posted January 01, 2010 08:13 PM         

I broke up with the Aqua. 5 months and we're done. It's hurting me a lot and part of me doesn't really want to talk about it, but I've been holed up in my room all day, depressed, crying, and so I figured I probably needed to come here and let some of it out.

Without getting into too much detail, he lied to me about his emotional attachement to another woman (his ex), which I found out about on Monday. I told him I wanted a break, and he has spent all this week trying to get back into my good graces, but then last night I found out even more details that let me know he has lied to me from the beginning. My best friend (whose man is HIS best friend) told me that as recently as 2 weeks ago he saw this woman. She didn't mention it to me at the time because the contact was relatively harmless in and of itself, but in conjunction with all the other lies I found out about (including him telling me he wasn't available to see me that day, which now I know was because of her), that was just more evidence of how he snowed me.

Last night was the kicker...we didn't spend New Year's Eve together because of the argument/decision to take a break on Monday. I went out with some friends, and I told him that's where I would be. He said he was probably going to a party at his friend's house like he does every year. My girlfriend and her boyfriend went to a different party. Guess who showed up? Aqua...and his ex. My friend texted me to tell me, after he had the nerve to come up to her and ask did she know what I was doing. So, I sent him a barrage of vitriolic texts about what a lying, cheating ******* he was and he proceeded to text and call me the rest of the night. I ignored him.

Then this morning, my best friend calls me and we discuss the situation, and she told me that he does not go to his friend's house for New Year's every year, and as a matter of fact was with his ex last year also. So, as my last act towards him, I sent him a FB message (I actually owed him a response on Facebook about something else) and told him he was a dog, that I hated him, and never to speak to me again.
I mean it. I deleted him from my Facebook and blocked his phone calls (unfortunately I can't block his texts).

Meanwhile, I am devastated. I trusted this man. He has this persona of being so gentlemanly and kind and it's all a facade. He lied to and used me. I am wondering if his "ex" is his ex at all...if they are dating and I've been the other woman the last 5 months!

I alternate between rage, sadness, and numbness. I really thought this guy was The One. This wasn't our first big fight...we had a fight back in November that was almost "the end" but we came back from that. Actually, he begged me not to leave him. Cried and everything...that was 6 weeks ago. Now this...I have Venus in Scorpio and am loyal to a fault, so I have forgiven a lot of things for which lesser men would have been disqualified. But my Venus in Scorpio also despises this kind of betrayal. He is truly dead to me now; there is no hope of reconciliation. I think I might hate him.

Right now my concern is my emotional state--I feel a major depression coming on. I slept all day. I don't want to reach that state, it's no good for me or my child. When I am like that I drink too much, eat too much or not enough, and lose motivation to do anything. I don't want that.

I just need some comfort, someone to tell me this will be ok. I thought he was my soulmate. I didn't want to fall for him, but I let him in and he has destroyed me.

For those who are going to ask, relevant astro data can be found in these threads:

Synastry & Composite: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/201915.html

His Natal: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/202544.html

My Natal: My signature

posted January 01, 2010 08:24 PM         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSTYgeor9k8

Someone once told me that you have to choose, what you win or lose
You can't have everything.
And don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain cos love won't set you free.
I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy but safe as could be.

So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground.
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about other pain in front of me
Cos I'm just trying to be happy, just wanna be happy, yeh.

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go.
Just trying to play my role, slowly disappear.
Well all these days they feel like they're the same,
Just different faces, different things(?), get me out of here.
Well I can't stand by your side, and watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So when it turns that I can't see, like I'm a stranger on this road, but don't say victim, don't say anything.

posted January 01, 2010 08:44 PM         

I have not been posting much since 2006ish, but from what I have read around the boards, I think you are a Virgo with Pisces, maybe some earth in there? I think you signature was a link to your chart?

Anyway, speaking purely in terns of sun signs, I think your BF may have attempted to distance himself because he felt a clinginess surrounding the relationship.

If you are depending upon him for comfort, validation, love, etc. or get used to his emotional generosity and friendship (I know that sounds weird), it may be that he was unable to keep that up without a breather. WHich does not mean he was cheating, maybe he was just doing the "I need my privacy/private moments" thing.

I am not attacking you, so do not see it as such. However, when you mention a soul mate, I would ask you to reflect o what you had in common, including lifestyle and life goals. Then decided if he was truly a soulmate, but a person you are incompatible with and leave it over. Or someone you do not want to give up because he looks good 'on paper' (astrological or otherwise). Or if you feel that you should attempt to work it out.

posted January 01, 2010 09:06 PM         

Thank you. I find music to be very helpful in general. At the moment, bitter "screw you, you didn't deserve me anyway fool" music is most comforting but I like that song.

RB:

I'm not offended at all. Yes, you're correct about my placements.

If what you say is true, I still call BS. I have given him countless opportunities to end the relationship. For the sake of our friendship, I begged him to leave me alone if he wasn't sure, because our best friends are a couple and we would have to see each other way too much socially if things got ugly. He ALWAYS comes after me after an argument. And I am not clingy...naturally I am very clingy, but with him I fought against my own nature because I was caught up in the "Aquas need space" hype. Yeah, space to do what? Whatever the hell they want to do, including lying and cheating? He had no reason to do this. I never tried to hold onto him. He did it because he could get away with it, and because he is selfish and plays with women to boost his own ego.

I wanted him because I loved who he was (who I thought he was), but we are incompatible emotionally. He has flashes of deep emotion and sensitivity, but holds back too much. Whereas I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I give my all, my heart and soul. He knows that about me, and took advantage of it. Yet, there is some deep attachment there, that almost belies the mere 5 months we've been seeing each other (although I have known him longer). I have heard our Saturn connections can cause this. Whatever. It's not healthy whatever it is. I deserve better.

There can be no working it out. He humiliated, lied to, and betrayed me for no good reason.

The orb of the eclipse was too wide to be a sextile with my Sun (Sun at 24 Virgo) but it was closely sextile my Moon. No 7th house action, but the transiting Moon was in my 5th house, so I guess that counts too. You're right about the eclipse energy: I have felt very decisive about my interpersonal relationships the last few days. I did not want to go into the New Year dragging the same old unsatisfactory relationships with me.

quote:

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In my view, it means you are past him and open to receiving what's truly meant for you...when a door closes another one opens.

---

posted January 01, 2010 10:01 PM         

You don't know whether to blame yourself for not seeing more of what was going on, and also you are filled with anger because this was also his doing, so to speak... Then, at times you are grateful it came to light sooner than later, and basically you are an emotional mess right now.

I know you need to stay strong for your child, and not get depressed with her around, and that is correct - but is there a way that she can go to your mother's or something, or both of you go there, so that you can get time to yourself a bit? I am speaking of a day or two, where you can mope, and not have to worry about being strong and normal? If not, then, when you get some alone time, you can mourn this guy's loss - but as I always say, don't repress it. Let it flow. And it will lose charge soon. Time will do that to hurts. It will make them better. So, just take each day at a time. Really.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

I am so sorry, Starr...

My love, and thoughts are with you, dear.

posted January 01, 2010 10:24 PM         

The Saturn-Venus opposition is exact. I've seen it mentioned here that it might be considered a soulmate aspect, but not one without problems. I thought Saturn (me) was supposed to be the mean one, the teacher, but yet I'm the one feeling beat up by fickle, manipulative Venus.

I agree that Moon/Venus in Aries contributed to the problem. Separately I've experienced both another Moon in Aries and another Venus in Aries and I can see how the two together = nightmare. The Moon in Aries had a Scorpio sun though, which made him a lot more constant in relationships.

Unmoved

That made me feel much better. Unfortunately, my son's birthday party is tomorrow, so I have to do the opposite...no moping, only happy faces and smiles. I'm looking forward to the escapism though. This weekend will be very stressful in some areas related to work and school but if I can make it to Tuesday I'll be ok.

It's been 3 years since the last time I had to deal with this kind of pain. I've had a long term relationship and "encounters" since then, but I've ended them because they weren't right, not because I was betrayed. I had forgotten how much this hurts. I know it gets better with time, but the day to day trudging through is agony.

posted January 01, 2010 11:26 PM         

quote:

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saturn conjec sun are the worst......

---

Ha ha! We have this one too. In that one he's Saturn.

posted January 01, 2010 11:53 PM         

So sorry to hear of your pain.
I know, it is terrible, it does feel like a death in many ways, and my contribution is this...

The same thing happened to me, with a Sco/Sun. Right around the same time period, 5 months to be exact I believe. It was terrible and I said, "see ya, wouldn't want to be ya."
Well, I missed him so bad, but I can be stubborn, and I didn't reach out.

Then came the barrage of texts and calls. He was so miserable and so sorry, blah blah blah, puke!!! Dumb me fell for it, and reunited. In the whole two years and seven months, he went back with his ex 3 times!!! Yes, 3 times I tolerated it!
Until I found out that he had a profile on plentyofish.com. That was it.
We had a ton of soul mate-ish stuff according to IQ.

But, my point to you is, be glad of your Sco/Venus, cause I believe you when you say that you are done. My Venus is mutable in Sag, and my stupid Libra Moon romanticizes everything and only sees what it wants to see. Be glad you only wasted 5 months on him.

If you look in Astro 1, you will find a bunch of old threads about Aqua men. Maybe that might help you feel less alone, I don't know.

Unmoved is right though, you should let your body guide you as to what you should do. If it wants sleep, then sleep. (after the party and all that is over).

Your emotional reaction is normal, and understandable. When you say you hate him and such, that is describing to me, the depth of your feeling for him still. When you have no feeling left, then you know you are free. And it will come with time.

I send you hugs and prayers as well. And I hope you don't shut yourself off to someone out there, sometime, that will deserve you and treat you right.

posted January 02, 2010 01:40 AM         

Great song. Just enough bitterness for my liking.

Gypsee,

I've been all over the Aqua man threads on this forum, but I didn't know there were more on Astro 1. They certainly do leave a trail of heartbreak behind them, don't they? My son's father is an Aqua, and the most unfaithful man I've ever met. I chalked that up to his own individual psychosis but now I may have to reconsider.

Never again another Aqua. They are on the dating blacklist for life.

quote:

---

Your emotional reaction is normal, and understandable. When you say you hate him and such, that is describing to me, the depth of your feeling for him still. When you have no feeling left, then you know you are free. And it will come with time.

---

I know. The true opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I'm not quite there yet. I still care...I care about whether he will feel pain when he realizes how truly I have cut him off, at the way I have indirectly ridiculed him on my Twitter where all our friends can see...he is very sensitive to such things. I want him to realize how much I despise him so that he will hurt. I would actually like him to attempt to call me so that he can hear the custom voicemail message I made for him that says "Don't call me anymore." So I know that caring about all these things means that I'm not anywhere near indifferent yet. I will be hurting for a long time.

Thank you Popcorn.

I found out the birth data of the ex. Little pieces fit here and there and as of tonight I have enough to know birthdate. Funny how I've been so curious about her all these months and only now did I get the info I seek. I won't use it to contact her...I could easily do that but it's not necessary. I have no desire to go nuclear on him, I just want to move on.

But anyway, I didn't see anything particular special or binding in their synastry, although they do have a tight Sun-Moon trine (his Sun, her Moon). Lots and lots of squares though and a Moon/Saturn opposition. Their composite is a train wreck: Sun, Moon, Mars, Pluto grand cross.

I can content myself with the knowledge that she's no better off than I am, and maybe worse if I was the "other woman" and they've still been seeing each other all this time. He obviously has no respect for her, or me.

posted January 02, 2010 11:34 AM         

I don't know whether this is a common trait amongst Aquas to be honest or whether we've just been unlucky - I always thought Aquas were very open and honest as a general rule and not given to clandestine stuff?? I think with my partner he didn't say no to his ex because he thought she 'needed' him (going through a bit of a breakdown apparently) and he felt flattered (likes to feel he's a sort of 'shoulder' for people to lean on) so I don't know whether that rings any bells for you with your ex but it might be a factor? Mine loves to think he's being oh so humanitarian when really he's just being vain and basking in someone's attention.

posted January 02, 2010 11:34 AM         

As for your question, YES! There are bunches of threads on Aqua men in Astro 1. Just go there and pick a number from the bottom and click on it, I have been scouring through them looking for stuff on pisces men, (not having much luck) but I did see alot on Aqua men..I've never dated one personally, so I don't know. I need alot of emoting, so I tend to fall for water. But from what I did read about Aqua men in those threads, they do seem to break alot of hearts with their emotional distance and confusing behavior.

*Take it one day at a time. Have faith, time heals all wounds. It's a cheesy saying, I know, but cheesy sayings stick around for a reason, because they are true.

posted January 02, 2010 12:27 PM         

That sounds a lot like him. He does like for people to lean on him. I suspect I could get to him by letting him know I was falling apart but that goes against everything in me. As far as the outside world is concerned...Pillar of Strength or Bust! He does thrive on attention. Perhaps that's how the ex has her hooks in him. In fact, now that I remember, he did once mention to me that he had a hard time breaking up with her because everytime he tried to do so she started to cry and he couldn't take it. So I guess in that way we are opposites and maybe that's what's hurting me with him because I will NEVER let him see me cry.

Gypsee

The party is helping. Actually I'm running around like a chicken and that's helping LOL. I had a moment of optimism while I was thinking about how I needed more punch and the Virgo in me said "Ok, I just need to turn that moment into two moments...then an hour...then a day...then a week...then I'll be over this in no time...I can do it!" So that's my goal. String together those moments of optimism.

I am usually attracted to Water and Fire too, so I'm not sure where he came from. I think the sensitivity his Cancer ascendant allowed him to display or the great communication the Aqua initially gave him (I love to talk) fooled me. Next time I really want a Scorpio. I do really well with them, and I think I've learned the lessons that mucked up my last relationship with one. I usually butt heads with them because I want to control too but they can have it. I'll take their control and possessiveness any day in return for their constancy and faithfulness. I'm not too keen on Cancers. Too wishy washy and if they're not wishy washy they are boring as hell. Never had a Pisces...might not be manly enough, same problem I have with Cancer. I looooove Aries. I just discovered them. They might actually be my perfect match. Sag is too flaky & drives me nuts, but I attract them like crazy. I might have resolved my karma with them and know how to handle them now though. Leo doesn't seem to work for me either, we tend to get sick of each other.

posted January 02, 2010 01:30 PM         

I know it doesn't feel good, but it's good that you are feeling at all. That means he hasn't killed your heart.

I read in someone else's thread that the pain is so great to ensure that we don't forget the lesson we were meant to learn. I think that is so true.

Nothing will make it better, all you can do is live through it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But you know that, you said as much above.

I heard somewhere that it takes around 2 years to get over the death of a loved one, to be able to repair yourself sufficiently to move on. This helped me with my own broken heart. I just kept holding on to that 2 year rule for loss. After a year I was telling anyone who would listen I was over it, but I wasn't, as the subjects still had the power to stick a needle through my heart.

At around the 2 year mark, I heard some news that would previously have had me locked back in my room in pieces, but I felt nothing - a slight twinge of sadness - but other than that, nothing.

I was pinching myself, trying to figure out what was wrong - but guess what? Nothing was wrong!! I had fixed myself.

So what's the moral of my story? You will have at least another couple of years of feeling crap?!! Hmmmm, not what I was aiming for really.....I think just that it's good you can still feel, it means you have so much to give the next person who captures your heart.....and that nothing will take away the pain, go with it, and just get through each day as best you can.

I don't know how old your little boy is, but my girl was 4-6 during this time. I think she was acutely aware of my sadness, and I will always have to live with a certain level of guilt for that.......but would it have been better to leave her exposed to an ultimately destructive relationship that would have eventually stolen my soul? The same applies to you. Someone who lies for only their own benefit is not someone who was ever going to make you happy. Use this hate that you have, use it to help you get through the first few difficult weeks, and then begin to let it go. It might be a negative energy, but it is there to help give you the strength you need to see this through.

posted January 02, 2010 01:30 PM         

I know it doesn't feel good, but it's good that you are feeling at all. That means he hasn't killed your heart.

I read in someone else's thread that the pain is so great to ensure that we don't forget the lesson we were meant to learn. I think that is so true.

Nothing will make it better, all you can do is live through it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But you know that, you said as much above.

I heard somewhere that it takes around 2 years to get over the death of a loved one, to be able to repair yourself sufficiently to move on. This helped me with my own broken heart. I just kept holding on to that 2 year rule for loss. After a year I was telling anyone who would listen I was over it, but I wasn't, as the subjects still had the power to stick a needle through my heart.

At around the 2 year mark, I heard some news that would previously have had me locked back in my room in pieces, but I felt nothing - a slight twinge of sadness - but other than that, nothing.

I was pinching myself, trying to figure out what was wrong - but guess what? Nothing was wrong!! I had fixed myself.

So what's the moral of my story? You will have at least another couple of years of feeling crap?!! Hmmmm, not what I was aiming for really.....I think just that it's good you can still feel, it means you have so much to give the next person who captures your heart.....and that nothing will take away the pain, go with it, and just get through each day as best you can.

I don't know how old your little boy is, but my girl was 4-6 during this time. I think she was acutely aware of my sadness, and I will always have to live with a certain level of guilt for that.......but would it have been better to leave her exposed to an ultimately destructive relationship that would have eventually stolen my soul? The same applies to you. Someone who lies for only their own benefit is not someone who was ever going to make you happy. Use this hate that you have, use it to help you get through the first few difficult weeks, and then begin to let it go. It might be a negative energy, but it is there to help give you the strength you need to see this through.

posted January 02, 2010 04:20 PM         

SOV;
Well, you've attracted another flakey Sag, cause here I am. No worries, we DO love our Virgo peeps, I think it is the wit that captivates us.

I would of normally agreed with you on the Pisces male possibly being to girly, that is why I found one with a Scorio Asc, and he is DEFF not girly. I think your wise to look for a Scorpio. I am only interested in people with Scorpio prominent in their chart, don't mean to sound judgemental, I just know what works for me. And, it's good that you are thinking about what works for you, that is a sign you are looking toward the future.

posted January 03, 2010 08:32 AM         

If u need someone to talk to please e-mail me .. jayro84@iinet.net.au

You'll get through this I promise.. I just hope your Aqua has the decency (and mental capacity) to not put you through what I have been through since July (my ex is Gemini Sun with Aqua Moon). I still think he used me to make me jealous of her.. or he always held a torch for her and she got jealous and manipulated him when we started to get really serious and talking about houses/kids etc but at the same time HE LET THAT HAPPEN... *sigh* .. it sucks but you have to remember that.

You WILL be okay. Trust me. If I can get through was this person has put me through then anyone can. It's hard on your mind and your heart.. but you will pull through! If anything it will make you stronger

We had some tough aspects like Venus square Saturn exact.. his venus.mars conj exact opposed my pluto... but also some amazing ones which is why we had such a good rapport and agreed on everything... i treated him as an equal and thought he did the same. But without going into too much detail all I can say is he acted very Aqua-ish during the relationsihp.

I'll still not rule out dating someone because they are a Gemini sun or Aqua moon.. and I hope you do the same (but I totally understand why you feel like that!). I hate my ex for what he did but I also still have a deep connection to him (dreams etc) and know deep down that there's a fine line between love and hate.. but he is blocked for the moment and I am working on myself. Centre your life around YOU and what you want ... it's the best distraction! 6 months later I have a new life with new friends, I've moved and am now studying... it's amazing. and there's always a reason for everything.

posted January 03, 2010 05:06 PM         

It's obvious that he was not true to you from the get-go,and so this relationship was bound to end ugly sooner or later. It's better that it ended now than later after marriage and a couple of children.

I believe that this is definitely a hidden blessing. It's just that you have to recover from the pain and betrayal. In the end, you will heal and rise from the ashes,reborn.

I wish you all best for the New Year

HUGS

Raymond

please feel free to email me
astynaz@yahoo.com
I am on facebook under the same address.

------------------
"Nothing matters absolutely;
the truth is it only matters relatively"

posted January 03, 2010 06:05 PM         

I'm still trying to figure out the lesson in this. Someone said on the other forum that they have a hard time believing that all the pain in this world is without purpose and I feel the same way. I can't believe that. I have to believe that I'm hurting like this for a reason. I'm starting to think that maybe this relationship was to teach me not to rely so much on astrology. IQ said that we were soulmates. Not to take anything away from him because I'm sure that we have a lot of karma between us and a lot of strange things happened (I still feel very connected to him and dream about him), but I think I relied on the astrology too much to think that everything was going to be ok and ignored a lot of red flags that things were wrong. So maybe the lesson is that astrology isn't everything.

Also, I really don't want my son to be affected by this. I try to hide my sadness from him. I don't want him to see or hear me crying. My happiness during his party yesterday was genuine. I had a wonderful time. He has pulled me out of a lot of dark times in my life. In fact, I know that at least once he has saved my life during another time when I was depressed because he gave me something to live for. So we are a team.

Gypsee,