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Author Topic:   Should I apologize to my ex..I really don't want this to end
augentier
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Posts: 588
From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 26, 2008 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
My bf broke up with me last week because he doesn't want a relationship right now, with anyone, and he doesnt want anything else either..he says it's "too much" and he just doesn't want to "do this right now". i asked him if he'd ever consider getting involved w/ me again and he said time will tell but he doesn't see a change coming around soon.

this change was sudden, and it seriously upset me. i really have feelings for him. however, i do believe that a lot of the time i confused him and may have played with his feelings. i really regret this, but it's been done. i would get suspicious of him not wanting to be involved anymore and purposely pick little arguments and little threats of not talking to him again..he always freaked out and held on..

do you think this was what drove him to end this right now? in our last conversation i told him i would never talk to him again and i called him a **** -up. in reality that is not how i think of him, i was just so so mad. he said he never said anything about not being able to still talk to me, he still wants to talk to me, casually.. but i ended it completely.

i dont WANT to end it completely and i think i owe him an apology for the way i was treating him at first. because now he's treating me that way and it sucks. i want to say something like..

(his name), i want to apologize for calling you a **** -up..in reality that is not how i think about you, i was just really upset..i understand why you want out right now, and i should respect that.. i dont want to end on bad terms with you, i want to keep in touch, casually..as you said.


think that's ok? =/

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Azalaksh
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From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted July 26, 2008 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
augie ~

I'm not sure if I've read any of your threads here about your r'ship, but I don't believe Apologies are ever a *bad* thing.....
If you feel what you did/said was an error then don't just leave it out there as karma to be balanced at some later date -- wipe the slate clean by telling him that you regret your behavior

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ghanima81
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From: MAINE! :)
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posted July 26, 2008 01:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Agreed.

I don't think people should hold back what they are feeling. If you do, you will always regret not saying something, and then the time to say it will have passed... Usually, our first instincts about things are our best bet. Spending too much time thinking about it will drive you nuts, so I say do it now, then you will always know you did what you could to put things "right".

Good luck!!

Ghani

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robyn.c
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Posts: 173
From: england
Registered: Dec 2007

posted July 26, 2008 04:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for robyn.c     Edit/Delete Message
maybe he has had enough or maybe hes playing a game too...tell him what youve told us and see what happens. i would like to add that i have done this kind of thing myself...i like to create a bit of drama

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AcousticGod
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Posts: 12957
From: CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted July 26, 2008 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
You could try it. In fact, I think I would recommend it as well, because such an admission could mean a lot to him.

A lot of Cancers are done when they're done, though, so just bare that in mind.

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augentier
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Posts: 588
From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 26, 2008 05:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
This isn't the Cancer guy, AG..this is a Pisces with Venus in Aquarius.yikes

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bunnies
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Posts: 364
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted July 27, 2008 11:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
I think your apology and the way you worded it is fantastic if...
You will say it and let him be.

But if it's just a means to bring him back to you it's not an apology but a form of control.

I think it has to be done in the right spirit or not at all.

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augentier
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From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 27, 2008 02:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
I was sincere, I cannot stay mad at him..I know that I was in the wrong a lot of the time, and I know he's confused. I honestly feel for him, I just hope he read my message (I texted it to him) and takes it seriously.

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LetsDance
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posted July 27, 2008 06:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
augentier, are you more upset because he broke up with you and not the other way around? I say this because you said you would threaten to break up and he would freak out, but hang on.

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augentier
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From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 27, 2008 10:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
I did that because I always do that in relationships at first..I test how much they really like me, evidently it just drives them away.

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Scorpionic Web
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From: Pennsylvania
Registered: Dec 2005

posted July 27, 2008 10:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message
People say a lot of crazy things in the heat of passion.

I know you're a Capricorn (right?), but do you have Mercury in Sagittarius by any chance? I'm a patient person, and that detrimented Mercury placement seems to be in the charts of most of the women I've been involved with and has taught me so very much about the value of patience when these women explode on me.

It always serves to remind me how I must pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what people actually do...

...I regret many words spoken during moments of weakness, and I've been burned by many words, but its always the people who are still there when its all over who really matter.

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augentier
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From: KS
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posted July 27, 2008 11:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
Yep, I do have Mercury in Sag..gets me in trouble a lot

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LetsDance
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posted July 28, 2008 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
augentier,

quote:
"I did that because I always do that in relationships at first..I test how much they really like me, evidently it just drives them away."

Mmm-hmm. There's a saying from someone, and please don't take this wrong way because I am saying it with affection as well as humor:

"Insanity can be defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results."

So I say to you, dear augentier, if you want to change the results, then change the way you do things.

Apologize to your dear Piscean and if you trust him enough to tell him your true heart towards him and how you are, then do it. If you don't, then walk away. You deserve someone who you can be yourself with, who wants to understand you and build their faith in that core understanding, not in the deviations that emotions can sometimes distort. This may encourage you to want to not be so insecure because you know that person will stick by you through thick and thin....just as you will for them.

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LetsDance
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Posts: 105
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posted July 28, 2008 12:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
"...I regret many words spoken during moments of weakness, and I've been burned by many words, but its always the people who are still there when its all over who really matter."

Words to truly live by. Thanks, Scorpionic Web

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CoralBird
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Posts: 56
From:
Registered: Jun 2007

posted July 28, 2008 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralBird     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
"Insanity can be defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results."

I had to print this out and post it up on my board as a reminder. Thanks LetsDance.

augentier,
He may not accept your apology right away. Time will tell. And as LetsDance says, this is your opportunity to change something within yourself that you recognize is not working for you. This has nothing to do with your core self; the testing and drama are based on fears and insecurities. It’s just the cr@p we’ve picked up along the way.

I am in a similar situation to yours, albeit the history is different. This is not the first time I’ve been through this with the same man, however this time around my approach was different. Again, time will tell.

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augentier
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From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 28, 2008 07:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
That's what he kept saying to me..time will tell, time will tell...ugh, I have zero patience. But I will wait, because if he comes around then that really means something.

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CoralBird
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posted July 28, 2008 08:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralBird     Edit/Delete Message
Ya, I know, I’m not the most patient person either. I wonder if his “time will tell” means if he will see a change in the situation between the two of you, then maybe? His words “too much” and doesn’t want to “do this right now” sounds like he is tired. If you can break the cycle (for your own good), then maybe that’s what he’s looking for. Obviously this is pure speculation on my part. He needs to accept your apology first.

Edited to add: I am not suggesting you change to get him back, no way. It has to be something you want to do for yourself.

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koiflower
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From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008

posted July 29, 2008 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for koiflower     Edit/Delete Message

an apology would serve you well. Issue it with humility. I'm sorry to hear this has happened for you. Each intereaction with another is such a rich learning ground. If he truly cares, he will make contact again.

don't lose heart, give him time to breath and recollect himself, be brave augentier

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augentier
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From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted July 30, 2008 09:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
Well, he didnt reply to my text apology but he added me back to his friend's list on msn messenger, heh..at least that's a good sign

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wheelsofcheese
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From: UK
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posted July 31, 2008 11:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheelsofcheese     Edit/Delete Message
That's great. Well done you!!

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augentier
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Posts: 588
From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted August 04, 2008 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
Well he started talking to me again..acting like nothing really happened, even said goodnight to me when I went to bed. I am still going to give him his space, though. Not pushing anything on him at all this time..

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CoralBird
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posted August 05, 2008 09:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralBird     Edit/Delete Message
Good for you !!

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LetsDance
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posted August 05, 2008 11:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LetsDance     Edit/Delete Message
Good approach, augentier. Don't push. He could be "feeling" you out.

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augentier
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From: KS
Registered: Nov 2007

posted August 17, 2008 12:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for augentier     Edit/Delete Message
We had two brief conversations where he initiated it...and then a few days later when I tried to initiate conversations, he responded with cold, 1-word answers and now he is avoiding me again..not talking.

Is this even worth it?

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CoralBird
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posted August 18, 2008 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralBird     Edit/Delete Message
You have already learned something about yourself in this relationship. I think that was worth it. You apologized and he knows how you feel about him, so there’s really not much more you can do. In any of the significant relationship break ups that I have had, they did eventually return but I can tell you, there was only one that I wanted back and that was because I had outgrown all the others. Don’t put your life on hold waiting for him. He is obviously going through some things, hence not wanting a relationship right now with anyone. Be strong and look after yourself.

Btw, I get one word answers from my friend when he’s in a mood or if he’s preoccupied with other things. He becomes very focused on that one thing and is not very good at multi-tasking. When he calls me his focus is on me, but there have been times when I’ve called him and I know his head is somewhere else by the one word responses.

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