posted June 09, 2005 02:50 PM         

I yelled today.
I yelled so loud.
I released my mind.
And gave into the madness inside.
I feel my brain closing down.
Driving me to a land of la la.

I tore up the picture today.
I tore it to so many pieces.
I ripped out the newly placed parts.
And shred it into something unrecognizable.
I feel myself changing.
Turning me into someone I've never been.

I mourned today.
I mourned the only way I knew how.
I stuffed down practical sensible.
And I gave up the fight for once in my life.
I feel like I'm losing this.
Making that hole so recently filled, open up again.

I wrote today.
I wrote so many words.
I spilled myself onto that page.
And I fell into every word I wrote.
I feel like it's all over for me.
Seeming like I've lost all I've ever wanted to know.

I hated you today.
I hated you so much.
I vented my rage into all of this.
And realized how much I did not hate you.
I feel that I could never hate you.
Fighting to keep from loving you more, I wallow in this mess I made.

I hurt today.
I hurt so badly.
I screamed, and raged, and broke.
And I am left here broken, shattered.
I feel like my heart is in a corner crying too.
Crying to keep me from losing my mind.

I lost it today.
I lost it in a way I never meant to.
I ran from myself and kicked all the time.
And now I'm exhausted from wanting you so much.
I feel like I'm shutting down.
Trying to save what I haven't destroyed.

I stomped my heart today.
I stomped it into the ground.
I hated myself for being weak with you.
And I hated myself for falling in love too.
I feel like I made a mistake in doing so.
Searching for a logical reason to make me believe that it was a mistake.

But I can't find one.

I died today.
I died a horrible death.
I was filled with such pain and despair.
And now I feel no peace, I feel nothing but emptiness and sorrow.
I feel everything and nothing.
Feeling every touch, kiss, caress, breath, word spoken between us, everything.

And nothing.

kt

posted June 10, 2005 10:19 AM         

*pass the M&M's this way please?

posted June 10, 2005 11:56 AM         

Ahh.. Skor bites

leo_on_fire ~ how very deep you've really portrayed the depths of rawness that someone can feel. I feel that! I write my best when emotions take over. Especially love

posted June 11, 2005 12:26 AM         

gimme those skor bites..i'll share my m&Ms