posted December 14, 2017 10:52 AM            

Typically the time before then has been one of heightened activity - then comes the crash. Due to relationship/ job loss.

Not this Thursday, but a week ago, I drank too much, broke some teeth. I could be looking at 4 root canals and just don't have the money.

Come from a broken family and my father does not have any money. Ex-husband tried to strangle me, although I am pushing for a lawsuit against him and my evil mother. Cannot work now - I worked 7 days a week for a year, nearly killed me. Then I lost my job.

When is this going to stop? Like I said, there is a pattern, exactly the same time of year every 2 years.

I am getting some counselling but it seems the pattern is more cyclic than anything else - I have been told I need HRT.

Can anyone explain?

posted December 21, 2017 10:23 AM            

These last 5 years (from 37/38y) I have felt like someone was out to kill me.

posted December 25, 2017 09:33 PM            

I was an example of that, though it was annual, not every other year. I was attacked in October which set off yearly nightmares that made it hard to sleep. Because of that I tended to act out or with little sense in those times due to being sleep-deprived and anxious (causing me to second-guess myself when I shouldn't have even as I treated others as a threat who were not), which then compounded that time with more trauma in a vicious cycle.

Naturally, being in a broken home or other vulnerable situation makes you an attractive target to users and abusers because you're much less likely to seek help, or to get it even if you do (and some are experts at making you feel the love you don't get at home). And if you wind up on the streets or locked up (especially as a kid) as I did for both, which is real easy to have happen in that situation, then it just gets so much worse, which in turns makes you even more attractive as a target to most users and abusers.

I personally did not find psychiatry helpful (ironically, part of my PTSD comes from having been locked up in an abusive mental hospital that was scamming the insurance of parents, though I was picked because I kicked a boy in the face as he wouldn't stop goosing me during the October month when I was sleep deprived and adrenaline flooded, thus one more layer to my October nightmares and such), but I did find a PTSD support group helpful as we found ways to encourage each other to overcome our demons and destructive patterns.

posted December 28, 2017 08:29 AM            

Thinking on what y'all just said.

My PTSD may take police/ legal intervention in order to get me some vindication, it may take some time, but I can wait.

Also looking to move somewhere which will be cheaper for me.

Verbal promises of work... but I need the black and white printed version.

I agree PTSD continues to play in your mind. It is like a neverending record. The only way of curing it is by talking to people who can help talk you out of it.

People who can help move you on. People who will be kind to you and not hurt you.

Seek out these people and resist those who would not...or act towards those who would not in such a way that they do not harm you...

posted December 28, 2017 12:18 PM            

I am sooo deeply sorry for that.

I hope you will get the funding to go to the hospice that you mentioned.

posted December 31, 2017 03:52 PM            

They need to do an MRI scan to confirm the nature, but they also said it could have been there for a long, long, long time. Right frontal lobe (which deals with emotional regulation, so could explain why I am the way I am). Tumours can cause psychiatric ailments and this could in fact be the reason why I was so depressed recently and why I had a fall.

posted December 31, 2017 03:57 PM            

Lots of people have brain tumours and don't know about them. Many times they have been found only through post mortems.

Frontal lobe tumours can be silent in the brain for many years. They don't have to cause headaches, but can cause symptoms which mimic other diseases and in fact can be misdiagnosed.

posted January 14, 2018 05:11 PM            

They said " you have no such thing as a brain tumour, but your jaw is fractured in 2 places. But we can't do anything, because we didn't pick it up the first time".

No wonder I couldn't eat anything for 5 days. That is the NHS (UK) for you.

People are saying I should sue for negligence, but several weeks and 1 root canal later, on balance I think my own self-care has been better, I think, than the prospect of getting my jaw wired shut under the preserve of the NHS.

Probably one of the most nightmare Merc retro cycles I had in years (last root canal, in my other front tooth, was in Merc retro).

posted January 14, 2018 05:14 PM            

I spent 2 weeks trying to rationalize why he might have done what he did, and at the end of it just broke down in tears. He was a very clever and quiet Sagittarius, foreign but with perfect English and a flawless employee, the last time I saw him he was witty and funny and I thought, beginning to come out of his shell.

posted January 14, 2018 09:41 PM            

~absurd irresponsibility (medical).

and, omg!! sooo tragic about your coworker--
I 'know' how that feels..
Makes an impact, for sure...
Sends you back in the past, regarding that relationship, where you scrounge and pick at every memory, wondering ...

Stay Strong, Bluesky.
We're pluggin' for you!!

Do you practice a belief system?
Prayers?

Whether or not you 'belong' to them, there ARE some strong prayer support places there in the UK.

I've mentioned one of those in this DivDiv thread-- this page.
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum21/HTML/000686-2.html

I happen to know that there are non-denominational churches there who might be of assistance with some of the things you've mentioned.

Get PrayerConnected.