posted January 13, 2016 11:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
You just know.

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posted January 18, 2016 04:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
One would need to hear his side of the story to make a guess.

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posted April 17, 2016 10:00 PM            

Really. How banal is that? How typical? Alas, it's entirely true. Before it, a bevy of little issues -- like renouncing the spiritual path upon which we had embarked for the past several months, committing to it in the previous few. While, albeit, is hardly minor, when the soul speaks -- logic, rationale, perhaps even good sense -- are no longer in tow.

And so it was, approaching 19:00 on the fifth of April, 2016, that after 6 years of friendship, unconditional love, various commitments, and a profound devotion that he abandoned me entirely to my marriage, justifying his actions with his usual salve for that gaping wound -- which had become entirely too convenient to the point of erroneous -- 'because it's the right thing'. Somewhere in the process, however, it had become the distinctly wrong thing, though he was unaware of it.

Silence was kindness, he wrote -- apologising that it was being done in the most inappropriate way -- over email, for pity's sake. Email. He forbade me any form of contact, instructing my husband to confiscate any means by which I may do so.

Ohhhhh, he was thorough. However, he wasn't cruel. While, in my shock, I couldn't see through to his pain -- or quite as well. Upon reflection, (and, oh, how I reflected) it had become a pain that bore a haunting familiarity. This ostensibly noble act of self-sacrifice which he was completely ignoring destroyed me by default.

But it would seem we have a history of this, spanning many dimensions and boasting a powerful violence. It was, in essence, a final thread. But whether it was to clear karma, get me to realise the truth, make us both act, or some combination of the above -- who can ever truly say?

As my husband remarked upon his completely uncharacteristic emotionality, assuring me that it would improve in time -- that all was just chemicals, and familiarity, and it was time that it ended anyway -- I knew he was both right, and wrong.

This wouldn't end; this gutting of my soul. Every single solitary cell in my body and fibre of my being was -- for lack of better -- screaming. My brain was shut down -- overridden. My heart somehow died in some way. I was literally catatonic. I even regressed to a juvenile state; murmuring in the fetal position upon the sofa to no one in particular, and sometimes my husband, 'we have to get him back.'

Because 'gone' was not something he could ever, ever be. 'Gone' was what completely short-circuited my brain. 'Gone' was what shocked my heart into a state of silence.

'Gone' was not acceptable, and it was my soul that stepped in because of it.

And so 'gone' allowed me to leave my marriage. To understand that what my husband was saying was oddly correct: it would improve over time; it was chemical, it was familiarity, and ... it was time that it ended anyhow.

It was just referencing the wrong thing.

So, while it didn't 'confirm' for me that he's my twin flame, it did shock me into accepting the reality that I cannot be without him. And, should an ultimatum be given in which I will otherwise lose him -- that is NOT an option.

Bless my husband for asking the hard question. What I truly wanted. What I'd been avoiding for -- ohhh, years. In that moment, I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't spare feelings. I couldn't take one for the team, keep calm and soldier on. I couldn't do that anymore.

And so, in a small voice, I said, 'him.' And he knew. We both did. We knew that I'd been avoiding the topic for that very reason, knowing that my marriage wasn't yet done, while also realising it was going to be, in a few years' time. Just some things ... we know.

And so, I sent an email which was infused with every bit of my soul; every beat of my heart.

'You'll make me your wife or him a widower, as there will be nothing left of my soul, though I continue to walk this Earth. I will be dead long before my last breath is taken.'

(Yes, these are the sorts of insane things that can happen in those moments. Or, according to others, 'business as usual' for Moon in Scorpio. Which, if you know me, you'd know is extremely uncharacteristic.)

He chose to instead make me his wife. ... in time. He was quite eager, but I was ... not. We both came to realise that all of this draaaama was preventing us from moving at the correct pace.

Nonetheless, we'd made the correct choices. THAT was what mattered.

I respectfully refrain from calling him my twin flame, even as he continues to behave in just the same manner he had as when we were actively engaged in a twin flame relationship, doing the many things that twin flames do, when pursuing their mission goals. Ours was Jnana Yoga -- the Path of Knowledge.

I do miss it, but I didn't choose him 'because' of that dimension of our relationship which unfolded. Rather, I don't even feel that I really chose. It just is. I simply knew that I could never be without him. That was not an option. Full-stop.

That was the moment my soul spoke, and stunned everything else into silence. It's since gone back into the background, as per usual, allowing my heart and mind to dominate.

posted April 18, 2016 08:41 AM            

I so want to give you a hug right now!

and I feel oddly relieved.

posted April 18, 2016 01:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Auby,

I so want to give you a hug right now!

and I feel oddly relieved.

But did you have to make that post yesterday?

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posted April 18, 2016 02:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
... because ... yesterday was a very big day, Ceri?

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Not necessarily a "big day", but a day down memory-lane, with some sort of "sometimes they come back".

Just the first time that I saw Mr Aries again - I don`t even know how i shall call him here, the first Mr Aries, not sure you remember- after 6 years, mostly coincidentally. And along with him another one leading me back onto the memory-path into that year 26 years ago, when it "all" began, as they say.

So I thought your timing was interesting.

Edit:
But then again, if some years were a music-piece, THIS year would feel like the Crescendo part, picking up motifs from before, putting them together and leading them to the eventual conclusion of the theme.

posted April 18, 2016 03:14 PM            

And ... isn't tSaturn creeping up on your Sun? Retro? It's bound to be bringing in some past as you move further into the future, renewed, having cleared a lot of the dross.

Meanwhile, Aries is the thing -- well, at the moment; tSUN, tVENUS, and tURA. What a powerful combo!

posted April 18, 2016 03:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Or was it a very big day for you? Some anniversary of you and him?

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If it was, I don't know about it. No, I've just been slowing returning to LL, having gotten a few other very necessary things sorted. My brain completely shut off the astrology sector for about ... 2 months actually. It was very unusual. It didn't feel foreign as much as foggy. My typical (and highly studied) knack was just ... absent. Very, very weird.

Then it just ... started to come back. I inched a little further in, and a little further ... and then yesterday, seeing THAT question here, it was a very, 'oh, well, okay, now we HAVE to say something,' experience.

posted April 18, 2016 03:39 PM            

"And ... isn't tSaturn creeping up on your Sun? Retro?"
It`s still too far away and in fact will creep back again to conjunct Neptune-NN (as it had done last december), ---- wow Ijust checked it and it went into the retrogradezone on mr Sag`s birthday, which funny enough marked MY return in his life, despite it all--- 10 minutes off my Neptune, 24 minutes off my NN. (and on his Mercury btw)

Though yesterdays event did not have anything to do with Mr Sag - though the astrology begs to differ. Maybe some puzzle piece of yesterday becoming more important than I am aware of now.

Tr Saturn stationed being opposite my natal Karma in 7th house with under half a degree btw.

Saturn stations direct on 13th august, abuot a week after I will have seen him in "Jesus Christ Superstar" again, this time as Jesus (he played Judas in another production, wel right about now. lol) - it just, it felt right to see it this summer, because it was the first role I ever saw him in (though I will never understand why on earth I am smelling jasmine whenever he starts singing "Gethsemane", does weird things to my soul I guess. lol) and also, well he was telling me about it on the last concert, though we di dnot even talk directly to each other, but my aquaintance asked him why he would not appear at a certain open air, and he mentioned to her the upcoming production where he will play Jesus, and repeated that actually while turning around once more before leaving through the door at the side of stage. I just found it almost a little weird, how acutally SHE was talking to him and asking him, but when he answered he was looking at me. I donīt think he remembers our first meeting, but who knows? I did not think MR Aries would remember me either!

Anyway interesting that Saturn will turn direct again after that performance takes place (and of course on my Neptune-NN, his Mercury, and our first meeting charts ASC exact. lol).
Reevaluation?

For the timebeing however I think most prominent is Tr Pluto being opposite my Saturn within one degree orb and doing so for some more time.
Funny enough it was getting very very close for the first time during the last concert of Mr Sag, the one I just mentioned. WEird.

Though as I said yesterday had no relation to him at all. lol

"Meanwhile, Aries is the thing -- well, at the moment; tSUN, tVENUS, and tURA. What a powerful combo!"
Yes hitting my Draconic chart with Dr Sun- MErcury on 15 Aries, Dr Venus on 25-26 Aries, Dr Isis-Osiris on 27-28 aries.
And Mr Aries has some tropical planets there, like Sun at 16 Aries, Mercury at 7 Aries.

"What're the tNODES doing for you? I'd suspect there's some T-Square action going on, or pending."

NOthing big or exact.
Though being opposite Draco Amor on 21 Pisces.
Plus my Solar Return has Moon on 20 Pisces, Jupiter on 22 Virgo, IC and Chiron both on 17 Pisces.

So since the nodes move retro they will touch eventually that, and when they do they will also touch my Juno on 17 Pisces (and Mr Sag`s Lilith on 18 or 16 Virgo, depending if we are using mean or natural Lilith. lol)

Which is a rather prominent degree for me as well (with Moon on 17 Aqua, Juno on 17 Pisces, my name on 17 Taurus, Karma on 16 Gemini, Saturn on 17 Cancer).

interestingly the next time I am probably seeing Mr Sag, the transit chart has this:

Moon 19 Virgo
NN 19 Virgo

Pluto 17 Capricorn

Venus 19 Taurus

posted April 18, 2016 04:29 PM            

Weeeeeell, now. Certain things, ahem, make sense. I was stunned to find that tASMODEUS wasn't involved! Though his is -- directly. It's all been going across his MOON-ASMODEUS.

Makes me wonder if, in his workaholic mania, he felt ... things and suppressed them, which -- in essence, seems to mean that I'm the one they get shunted off to!

This past weekend was ... interesting, at least inside my mind!

posted April 19, 2016 07:18 AM            

Just notice that he is transiting exactly over my ACTOR, Part of Marriage and Eros/Psyche-mp currently.

EDIT
okay, found this

"smodeus is anchored in ancient Persia identified as the demon Aeshma Daeva, one of seven archangels in Persian mythology. He is said to be a fiend of the wondering spear who is a demon of passion, jealousy, and rage. His name may also come from the Hebrew shamad, "to destroy."

In Jewish lore Asmodeus is described as the "king of demons." He appears in the Book of Tobit, frequently called the Book of Tobias. Tradition has it that Asmodeus fell in love with Sarah, the beautiful daughter of Raguel. Asmodeus desired Sarah for himself and did not want her marrying a human man. But Sarah did marry and each time Asmodeus came to the marriage bed and killed hew new husband. This occurred seven times. It was then that Tobias, the eponymous author of the book, was visited by the angel who told him how to handle the demonic paramour. Tobias married Sarah and drove Asmodeus away. The demon fled to the furthest regions of Egypt where the angel Raphael bound him.

In the Testament of Solomon, Asmodeus plays a very significant role. When King Solomon
asks the demon his functions Asmodeus describes them as causing destruction of fidelity between man and wife either through calamities or causing the man to be led astray. He also attacks the beauty of virgins by causing them to waste away. In a passage reminiscence of the Book of Tobit, Asmodeus admits that the angel Raphael has power over him. He could also be put to flight by burning the gall of a specific fish.

Asmodeus further claimed in the Testament of Solomon that he was "born of an angel's seed by a daughter of man," if this be true, he would be among the Watchers. He was included within the Seraphim, the highest angelic order but fell from grace and in the Jewish Haggadah concerning Noah. Asmodeus is said to have come from a union between the fallen angel Shamdon and a lusty maiden Naamah. King Solomon bound him with iron, a metal frequently used as an anathema for demons. Also, in faerie lore of the British Isles, iron is used to harm or drive away the fey.

Also, according to Hebraic tradition Asmodeus is the husband of Lilith, the queen of lust and mother of the succubi and incubi, or is associated with her. Being companion to Lilith is very likely since Asmodeus is characterized as a devil of lechery, sensuality, and luxury. He has **** feet and is known for sexual vigor.

A conjunction of Asmodeus and Leviathan is mentioned in the Grimoire of Armadel. The two demons can teach about malice of other demons. But the operator is cautioned when using this technique because these two demons lie. In Francis Barrett's The Magus, Asmodeus is associated with the sin of wrath. Arthur Edward Waite's 1910 edition of the Book of Black Magic and Pacts mentions Asmodeus as the superintendant of Hell's casinos, mention of a demonic hierarchy stems from the nineteenth-century demonologist Charles Berbiguier.

Of course Christianity continued demonizing him. Asmodeus was a major target in the Witch Trials during the Middle Ages. Ascribed with a sexual nature he would naturally be among the chief demons whom the Witches were accused of having sexual relationships with. Also he continued to be accused for his relationship with Lilith. He was a patron of sorcerers and magicians who invoked him to strike their enemies. He also ruled gambling houses and was invoked bareheaded. He was one of the infernal agents accused of sexually possessing the nuns of Louviers in France (see Black Mass).

S. L. Mathers, the occultist, has this demon's name Asmodee in his 1898 translation of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage. Asmodeus has the ability to produce food, especially in vast amounts for banquets. He knows secrets of any person. Also, he possesses the power of transmutation of metals and transmogrify of people and animals, changing their shape at will. He is the thirty-second demon in The Goetia is named Asmoday. Variations of the name are Asmoday, Ashmedai, Asmodee, and Asmodai. A.G.H.

Sources:

Belanger, Michelle. The Dictionary of Demon: Names of the Damneds. Llewellen Publications. 2010. ebook. Cavendish, Richard. The Black Arts, A Perigee Book, New York. Berkley Publishing Group. 1967.p.263
Guiley, Rosemary Ellen.The Encyclopedia of Witches and Witchcraft. New York: Facts On File.1989. pp. 94-95 "
http://www.themystica.com/mystica/articles/a/asmodeus.html

posted April 22, 2016 01:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
What kind of feet?

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