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Author Topic:   Reflections on the Art of Singledom
hippichick
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posted July 02, 2010 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
And in today's society it is an art!

We are expected to be "with" some one and I believe this collective conciousness permeates our psyche, making our minds think we need someone.

I met a friend and her bfriend at a concert shortly after my latest (and greatest) introduction to singledom and she says, "you are by yourself?" Told her I had been there "by myself" for hours, enjoying cans of cold suds and jamin to the music all by myself!

Recently I reunited with several old highschool friends, mostly males, on facebook and not a one of them are single! I got very depressed looking through their profiles at pics of them and their families, and had to remind myself that what appears on the outside is not necessarially what occurs behind closed doors...

I began to question my capacity for "relationship" and my flaws as a woman that could have potentially lead me, once again to singledom.

So I have decided to embrace this time in my life to work on me. To be open for a man to come wandering into my crazy life, and my life is crazy....but to appreciate this time of "aloneness" as Osho puts it and just be...alone, all one.

Hopefully when I come out of this, I will be stronger and more complete within me, hence drawing, finally, someone to me who is truely my match, not made in heaven, but here on earth...

all comments and thoughts on your experiences with singledom appreciated!

blessings

t~~~

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MyVirgoMask
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Posts: 2885
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted July 02, 2010 02:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
that's interesting - i see it as the opposite. more and more people in this society are starting to take a lot of pride in being single and looking at relationships as passe lol

certainly relationships these days don't last for long, which is why people are doing so.

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bunnies
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Posts: 204
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 02, 2010 07:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
This might be of interest to you hippi. He explains it very well from about 4.18 onwards.
I have been on my own for 3 years and have never been happier.
I spent my younger years in a constant state of either anxiety, resentment or explosive temper tantrums.
I have not lost my equilibrium once since those three years began. I cannot begin to explain how sweet that feels and how sweet the realisation is that I don't actually "want" or need a love partner.
I used to think I did ,through conditioning.
Conditioned by society and convention.
Driven by hormones or the need to procreate
Even when the last relationship ended I thought "Shall I look for a replacement"
A replacement? For what? When had I ever been truly happy in a relationship?

The answer was a startling "Hardly ever"
Which led to the unbelievable realisation that I actually didn't want one but I thought I "should"
What a crap word "should" is
It only ever appears in a sentence in a negative connotation.
"I should have said something"
"I should have tried harder"
"I should have been a better person"

Relax and enjoy getting to know yourself.
I found out that I am such a nice person and I was always under the impression I was a right ***** !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA4HwFHiYyA&playnext_from=TL&videos=MzzeBS8npqw

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hippichick
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posted July 03, 2010 09:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
MVM, maybe it is a generational thing, but in my community and age group I do not see this. I know of only one other single in my peer group and this lady is someone who I work with, so not really in my circle of friends.

Seems like everybody is still looking for somebody...

Seems like alot of folks just "settle."

Bunnies, thank you! You always have a unique and "out of the box" approach, VERY refreshing!

All in all, I like being single, just have to remind myself that I do! I just have to listen to my friends and family members who are in relation and remind myself why I did not settle.

While I still, am open to another entering my life, I am NOT looking, and my energy now is probably not very approachable, (like it ever is with a Scorp asc ), however, I am tired of these "learning" relationships.

blessings and thank you!

t

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katatonic
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posted July 03, 2010 11:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
hippi do you know the longevity statistics on men and women? apparently men live longer when married. women live longer when un-married. i wonder why.

i have been single for years now. despite a brief period where i got very excited about someone who walked through my life, i have not had a moment of stress about being on my own. even then, it was because of a particular person, someone i knew when i was young, and NOTHING to do with wanting to be part of a couple again.

the biggest problem is that the large portion of my friends who ARE married or in relationships are frequently tied up elsewhere!! and many couples find it hard to hang with a "third wheel" for some reason...but i also have plenty to do with family stuff so that "tied-up" thing is not really a prob and i cherish my alone time unreservedly.

welcome to your life!!

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hippichick
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posted July 03, 2010 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
thank you kat...

i know i am well within myself, just get lost sometimes.

blessings

t

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MyVirgoMask
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Posts: 2885
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted July 05, 2010 04:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
I know what you mean, Hippi...I don't know your age - I'm 36 and I do see many women my age if anything getting divorced if they are not married.
I think the whole Uranus and Pluto in Libra generation is completely undecided in regards to relationships and what the hell to do with them ... myself included

Kat: " ...women live longer when un-married. i wonder why."

Women usually get worn out taking care of men most of the time...no wonder they live longer lol

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hippichick
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posted July 09, 2010 09:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
MVM I am 48, time to appreciate and be in the place of aloneness.

I have had a few "major" relationships and figure it is time for me to just be with me. Have had the marriage, the house with kids, dogs and cats, the post marriage relationships, have had experience...

However, my 18 year old is still at home, currently unemployed so how "alone" am I really?

Kat, I read somewhere recently that women may live longer but not necessarially healthier.
~~~

There is this guy at work, recently moved down from Ohio, a fellow nurse, who is only 6 years younger than me, I have issue with younger guys, I prefer someone my age or a bit older....anyway, I have always liked him, he is friendly, not bad looking and I recently found out he is single. We share Ohio heritage, so I thouhgt I might suggest we "hang out" and I show him a bit of what I have discovered about San Antonio in the past 30 years...however...I LIKE being single and even just a "hang out" experience kind of repels me.

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hippichick
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posted July 21, 2010 02:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
So, this guy, I said to him last week "if you ever want to hang out give me a holla"

Shortly after he mentions how he may take me up on my offer...What offer?

So for the past week as he is night shift and I am days, we pass ways he keeps saying, "we'll talk..." then one day, over the phone with work issues, me suggests we get together "sometime this week."

(which is this week)

Again, I see him at work, I am friendly and cordial, but not overtly anything.

Infact one morning I go into one ICU and night shift greets me and I hear him say "Terri is here?" (quite enthuastically) and I see his bald head pop up and sit back down....so I go and greet him....then back to the ICU I was assigned to for the day,..

Still, the same **** ..."will talk to ya!"

SO yesterday I did not actually hide from him, but I avoided him, I have let him come to me.....

Time's up, dude.

Strike one.

And Actually I like being single..

**** ...dem.

t~~~

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