Posts: 126
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 15, 2005 03:43 PM         

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When I combed back your
hair with my fingers that night
and you moved so much closer to me
I felt whole.
I felt right.
I felt perfect.
Then I held you while you
slept and I tried with
all of my might to
move closer
to get as close as I could
But it never seemed close enough.
My heart felt like it would explode
so powerful was my need to be
you and for you to be me.
I shed silent tears that night
but wiped my eyes and kissed your
forehead when you moved and
wrapped your arms around me.
I don't think you realize that
you did this.
I don't think you realize that
you look lost when I have to leave.
Perriwinkle blue looks so much more
brilliant with unshed tears.
And you didn't even realize you
were hurt.
If you did, you gave me no hint.
I hold your hand when you sleep
rubbing your palm with my thumb
because I know it relaxes you,
everytime I try to stop though
you squeeze my fingers tightly
to let me know..no.
My heart bleeds for you when
during the daylight hours
your eyes refuse to meet mine.
One night while you slept
and I watched over you again,
you spoke a single sentence.
"Kt, don't go."
and I saw the tears on your face.
I sobbed out loud that night, but
you never woke.
Our little girl is hurt.
She is fighting though,
with everything she has.
And because of that, you are
refusing anything I offer.
During the time that you
consciously think of me, you
think nothing more than
aw ain't she nice.
But when you sleep,
and when I watch you,
I know that you don't want
to let me go.
No matter how many
times you say "I haven't
had time to miss you."
And maybe this is wishful
thinking on my part,
but sleeping words
tell no lie.
Pulling me back every
time I tried to move,
you anchored your arm around
my waist and refused to budge.
Staking your claim in your
sleep.
Letting those watching know
I am yours.
It hurts me more everytime.
I see your heart when you sleep.
I feel your pain when you sleep.
I know your secrets when you sleep.
But when you wake, I am nothing.
I am now going over every
gesture, hoping against all hope
that I am not imaging this.
That I am not trying to justify
my not wanting to ever stop loving you.
My not wanting to ever leave you
no matter what.
I love you.
That is for sure.
And despite all of the things I have
written here, and despite all of the things
I hold close to my heart that were gifts
from you, I still believe you don't love me.
And that is alright for some reason,
as I am not sure how to tell you
that I love you.
How do you do that?
Love, never a truer word thought right?
____________________________
xx
Kt

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love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare

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Posts: 281
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 15, 2005 03:49 PM         

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oh my gosh.
This is so real. *I know it is*
Thank you for sharing your world in such a pure way.
I feel it.
Love and patience to you.
Just keep holding his hand.

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Posts: 1160
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 15, 2005 04:07 PM         

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your words move me, Leo_on_Fire!

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