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Author
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Topic: on going theme..cancer guy trouble
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Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 08, 2013 06:12 PM
  
First time posting....Long story short....Met my cancer guy 9months ago...I'm a Gemini. We had instant crazy chemistry...Things progressed quickly..gf/bf after about 2 or 3 weeks. The trouble is he's going through a divorce. They've been seperated for a few
years and are finalizing everything now. So, I knew we were moving fast but he was going with it so I did too. I met his family...he's very close to them...etc About a month ago he said needed space....I was devastated. He said he didn't think we were "breaking up" just taking a few weeks apart...He said he felt empty with life and us...if he didn't take the time he was scared he f*** everything up and lose me forever. I wouldnt let him...said we work through this together. A month passes I think we're ok...but it happens again. This time I said ok...I also said I need a break too when he said he was bringing me my stuff...The question is do I just completely let go? I'm tired of crying and wondering.....We still haven't spoken face to face...text's, fb...that's all. Any advice?
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32679
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2013 07:09 PM
Welcome!IP: Logged |
Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 08, 2013 07:35 PM
Thanks!I forgot to add this started Tues...the last thing I said to him was on Friday ....I asked for space of my own. I don't know if that was a good move or not...I just needed a break from the emotional roller coaster IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 1450
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 09, 2013 04:20 AM
For me with Cancer men, it's always started too fast, but they break away like this. I hate that you're going through this because I know the feeling very well.I guess for you, it would be best to decide what the deal breakers in this relationship should be. I see you started a bit with this by saying you were tired of crying like this. With my current bf, I love him to bits, but at some point, I really had to put my foot down and recognize that while I do love him, I can't let him ruin my happiness. Being happy can be hard to define, but it doesn't and shouldn't rely on any one person. If you can, I would put a time limit on when to start mentally and emotionally pulling away from him so you can start healing. The Cancer men I've dated had Gemini Moon/Venus and I'm a Gemini Sun/ Cancer Venus. They were hot and heavy for a while, but preferred to maintain mental and emotional control by dangling their affection on the edge of a string. It was terrible. IP: Logged |
Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 09, 2013 08:15 AM
Thanks for replying....I'm dealing with it. I keep thinking how he must've had this great weekend without me...I on the hand kept breaking down every 10 mins. I miss more than I can say. I know it's childish but I stopped following him on instagram and deleted
our pics. Well he stopped following me
today. lol Childish I know...but that stung. IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 1450
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 09, 2013 12:16 PM
It doesn't seem childish at all. I've done that before as well and that's with my current bf.This temporary break stuff doesn't make any sense to me. If you understand the reasoning for it and support it, decide how much of this you can stand. Otherwise, I would just make it clear to the Cancer guy that you were hurt and confused by this and you'd rather just move on instead of being jerked around. IP: Logged |
Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 09, 2013 03:35 PM
Thanks for listening to me whine! lolHe's dropping off my stuff today and I'm leaving his key in the box. I can't see him..it'll hurt too much. I keep reading how cancers always come back ..I'm not sure if he will since he's bringing me my stuff. I can't lie ...even with everything, I hope so. I love him...but I'm moving forward without him. It's just very hard. IP: Logged |
Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 09, 2013 03:35 PM
What happened with you and your guy?
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MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 1450
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 09, 2013 08:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Melsworld:
What happened with you and your guy?
With the Cancer man, it was a long distance relationship. This was my first love. We exchanged letters and personal items(he even requested a lock of my hair and I sent it). Found out that he was cheating on me while I was busy with real life stuff. Broke up with him, even though I was not "the other woman", he went around mutual forums and trashed me consistently until a few people stood up for me, getting to know me before blindly taking sides. We went out for a little bit again when he insisted there was only me, but it was never the same. I didn't trust him anymore. He went back to his old gf and I found out from her later that he started romancing her a month before we broke up. The other girl and I are good friends to this day lol. Anyway, fast forward 7 years from there, he contacts me and we talk. We're both in relationships at this point. He starts feeling close to me again and says to me how he still has everything I've ever given him. I can see his game before it hits me and I politely push him away. Not a teenager anymore. He blocks me on everything he has lol. His fiancee has me on fb, but I'm not sure why. It's just weird altogether. It's a weird love story. I met another Cancer man like 2-3 years ago who did the abbreviated version of that. Apparently, he wanted to keep the good parts of me without the upkeep of a relationship. No hun, it doesn't work like that. I dropped him and never looked back. It hurt my heart too much. IP: Logged |
Melsworld
Newflake Posts: 7
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 09, 2013 11:26 PM
Oh wow...Thanks for sharing. Well, he dropped my stuff off today. We decided it wasn't a good time to talk. He said "let's hold off, it's hard enough as it is". I agreed and decided to hang with my bff. I just couldn't see him today...too painful. I left him a note saying I'll always be here for him...but I'm giving him space. I thought at my age I would better equipped to handle this. (35). It's the worst breakup IV ever had...pain wise. He left a note saying he kept my key since I wasn't home...and that we'll talk. What is there left to say? I've noticed a trend on all the boards about cancer men...Do they really always come back? Based on your story they do...but I just don't think he will. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32679
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 10, 2013 10:58 AM
Sorry.IP: Logged |
ProudLeo
Knowflake Posts: 40
From: Aubrey, Texas, 76227
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 24, 2013 08:36 AM
My cancer and I went really fast...he just pulled me right in...felt like I was in some kind of steamy life time movie. I look back and realize now that I should have taken it slower, as hard as that would be, and I def should have held out a little longer. He disappeared out of the blue and then wouldn't answer my texts...so I stopped texting after a couple texts. I didn't try to contact him. I didn't go to one of his shows (he's in a band) because I thought he made it clear he didn't want to see me. His show was Friday night and we hadn't talked in over a week when he sent me a text Monday morning out of nowhere saying I hope you had a good weekend. I gave it some time and didnt reply and he sent another that said the gig went well and he figured I wouldn't want to go. I reply that I did really want to go but I wanted to be respectful to him. His reply was "thanks, I guess". I'm like wtf....totally confused. I mean he made it clear we should go our separate ways so why would I show up at his gig out of the blue and possibly make things awkward while he is trying to perform a show? To me that would be rude and inappropriate. I mean...what is going on? So he tells me "i would love for you to come to my shows as long as we can be friendly and not much else. I would really like to see you at my next show!" Uh....like nothing happened or he's doing some band PR work...so strange. But....fact of the matter is, he didnt delete my number, he was obviously thinking about me when he didnt see me at his gig Friday night, he now knows that I can keep from texting or showing up (I'm not clingy and I CAN move on), and he contacted me when he could have just left things as they were. If he didnt care he would never have texted me...even tho his approach was odd. I think what's going on here is that mr cancer is afraid of his feelings and he is afraid to rush into a relationship....which is fine...so he prob really wanted to cut things off but prob expected me to chase him and I didn't. He had time to collect his thoughts and deal and now he is moving in from another angle (like a crab....side to side back and the forward from the side). He is prob testing whether my care for him is genuine....am I willing to be his friend? Can I not rush or expect too much from him too soon? He missed me and realizes that he doesn't want to completely shut me out of his life...so he is trying to take a more cautionary approach. Which is fine with me. So this go around I will wait for him to do ALL the initiating....oh I will give him a subtle flirty encouragement here and there but this time things are going to move much, much slower and he will have to contribute more to this if he really wants to keep me in his life. He will have to court me...which is what I think we missed moving too fast the first time. It would actually be. Great thing to be friends...he and I can learn to value one another and learn how to deal with one another without the pressure of committing to a relationship etc. so....we shall see what happens! IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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