posted July 03, 2019 04:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ithinkimightbewrong:
it kind of feels like you feel they are undermining you. you might be new, younge, or less experianced and they are bullying you. i'm picking you up to be very sensitive. (ps do you have libra or cancer in your chart somewhere, maybe mercury or mars) anyway i feel you are giving them way too much power. i'm not saying you're not doing your job but it feels like you almost give more attention to them then to the tasks at hand. i feel they are not saying you are incompitent because you are but becaues they want to see the emotional reaction from you. i feel you would feel better if you could some how stop worrying about hteir gossip or comments or whatever and soley focus on the task. this will get them curious tho and they will try to see how long until you break and start worrying about what they think. but i think it would be smart to just keep focusing on teh tasks no matter whatthese seem like very annoying shallow people and the lesson is that you have to realize that your good heart is of higher value then whatever it is that they have. it's also an opputunity for you to develp a strong work ethic. i'm not saying that you don't have one, but i don't think you have develped it to it's full potential and developing it to it's full potential is going to be very significant for your life.
i could be wrong about the next part, but i had a though kind of pop in...do you feel like you are afraid of your power that you allow yourself to be the victim, this might be an oppertunity for you to not be afraid to have confidence in your abilities, power, self, etc.
Thank you very much for your reading ithinkimightbewrong as it is spot on with how i feel about the situation.
A little backstory :
I have been working at my current company for 1 year and 3 months now.
In Nov,a new member joined my small team of 3 people (at that point only myself and my team lead was on the job as the other member had taken maternity leave).Also 2 other people worked part time in my company during that time.
When this new member,M joined my team,i took her to be the same rank as myself and so that's how i related to her,teaching her everything i knew as my team lead told me to teach her what i knew.
Early on in Nov,probably a week since M joined my team,a sub function lead(which is basically my team lead's superior) left a starbucks cup on my desk with a note thanking me for the good job i am doing with my team(at this point my 'team' was the 2 part timers and the new joiner M as my team lead went overseas for the birth of his child.)At that moment when i saw the starbucks cup,i felt strongly that M was jealous of me getting that cup but she didn't comment on the cup at all during the day.
Also i noticed something odd as my team lead had messaged me and mentioned that the sub function lead told him about the starbucks cup and the good job i was doing managing the team in his absence.
Yet even though his words sounded supportive and kind,i felt that he wasn't happy that i got the cup and was recognized in that way by those higher up than himself.At that point i found it weird but set it aside.
So from Nov 18 until end of Dec 19,nothing else stood out for me.Things with the part timers and M were good.We were going out for lunch,talking and joking about.Out of the part timers,i connected better with R while M really connected with W.
So come the first week of January 19 and turns out that W has become a full timer and joined my team while R couldn't join full time as she was still studying(company policies).So another girl,F joins my team too and she and W hit it off.
In that week,on tuesday i mentioned to M,W and F that i am going for vacation thanks to a contest i won (hotel stay + spa at a resort about 2 hour's drive away).W and F seemed genuinely happy for me and asked me to enjoy myself.That day i left work early when it finished while M,W and F were still at work.
Next morning i come to work and W is being stand offish towards me.I think maybe she is having a bad day so i put it aside and continue with my work but intuitively i felt that M had said something about me to both of them the previous day.
When i get back from my vacation the next day,W is still being standoffish with me while being nice to M and F.I felt again strongly that M is behind this but i thought if i am nice to M and show her i am not here to take her job(at this point i had known she was a rank higher than me,second only to the team lead)she would be nice to me and we could be 'friends' again like we were in Nov-Dec 18.
Sadly i was & am sorely mistaken as over time M continue to leave me out of discussions the 3 of them would have(by 3 of them i meant M,W and F)
At first,as we all sat very close by,i would still listen in naively,not realizing that when she wouldn't talk to me directly or include me in the conversation,that she was intending on excluding me from the group.
And it would continue like this for a few months until my birthday in late march.
M would not directly address me or talk to me unless she had something to complain about or she needed my help.
But if i needed her help she would not help me unless she knew our team lead was observing and it would make her look good.
She would also indirectly imply that i made a mistake by looking at me and emphasizing why it's important not to make this certain mistaken even though the mistake was done by 2 other members of the team.
Basically M and W would be hot and cold with me even on a daily basis yet they wouldn't pull this same **** with my team lead ,each other or even F.
By the time my birthday came about,i had enough of this ******** so i simply stop trying to be included or going to lunch to with them.
But i knew that M was trying to isolate me and make me feel miserable there which ****** me off more because it was working.
It hurt so badly that despite how hard i tried,M,W and F just didn't give a **** about me and basically was hot and cold with me on a daily basis.
That was in April and i fell sick 3 times that month(I almost never fall sick so this shows how stressed i was & still am).
In June i sat my team lead down and mentioned to him that M,W and F were excluding me both personally and especially professionally at work.
He said he would arrange a meeting to discuss this and tell them to share group related stuff with me.He did arrange that meeting but he said it generally about how everyone in the team should share information with each other as we are a team.
Oh in May i went for a week long well deserved vacation and when i came back F had joined the hot and cold train that M and W were doing to me.
This is what prompted me to tell my team lead who's general meeting above did nothing for these 3 to behave decently and professionally towards me.
Hell we had a seat change soon after this meeting and i had been seated beside W while M had been seated beside F and my team lead.
So then in the group chat of my team,W asks my team lead if she could sit beside F for 'work purposes' which means here so that they could chit chat during work. MY team lead agreed and said W could sit beside F but didn't specify if W changes with M to sit beside F or if F changes with me to sit beside W.
As neither W or F had contacted me personally or mentioned in the group if they could change with me,i thought they had talked it out with M and decided to change with her.
Next day i arrive at work and guess what
F is sitting in my place beside W and when i mentioned to her that she didn't ask me if she could change seats with me,she just kept repeating that she already informed in the group when it clearly shows no record of that in the group.
I told my team lead about this and his response..arrange a meeting to go over roles and responsibilites and then casually asking if everyone was happy with their current seating arrangement
like seriously
A member of your team behaved unprofessionally towards another member of your team and your response is to allow people to change seats if they liked|
Sighs.
I feel so stressed at work.
Fell sick again for the past 2 days due to stress i am sure.
Also i don't know if it's just me but i feel my team lead seems to be supporting M(i get it as she is a rank higher than me and is ,i am assuming ,his decision to have her in him team) but i feel i am more than capable of carrying out her job and ace it too as at one point everything she knows now i did.
Basically the previous SA(same rank as M) did very little so my team lead ended up giving me a lot of her work especially when she went on maternity leave.
I also feel that whenever someone higher up than my team lead acknowledges me or gives me recognition for a job well done,he seems to want to downplay it.
At first i didn't understand but now i am feeling maybe it's because she is his choice and an SA position at that so she should be the one getting these recognitions not me considering i am only an A(basically entry level job which tells you how much of an impression i have made on the upper level managers at my company to have recognized me on several occasions now in the 1+ year i have been working here)
My apologies if you get down here,i am just very very stressed and unhappy about this situation as i feel that my team lead won't do anything concrete about this nor will M,W and F be nice towards me.
The frustrating part the most is that what M did to me and is still doing to M is very Subtle and only because it has been going on for so long that i do notice it at times.So i feel i can't prove it to anyone as i didn't keep track of it from the start so i don't have enough proof for action to be taken against M.
I basically feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.And it hurts so so bad because from Nov - dec 18 ,i stupidly believed these people were my 'friends' and i am even more angry at myself that on some level i want them to be my 'friends' again .
Lindaland
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posted July 03, 2019 08:41 AM
