posted September 15, 2013 06:35 PM            

Men, just like children, will always test their boundaries with you. It’s just a fact of life. They don't sit around plotting and planning this behavior intentionally. It's psychological, preprogrammed. It's a gift of insight into the female species from good ole' Mother Nature. At its purest form, it's meant to give them the upper hand - so they can succssfully mate, procreate and perpetuate the human species. It's behavior they're not aware of - but utilizing daily.

They're honing these skills from childhood. Very early on young boys learn that the best way to get what they want from the woman in their life, namely mom, is to play on her emotions. And as we speak, some little boy on some playground somewhere is punching the little girl he likes in the arm, running away, laughing.

It is what it is, girls. Accept it.

This is not “games” or manipulation of some sort. You need to remember is this – men do indeed play games. It’s pure instinct. Men are acutely aware of the factors that trigger “attraction.” And if you don’t get a grip and counter these moves that every single man in the world will use on you – then you’re going to become the woman with 17 cats faster than you can say, “******* .”

First thing you need to understand, and it’s one factor that men are born understanding, is . . .

The Scarcity Theory Of Value

Scarcity drives competition, particularly in economics, but it also works in dating. No one loves competing for something more than men. This is human behavior/psychology – it just is.

The Law of Scarcity is used in economics daily. Big box stores, marketers and those in the business world understand this. Ever notice during the Holiday season there’s a new game or gadget that’s in scarce supply? But EVERYONE suddenly has to have it? Why is that?

The Answer: Because people always want what they can’t have.

Manufacturers know that they can produce 700,000 of these gadgets for the Holiday season. But they’re not interested in the “get in, get out” method of sales. They want to create a buzz, create a demand – and most importantly – they want people to place a high value on their product. They want people to crave it for months to come – not simply during the month of December.

So what do they do? They dole out the product in scarce supply (and you should do this with sex, too, by the way). Next thing ya' know, people are searching online, hitting 25 stores, standing in line for hours – you get the idea.

And they’re not just doing this in December. Come the month of March, they’re still looking for it and putting energy into acquiring it.

The Reality: People place a high value on something they have to work for.

You want your man to value you, you want him to put energy and effort into the relationship, you want him to puruse you with dignity, it’s what you deserve. Permit this to happen.

Action Steps: When dating, don’t always be available. Don’t respond to texts immediately. Don’t pick up the phone all the time. Don’t return calls immediately. Don’t rearrange your plans to accommodate a man. And never settle for being a booty call. Remain independent, yet flexible, and follow a certain set of "dating rules" for yourself.

The Result: The Scarcity Theory Of Value begins to work. He starts to see you as valuable. He begins to understand that your time is valuable, you are valuable, you are not desperate, and other things and people demand you time as well. His brain begins to subconsciously associate you with being valuable. It's human nature to process the message in that manner, male or female, which is why this law is applied to economics in the marketplace. Use this factor of human behavior to your advantage.

Men instinctively know this. Hell, they use this tactic every single day – on you. So get with the program.

Research Suggests That Uncertainty Heightens Romantic Attraction

It’s a fact, uncertainty creates attraction. Yet another factor that men instinctively know, understand and use to their advantage – DAILY. It goes back to – people want what they can’t have.

Here’s what happens in the human brain. When uncertainty exists, when you can’t have something that you desire . . . you think about it constantly. When your man doesn’t answer a text or ignores a call, you begin to think about him non-stop. What you don’t realize is that all this heavy duty thinking is actually creating more desire for him. He knows that this uncertainty is heightening your attraction for him and there's actual research to back this theory up (PDF).

So now you need to flip the script and use this particular aspect of human behavior to your advantage.

So how do you do that? Take a lesson from him. Play it cool, ladies. In the early days of dating, never let a man know you’re crazy about him. That is, unless you’re looking for the “hit and run” type of situation.

Fact: If you let your man know immediately that you’re falling for him and/or you sleep with him too soon (no sooner than one or two months, ladies), he will immediately move you into the “backup” or “plan B” situation.

Why? Because the thrill is gone and he's already tasted the goods. He now knows he doesn’t have to put another ounce of energy into you. He’s got you right where he wants you – under his thumb. And he now knows he can disappear for days, weeks, months, years. And if he wants you again, if he's bored or other women have rejected him, he'll need an ego boost so he'll be likely to ring you and then, BAM - there you are. Rearranging your schedule, jumping through hoops and giddy that he's contacted you again.

Fact: Once a man has fully “conquered” something, he's apt to lose interest in it. You need to never let him think he's got you or won you over, even if you know he already has.

Action Steps: Never talk about the future in the early days of dating. Never jump through hoops and never let him see you're giddy about what's taking place. Play it cool, just like men do. Hang back, be fun, be spontaneous and be open. But do this on your time and as you see fit. Most likely, he'll poke around with leading statements so he can get a feel for whether or not you're into him.

He'll Say Things Like:
“Maybe someday, we can buy a house together.”
"When we live together someday. . ."
“Maybe someday, I’ll take you here for dinner.”
“I have a weekend getaway planned in August (and it’s May), maybe you can come with me.”
Response: Say something playful and coy like:

“Well, we’ll have to see where it goes. If this works out, maybe yes, someday we can do that. That would be nice.”

What He Hears: His work here is not finished. He senses uncertainty and processes the message that he needs to up the anty here. In otherwords, there's still work to be done and this game is not over.

More Importantly: You're independent, you're different. You make your own choices based on actions, not a bunch of ******** sweet talk. It's going to take more than the punks game of BS to get you. You're not afraid to walk away or skip over him. You don't let a man pick you, you pick your man.

Men Understand Simple Communication

Emotions are overwhelming to men and confuse the hell out of them. It’s a known fact. Emotions are like work to men, the trouble of wading and sifting through them, attempting to decipher and understand or relate to them, it's a ton of work. It's also a major turn off and it makes the relationship more akin to the job of a therapist as oppossed to something fun and enjoyable.

The Number One Mistake Women Make With Men: They share too much of what they’re thinking and feeling with them. Every little thought, every little fear, every little feeling, every little tear, every little "what if." It's a bit much and to a man, amounts to a ton of drama.

If you need a therapist, by all means, go visit one. But your boyfriend, yea, he's not your therapist. He's not getting paid $150 an hour to listen to all your fears and wade through your emotions and insecurities in the dark recesses of your mind, in an effort to heal you or make you emotionally stable and overall, mentally healthy. Do this with your man and he'll be gone in a flash.

Action Step: Visit a therapist of share these emotions with other women who can relate, such as your girlfriends, sisters or female co-workers. Your man should have no clue what's going on in your head.

This is the one single thing that is most likely to create the “disappearing reappearing” man syndrome, although there are other very real signs he'll disappear. Start sharing your emotions with him and he’ll be gone. Do that and you'll take his interest from level 8 or 9 down to a 2 before you can blink an eye. He'll begin to question everything - including your sanity.

Ever listen in on a bunch of men talking amongst themselves? It basically boils down to this:
a couple of grunts
some high-fives
and some laughs
Simple communication. That’s the name of the game with men. Keep it simple ladies.

Men Understand Action Loud And Clear, Emotion Only Confuses Them

Let’s say you’ve made the above mistake and you've been using your man as a therapist instead of working out your emotions and fears yourself. Let's assume you believe that your happiness is something a man should grant you - and not something you have to grant yourself. Let's say you've been prodding and poking around about his feelings, if he cares for you and where this may lead.

Imagine This: You are driving the car (relationship) and you are now effectively letting fear and insecurity steer the wheel. Now the car (relationship) is veering wildly out of control at a high speed, his passenger door is open and he’s bailing out onto the highway - leaving you to your own demise.

He’s overwhelmed, he’s confused, he doesn't know why or how this happened and because of that, he's gone MIA on your ass. Your actions have spoken loud and clear – and he’s responding.

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. And this is where it gets interesting, so LISTEN UP, Ladies!

Men Pull Stunts To Gauge Your Feelings And Reassure Themselves

This is the oldest trick in the book and a known fact as to how men reassure themselves. You can expect a man to distance himself and pull back before diving in headfirst and/or right after having sex. So just know this and be prepared for it ladies. Don't panic and go off the rails.

When men feel uncertain and seek reassurance, they don’t do it like women do – by talking about their feelings and emotions over coffee or a bottle of wine all night long. Men seek reassurance by pulling stunts, like making you jealous, making you worry or the the good ole’ disappearing man act.

Ever notice how the punk player laughs, smiles and smirks when his girlfriend goes off into a jealous rage about another woman calling or approaching him? Watch for that, the Billy Idol half smile. Experts in human behavior and body language refer to that tiny half smile as "duping delight." It's a sure sign that he's pleased as punch about the attention he's getting, how important he feels at that moment, and about how much his girl cares for him. Really insecure guys, like players, pull stuff like this all the time to make themselves feel important, wanted and confident.

Because let's face it, if you didn't care, you wouldn't be going off, half-cocked, about the issue.

What To Do When Your Man Disappears: The Rubber Band Theory

When he goes MIA, you do too. You fall off his radar, hell you fall off the face of the earth, and all he hears are crickets chirping in the distance on a silent night.

How That Works: It tells him that you’re okay giving him space and that he's not that incredibly important to you. Being alone is okay with you and besides, there are others out there who want your time as well, so this really isn't a big deal. You have other options and your strong, emotionally.

The Result: He's thinking about you non stop. He’s not getting the reaction he thought he’d get. You're different and he's actually admiring your emotional strength. He's impressed by it. But it's also triggering HIS insecurities. Is there someone else? Is she over me? Why isn't she blowing up my phone?

Once he moves through that thought process, much like a rubber band, he'll spring back towards you. He'll think, "I'd better go check and see what's going on."

This is based on a dating theory called "The Rubber Band Theory" which concludes that this is part of the male intimacy process - getting close, then pulling away to think, remain independent, feel manly and not get too caught up in HIS emotions. Men do this to maintain a nice, healthy balance.

I’m telling you ladies, if you send one text, make one phone call – you’re going to BLOW THIS. He’ll be gone in sixty seconds. He’ll instantly know there is no other man on the scene and his attraction for you will disappear in a flash. You will look emotionally pathetic to him.

Maintain your strength in this situation. One of two things will happen:
He’ll stay gone for good. In which case, you’ve got your answer, no more waiting around for him – and you’ve dodged a bullet here because he wasn’t that into you to begin with. And had you stuck around for more games, grief and pain, more is definitely what you will have received.
He’ll suddenly reappear. He’ll have had time to think, he’ll have had plenty of space and the rubber band effect will kick in – and he'll come around to seek you out. He'll mis you and that's what you want him to do.
In psychology, there are two kinds of love, passionate and companionate. And passionate love is defined as an intense longing for union with another individual (PDF).

Men and women both tend to equate longing with love and many scientists and anthropologists believe it to be a cultural universal, ladies - worldwide.

What To Do When Your Man Reappears: Behavioral Mirroring

If he’s gone, good riddance. He wasn’t into you anyway and/or he’s insecure. If he reappears, you get a second chance, girls, so don't blow it. You flip the switch and work your voodoo magic on his ass. You take control and you move things forward in your way and on your time and at your pace, not his.

He’s just revealed to you that YOU now have HIM. Gotcha little ******* – game on. (And remember, he started all this by making himself scarce, by not answering texts, and acting like he doesn't care. You don't want to play this game, but they insist on it – so here you are, game face on.)

Reminds me of a popular saying, "If you're going to play the game, I'll be the coach."

When your man suddenly reappears you have two options:

1.) Ask yourself if he’s worth it. What are the chances he'd do this again? Is there a history of this behavior? If so, he's a flake, not worth it.
2.) Act accordingly based on that decision.

If he’s worth it, here’s what you do when he suddenly reappears:

Action Step: Don’t answer that text or return that call for two or three days. Yes, three days, girls, this is important. You're taking a stance and you don't budge on that or he'll call you on that, he'll sense hesitation and weakness, and he'll take control again. Simply use another psychological tactic called mirroring and mirror his behavior. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander and all is fair in love and war.

What He Hears: This poor treatment is not something you'll overlook. You won't go off the rails about it, but you're no dummy either and now he knows this. You have a life and you're going to live it, with or without him. You know the meaning of consequence and bad behavior doesn't earn your attention. Bad behavior earns consequences, those of which you're not afraid to dole out, and you will hold him accountable for his actions. You will not reward him for them.

There's a great old saying I love, "Never treat someone like your priority while they're treating you like their option."

Action Step: Make your response friendly, casual and keep it carefree. In otherwords, you could care less and these little pranks mean nothing to you.

If you get the proverbial, “Hey” text or some sorry ass excuse for where the hell he’s been for a month (he was abducted by aliens) then three days later, you simply ignore the excuse he provided and say:

“Hey what’s up? It was nice to hear from you, I hope things are going well. I’ve been so busy lately, we’ll have to get together sometime soon. Have a great day, talk to ya’ later!”

What He Hears: You’re still there but now you're farther apart. Remember the rubber band theory, ladies. Men like a little bit of tension, it's exciting and makes them curious. Treating you like this will not be the way to your heart and does not make you want to spend time with him. He knows what he did was wrong, you don't have to tell him. So now, he's a bit confused and you have the uncertainty factor of human behavior working to your advantage. And remember, uncertainty creates romantic attraction.

If he disappears for good, he was an insecure guy who was beat at his own game. What up now, player? And the last thing on earth you want to date is an insecure guy who is a player, so be gone fool.

Insecure guys are a bit different concerning this prank – they do it just to prove they can get a girl to jump. They don’t even have to like her. Deep down, they don’t feel like a man. Making a woman jump makes them feel manly. You don’t need a guy who is out to prove something to himself. Period. You want a man, not an insecure little boy who plays games to feel like a man.

Just give it some time. He’ll think about this and if he’s a real man and he genuinely likes you, he’ll be back. Nagging and chasing is what he expects. You not caring and blowing him off is not what he expects. Don't let him push your buttons, push his and throw him for a loop.

Shake Things Up And Blow Them Off: The Push Pull Method

Ever notice that the men you ignore are generally the one’s blowing up your phone? Why is that, you ask? Because you could care less about them and this kicks in a natural human behavior tendency to prove themselves to you, to win you over, to beat out other men, and claim the prize. So they start vying for your attention and going to great lengths to get it.

There's a dating principal that many refer to as "The Push Pull Method." And it works boths ways, on men and women, in most cases. It's a way to be interesting and fun without being too nice or too mean.

I’ll keep this section simple. Playing it safe is boring. A man needs to be unable to predict your next move if he's to find you intriquing. So start to shake things up a bit by creating some tension, pulling back on that rubber band a bit - and hold tight for him to spring back at you.

Men Are Competitive and Love To Chase

For women, the end result is what’s exciting, the future. For men, it’s the opposite, it’s the journey that’s thrilling to them, the here and now.

Men like to hunt. It plays on their natural, psychological tendency to enjoy competition. Permit yourself to become the prey and let them hunt you. Remember, it's also part of the human psychological condition to place a higher value on something you have to work for and in the modern day marketplace, it's being used everyday.

There's a great line in the movie, "The Break-Up." When Vince Vaughn and his buddy go into a nightclub, they say, "Let's seperate the weak ones from the pack." Clearly they were on the hunt.

Ladies, you’re the prey. He’s the hunter. Now run!

Dating, Mating And Male Insights

Men must feel that you're choosy, not needy.

Men don't want to be your therapist.

Give him plenty of space, pull back on that rubber band and he'll spring back at you.

Men tend to disrespect a woman who is too nice.

Men see nagging as emotional weakness.

A little distance along with some apathy pulls on that rubber band.

If he can predict your every reaction, you'll bore him to death.

Sleeping with a guy too soon takes all the fun of it for him. If you throw yourself at him, his reaction will be, "Meh."

Your sexuality is your power. The sooner you give it away, the sooner he'll leave.

Sleep with him too soon (before a month or two) and he'll view you as an object. Make him work for it and he'll notice you as a woman.

Not sleeping with him in the first month or two gives you time to find out who he really is and will save you lots of tears later on.

Nice girls, much like nice guys, finish last.

Don't Become Road Kill

Don't let yourself and your emotions get run over like road kill. Look out for yourself, voice your opinions, don't be afraid to say no or turn down mediocre offers, and take things at your own pace while enjoying your own lifestyle in the midst of it.

If you look out for yourself in this manner, you will attract someone who will do the same for you.

Additional Food For Thought

Is he into you? Check out "He Is Not Into You: Relationship Red Flags"

Are you dating a player? Check out "What Is A Player: Signs You're Dating A Player"

Dealing With The Aftermath? Check out "Men Disappear and Reappear: The Aftermath"

Questioning Yourself? Check out "Dating: What Does It Mean When He. . ."

Feeling Powerless? Check out "Women And Relationships: Reclaiming Your Power."

Is he blaming you? Check out "What Is Nagging And Shifting Blame?"

Source Books and Recommended Reading

"The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

"Mars and Venus On A Date" by John Gray, Ph.D.

"Why Men Love ******* " by Sherry Argov

"The Manual" by Steve Santagati

"Date Like A Man" by Myreah Moore and Jodie Gould

"How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You" by Leil Lowndes

"How To Date Men" by Janis Spindel

Still Don't Believe This Is A Game Being Run On You Daily?

Do me a favor and Google "ignore her" on the Internet. You'll see what these little sneaks are up to:

"Mind Games Men Like Playing On Women" (THIS IS A MUST READ, WRITTEN BY A MAN AND STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH, LADIES)

"Why Nice Guys Ignore The Girl They Like"

"How To Raise An Interest Level: Ignore Her!"

"Get Out Of The Friend Zone By Ignoring Her"

"Why Ignoring Her Will Make Her Beg You To Take Her Back."

posted September 15, 2013 07:59 PM            

IMO, one should try googling 'conscious relationships' to get a different perspective.

posted September 15, 2013 11:23 PM            

Just re-read 4-5 of the last source books and readings as I was reading your response and the common theme seems to be ignore her. So the question I ask is "if ignoring her does work, then what is it in today's culture and society that reinforces the acceptance of this behavior from a feminine perspective"?

posted September 16, 2013 01:49 AM            

At any rate, check out this forum.
Read what these women are saying, granted some of them are very young, but some of them are not. It's always the same old story..

posted September 16, 2013 05:54 AM            

If you cannot do - what comes naturally to you and be yourself around another person (male or female) - they are just NOT your kind of person.
If you need to plot some elaborate way to get and keep them - Again - they are not your kind of person.
Because if they were - things simply wouldn't be "oh so difficult".

Some people are bullies and jerks.. This definitely doesn't mean we should condone the behaviour and say everyone simply *is* like that.
If a boy punches a girl in the arm - he should be punished at school - and she should let someone know.
Because this is BEYOND unacceptable.. and any boy who was brought up properly - would not behave in such an unacceptable way.

So this whole "accept it" "it is what it is" is a load of poop...
All I can say is : what-ever.. trevor!

There is nothing acceptable about CRAP behaviour.
There is nothing biological in this.
It is not acceptable for women or for men.

Real men never behave this way - whether they are Taureans or any other sign.

SDragon

quote:

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These rules are awesome for emotionally immature men and women.
IMO, one should try googling 'conscious relationships' to get a different perspective.

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posted September 16, 2013 05:59 AM            

quote:

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reading this I can see how even though I hate the game , the game was played on me over and over

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Then - my darling you are hanging around the wrong kinds of people - and paying way too much attention to their crap.

If someone seems like a person playing games - don't bother. Just walk away.

You're not the only honest person in the world. There are many others who don't play games. So you have to find your type.. someone who is on the same maturity level.

quote:

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Denial of the game only serves to put one at a disadvantage

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posted September 16, 2013 07:55 AM            

Either way, personally, the way I conduct myself and how I go about things. A lot of it runs contrary to the article you posted, and it is a long article.

It recommends doling out things like sex, time, and intimacy in small supplies. I'm not expert in relationships but I thought relationships were built on time spent together, intimate moments shared, and that does include sex. Everyone has different desires, wants, and needs. Some people would probably crave sex every couple or every few days. Others may be able to go without for much longer. If you want to talk about incompatibility, it would be matching up what two people want.

You cannot have Person A with a high sex drive, wants a family, is happy spending time at home, and occasionally seeing friends.

Vs.

Person B, with a low sex drive, does not want a family, is career oriented, and spends a lot of time out socialising with people.

I just highly doubt that a relationship between these two people would work out.

When dating don't always be available. Well... maybe you don't jump up and down screaming, "OH MY GOD YES! I WOULD LOVE TO GO OUT ON THURSDAY!" if you genuinely could not make it, fair enough. If you could make it and lied, saying you couldn't. Well that is kinda ****** . If I were to find out someone lied to me about something like that, I would be thinking twice about what type of person they were. Maybe I'm a minority, but I enjoy spending time with someone and getting to know them better, and if they are simply unavailable, a lot. Then I won't be spending time with them, I won't be getting to know them, I won't be forming any emotional bond with them, and ultimately nothing will end up happening.

"Hey are you free thursday? There is an outside concert in Faraday Park."

"No sorry, I'm busy that day."
(Time passes)
"Hey are you free Tuesday? There is an outside exhibition downtown."

"I'm sorry I already have plans."
(Time passes)
"Hey what are you up to Friday, I have some friends that run their own outside movie screening."

"Oh I'm sorry I can't make it."

Here comes the important part.

(*denotes thinking)
*Hmmm, I guess she just isn't interested in me, since she doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me.

That is my thought process, and that has happened. Maybe I am just this exception, but I do this for my friends, I make time for them and invite them to do things. If they continually turn me down AND do not invite me to spend time with them, then I'm sorry but our friendship is obviously not worth much to you and it will start to slowly degrade.

Spending time with someone, in my opinion, is the only way to build a relationship with them.

Never let someone know you're crazy about them. I don't know, my Venus is in Scorpio, so it either goes, I do not open up about how I feel until I feel there is some small semblance of security. At which point I am more than happy to be completely open and honest. I do agree that opening up straight away can be a lot to take in and be overwhelming. You also haven't gotten a chance to know each other, so how do you really know how you feel?

With regards to the, "I'll take you there some day, or maybe when we're living together." And the "We'll see where this goes."

I'm sorry but for me all that tells me is that they are not thinking about having a future with me. Again maybe i'm an exception, but I generally won't be in a relationship longer than 9 months - 1 year if I do not feel we are compatible for longer term, or if she does not think about a longer term future. Maybe i'm a terrible person, but if I am not someone they can see themselves with in the long term, why the hell would I want to waste their time? Which they could spend finding someone they do want a long term relationship with. Maybe that is too honest of me.

Emotions are overwhelming to men and confuse the hell out of them.

If that isn't one of the most sexist things I have ever heard. I personally don't find emotions overwhelming. Actually I really enjoy emotions, and would love to find someone that we could be emotionally honest and share with each other. I mean, that's what emotions are about isn't it? The best way for a woman to get her man's attention, is to cry, because if he cares, his heart is going to break, and I am speaking from experience. Nothing has made me feel the way I do, when i've watched/held/talked with/cuddled the woman I love when she has been crying. I would have done almost anything (I won't know my limits until I face them) to have taken her pain/sadness/unhappiness away.

The idea of being a 'therapist' does not particularly bother me. I'm there to listen to her, to care about her and for her. If she doesn't confide in me or share her feelings with me. I don't feel I matter enough or am important enough to her, and in that case, why does she even want me around? Yes I speak from experience again.

Ever listen in on a bunch of men talking amongst themselves? It basically boils down to this:
a couple of grunts
some high-fives
and some laughs
Simple communication. That’s the name of the game with men. Keep it simple ladies.

I must reconsider my earlier statement, THIS is the most sexist thing I have ever heard.

I just disagree with so much, and I wonder. If this is how the majority of Women see Men and dating, and the majority of how Men see dating and Women. I feel sad about the modern state of dating and relationships. I don't think it helps that there are guys reading these Pick Up Artist tutorials, and reading behaviour guides, and how to manuals from other men. Why is that? Well who is the best person to tell you what a woman wants in a relationship? That is right, a man.

Just kidding, it is actually a woman.

Do these things work? I have no idea, I don't really care either, but I am willing to make my bet that no lasting or fulfilling relationship will ever be born of using the 'techniques' described in PUA or in this article. By that I mean, throughout the relationship you follow the rubber band theory and with hold your time and sex from the relationship.

Maybe I should not have replied.
Maybe I should have just shaken my head, and moved on.

It's things like this, that make me feel that being single is actually a better option, than dealing with all the psychological warfare that is expounded in today's dating and relationship world.

posted September 16, 2013 10:57 AM            

True, as others have said, it shouldn't be taken as gospel, but it is based on the man and the woman's psyche.

Men and women's brains work different, period. And women can be especially bad at assuming a man thinks as she does..guilty, guilty, guilty of this!

It has taken me a good, long time to learn alot of these points.

I also think it is an energy thing.

If a man feels a woman coming at him, all of the time, it becomes uncomfortable, same for a woman.

If we feel somebody's energy coming at us all of the time we instinctively back off, we go into self-preservation mode.

None of this post is game-playing, I believe, but it is understanding the way the human brain works.

Watched Dr Oz the other day, why I chose to do that I will never know, but he had two guys on stage who were responding to questions from women.

Oz started off talking about how women have more white brain matter, which house the areas of emotions. Men have more grey matter which house the areas of pratical thought processes.

So, we need not to see it as game playing, but an intelligent awarness of the human brain and the energy we put out onto somebody else.

posted September 16, 2013 12:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I just disagree with so much, and I wonder. If this is how the majority of Women see Men and dating, and the majority of how Men see dating and Women. I feel sad about the modern state of dating and relationships.

**********************

By that I mean, throughout the relationship you follow the rubber band theory and with hold your time and sex from the relationship.

***************************

It's things like this, that make me feel that being single is actually a better option, than dealing with all the psychological warfare that is expounded in today's dating and relationship world.

---

@Swift Freeze I am directing this post to you since what you say strikes a personal interest in my situation. You've said alot in your post about how a man can know if the woman is interested and vice versa. Yes, you are an exception but I do appreciate what you have said.

I am currently seeing a Ven/scorpio. While I am a busy woman, I have dropped my plans in order to go on impromptu dates with him. There have only been two occasions ('dates'), but we have only just met (in person) last week after emailing and calling each other for about a month (dating website). After our first impromptu date, he wanted to see me the following day, but I wasn't available and he knew why. He invited me to his house the day after that, but I politely declined (it's too soon to going over to HIS place!). As a result, I hardly heard from at all over the following week. (Like 1 or 2 texts over a 5 day period.)

So, on this past Saturday he calls me around lunchtime and invites me again for an impromptu date, a picnic. Even though I hadn't heard 10 words from this man all week, I changed my plans and drove over an hour away, stopped and bought groceries and met him for a picnic. Afterwards, he again invites me back to his place, and I respectfully decline. It's just too darn soon. Frankly, I'm getting ticked he keeps asking. He knows I'm going to say no. And upon doing so, he'll withdraw his attention and won't talk to me for a period of days. (At least this seems to be becoming a pattern. I'll see what happens this week.)

When I arrived home, I was surprised he didn't call me on my way to see if I got home alright. He did that the date prior (date#1) and I'd had a couple glasses of wine on both occasions.

Ok, so after about 2.5 hours (of date#2) he calls me asking if I got his texts. I hadn't even checked. So I check my phone and he sent me two texts to see if I got home. What's with the texts? Why didn't he just call? He only lives 15 mins from the park, and I live over an hour away! After the date on the prior week, he called me several times (and i was closer to home), but on this one, I get a text msg? WFH? I then ask him directly if he still wants to see me because I'm sensing something has changed. He said yes (after a second or two, probably only because I surprised him by asking). So I gave him my direct line where he can reach me (to show him I am willing to trust him a little more and that I like him). I was handling his calls a little differently through a screening service before (since again, we met online, and I am taking precautions where ever I can.) I asked him if he thought I was being too cautious, and he said, "No. It's probably better to be overly cautious than not enough. I understand."

So it's been two days since then, and I have heard nothing from him, even though I've given him my direct line so that I will know immediately if he calls/texts. That's a big step for me, but whatever. It doesn't seem to have made any difference.

We used to write each other every day. Then we'd stay in touch over the phone. Texting or calling. However, now I'm finding that whenever I decline going to his house, it seems like he stops all contact for a while. What the hell is that? Again, he is a Ven/Scorpio.

The way you (as a ven/scorpio) talk Swift, it's like if you like someone you want to spend time with them. Well, ok. It appears he wants to spend time with me, but ONLY if I come to his house??? If I don't do that, I suppose he would consider that I am not interested and he would move on? That's so unfair.

I'm only writing because I do like him and want to get to know him, but I'm not going to his house or inviting him to mine at this early stage of our acquaintance. I'm not going to invite him on a date, because as far as I am concerned, a man should pursue the lady of interest and date her, NOT keep wanting her to come to his house to do whatever he may have in mind or hope to accomplish when they have only just met! Oh, and I will not tell him how I feel about him until he tells me how he feels about me. We are both in our 50's (he'll be 60 in few months) by the way, so I really believe he knows better. Maybe he has been able to get women to his house after one little impromptu date.

posted September 16, 2013 12:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:

I am currently seeing a Ven/scorpio

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I call not fair! :P

Venus in Scorpio is like the worst Venus position to reply with as an example of why the statements and posts about dating men above are true...

posted September 16, 2013 01:18 PM            

Take it as anecdotal value lol.

I think for a vast majority of men, still, Gypsee's post does apply. I don't particularly like it or intend to support or tolerate it. My Aries ass will leave faster than you can blink. However, I think soon we will have to abandon these stereotypes about men and women (my 11H can dream!) as I do see more often men who are mature and emotionally aware and available, who will not disappear on us! It's true we usually don't notice them until we ourselves have matured. But knowing one is worth the wait. I am glad we have 2 already on this thread!
SDragon
SwiftFreeze

posted September 16, 2013 02:19 PM            

But ok, here's some personal feedback without all the 'principle/idealism/stereotype' debate.

When I was younger than 24, I did not know what I wanted and may have intentionally or unintentionally led a girl on just to have someone want me or to have a gf. I'm now 34 and while I'm no longer like that, I can't really say that none of my friends are still like that.

So I guess like Hera says, maybe it takes a certain level of maturity to recognize and 'relate' to another on that same level.

posted September 16, 2013 02:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
On the same lines..

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posted September 16, 2013 02:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SDragon:
I call not fair! :P

Venus in Scorpio is like the worst Venus position to reply with as an example of why the statements and posts about dating men above are true...

lol

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EDIT: You know what? Scratch my question to you above.

In context with the initial message by GypseeWind and considering Swift's post, there is a contrast in the latter's case. I thought it was due to the ven/scorpio placement that made the exception. However, I am not getting the vibe of ven/scorpio as Swift puts it from the man I am seeing. I'm getting the reappear/disappear BS. I don't know what is going on with this man and if he won't tell me of his own accord without having to get the goods from me FIRST (my confession or whatever will make him feel "secure" enough to share), then this is just going to be an unnecessarily difficult attempt at pairing up.

I swear, where are the emotionally mature men? This man is almost 60! Dang, how friggin' OLD do I have to go????!!!

posted September 16, 2013 03:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SDragon:
Why thank you Hera :-)

But ok, here's some personal feedback without all the 'principle/idealism/stereotype' debate.

When I was younger than 24, I did not know what I wanted and may have intentionally or unintentionally led a girl on just to have someone want me or to have a gf. I'm now 34 and while I'm no longer like that, I can't really say that none of my friends are still like that.

So I guess like Hera says, maybe it takes a certain level of maturity to recognize and 'relate' to another on that same level.

Good luck to all - we all deserve love even if it's only from your pet dog. ;o

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Aww or our cat!

But hey don't give up on human love! Some special creature might surprise you one day, you know.

posted September 16, 2013 09:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by GypseeWind:
Thank You Hippi, I know you get it.

I'm not going to say anything more about it.
Like I said, I was just trying to help.
[b]Apparently the people who need help are not the ones reading this thread, so let's just leave it at that. Kk? K.[/B]

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posted September 16, 2013 10:01 PM            

quote:

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I think for a vast majority of men, still, Gypsee's post does apply.

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Definitely not a vast majority.

quote:

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I swear, where are the emotionally mature men?

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posted September 16, 2013 11:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Try Denmark.

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posted September 17, 2013 05:50 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SDragon:
Good luck to all - we all deserve love even if it's only from your pet dog. ;o

---

I'm with you. I would love to have a dog, cause I know he/she would jump me as soon as I got home, and always be happy to see me. I know that probably sounds jaded, and I have never had a dog, but they are so much more than just a pet, and I would love them and love them and squeeze them until they popped!

You know what dogs want? They just want; shelter, food, water, to be loved, to be spent time with and be played with.
When you're upset? A dog will come up and cuddle you. When you're happy and excited, a dog will be happy and excited with you. When your dog is feeling down, you can love them up, and cheer them up.

quote:

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Originally posted by GypseeWind:
Thank You Hippi, I know you get it.

I'm not going to say anything more about it.
Like I said, I was just trying to help.
Apparently the people who need help are not the ones reading this thread, so let's just leave it at that. Kk? K.

---

Let me apologise GypseeWind, I disagree with what you posted, in terms with how I personally relate to it. I freely admit that there are a plethora of Men out there who behave exactly as you describe, I apologise again if I came across wrongly or aggressively that was not my intention. I have seen what you describe happen, time and time again with people I have crossed in my life, many Men who do exactly as you describe.

I think you're right, in that the people reading this thread, may not necessarily be the ones who need this information. Maybe it's because they're not interested in it quite yet. As has been mentioned in many other threads and conversations throughout time. People will repeat lessons until they learn them. Some people take the hard way, some people take an easier way. The people who read this article have found an easier way, though applying it would still be difficult I presume.

quote:

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Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:

I swear, where are the emotionally mature men? This man is almost 60! Dang, how friggin' OLD do I have to go????!!!

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It's actually a logical fallacy. Emotionally mature, and man cannot coexist without punching a hole through the space time continuum.

@Sugarflapjacks (They sound delicious by the way)

Please consider that I can only speak from my personal point of view.

You dropped things for impromptu dates with him. Does he know that? If you did that for me, and I knew you'd dropped other plans, I would be humbled and feel grateful that you wanted to spend time with me.

He invited you over to his house? I can completely understand why you feel uncomfortable, did you tell him that? Unfortunately us men aren't always the brightest, and sometimes even when it's slapping us in the face, we still can't catch the salmon with our teeth. (Roll with it) Maybe he does not understand that you don't feel comfortable going to his. Or maybe he doesn't care either way.

In terms of him cutting contact with you, I don't quite understand. Maybe he is feeling hurt that you keep turning down his request to come over. Again maybe this is a boundary you need to set first, like, "I would like to get to know you better/spend more time with you, because I just don't feel comfortable coming over to yours right now." He said he understands you being cautious, so taken at face value, fair enough.

I don't think I would ever invite a woman back to my house until I felt she felt comfortable. If she wanted a slightly more private space to talk or spend time with me, I would suggest her place, because it's familiar for her, comfortable for her, and somewhere she feels more secure. Being at mine will most likely only set her on edge and may make her more guarded. If she wants to come to mine, she is more than welcome to, but I wouldn't ever push it, or continually suggest it. I would most likely outright ask, "do you not feel comfortable with the idea of coming to mine?"

I can understand you saying, the Man should pursue the Lady. I can only say, i'm a little younger and from a different time. I'm not saying Men should sit back and do nothing, but I would like the Woman to get in touch and ask to spend time. It's nice when a Woman calls you, and asks to spend time with you, and makes a couple of suggestions. It helps me to feel a little more secure that she wants to spend time with me, and isn't spending time with me simply because I'm asking her to. It also helps me learn a little more about the things she enjoys doing. It takes the pressure off, from constantly having to think about things to do, when to call, what to say etc. Having to organise and arrange everything can be quite tiring sometimes.

When it comes down to it, I can only offer you my opinion, which should be taken very lightly. I know neither yourself, nor this man. I know nothing of your lives or backgrounds, the things you've been through. How you were raised, brought up, previous relationships, how long you've been,'in the dating game' I know neither your intentions nor what you both desire from a relationship. Although it seems you're looking for something like companionship and perhaps more. I don't know what he is looking for.

Going back to something you said, talking every day. I don't know... I have done that in the relationships I've been in. I never know if it is something someone would tire of. People need space, I get it. I enjoy having my own space, and time to do my own things in. I am more than willing to make compromises to spend time with someone I like, but equally I would never expect someone to give up all of their time or things they enjoy for me. I wouldn't want to be that lover.

@GypseeWind still.

You have a better feel for your situation, sometimes an outside perspective can help. Maybe he isn't sure where he stands with you, which is why he doesn't text or call. Maybe he isn't too bothered. Maybe you should set some boundaries. It's all well and good expecting him to call you to see if you are home safe, it's all well and good expecting him to understand you're uncomfortable with going to his, but still want to see him else wise. The only way to truly make sure there is not a misunderstanding, is to be honest and communicate your wants, needs, and desires. Babies cry when they need something. It is their way of asking. They don't just sit there and expect you to preternaturally know what they need.

It would be great if he called you to see if you got home safe without asking. For some Men, this thought process, just doesn't occur. I personally would offer to make sure she got home safely, unless she was uncomfortable with me knowing where she lived, fair enough. In which case I would recommend taking a trusted cab home. If you have to ask him, maybe you think it makes you look needy or paranoid. Maybe he thinks it might be patronising to you, if he makes sure you got home safe, like you can't take care of yourself. I mean you made it this far in life, you must be doing something right.

quote:

---

Originally posted by SDragon:
I call not fair! :P

Venus in Scorpio is like the worst Venus position to reply with as an example of why the statements and posts about dating men above are true...

lol

---

Je ne comprends pas? How so?

Let's just have another aside, I have a friend, let's call him Mr Loner (He's actually relatively sociable when he chooses, more so than me in some ways, shocker I know...). He is Sun-Merc Aries, and Venus & Mars Aquarius. I like him well enough, but I just do not understand him sometimes. He does a radio show every Saturday for 2-3 hours. It's something he enjoys, and I think it is great. However, maybe once a month, a bunch of us will organise something and it will fall on a Saturday, and he will decline and go do his radio show. It's not a job, it isn't paid. They don't need to get someone to fill in for him, as they mostly use an auto DJ. It is only for a small local radio station that doesn't get too many listeners because it is not a major radio station. From my point of view, I feel like once every couple of months isn't that much to make an exception to see friends. Maybe he has some fierce commitment I don't know. Maybe he is just a typical Aqu-aries-us, and maybe he doesn't view personal friendships the same way as me. I don't know. My point is, everyone sees things differently. To him it probably doesn't cross his mind that I wonder whether he wants to spend time with us or not. Whereas to me, it does not always occur to me that he does not need to spend time with us to feel that friendship bond.

posted September 17, 2013 08:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Je ne comprends pas? How so?

---

With Venus in Scorpio being detriment, most people with this sign need to reconcile their love nature internally before they can relate to others - the suspicion, the manipulation - the negative aspects of their emotional nature.

So not trying to imply that none of the other signs won't have issues but venus in scorpio starts at a disadvantage as the nature of scorpio doesn't match well with the natural archetype of venus.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Let's just have another aside, I have a friend, let's call him Mr Loner (He's actually relatively sociable when he chooses, more so than me in some ways, shocker I know...). He is Sun-Merc Aries, and Venus & Mars Aquarius. I like him well enough, but I just do not understand him sometimes. He does a radio show every Saturday for 2-3 hours. It's something he enjoys, and I think it is great. However, maybe once a month, a bunch of us will organise something and it will fall on a Saturday, and he will decline and go do his radio show. It's not a job, it isn't paid. They don't need to get someone to fill in for him, as they mostly use an auto DJ. It is only for a small local radio station that doesn't get too many listeners because it is not a major radio station. From my point of view, I feel like once every couple of months isn't that much to make an exception to see friends. Maybe he has some fierce commitment I don't know. Maybe he is just a typical Aqu-aries-us, and maybe he doesn't view personal friendships the same way as me. I don't know. My point is, everyone sees things differently. To him it probably doesn't cross his mind that I wonder whether he wants to spend time with us or not. Whereas to me, it does not always occur to me that he does not need to spend time with us to feel that friendship bond.
[/B]

---

posted September 17, 2013 10:21 AM            

I'm pretty much doomed then, my whole chart is pretty much a giant T-Square. My Mars is debilitated in Libra. Man I might as well just drag myself behind a rock and end it all before it even starts ='(

Excepting Venus and Pluto which conjunct each other and form a loose trine and three sextiles. I guess there are some positives....

I understand where you are coming from. And we do organise things for days other than Saturdays. I just do not feel I'm being unreasonable or met halfway. He continually organises things for when most of us are unavailable due to work, or on weeknights. Sorry but I cannot go out and party on Wednesday night til 3 AM, because I don't want to spend the next day at work feeling terrible. I still go along to whatever I can make on weeknights, because I enjoy spending time with friends. I do actually sometimes not do something I had planned, and choose to hang out with him and whatever he has planned. I guess my problem is, I see this as a hobby for him. This is just something he chooses to do on Saturdays, just the same as if you went on a 20K bicycle ride every Saturday afternoon. You could choose not to.

I don't believe there is much, if any, interaction or connection with his listeners, all 25 of them, which are to be honest, mostly us of his friends that tune in to listen to him so we can feel he's with us anyway.

1 Weekend out of every 8? Maybe 2 in 8 he cannot spare his time?

Maybe I am fooling myself and we're just not that close.

posted September 18, 2013 02:10 AM            

This advice like not calling or waiting until you pick up the phone or whatever is completely stupid omg like seriously? lol
I feel like the person who wrote this is a teenager.