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Author Topic:   My boyfriend dreamed
Emsie
Knowflake

Posts: 988
From: Hungary
Registered: Jul 2012

posted December 20, 2017 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emsie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He recently told me that a few days ago he dreamed about going on a 'date' with Kendall Jenner.
(Sidenote: It is a little bit different how we describe dating someone. From previous experience for him simply having a coffee and nothing else with a new person to get to know her better is also a date, for me it doesn't count as one, it is only a date when there is already a noticeable romantic connection and defined feelings between two people.)

So, he didn't mention what actually happened in his dream on this 'date', but I would guess from this little sidenote that they just met for a drink. Then, my boyfriend realized and thought about already having a girlfriend (me), and told KJ to get lost. She was very upset, didn't like it at all, but my bf also told her sorry, not sorry, get lost.

Any ideas? I found it very strange that in his dream he was sitting with her, but I know in waking life he would never ever have a drink with other women besides having me in his life. He once commented 'not that bad' on the looks of her sister, Kylie, lol.

ETA: I asked him what he meant by 'date' and he told me it was merely talking in a café (in my interpretation not a date ), and what aim he had by asking her to meet him for a coffee, he said nothing, they were just there. So, we definitely describe different things by the label 'date' that's for sure, we've had a minor arguement about it as well.

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 8998
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted December 21, 2017 11:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Emsie..

Sounds like he's having 'wish-fulfillment' dreams, right?

So, how similar looking are you to Kendall?

Are you yourself feeling a tiny bit intimidated by his saying that dream to you?

Is he trying to slyly communicate an added expectation of you, by choosing to share this dream with you?

(You must be gorgeous... ! )

So, how do you feel about what he shared with you?

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Emsie
Knowflake

Posts: 988
From: Hungary
Registered: Jul 2012

posted December 22, 2017 11:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emsie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi mirage

I look like the exact opposite of these girls - no make up, all natural, brown hair, blue eyes, light skin tone, but I am tall and quite skinny.

Sometimes I have the feeling that his usual 'type' he finds attractive ALWAYS wears make up, thick lipstick, etc., he even tried to force me to wear make up for a few times. But for me it is VERY unnatural, and I can't bear wearing it. I felt unappreciated and unwanted when he did this. For my birthday he bought me clothes he liked, but I didn't like them at all, they were not my style, so we had to change them. Since then I asked him to only buy clothes for me when I am also present and try them on. Sometimes I feel he's way too obsessed with how I look like to the outer world. For him it is natural that he goes frequently to the hairdresser, and he has well trimmed facial hair, but I'm not obsessed with looks at all.

As for the sharing of the dream... At first it was a bit similar, I felt unappreciated, or at least my 'dreamlife me' felt like that. I wanted to find the reason why he would sit with another which he considers a 'date' while being deeply committed to me in waking life as a partner. I found it very strange when he told me he didn't even invite her, they were just sitting there.

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 8998
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted December 22, 2017 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So Emsie...

I think you can conclude some things about this relationship with him?

Is he really Right-fit for you?

How much more time (and your Valuable affections) do you wish to invest with him?

{{If I can add what I 'personally' feel? .. This (from my viewpoint) almost feels like a subtle-form of put-down abuse to/of you?}}

I do understand the physical needs of wanting closeness, cuddling, 'belonging', gifts, etc.

As long as you understand that you and he may not be best-fits, how much MORE of an investment are you willing to make in him?

It's a statement of YOUR Value! ...

I hope you leave yourself open to looking for someone else, who WILL appreciate you for the Beautiful person you ARE.... without needing heavy makeup, and wearing ill-fitting styles of clothing that don't 'feel' good to you.

Will this relationship 'feel' right?

You're a Blessing, Emsie.

KNOW, that you have a natural-beauty--
inside and out!

Treasure Yourself! BE who you are.

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Emsie
Knowflake

Posts: 988
From: Hungary
Registered: Jul 2012

posted December 22, 2017 01:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emsie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I feel he's the right one for me, because right from the beginning the whole connection has felt so natural that we belong together. He also feels the same. We have so much in common, but also have our fair share of differences like this one. His attitude towards money also differs from my own, he likes to spend it, and I am the collector and saver, but he told me he's glad we complement each other.

As I haven't discussed this 'appearance thing' with him just yet, I don't think it's something we can't get through together, he just needs to learn the lesson and understand that I have different views about it, and I find being without make up natural. Not to mention my partner is a bit younger than me. c:

ETA: Since then we talked about the possible interpretations, and turns out KJ was most probably a piece of his own personality (compared to mine) as he likes to be in the limelight, and when others talk about him, just like a celebrity, and I am the one who possesses calmness and a desire to live a peaceful life without so much attention. I asked what KJ means for him, what's the first thing he thinks of when someone mentions her: clothes - no more, no less, only clothes and being popular! He doesn't even find her attractive.

Definitely something to do with clothes, possibly his unexpressed disappointment that I didn't like the clothes he chose. I also asked him if he found me beautiful as a natural one, and replied he doesn't expect me to look like 'those' girls out there, he accepts me for who I am, and finds me the most beautiful woman in the world.

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Ayelet
Moderator

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From:
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 22, 2017 06:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayelet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Emsie, sounds like you have a beautiful relationship, and naturally so, by what you tell...
I think you two already figures out the dream. It may mean he prefers you over any 'dream girl', and maybe you balance his slight weakness of wishing to be popular with your more authentic personality. It may mean your love helps him to let go of his fear of not being loved enough, which fear makes him put an emphasis on superficial values.

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mirage29
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Posts: 8998
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted December 22, 2017 10:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
omg... so Cool, Emsie.
I bet it feels wholesome have some of those questions clarified between the two of you.

Thanks for the report, and feedback.

Wishing that all turns out just the way you want it--
with so much Love!

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Emsie
Knowflake

Posts: 988
From: Hungary
Registered: Jul 2012

posted December 30, 2017 09:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emsie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Seems like I got the answer from him what this dream was all about. During Christmas we had a minor quarrel. He basically told me about one of his explicit fantasies which I really found disgusting, because it's not about 2, but 3 people in general (if you know what I mean.) He really hurt me, and after I started discussing it with him he told me he just liked the imagination itself (which means the idea of ego gratification and bragging about it to appear bigger and better compared to others, a sort of bucket list kind of thing immature men like to chase,) although couldn't tell the reason why when I asked, and he can live without it until the end of his life in general, and because I'm his everything as well. c:

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 8998
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted December 31, 2017 01:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow Emsie... How are you really going to feel about that? Seems like a mixed-message?

I'm so sorry your holiday wasn't what you expected, but, you DO have more clarity now?

And it seems that you wish to be careful of compromises you make that are not in alignment with what 'you' want or find as 'decent'.

We are coming up on a New Year....
You could make the calendar 'work' for you?

Be REALLY loving and Kind to yourself, and you could use this time to Decide on what you want for 2018...?

(music) Take A Bow (Madonna) [4:35] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDeiovnCv1o

Wishing you The Best Year Ever!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 90066
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 01, 2018 04:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 90066
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 02, 2018 04:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Talking about it likely helped.

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