posted August 20, 2018 11:34 PM            

I've spent my entire life being too loud, too quiet, too intense, too calm, told that I don't stand up for myself enough, told that I argue too much. I'm never good enough.

posted August 20, 2018 11:37 PM            

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Originally posted by Newrise:
I understand. Have been through my dark night of the soul. I can help you through this, if you like. I am also a life coach and a hypnotherapist.

Either way, I wish you the very best. 🌺

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posted August 21, 2018 03:40 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
Spiritual growing pangs.

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posted August 22, 2018 12:26 PM            

I am not looking for paid services. I am looking for soul friends.

posted August 23, 2018 03:40 AM            

Actually, your nervousness and hiding about 'thinking that people will get tired of you' is what would grate more on nerves than the long-term state you've first-hand been experiencing. What is happening to you, (and to Teasel), is called 'suffering'. And I remember that feeling really well-- *hugs*. It was stunning.. and not in a fabulous sense.

Maybe some people are lucky enough that they don't 'feel' it as bad or intensely as others do?

You DO get to the other side of it.
It takes years, AND it does end.
There was a 'sweet-spot' that appeared in life after all of that was over.. (after 50y and Chiron Return).

I guess too, it depends on how your planets configure with aspects in the natal positions, and when some of those longer planets start to come into play. Some people's charts handle a cluster of harsh transits all at the same time, rather than one after the other.

Mine had done that. .. I don't relish some of what I see coming in the future in my much older years-- but there do seem to be more flowing with the water spiritual and creative longer transits. I really hope I get to do something with it.

Transits can be harsh but we get through it-- and hopefully with a good company of friends to debrief with and walk out parts of the journeys together.

Trust them. Trust that the people you have around you are understanding enough to handle themselves around you? (And! They have their transits going on too..)

See if you can try to 'funnel' and siphon some of the extra-awkward nervous energies into doing some creative arts, or sports, or pouring yourself into a volunteer project? Gardening.

Take some drama classes!
Or! join a debate team --
sleuth detective games
haha your Sun and Mercury-Pluto conjunction H8??

Be Scathingly Brilliant!!!

*~

I didn't know about astrology the years that Pluto crossed my 11+ Sag Ascendant when I had aged into my 40's/50 yo.

Transiting Chiron-Pluto together crossed natal BML with Ascendant while opposite my H6 Sun for a long time late 90s/2000. Uranus and Neptune crawled over H2 Chiron Aquarius in that prolonged period of time.

I've known some really really black dark days. Had some months of time then when I felt like a cold hollow tarred creosote-encrusted drafty chimney-flue. Drafty like cold winds constantly vacuum-sucked through the core of me. Emotional pain without words where you can feel these pinches biting the physical body's inner organs.

There were times where I spent hours on telephone hotlines and prayer lines with blessed-persons who'd just hang on to listen to me say 'nothing' to them-- I'd implode and inwardly ache in silence-- no words, just the emotional pain inside.

Knowing that there was 'someone live' there with me for one more minute, then one more, and another, helped me past it.

There was one lady who said to take a hotwater bottle or heating pad and put it up to my tummy with a pillow. That was one of the most helpful comforts I'd been suggested.

Lighting a candle was solace too.
The symbol of the candle-flame meant a lot to me. It was like a Presence. A Light.

There were times that even praying to God felt like it was a dead thick dud. Just a thud. Useless-like. .. But I knew, from things I'd learned with my intellect about God, is that He was THERE. No matter if you feel Him or not?, He is THERE ... never abandoned you. The word 'Help' is a great prayer, and counts!

(music) He who began a good work in you (lyrics, Philippians 1:6) [3:22] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsynL7m_1VE

Get a bible and read the Psalms, Job, and Book of Lamentations. Isaiah is actually quite a Beautiful book of the bible.

Get some booklets that have scriptures arranged by topics. Use them like mantras.

Get book on Dark Night of The Soul, St. John of the Cross.

St Teresa of Avila, The Interior Castle.
{If you search youtube, you can find the works of St Teresa, and St John of the Cross read outloud.}

*~
I used music to get me through.
I did artwork, and lots and lots of journaling!!!
I'd write out prayers.

I didn't have any people in my life, and lived alone.

Learned a tip from observing the way a bird cage is set up. They put a little mirror next to the parakeet so it thinks it is not alone (reflected image). I bought a cheap long mirror and propped it up near me off to the side, so with peripheral vision, someone was next to me, while I focused on other activities.

I'd use oil pastels and draw faces-- some almost as big as my own. Lots of detailing in the eyes, and features of the face. Hands, fingers. Plants, tree barks, grasses.

Write. Some poetry, a short-story. Collages.

Listened to music---
James Taylor, Carol King, Bette Midler.

Classical music---
Russian composers, Chopin, Schubert, Bach Inventions, others (can't recall right now).
Baroque period music.

Had a couple cassette tapes of a musical group from Scotland community called Findhorn.

Christian music, Gospel music and hymns!

ALBUM --
{{Got me through some deep dark fierce nights and days!}}

Kirk Franklin, God's Property, (Christian hip-hop?, 1997)
[1:11:47] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdxoIfm-uR8

If you do a search on youtube for Kirk Franklin you'll see the separate singles.

I had a few CD albums of an acapella group named "Glad"..
This is the sound they had--
(music) Be Ye Glad (Glad, Christian acapella) [4:30] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCle-iTWyVU

An LL Thread from DivDiv ...
full of inspirational prayers and songs.
"A Solemn Prayer"
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum21/HTML/000686.html

I can relate to being an "intense" person, and being with others who are intense.

Just remember to allow the give and take in conversations.

They say you are "pushing their buttons" ? oh nooo.

So. Do you have a prayer life? or Meditate? Contemplation?

Intense.... hmmmmm.
I'd take you to an Intercessory Prayer group to add your intensity to corporate prayer! LOL

Do you like to sing?
Singing is a way of Expressing OUT.
Join a Choir!!
It's just about time for choirs to be convening to learn holiday music!
Singing will help you move your emotions too!

I'm glad you placed your notice in LLC2.0.
I admire you for that.
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum25/HTML/005542.html

posted August 23, 2018 07:04 PM            

If I understand you are cap rising. Hearing you talking about shadow side, yours is therefore cancer. (I am the reversed by the way), anyway, the 7th is something we do not readily associate with, but that is really part of ourselves, perhaps you should consider being more gentle Ith yourself, as a cancer rising, I realise every day that my mood swings, I usually get happy moments, but I also know that may be an hour later I will feel as low as can be, then back again.

It is not being bipolar, because it happens within the same day. And overall I feel good as I went through a nightmare 10 years ago. Now things look overall positive, but do not always feel like it. Thatis what I learned, and stil learning.

You should let yourself off the hook from time to time. Feelings aren't us, You can feel them, even the worst if you manage, feel them, and when they have been felt, your senses will let you remember that it is all right.

Don't push away the feelings, dive in them.
Just remember to be like a crab, who surf on fluctuating waves, one time down and some hours later better.

Now it is one time terrible, the next just ok, but one day it will be one time great, the next just a bit less great.

posted September 01, 2018 03:01 PM            

I just came across a thread where you wrote something I thought was incredibly profound in response to someone else's thoughts!

Wanting to add it here today, and say how much I appreciate your Soul!

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http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum25/HTML/005537.html

Originally posted by Healing Mystic Melody:
Are we really supposed to just give up on everything and everybody in the name of personal gain or "loving ourselves"?
Is that really our lesson in this world?
I understand some think in terms of detachment for peace. I understand you have to fill your own cup first. But isn't that so we can be strong and help others? Are we just supposed to give in to our shadow side because life isn't easy and everyone else has a shadow side too? Does detachment mean living a fake life of only polite dealings with our loved ones or cutting everyone out of our lives because we aren't strong enough to deal with their darkness or our own?
Just seeking others thoughts and answers. No judgements in my words. What IS our life?
Randall, do you remember what you posted long ago? "I send you nothing but Angels."

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