as the women here clearly express, most women cannot be fulfilled solely as home-makers at this time.

There is no easy answer to all of this, which is why marriage councelors suggest couples make out written agreements that define the roles each person chooses to fulfill. Unfortunately, there isn't time for all of us to be SuperPeople so things aren't done and couples blame each other to deflect the pressure they feel.

I'm just saying that what people can take out of these recent books is an understanding of the nature of both masculine and feminine energy and how to support and show love to each in ways each understands. People who try to reclaim the "old ways" are not transcending what is known to create something better, they are trying to go back to an old model that did not work for us. It is about balance and progress.

Whoever bothered to read this and made it all the way through...

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Isis
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posted September 24, 2007 06:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isis     Edit/Delete Message
Interesting article.

An agreement about roles and who will do what, and being "subservient" to another and their needs, aren't the same thing IMO.

Basically what the OP says is that in order for this person's husband to be a "good husband", she had to quit her job and become "subservient"...

quote:
if she does everything for him and never questions him
...then he is a good husband.

That sounds completely unhealthy to me. I don't think it's the same as saying, "I want to be the homemaker, you will be the bread winner, I do X things, you do Y things, and we are a partnership."

Hi Unmoved!

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GeminiLover75
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posted September 24, 2007 09:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
Well, the lady claims to be happy! She said she struggled with it for the first few months though, learning not to argue back etc.

Personally I think if you WANT to take a domestic role, then fine. But I don't agree with taking a role that involves not having your own needs met... if you see what I mean.

eg, in our house - I do all the cooking. Mr Gemini never makes dinner. But conversely, I never do the dishes or hang out the washing. That's his job. We didn't work it out in terms of pre-defined roles that we would be happy doing, but it just worked out that way. I hate doing the dishes and hanging out the washing, but I am a Taurus and I love to cook and bake (lol, how predictable) - so things fell into a natural pattern. In my previous relationship, when my partner didn't have a job, I worked but he did all the housework. If, in the future, Mr Gemini happened to get a job that was worth say, twice as much as what I currently earn, and he said - "I'll work, you stay home" - I MIGHT consider doing that, but only if it wasn't going to turn things into a lopsided power balance. So at the end of the day, it seems like a case of, it's not what each person literally DOES in the relationship, but a question of whether or not mutual respect and mutual needs are a priority and that there's a balance (rather than one person having all the control).

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MysticMelody
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posted September 24, 2007 09:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Wow, nicely said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!

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GeminiLover75
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posted September 24, 2007 10:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
... and I'm not even a Libra! (Who would've thought that a Scorpio moon with Pluto square ascendant/descendant and Pluto trine Venus could be willing to share the power... mwahahaha *Plutonic laugh*... Then again, my Pluto is in Libra. The planet of power and control living in the sign of balance... how odd. ).

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jane
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posted September 25, 2007 04:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jane     Edit/Delete Message
I'm so tempted to start behaving like that woman just to see how long it takes before my fiance notices the difference.

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OMG Jay
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posted September 25, 2007 01:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OMG Jay     Edit/Delete Message
Sure Dear...I'll wipe your a$$ for you.

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Happy Dragon
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posted September 26, 2007 09:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
saw this thread .. and remembered a documentary on the tele.
( no .. i didn't watch it myself .. )
so .. just posting it for the info ..
maybe the docu. is availble in one of the video formats ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obedient Wives was on Channel Five ( uk terrestial )

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_articl e_id=452327&in_page_id=1879&in_a_source=

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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GeminiLover75
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posted September 26, 2007 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
Wow, this'll be interesting - thanks HD!

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AcousticGod
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posted September 26, 2007 07:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
Reminds me of conversations I had with people about BDSM. I don't get/understand that lifestyle at all, but some claim that they enjoy giving all their power away. It makes them happy to forego whatever responsibility they used to have. Some people in really high powered professions supposedly get into being the slave roll because it allows them to relax and not make any decisions whatsoever.

To each their own, I guess.

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MysticMelody
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posted September 26, 2007 10:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
GemLove Interesting point about Pluto in Libra... there is a whole generation of people out there with that placement. It is interesting to think of how that placement has been working culturally, specifically in USA culture. (Which I'm not always as proud of as I could be.)

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GeminiLover75
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posted September 26, 2007 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiLover75     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah AG... but at least BDSM is just a role play - the thought of living your whole life (your REAL life) as a sub is creepy, IMO...

Is Pluto in Libra the generation who is obsessed with relationships?

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Xodian
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posted September 26, 2007 11:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xodian     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Is Pluto in Libra the generation who is obsessed with relationships?

Well in a way yes. Pluto in Libra generatoin strived towards radical change in what was considered "traditional" midsets about unions and marriages (9-5 work, Subarban houses, Wife being the housewife and husband being the breadbreaker of the house.)

During this time, women increasingly were becoming more independent and thus gained a foothold in dictating what was best for their own lives. Thus the traditional roles strated to accomidate a new modernistc (and at the time, quite a radical) changes .

As to the topic at hand:

I personally cannot see myself with a submissive partner. Having a Libra Sun and Venus (Yeah... another Libra here Lol!) means having a union that's benifitial and an evolving experience for BOTH partners. I really can't learn anything new from a girl who just wants to stay home and iron shirts all day (not that there is anything wrong with it if its a choice the woman made herself.) I definately want a relationship to be a trasforming experience for both me and my significant other.

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Dulce Luna
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posted September 26, 2007 11:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I read an article today about a woman who followed the advice of a book that recommended wives being subservient to their husbands. She says it saved her marriage and she's never been happier! She says if she does everything for him and never questions him, he repays her by being a good husband...

Ok, that's a little weird. But whatever floats their boat??*shrugs*

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