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Author
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Topic: Insecurities
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listenstotrees
Knowflake Posts: 748
From: the 5th dimension
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2010 02:51 PM
 
Insecurities- I seem to be obsessed with them, even though I've no reason to be. Having found something I've always wanted paradoxically seems to fill me with fear, of losing it. It's been a bit worse lately than before. I've been a bit down about my life situation and waiting to get things sorted with that. Maybe this brought on the negative thinking, that seems to plague me at the moment. My mind seems to look for bad in things where there are none, to look for the tiniest reasons I can possibly detect that his love for me could be waning, or that I could be losing him, or whatever. I'm so terrified of losing him, a part of me seems to want to find a reason in something that would give me an excuse to sabotage everything. But that is not what I want. Then I talk to him, and he always seems to calm me, he dispels rather than feeds into the negative thoughts I have. I've never known another man like him. I've never felt a sense of calmness inside, a certain feeling in my heart, that this time it could be what I've been searching for all my life.I'm just so terrified, because what I feel is so strong, and because my hopes have been so high on him. It is almost overwhelming. I don't know what to do about the neurotic thoughts in my mind right now, that just seem to keep playing up, even after I've talked to him (which makes them go away for a bit). The distance may play a part in this, although we are working on a way that this can be overcome in the not too far ahead future. Then again, I think it might simply be the intensity of my feelings for him, combined with my own sense of insecurity and fear of the uncertainty in life in general. The more I love him, the more afraid I seem to get. IP: Logged |
listenstotrees
Knowflake Posts: 748
From: the 5th dimension
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2010 02:56 PM
I dream of a relationship where all of those things may be overcome. Where, rather than thinking of things to ask him, I will look into his eyes and feel his heart and soul through mine. I won't need to ask. I will simply feel. There will be no entanglement of thoughts and words, becoming lost in translation. Only a sense of knowing....mutual knowing. Maybe this is how it may be in person, when we can be together. IP: Logged |
comica23
Knowflake Posts: 823
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2010 04:25 PM
When we seem to feel unreasonably overly insecure about our relationships, then it might probably be one or both of the following reasons:
- There really is something wrong in the relationship, and you can instinctively feel it;
- You have personal issues that leads you to insecurities, and the relationship is triggering it.No relationship is perfect, and things won't just work out easily through a relationship. The other person can help you, but you are the one who can deal with it.
Also, being connected to the level that no words are needed is often not easy to achieve, and things unsaid might often be illusionary and misunderstanding, that it's important to communicate through words too (we can't really expect ourselves or the other person to be able to read each other's mind in any time, every time). You must try to understand why you feel too insecure even if there seems to be no apparent reason. Talk to him about it (actually, it's a good sign that he can calm you), so that he can understand how you feel. But remember that if it's true that there are personal issues behind your insecurities, then you have to try to work it out by yourself. He cares for you so he will try to help you, but it's not good to just always burden the other person with our own issues. Also, if you love him, then you have to fight your own issues for the relationship to work too. Remember, it's important to share our feelings and issues, but always talking about it won't help. If there's no real apparent reason to really worry about, try to enjoy your time together instead.
I know that it's easier said than done, but you have to make an effort for things to work. I have a similar situation (I have natal Sun/Neptune square, and my composite Moon/Neptne square is conjunct this, which can show how my relationship is often triggering my insecurities). Just give yourself time and accept yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself too.
IP: Logged |
woah city
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2010 07:45 PM
hey listens, this may be totally left field, but i used to be plagued by my own insecurities. i have isses with pretty strong anxiety and i know the insecurities are just part and parcel of that. a couple of weeks ago i started taking Vega Whole Foods Health Optimizer and i feel unbelievably better. this stuff is filled with b vitamins, minerals (all of everything you need) as well as something called MecaSure which balances hormones and cortisol levels (stress/anxiety hormone). i never plug 'products', but this stuff has turned me aroune 180 degrees. i was like that in my relationship, too, this entire last year. and now i am simply able to BE with him and FEEL what IS between us as opposed to torturing myself with wondering and fears (mostly of losing him or that i'm not good enough). IP: Logged |
woah city
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2010 07:47 PM
tons of info about it here.
http://sequelnaturals.com/en/vega/products/whole-food-health-optimizer/features-benefits IP: Logged |
mermaid26
Knowflake Posts: 33
From: Covington, GA USA
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted February 09, 2010 08:30 AM
I can relate to your insecurities. The history of my parents divorce has always haunted me. I've always been determined to do better. Now I'm realizing that I really do deserve joy and that I can have the inner strength to face whatever happens on my journey. The trust that whatever happens to me is always ultimately for my positive growth. A tree grows up and out and pruning the dead wood is necessary for the tree's survival and optimal beauty. I'm realizing all Communication is so important. I'm just now telling my spouse of hurts I felt wounded by 20 plus years ago. He is supportive, understanding, and apologetic but I can just imagine how it probably hurts him to just now discover these things. He is not a good mind reader at everything. I think my idealized image of a mate expected him to be. Now I see that some people are clearly more insightful than others and I truly, truly treasure this quality in others. Have you ever studied Daphne in mythology? There may be some insight for you there. I feel like a house divided...if I'm free I can control the hurt and yet I have a strong desire for partnership. A forest is beautiful because each tree receives and casts it's own light and hence enjoys living amongst the others. May your inner strength keep you lifted up. I know that it is hard to battle doubts. I think Faith is a birthright bestowed to all. We just have to bring it to our surface...and then above, as our beacon to guide ourselves and others. Love & Light to you. IP: Logged |
listenstotrees
Knowflake Posts: 748
From: the 5th dimension
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 09, 2010 01:27 PM
Great advice everyone.  IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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