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Author Topic:   I don't think I believe anymore
Gooober
Moderator

Posts: 516
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted February 28, 2009 01:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gooober     Edit/Delete Message
i'm just losing faith in this whole having faith and believing in destiny and finding my other half thing.
it seems like no matter what i do or how much i put my heart and soul into a person, all they do is take advantage and disappoint.
i'm sick and tired of thinking the best of people and having them shove that faith right up my @$$.
maybe there is no such thing as soul mates. maybe some people are just meant to be alone, maybe it's too much karma or something.maybe there is no thing as miracles.
whatever it is,i've had it upto here with everything.i always felt if i lost my faith i'd lose myself.
now i feel hollow inside.it's numb and not-so wonderful.
i'm sorry for whoever gets depressed reading this. i just can't deal with this anymore. i want it to stop and if i had any free will at all or any control over my own life wouldn't it stop if i really wanted it to? wouldn't it end before i went over the edge?

ok i'm gonna stop typing before i get suicidal.

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while the soul slumbers God talks to us in numbers..

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cheshirekat
Knowflake

Posts: 151
From: wonderland
Registered: Jan 2009

posted February 28, 2009 01:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cheshirekat     Edit/Delete Message
*huggles* Don't give up faith in love, love is one of the greatest things you can ever feel. I am trying to come in to terms of letting go of people I've loved and known for years, it's a very hard thing to do.

Thats why I posted a thread about it, I need some advice about how to go about letting go of someone I've loved and cared for, for 3 years and getting used to them being gone actually I have to let go of several people this summer when I move to AZ for college.

It's a very hard transition to grow into but I know people feel the same way about letting me go but Im going to try to find it in my heart to remember all those good times I've shared with my friends and carry on, I'll make new friends and new lovers but nothing really beats the old and cheerished though...

And if people you love, use and abuse you..well then they never loved you in the first place. When you love person, you want to heal that person, you want to see them smile and their heart to beam, you would never intentially hurt that person but sometimes things happen that do hurt the people we love and thats understandable but we can heal from those kinds of pain..

I hope I didn't get to sappy on ya ^.^

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Nyah
Knowflake

Posts: 194
From: Europe
Registered: Nov 2008

posted February 28, 2009 06:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nyah     Edit/Delete Message
Gooober, I just wanted to say that I'm going through the exact same thing - I could have wrote exactly what you wrote!!! so I guess we're not alone in this deep black mess anyway... *hug*

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Azalaksh
Moderator

Posts: 8186
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted February 28, 2009 09:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Gooobers, I'm sorry to hear you're so down
Sending a {{{ hug }}} along with this post
Many people seem to be going through this "dark night of the soul" period right now.....
This too shall pass -- really, it will. Soon.
Challenges to one's faith and beliefs are common and necessary here at SchoolRoom Earth -- I believe that we're here to struggle with those challenges and forge new paths for ourselves.
It sounds to me like you feel other people have let you down and not "played fair" as you've been doing. Could the issue be with Expectations?? Expectations are a killer.....
Believing in others and seeing the best in others -- when they're not self-aware and trying to be their best selves -- can be another disaster waiting to happen.

I'm curious what or who you had faith in, that has been shattered??
And do you feel that it's our job here in this dimension of beauty and cruelty, heartbreak and joy, to search for and find our soulmate??
To search and search to discover one's destiny??

Please take care of yourself and spoil yourself, Gooober -- hang in there

cheshirekat ~

quote:
And if people you love, use and abuse you..well then they never loved you in the first place. When you love person, you want to heal that person, you want to see them smile and their heart to beam, you would never intentially hurt that person but sometimes things happen that do hurt the people we love and thats understandable but we can heal from those kinds of pain.
You're a very wise young lady

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ListensToTrees
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Posts: 5928
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2005

posted February 28, 2009 10:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
We're going through similar stuff, I think, Goober.

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oneruledbymars
Knowflake

Posts: 486
From: South Carolina, USA
Registered: Apr 2008

posted February 28, 2009 11:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for oneruledbymars     Edit/Delete Message
Goober,
Maybe the Universe is trying to point you in a different direction. The purpose of our soul connections are to propel our growth spiritually. If we don't learn our lesson with the first soul connection, it will throw another one our way, and another one. Until we recognize the pattern and grasp the lesson, and grow. Now is a time of turning inward and healing inwardly. If we look around us and our circumstances are not ideal, or not what we want them to be, then we must go inward because the outer is only a reflection of the inner. Something needs to be shifted at your soul level.
How can you truly love another if you don't truly love yourself?
How can you truly know another soul, or vice versa if you you or they do not know themselves?

Take sometime to yourself. Draw boundaries. Set rules. Honor your inner God. Figure out the damage you have been carrying over from past lives, and heal it. Rid yourself of fears..conquer them with the love and light that you have been giving away. In the process do not give your love away unless someone proves themselves worthy. By doing this you are demanding that the Universe love and honor you the same way and it will. For we are all bound to the law of Attraction. That which you are, you will attract..... Allow your life to unfold as you search for hidden knowledge and truth as much as you search for the love of another human. Yearn for your soul connection to the Divine as much as you yearn for your soul connection to another human. In the process you will find that you are becoming part of a great circle in which that love only returns to you, its source and empowers you its wielder.
And when you hear or read things that touch you deeply pay attention to that wisdom with your ears, and incline your heart to the discernment. In your meditations and prayers call out for understanding and ask for discernment in your lifepath.
And if you keep seeking it as much as you have sought the love that has forsaken you in the 3rd dimension, like a hidden treasure...well ......
In that case you will understand why you are here, and why these things have transpired in your life.
And you will take back that power that you have given away. It reminds of a bible Proverb. I am not sure where in Proverbs but I have memorized it since a small child and it has always served me well when I found myself in time periods of my life like you and LTT are in right now.

The gist of it is if we search for this wisdom and pay attention to the way it is given to us, then that wisdom will enter into our hearts which we know is our soul's seat of motivation and that knowledge itself, when it becomes pleasant to our very soul, then thinking ability itself will keep guard over us, discernment itself will safeguard you to deliver you from those who walk in the ways of darkness.... the purpose is that you may walk in the way of good people and that the paths of the righteous ones you may keep, for the upright ones are the ones that will reside in the Earth and the blameless are the ones that will be left over in it.
Now the Bible has been very twisted over the ages. So we cannot take it word for word. But I am sure you can see what the gist of the passage is and it is a very dear one to me. Because the path we walk we often times walk it in solitude with only the Divine as a "lover" and only our other lifelines to keep us company, which can be plenty. And sometimes we walk it with a soul mate that we signed up to walk with or are given because our Guardians see that we need them to adjust our path. Whatever the case Goober. We walk it....
And we walk it proudly because it is our Divine Birthright to be here at this time on Earth, you deserve to be here right now, and no one deserves to make you feel any less than the eternal happiness and joy that empowerd humans should feel through the blessings of this time period.....

I hope I didnt come off as to preachy, but it breaks my heart when we give this world the power to dictate our happiness. This is our classroom, this is our lifeline..... and we have the power to transcend our Karma and do amazing things with our love and light, your faith can move mountains Goober....you'll see....I promise

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 3321
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008

posted February 28, 2009 11:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
Goober
Everyone here has given good advice and feedback.
I shall not add to it at this time.
Hold on dear. We all can relate to what you are going through.
Blessings and love and good fortune to you.

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Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Azalaksh
Moderator

Posts: 8186
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted February 28, 2009 12:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
That was an *AWESOME* post, ORBM

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Gooober
Moderator

Posts: 516
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted February 28, 2009 02:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gooober     Edit/Delete Message
thank you cheshirecat, nyah, azalaksh, listentotrees and lexx for your love and support. oneruledbymars, once again your words have touched me so deeply i feel almost inspired. how did u get to be so wise?
although it is easier said than done, but i shall try to follow your heartfelt advice.
thank you once again knowflakes for throwing love and light my way.it is indeed like a life support.

-gooober

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while the soul slumbers God talks to us in numbers..

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MysticMelody
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Posts: 5080
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted February 28, 2009 03:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Zala and Mars

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Chryseis
Knowflake

Posts: 275
From: Australia
Registered: Dec 2008

posted February 28, 2009 08:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chryseis     Edit/Delete Message
Gooober, hope oneday you find love by "knowing them by heart", and they you.
Till then, fall in love with yourself, love the bejesus outa yaself fer chrissakes! lol


Hope you find this soothing,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lynpiv7pofM

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Azalaksh
Moderator

Posts: 8186
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted February 28, 2009 10:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Gooober ~
quote:
your words have touched me so deeply i feel almost inspired. how did u get to be so wise?
I daresay Living does that
We've all had profound experiences that have shaped our hearts and minds.
If you pay close attention to the disruptions, embrace the challenges, and don't lose the lesson, you grow

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oneruledbymars
Knowflake

Posts: 486
From: South Carolina, USA
Registered: Apr 2008

posted February 28, 2009 11:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for oneruledbymars     Edit/Delete Message
Awww Zala,

Thanks...
Something about the soulmate issue touches something deep inside of me. I am not even sure what yet. Maybe one day it will reveal itself.

Goober,
I am not sure where those thoughts flood in from sometimes. Zala is defintely right about the Living part though. But I am very happy to know that they inspired you. And your right its not easy, its not suppose to be. Its very hard. But you chose this life because you were strong enough to live it.
Baby steps are always good at first. Before you know it you will be running again, this time unfettered.

Just wait for us if you get to the finish line first!
(supposing there really was one! lol)

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 3321
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008

posted March 01, 2009 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
Goober
I replied some more here to you and left you a Lexigram too. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000485.html

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Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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WaterDog
Knowflake

Posts: 69
From:
Registered: Oct 2008

posted March 02, 2009 01:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for WaterDog     Edit/Delete Message
Continuing to believe in love and having faith in people is the bravest thing you can do. You are being strong in giving new people the chance to love you, not weak. When people are on their deathbeds, they don't wish to have loved less, they wish they had taken that chance, loved someone more.

It's hard, being vulnerable. I was going through the same train of thought not long ago. And, true to her darling empath form, my guru (someone who has clearly come into my life to guide me), came around to talk. I told her that I felt floundering, beating my head against the wall and never getting the only thing I ever really wanted. Know what she told me? That in trying, I am being brave and trying to face my ingrained problems (displayed in my saturn/venus natal opposition). She told me that if I was truly stupid, truly weak, that I would have given up long ago to become a recluse. That simply by TRYING, one day, I would break that wall because it is in its nature to erode.

Never give up faith in others' ability to love you. Until you find the one you want, spend every day appreciating the less romantic loves you have in your life.

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Gooober
Moderator

Posts: 516
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted March 02, 2009 03:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gooober     Edit/Delete Message
chryseis, thanks for the video i have always loved this song lexx, thank you once again for the amazing lexigram. azalaksh,oneruledbymars thank you for your continuous positive thoughts!
waterdog, that is a very unique way to view things, and truly a much better way to view it.
if it wasn't for you guys,i think i would've just slipped further and further into the doldrums of depression.
i am grateful for the love n light from you wonderful knowflakes.


-gooober

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while the soul slumbers God talks to us in numbers..

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 3321
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008

posted March 02, 2009 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
Gooober
Thank you!
When I get time I will look deeper into your name.

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Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Xena
Knowflake

Posts: 611
From: UK
Registered: Jun 2006

posted March 02, 2009 05:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xena     Edit/Delete Message
Goober,

We have many soulmates, not just one. We may not have each one for the same reasons. I don't know how old you are, but especially when you are young, you crave exclusivity. It's correct what Zala said about expectations - they really kill things and create problems we never knew we had until we allow them to sneak up on us and torment us.

It's quite a rough time right now and I suspect many of us are feeling like, was it Jonah? and wishing the whale would swallow us up. I think we probably all strive for too much nowadays, instead of being content with just staying alive, as we would have 50 to 100 years ago. Everything is too intense and there is so much pressure on everyone to be perfect in every way - it's all a load of bloody keeping up with the Joneses, and you've got to have something new or wonderful to show people at every moment or risk boring them...blah blah blah. With the internet and mobile phones it's almost worse because of the speed of things. They reckon that we 21st-century humans process more information in a day than a learned Renaissance person would have in a lifetime. Personally I think it's just a question of when the bubble's going to burst.

How old are you and what starsign are you - if you don't mind me asking?

Xena

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oneruledbymars
Knowflake

Posts: 486
From: South Carolina, USA
Registered: Apr 2008

posted March 02, 2009 10:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for oneruledbymars     Edit/Delete Message
Goober-
Your welcome hon....
XOXO


You've got the idea....now just hang in there.


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Gooober
Moderator

Posts: 516
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted March 04, 2009 07:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gooober     Edit/Delete Message
in response to your question xena, i'm 25 and an aquarian we are indeed a freaky bunch and live so much in our heads it can get distracting.i get my extreme sensitivity and emotionalism from my aries ascendant and scorpio stellium though. i understand what you're saying about everything being too intense, we all need some zen that's what it is!
oneruledbymars, i know i've mentioned this before but i feel like i've known you before in another life which is why there's a connection!i am taking your advice and hanging in there!

love n peace

-gooober

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while the soul slumbers God talks to us in numbers..

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*lovely*
Knowflake

Posts: 47
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 05, 2009 01:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for *lovely*     Edit/Delete Message
you might find your soul mate or other half when you let go (of them, the idea) and bring the masculine and feminine together marry them inside. Are those energies within you balanced and working well together?

I hope it's cool to contribute here..

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Gooober
Moderator

Posts: 516
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted March 07, 2009 07:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gooober     Edit/Delete Message
of course it's cool to contribute here lovely!
i have been working on trying to bring my inner self into balance..kundalini yoga, meditation. but all good things take time and when people you love and give your heart and soul to decide to cause to intentional pain, it's hard to keep the focus on yourself.
i am getting better at it though.

thank you for your thoughts

love n peace

-gooober

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while the soul slumbers God talks to us in numbers..

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 5928
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2005

posted March 07, 2009 08:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
What helped me was making up my mind that I'm going to channel myself into something creative which I've always enjoyed...instead of worrying what others think or being no good, etc....if you enjoy something so much I think that's what counts....we are meant to feel joy.

I've also noticed that what I experience is governed by the very thoughts I have....to feel out of control is to feel like a prisoner but once we realize it doesn't have to be like that....there is this tromendous sense of inner peace....worrying about whether highs must equal lows is only a part of the illusion too....we can rise above it.

A question I have is

Does the mind affect our conscious,
Or does our consciousness affect our mind
?

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oneruledbymars
Knowflake

Posts: 486
From: South Carolina, USA
Registered: Apr 2008

posted March 07, 2009 09:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for oneruledbymars     Edit/Delete Message
LTT-

That depends on what your definition of "mind" is.

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GemGemGem
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Posts: 605
From:
Registered: Dec 2007

posted March 07, 2009 06:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GemGemGem     Edit/Delete Message
Gooober, I am very close to not believing in love anymore too! I'm at the edge of the cliff right now, and it will take very little to push me over.

Why do we have to believe in this concept of true love...love that heals, love that fulfills us, brings us happiness, and lasts forever when that is not the case for everyone. I do believe some people are meant to be single in this lifetime. (But single is not necessarily alone!) I'm not saying this is you, but some people NEVER find that special, true love. So what does that person do? They maybe need to build their lives around what's real, and present, focus on the people in their lives NOW, and not on one that "may" be in the future.

I don't know every disappointment in love you've had in your life, but I can imagine how bad it's been to push you to this point.
I'm sorry you have been hurt, and disappointed, it s*cks that you had to go through that and it's unfair. I can tell you have so much love to give and you want to share it with someone, but everytime you do, it leads to disapointment, and it shouldn't. But look at each of these relationships and see if there is a pattern there, which leads to this negative product. You deserve happiness, and love, and if that is what is meant for this lifetime, that is what will be. If it's not, then maybe re-direct all that love you have inside and share it with the people you have in your life now, family, friends, volunteer work.

I believe in fate, destiny, and karma. I believe we have so many lifetimes, and the purpose of each of those lifetimes is different. They can't all be to find our true love and live happily ever after. Maybe this life is to set the stage for the next one when you do find that person. I'm not saying you will never find true love in this life, but for now spend time on you and making yourself whole and happy without someone else.

I know this is so easier said then done, but we have to try. I hear you on the disappointment after disappointment though. How many frogs does a girl have to kiss??? Sheesh!

Don't lose your sense of humor, and cherish the ones you love! "Life will give you everything you require for the growth of your soul." And that's what we're here for!

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