posted December 13, 2008 02:24 PM         

A lot of people seem to think, "No." I believe, "Yes," but I'm nervous.

Any suggestions for what I can do to maintain that boundary without hurting feelings?

She's a Taurus who's 11 years older than me. She has a completely different life experience than me (we both grew up in well-to-do, large, white, middle class families, but beyond that our experiences don't have a lot in common). She has four grown children. I think she's up to four grandchildren. (I've never been married, and never had any children) She has vices which I don't have, and really wouldn't be able to stand long term were things to hypothetically happen between us. There's nothing objectionable in her looks, but I've never been attracted to her in a romantic sort of way.

posted December 13, 2008 02:33 PM           

Yes you can be best friends, why not?

posted December 13, 2008 02:52 PM         

My best friend is a Gemini guy. We've known each other for 12+ years.

posted December 13, 2008 06:37 PM         

quote:

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Yes you can be best friends, why not?

Is she attracted to you?

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posted December 13, 2008 09:23 PM           

But.. if you are straight with her and make sure to drop similar hints.. that you ain't going there, then you should be clear of any misunderstandings.

It's tough though. I had to end a friendship recently because he shared romantic feelings. Its tough because I so enjoyed the attention, but was disappointed there were other motives on his behalf, etc.

posted December 14, 2008 03:53 AM         

In our case, he knows me very well and is aware of my Scorpion-ness and all of my quirks. He must have felt attracted to me when we met years ago, but later realized that he was not my type physically, and left it at that. He knows that it's impossible to push, pull or pressure a Scorpion. We click so well on the mental level and there are things (probably deep, dark secrets) I would tell him that I would not tell anyone, not even my romantic partner.

I moved overseas 3 years ago and found another male best friend of a different nationality. This one was tricky because we were both secretly attracted to each other -- me a Scorpion and him a Capricorn (Scorp Asc/Venus). The connection was very strong from the start.

We lost touch for a while becoz we both travelled and when we met each other again we took on a project, which forced us to live in one house. Tricky because he had started seeing a girl when I was away.

Looking back now, I know we both played it cool and pretended that we we're just being friends and business partners. However, it's hard to deny a strong physical attraction when present. I remember we once went for a walk. There was a brief moment when his hand accidentally brushed against mine and we both felt a jolt of electricity. He said "Wow!" but I pretended it was nothing and continued walking. I, the ever poker face Scorpio, reminded myself that he had a GF.

One time, we had an argument in the car, I said there's nothing between us aside from work. He responded in a defiant tone "No, there's physical attraction between us". Fortunately, we reached my house at that moment (I moved out when the project ended). So I just said "Oh yeah?", shrugged my shoulders and got out of the car.

They split after a while. (I feel tempted to continue the story but it will deviate from the topic of this thread. LOL).

posted December 14, 2008 04:05 AM         

I have to think on some level she thinks the same way I do...which is to say that if either of us were to try to imagine being together at some point down the road it wouldn't seem right. Neither of us would feel it was fair to the other on some level. She'd be burdening me with things I won't go into here, and I'd be burdening her with being more aloof than she'd want.

quote:

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My point is: if at least one of you harbors a physical attraction for the other, it would be difficult to maintain a purely platonic friendship.

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I'm pretty certain that's not the case here. She has a few ex-husbands, and from what she's told me I definitely don't fit her mold. She's told me lots of times that she's always gone for passion in a relationship.

She's also told me that at this stage in her life she'd be more interested in companionship, so her standards may be changing. Being the courteous guy who's so easy to do stuff with maybe she's just gotten to thinking, "What if...?"

posted December 14, 2008 04:22 AM           

We work together, and its just simply impossible for us not to be "friends" at least...the soul connection between us is incredibly deep. When i told him how i feel for him he told me it would not be good for us to be together. (its true that he would need to make some changes in his life, if he would want us to be together)

So its not an easy situation, as when i tried to make some distance between us, he started to get closer... and i love him very much, both as a friend and as a lover

posted December 14, 2008 01:27 PM           

Friendship is based on distance. Intimacy breaks the barrier, which happens usually in close "friendships".

posted December 14, 2008 01:51 PM           

there is a guy i was so close to in the last couple of years, and i guess i even considered him my best friend. we talked probably every other day, at least, and we talked about just about everything, and had SO much fun together too. we had a real emotional depth in our friendship, and it seemed to mostly be a very healing thing for us both. then he started acting a bit weird when i told him about the guy i was starting to get close to, and would get upset with me here and there. he also began trying to cuddle with me like every time i'd see him. he kinda made it like a joke, but i'd resist, and he was so persistent that occasionally he would kinda just do it and catch me off guard and i'd get rigid, as i was confused and didn't want to give off any signals. we both sorta made it like a 'joke' but there was obviously something more going on. then when i was moving away he confessed to me that he was in love with me and had been for a while, and he was so emotional and begged and begged to be able to cuddle me since i was going away. so i gave in and cuddled with him for an hour or so. he tried to make moves on me but i didn't let him. well, unfortuantely something happened and i wasn't able to move, and we tried to hang out a few times after that and it did not work. he kept trying to cuddle and i kept telling him i couldn't, that my heart is with someone else and he got very angry at me and no longer wants to be my friend he has a big scorpio stellium, though, so this may be a bit extreme, but i think it sort of illustrates how unrequited feelings will always, eventually, come to the surface and cause pain.