posted July 25, 2013 04:59 AM            

i find it uncomfortable that it is usually women who seem to be placing these relationships on a pedestal when, it doesnt look like it is making them happy in the long run...unless you're a glutton for punishment, and drama = love, for you.

are these relationships being judged objectively? i mean, arent these actually toxic relationships being judged as "transforming" by justifying them with a veneer of 'soulmate' and 'twin soul' fluffy goodness?
i dunno, maybe it is just me, but it just seems to me that the literature encourages women to tolerate crap and settle for damaged men.

if i don't encourage people to stay with abusers then, i have no reason to be open-minded about a soulmate/twin soul relationship if it is causing a friend pain. i dont care how 'transforming' or coincidental or magical, and if the number 11 appeared or if angels came announcing it in dreams..i dont care.
sure, relationships arent perfect, but...you guys understand what i mean...

maybe im wrong, but what i see is the typical cliche of the woman being the martyr/saviour to a man who seems to suffer from some attachment disorder/is not into you/egocentric-selfish.

posted July 25, 2013 01:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hikoro:
first, ive made relationship mistakes myself, so, not trying to come up as haughty
but, im finding it slightly disturbing that....
across the board, twin soul relationships (and some soulmate relationships) are often painful for the parties (usually the woman getting the short end of the stick), and one person, usually, the man, runs hot and cold...but, in spite of all of the awful moments, the relationship is....special and meant to be.
honestly, when i take out the words 'soulmate' and 'twin souls' when reading about these relationships....a lot of these relationships seem...well kind of toxic with hints of emotional manipulation and abuse. they do not seem like healthy relationships at all.

i find it uncomfortable that it is usually women who seem to be placing these relationships on a pedestal when, it doesnt look like it is making them happy in the long run...unless you're a glutton for punishment, and drama = love, for you.

are these relationships being judged objectively? i mean, arent these actually toxic relationships being judged as "transforming" by justifying them with a veneer of 'soulmate' and 'twin soul' fluffy goodness?
i dunno, maybe it is just me, but it just seems to me that the literature encourages women to tolerate crap and settle for damaged men.

if i don't encourage people to stay with abusers then, i have no reason to be open-minded about a soulmate/twin soul relationship if it is causing a friend pain. i dont care how 'transforming' or coincidental or magical, and if the number 11 appeared or if angels came announcing it in dreams..i dont care.
sure, relationships arent perfect, but...you guys understand what i mean...

maybe im wrong, but what i see is the typical cliche of the woman being the martyr/saviour to a man who seems to suffer from some attachment disorder/is not into you/egocentric-selfish.

---

posted July 25, 2013 07:47 PM            

One website describe a SM the same as sleeping with a knife under your pillow.
These relationships are hard, and can have a powerful lesson behind it.

I personally believe a SM is someone you have a soul contract with, for some specific purpose, some are romantic some aren't.
Our families, friends, co workers, teachers can be a soulmate.
Some relationships act as a guide, some teach hard lessons during a specific time in our life.
But these lessons are a necessity to grow.
Lessons are never easy.

Maybe even some SM have a "contract" to bring another soul into the world, once they do the relationship ends.

I had a child at 19, the father beat me and abused me..
Was my lesson to get beaten??? No of course not.
We had a child, once the abuse started..
I found away to leave, and become independent and to never rely on anyone.
When I did leave, I left to be homeless.
I had to discover and figure out that I can do it on my own, that I am worthy of being treated like a human, worthy of making in this world without the help of a man..

So what was my lesson?
To become independent, to learn to survive.
To be in control of my own life.

It was a very hard lesson, one I never will nor want to go through again..
To assure that, I rely only on myself..
Cuz no one else is going to take care of me or support me.

Sometimes we need these hard lessons to move us on our path to our true destiny.
A good kick in the butt, so to speak.

Sometimes, these lessons are harder to "get" until one day it just clicks..
Once the lesson is learned, the person will move forward.

Yes I consider this man a SM.
In the long run, it was one of the bet things that ever happen to me..
And I have a beautiful daughter
She is grown into a beautiful young lady..
She is 21 now.
I take pride saying I raised her all by myself with any support or money from anyone..
I did it all by my self!!!
She works, goes to college, no kids!!!
I did something right..

Ooo btw
His nn conjunct my asc
My nn conjunct his sun

posted July 26, 2013 05:18 AM            

sure, maybe some relationships teach us something, but, i think some relationships teach nothing too. some events in life have no meaning too.
im not talking about a relationship that brings out a child, etc. im not stating that my views are right or wrong...
by the way, my post is not juding all of these relationships as being toxic, that would be a gross generalization, but, how much of the soulmate/twin soul literature seems to indirectly defend a certain toxicity and unhealthy relationship dynamics while still calling it 'fated' and 'meant to be' and 'special'
i dont see it as that different from girls with bad boys.

you know, if at least....the twin soul/soulmate dynamics were more gender neutral, as in, men and women equally getting the short end of the stick, the women running hot and cold, whereas the man is running after her....i would reconsider.
but it isnt usually like that, the fact is that across the board, there seems to be a repetitive pattern that many of us recognize.
women clings to relationship with man that makes her suffer.
either women with low self-esteem and confidence, or women, with a strong ego, self-esteem and confidence but with a desire to control or fix what is broken...

i mean, even with astrology...i respect it and adore it. but gods...
it does get kind of uncomfortable, when astrology is also thrown out there to idealize these relationships. "well, we have this and that"....thus, it must be special.
the desperation...i mean, when this woman could have someone giving her a foot massage and making her candle-light dinners.

before the twinsoul and soul mate literature came about, most folks would just judge these relationship patterns as being fine and normal because back then, women had to take what they were given when it came to relationships, and maybe, until this day, women are still geared to repeat this pattern in love relationships. to be the saviour and martyr.
with the soulmate/twinsoul literature of these days...it seems we have more justifications and ways to encourage remaining in the relationship...and participate in these same (and not so healthy) relationship patterns.

posted July 26, 2013 06:24 AM            

my stance on the theory is complicated.
While i totally believe in soulmates, I also believe that sometimes such a label is (mis)used to justify staying in a toxic relationship.

I just want to emphasize that even if it is a soulmate relationship, it does not EVER justify any kind of abuse.
No relationship does that, be it soulmate, tiwnflames, karmic, earthmates, divine complements, WHATEVER.

And no matter what he sais he feels, if he doesn´t get his act together, it doesn`t matter much. Maybe in a spiritual kind of sense, but not in the very earthy practical: I want to have a working relationship. kind of sense.

Lioness,

for me the important thing is that despite your belief or knowledge he is your soulmate, you didn`t take the abuse but found the strength to leave. THAT is what I find importatn. Being in a relatinship (what kind ever) is never an excuse for one partner abusing the other.

posted July 26, 2013 07:11 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Hikoro,

my stance on the theory is complicated.
While i totally believe in soulmates, I also believe that sometimes such a label is (mis)used to justify staying in a toxic relationship.

I just want to emphasize that even if it is a soulmate relationship, it does not EVER justify any kind of abuse.
No relationship does that, be it soulmate, tiwnflames, karmic, earthmates, divine complements, WHATEVER.

And no matter what he sais he feels, if he doesn´t get his act together, it doesn`t matter much. Maybe in a spiritual kind of sense, but not in the very earthy practical: I want to have a working relationship. kind of sense.

Lioness,

for me the important thing is that despite your belief or knowledge he is your soulmate, you didn`t take the abuse but found the strength to leave. THAT is what I find importatn. Being in a relatinship (what kind ever) is never an excuse for one partner abusing the other.

---

posted August 01, 2013 01:10 PM            

Personally I dont "buy into" the twin flame/soul mate thing.

To me, it's more like, perhaps, somebody you recognize from a past life, or just a click of energies?

I dunno....

posted August 03, 2013 03:07 AM            

Hikoro , i see your point. However, these theories don't encourage being abused, they just explain why you might find yourself in this situation and unable to get out.

You see .sm.ts theory, is not asking you to settle down with anyone forever. It just explains a karmic connection, that ends once the lesson is over.

If you look at the root cause of the problem rather than the symptom, you will see that the problem is not a woman being in an abusive relationship but rather the reason behind why she's attracted to that.....an old wound, a self worth issue....and by scratching the wound it helps to heal it

posted August 22, 2013 01:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fiery_Water:

If you look at the root cause of the problem rather than the symptom, you will see that the problem is not a woman being in an abusive relationship but rather the reason behind why she's attracted to that.....an old wound, a self worth issue....and by scratching the wound it helps to heal it

---

i never wrote that it was about women being in an abusive relationship but how the meme of these theories seem to conform to gender stereotypes of the woman as the martyr, the one who clings and is restless for the man, and the man, as the runner....the selfish one.
in spite of the fact that it is mostly women who seem to buy onto the most unfavorable aspects of these theories, these aspects are actually quite misogynistic and place the woman as the dependent one.

when i hear more about men not being able to sleep, eat, and how she is his twin flame..then...ill reconsider and find the generic descriptions of these theories as being more egalitarian?....but when over and over again, i come across posts as to how she is dying without him, and cant leave without him.....and the male doesnt give a dime, i cant help but think, "woman, you deserve so much more and you're more special than you think"

posted August 22, 2013 03:45 PM            

I have a friend that at some point was a romantic interest. However hearing him talk about his ex, the one he always believed was his soulmate and how her eyes shined like rubies in the night, when all I could see is a plain girl I wouldn't look at twice.. it was quite the turn off because I realized he is not over her, years after the break-up, after several cheatings on her part, and I respect myself way too much to be someone's rebound. He is in quite a limbo and sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same things over and over and he will say the same things over and over..

So it's not just the women. I don't think this is about misogynism, though I do think women tend to play the victim/martyr role more often than not. I think women are more open to share their thoughts and talk about it, whereas men are taught this is weakness and they're unlikely to pour their heart out on forums and the like about how this girl they thought was their soulmate ditched them.

posted August 22, 2013 06:05 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
But then I remember that all we really really want is to be loved and needed and accepted, all of us.. true we look for it in wrong places and are a tad desperate here and there.. But on the other hand, love also makes us better.

---

posted September 21, 2013 01:19 PM            

If your dad had a dad who beat him and your dad refused to deal with the pain that caused him and instead became abusive to you, his daughter....then you as a woman would pick up the emotions he chose to leave hanging there not being dealt with. You emotionally take responsibility for the emotions and begin to believe the abuse and his pain is something you need to fix. You believe you hold the answer, power and authority to correct this...so you take on the role of loving your dad in hopes he will eventually love you back and then that love will stop him from hurting and he will stop hurting you.

When it doesnt happen this way as a child, your beliefs dont change they just get transferred to a new point of reference, a new man becomes the man you want to love so much that he stops hurting you.

This is a very unhealthy situation and you have no conscious idea that this belief has become part of your identity, but still its killing you!
These relationships will continue until you see the belief and realize its time to give the emotions back to the person they actually belong to and let them deal with it, and see its time for you to learn new beliefs about who you are.

The reason this seems to happen more to women than men, and why women are usually(appearance only) seem to be getting hurt more than the guys, is that women are not able to disconnect from their emotions or any emotions left just hanging there by the guys around them.
Guys do have the ability to disconnect from their emotions...it was a necessary part in their nature as the hunter gatherer. It would be impossible for a man to go out and kill an animal and bring home the food for their family if he was emotionally thinking, oh what if this animal im about to kill just gave birth and now her lil ones wont have a mommy to feed and protect them.
Men were blessed or cursed with the ability to take their emotions and push them away from themselves, leaving them hanging there.
Emotions are energy, they are n energy doesnt go anywhere just because the guy refuses to accept them. They sit there waiting for someone to take responsibility of them. Emotional energy is the same thing you feel when you walk into a room with 2 people who are fighting and can feel the anger.
The emotions hes ignoring, you feel...not realizing they arent yours, you pick them up as your feelings...then you start using those feelings in your life and they become part of you.

These toxic relationships are meant to help you see and get rid of these emotions that you have accepted into your soul and have allowed to become toxic inside you...your higher self is making sure this toxicity is put in your face, and will continue to be put in your face until you realize its not yours and you need to change your belief system to get rid of the emotions that dont belong to you.

posted September 22, 2013 06:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SDragon:
Bump for gabby.

---