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Author Topic:   Dreams about my ex
SadalSuud211
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From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
Registered: May 2018

posted October 29, 2020 12:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Second time Ive dreamed about him in a month.. In the first dream I was in my old classroom from school sitting at my desk, some other girls were seated around me and he was flitting around between all of us, hed come up to me trying to talk to me and joke around but Id brush him off so then hed turn and go to another desk and Id see him doing the same to other women when he thought I wasnt looking, so everytime hed come over to me I would just keep brushing him off, didnt want anything to do with him; In the second dream the roles were reversed. I went into the store where we uses to work together, went up to him and started asking why he doesnt care anymore and why hasnt he called me in 3mos and he basically told me he didnt think it was going to work and he said something about the "theme" of our relationship, he said it had a bad "theme" to it.. I really want reconciliation, but from the dream I had Im thinking that maybe he wants nothing to do with me.. Ive been holding out in hope that he'll call me (which I think he should be the one to initiate contact first as I feel like things are his fault/he hurt me) but, do you think maybe I should just break and do it first? I mean since its clearly haunting me so much hes infiltrating my dreams now, but I just dont feel like I should be the one to chase him, as part of me feels like if he really loved/wanted me he would have called bynow..

Any interpretations/advice are welcome please/thank you!

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 12:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi— I’m also about 3 months out of a failed relationship, so I can certainly sympathize even if I’m not exactly an expert dream-interpreter. Questions (more to think about than to answer): 1. Is it really reconciliation that you want, or just closure/acknowledgment of the hurt he’s caused? I had to do a bit of seesawing between the two myself before deciding it was really the latter. 2. Do you feel like there was in fact a ‘theme’ to your relationship? If so, what was it? Maybe more than one? The busy context of both dreams suggests that maybe there’s something going on with other people’s perception of the relationship carrying a lot of weight, or a big difference between the public and private dynamics between you. Maybe?

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SadalSuud211
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Posts: 141
From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
Registered: May 2018

posted October 29, 2020 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Im SO sorry for whatever youre going through in your situation, Im sending love and light your way. Definitely do think its more about closure and him acknowledging his part in things, and we never expressed our love either that bothers me ALOT b/c Im like %99 sure he loved me just as much as I did him only we never said it to each other.. There definitely was I feel like a theme to our relationship but Im having trouble pinning down exactly what it was. And the part about the busy context when I read that it made ALOT of sense because this was actually an affair/secret relationship.. I sheepishly admit that I thought/had hopes and fantasies of us both divorcing our spouses and running away together, I thought he wanted the same thing but after 4years he never brought anything like that up, and then what made me walk finally is I felt like he got bored/sick of me and was beginning to talk to other women (outside of me and his wife) I feel humiliated and dumb for loving/trusting him and also disappointed in myself for having an affair and giving myself up to him without any kind of real relationship/commitment established.. I know one of the lessons for me definitely was about self-esteem, self-respect, self-expression, setting up boundaries and that type of thing, but if those things WERE the lessons and now Im aware of them, then why do I still want him??? Its so confusing..

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 02:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Me too. It’s gonna be rough for a while. But it will get better. Here’s an idea: List all the positive and negative aspects of your relationship (not pros and cons of getting back together) — maybe both relationships, if you’re still married— and think about other ways you can bring those positive aspects into your life without pinning them all on one specific person.
Other than that, your situation is very different from mine, so I’m not sure if I have anything else helpful to add. Just a song that pretty much encapsulates my views on forgiveness vs. reconciliation.
Nina Simone— I Hold No Grudge http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R24tPPzX0l8

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SadalSuud211
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From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 29, 2020 02:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh my gosh I LOVE that idea, that is such a productive idea.. Im going to try that, maybe once I pin-point what I feel like is missing from my relationships/keeping me from feeling happiness it could help me find other ways to achieve it in my life.. Because I know a HUGE part of my problem is thinking other people can fix me, like all I need is a lover/boyfriend/etc to make me feel happy. Ive never really been on my own or out of a relationship/single for too long so thats probably a huge part of my issues too..

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 03:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hear you on that! I knew perfectly well that I was not ready for a serious relationship when we met — I literally had a friend point him out to me, I shrugged and said “I’m really not in a dating headspace right now,” then half an hour later he introduced himself and within about 2 weeks I had completely shoved that knowledge aside. 9 years and 3 kids later, here we are. No regrets, but that’s definitely a lesson I’m ready to be done learning.

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SadalSuud211
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Posts: 141
From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 29, 2020 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh my God. Whaaat. Wow. That is a crazy way for things to end up! I relate to that as well though because when I first met him he was obsessed with me and same like you I just thought 'meh oh well thatll never happen' and now 4years later here I am fantasizing about him like a schoolgirl smh. Lately Ive been asking myself alot, whats wrong with me??

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 04:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nothing! (Well, no guarantees, but...) there’s a big difference between something missing and something wrong. Whatever it is, you’ll find it for yourself eventually. Other people are just mirrors in this regard— and most of us do need to look in a mirror every now and then, but you wouldn’t want to live your whole life as a reflection of someone else, right?
On that note, one more song. (Last one for a while, I promise— Mirage, you’re contagious!)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ftQv5RQJH0

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SadalSuud211
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Posts: 141
From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 29, 2020 04:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yea that is so true. Maybe it was karmic and he was just a heavy mirror to me and not a TF like I thought.. Lol I will check out the music Im at work rn so cant play anything but hey, I really appreciate you responding and you did have a really good idea about making the list which I still feel like Im going to do and should do. I wish you peace and blessings with your situation as well and sorry I dont have advice for you when youve helped me :'(

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks— that’s quite all right, it is actually helpful to talk about it this way. Practically all of my friends are also his friends, and they can’t seem to comprehend that I’m happier now, and keep telling me how sorry they are and how much he loves me and misses me, and I’m just... over it. The only exceptions are one friend who hasn’t slept with her husband in over 5 years, and another who is freaking out about the fact that her partner won’t commit to definitely having kids before she turns 40, so it kinda seems like I can’t talk to anyone about it without stirring their s*** up as well. Thus, it’s weirdly comforting to talk to other people whose s*** is already all over the fan.

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And I mean that in the kindest possible way .❤️

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SadalSuud211
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From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 29, 2020 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh trust me I completely get that, and sometimes talking to a stranger is even better than sharing it with someone you know. Since I dont know/see any of you in real life I really dont give a **** what any of you would think about me lol and that makes it ALOT easier to be candid about the things Ive been doing. And I also mean that in the nicest way possible 🌹😋

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Chanterelle
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posted October 29, 2020 06:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So true. If you end up figuring out what the ‘theme’ is, do tell!

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SadalSuud211
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Posts: 141
From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 29, 2020 08:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
For sure lol ✌😋

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted October 30, 2020 02:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not to intrude on Chanterelle's excellent advice and the healing conversation taking place, but have some thoughts about the dreams:

Old classroom + school = lessons and perhaps old, karmic lessons and pattern. Implies necessity to learn and transform these issues within yourself and/or with him specifically.

Him flitting and flirting around, means he's an attention seeker, not particularly loyal and relies on others reactions to him for his sense of security and self love i.e. a false way to false happiness. Or, in common parlance, a bit of a "dog" as some women might say.

Could also be saying that he felt that you didn't give him enough attention and affection(i.e. you kept brushing him off when he was trying to get yout attention) and he felt that he needed to find it somewhere else. If that is the case, then figure out why you may have had blocks in being fully heart open and giving towards him. Were you holding back some? And if so, why?

2nd dream reversed: It's quite possible that in another life where you were involved again with each other, that indeed the roles were reversed and you are the one that took and held his love casually while seeking attention from various other partners or outside sources rather than being content with the relationship i.e. high on insecurity and false ego propping.

And perhaps he was a bit cold and detached, and that could have been why you sought attention elsewhere

It's quite possible that your relationship now is mirroring what you put him through before and vice versa.

Having delved deep into the karmic and past life information of the Edgar Cayce readings in relation to relationships, it's quite amazing to see how much so many individuals were either replaying from other lives with their partners and/or mirroring and experiencing what they gave out previously i.e. role reversals.

No worries, it happens to the best of us and pretty much all of us at some point or life or another. Best remedy is both self and other forgiveness. Say to yourself, "I forgive my past self for her (or, my) actions, and I forgive my partner now for his actions" and then follow that up with actual livingness and practice of that forgiveness in moment to moment and day to day kind of ways.

Even better, try to have gratitude towards the Souls that come into our lives to help us with difficult lessons or balancing, because to play the role of hurter/perpetrator or at least dissappointer is not easy nor fun for most Souls on that deeper level. We do these little drama skits with each other, because deep down we do love each other and want to see each other grow and better on a Soul level.

(With that said, there is such a thing as dark souls that get off on hurting others. Different rules apply to them and they are best completely avoided if you come across such types i.e. psychopaths and sociopaths).

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SadalSuud211
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From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
Registered: May 2018

posted October 30, 2020 06:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey I appreciate your response too and you hit on some key thing for me too.. Yes I was afraid to open up to him because of my own issues with not feeling loved/good enough, but there were times I felt where he was cold towards me and so it didnt make me feel comfortable enough to open up to him (well at least it didnt make me want to try too hard)... You said a big word though, EGO.. I think I have may have just discovered the theme of the relationship thanks to you.. Idk about him but I definitely feel like I experienced the "death" of my ego through him, and Im a bit less vain but also in a more mature way more confident in myself after what I went through with him..

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted October 30, 2020 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Glad it was of some help. Yes, ultimately, relationships are and are meant to be about growth even if they are painful, don't last, seem pointless or a waste of time in hindsight. Maybe even especially about growth when they are painful and difficult.

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mirage29
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posted October 30, 2020 12:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi SadalSuud!
I remember you from Interpersonal Astrology (Relationships) forum. Nice seeing you again.

As far as REM-sleep dream interpretations go--

You said, "I mean since it's clearly haunting me so much he's infiltrating my dreams now, but I just don't feel like I should be the one to chase him,"


This dream might be about your own mind, playing out various scenarios. Your unconscious/subconscious mind is working out the various ways you think and feel about this guy.

You answer your own question about the relationship by saying you don't feel you should be 'chasing' him.

The two dreams you had-- reflect your mind "working out solutions, and how each dream feels-out the solutions about your relationship.

The "part of you" that represents HIM in the dream communicates to you that this relationship is 'not' going to workout. "He didn't think it was going to work." yep! There's your answer.

And so! You have wisdom of what to do in this situation/obsession.

Once you are able to 'settle' what you want to do, how you want to "reframe the relationship," your unconscious mind will stop feeling 'haunted'.

Right now, it's been showing you, how unsure you've been--- back and forth.

Your psyche already knows.
Gave very good wisdom and advice.
"It's not going to work out."

Wishing you Success

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mirage29
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posted October 30, 2020 12:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Chanterelle:

On that note, one more song. (Last one for a while, I promise— Mirage, you’re contagious!)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ftQv5RQJH0


Chantrelle!!! haha...
Sometimes a 'song' can say it all.

The composers have lived-experience in these matters, and have captured it in words and musical moods.

That song you chose has Good Advice!!
Thanks for posting it!!!

I've used Fiona Apple songs before--
love her work.

And Nina Simone!!!!! *love* wow-- I've posted her's too. Got deep soul, for sure.
Thanks for adding those.

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Chanterelle
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posted October 30, 2020 02:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:

It's quite possible that your relationship now is mirroring what you put him through before and vice versa.

Having delved deep into the karmic and past life information of the Edgar Cayce readings in relation to relationships, it's quite amazing to see how much so many individuals were either replaying from other lives with their partners and/or mirroring and experiencing what they gave out previously i.e. role reversals.


Maybe you can clarify/elaborate on this? Because elsewhere you’ve said that direct reincarnations are actually pretty rare, so I’m having some trouble with the concept of past-life karma when it’s framed in terms of ‘he’ did this to ‘you’ because in a past life ‘you’ did this to ‘him’. I get it from the broader perspective of souls needing to balance out perspective and experience, but something’s not quite clicking for me.

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted October 30, 2020 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When the Spirit creates a new Soul to experience a new life, it does so by combining energetics, memories, and patterns from it's other Souls and their lifetimes.

So you, have some of these other Souls within you in a sense. Hence, you are connected to the karmic patterns and energies, though somewhat indirectly. Your Spirit uses current you, to work out karma that it's/the collective your other Souls have generated. Maybe not fair, but in another sense, you and all your other Soul selves ARE your Spirit too.

If two other Souls that you and another are very connected to had a more intense life together, you are going to very much feel that. And it can be multiplied or become complex and variable, because it could be multiple lives and energetics that are contributing to the connection. Say your Soul makeup and their Soul makeup shared 3 or more lives together in a close capacity.

It just tends to be even stronger and more intense if the two Souls involved actually are direct reincarnations who were previously together in a close way, like self and the other person I have spoken of in the past (actually, I'm not 100% sure she is a direct incarnation, but lean to it).

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SadalSuud211
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From: Melbourne, Florida, USA
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posted October 31, 2020 09:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SadalSuud211     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh boy yeah I guess if Im to be honest deep deep down I guess I never did feel sure about me and him to begin with, I always doubted/questioned his interest in me.. I get what youre saying about my psyche giving me the answer its just that I dont want to accept that answer.. Smh I still have inner work to do..

Also I get what youre saying about reincarnation and karma and I agree with what youre saying, I believe its the same too, that our SOUL holds the karma/needs to learn the lesson and each 3d life is just a means to work it out basically..

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GalacticCoreExplosion
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posted November 01, 2020 08:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GalacticCoreExplosion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SadalSuud211:
Oh boy yeah I guess if Im to be honest deep deep down I guess I never did feel sure about me and him to begin with, I always doubted/questioned his interest in me.. I get what youre saying about my psyche giving me the answer its just that I dont want to accept that answer.. Smh I still have inner work to do..

Also I get what youre saying about reincarnation and karma and I agree with what youre saying, I believe its the same too, that our SOUL holds the karma/needs to learn the lesson and each 3d life is just a means to work it out basically..


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