posted April 21, 2018 09:39 PM            

This year, creatively speaking, has been a bit slow, but yet, my band is peaking and we're really being noticed in our town, and I have a few decent experiences these months, but only lasted enough for one adventure, then it collapsed, or the woman ended for another man.

The big point of this is... Three times this year I had deep romantic dreams with the scorpio woman, and later on in the same day we ended up meeting... We're still good friends and everything is fine, yet I just moved on without speaking a thing. I thought it would pass on its own, but after yesterday, I had a dream where we were declaring ourselves as a couple and having a cozy time, it kinda shocked me and I knew I would meet her in that night, and it happened, but again, this was the third time, and this time, the old feelings burned again, so strongly it almost left me very strung out, thankfully, she gave me a ride home, and it all ended good...

How it is that this recurrent dreams have this kind of power?, these messages, and how somehow they have the power to make you have this kind of karmic(?) thing. I just want to move on (with her as a friend as how it is, as how it was from the beginning), yet this is... powerful

posted April 24, 2018 11:15 PM            

Yesterday after a meditation session, I've dreamt with another woman that I met last year (before all of this happened), I dreamt that I missed her and all of that jazz(I kinda do, I liked her back in the day, but I was in a personal hell in that period of time), and then just like an hour ago I found her downtown in a restaurant, but I didn't say hi because she was with friends, and I didn't feel like doing it.

posted April 27, 2018 06:34 PM            

I loved reading your posts...
So mysterious and deep.

{{What I say next is not polished. Quite choppy. I hope you can get through it.
Doing the best I can in my environment here.}}

ASTROLOGY ....
What's happening to you recently also has an astrological component to it.

(Since Ayelet has been studying astrology, I'll get extra detailed.)

Your natal SCORPIO 8th House has
Mars 19.54
PLUTO 20.21
SUN 21.52

These are sextile (60-deg = harmonious with)
your CAPRICORN (earth) placements
in Tenth House (career, social standing)
MC Sagittarius 26.02 Tenth House
Neptune 14.39
Eros 16.05
BML 22.29

*~
TRANSITING (t)
Mars-conjunct-Pluto Capricorn 21+ degrees
(conjunction = combines power with)

Pluto JUST turned retrograde 'at' 21+ (slow planet)

Transiting ...
JUPITER retro in SCORPIO in your H8 eighth house
(Jupiter expands, enlarges, emphasizes)
Jupiter also can stand for good-luck.

In the 8th house tJupiter ON TOP OF your Sun-Pluto-Mars Scorpio
is enhancing that enormous extraordinary "sexual drawing power" that the two of you felt together. Chemistry.

Your Scorpio Girlfriend
12th House SCORPIO
Eros 24.43
SUN 14+
PLUTO 15+

*~

But Wait! there's more... (haha)

You have PISCES in your 12th House.
That's a house of psychic dreams.
Your 8th house is a psychic house too..

So...
transiting NEPTUNE at 15+ Pisces in H12
is stimulating your 8th House energies. The 'lucid' dreaming, very vivid dreams.

The transiting MARS-PLUTO Capricorn conjunction recently is stimulating your Eros energies H10.
This conjunction will last a few more weeks.

This is definitely a boost to your charisma, and for USING that sexual energy to create your music, extra infusion for your Career.

You also have transiting Saturn continuing through your 10th for the next few years.

Saturn can create hold-ups and obstacles.
It also ENSURES that what you are producing right now will be built on a SOLID foundation (career).
You work hard at it, and keep plugging, and you reap rewards and recognitions (in a few years-- you have other transits saying that too).

Transiting Jupiter is now retro and back to conjunction with your Sun-Pluto.
(Stimulating your Sun in the 8th is very lucky, and enlarging your appeal. This can also bring you luck with financial backing. It will turn around and re-enter your 9th House (Education, Publishing, foreign travel).
You have Sagittarius as part of your 9th House (lucky lucky!).
If things roll correctly, by the time it reaches your MC, you might find yourself (career) really blossoming. .. You have to do the work! says Saturn.

Okay now......
You have Pisces Ascendant 26+.
This trines your SUN-PLUTO.

transiting CHIRON was in Pisces and on your Ascendant (and just-before the Ascendant in your H12) when you did the plant-medicine.

DUDE?????? ... You know, I was worried about you these months. You seemed to be feeling so depressed.
.. When you did that drug, it maybe could have ADDED an effect to your body (your ascendant point) where chemically it opened you up?

omg... I'm an old hippie-lady. I understand the joy of mind-expansions. With your Pisces ascendant, AND those Scorpio placements in your 8th??? .. Be careful. Please.
.. I've seen people drop Acid and NEVER returned to their right-mind afterwards. She had a tremendous career in front of her. She was on the cover of magazines during those times. She was ruined... .. became some kind of permanent schizophrenic (or whatever the diagnosis).
You've gotta be CAREFUL, dude!!!!
Don't go too far past normal weed?
Maybe lay off doing too-much booze!!!!! if you find yourself imbibing TOO much, and getting too depressed???? Come into balance.
aw, you know I care about you! *hug*

That drug you did ... I'm actually very very GLAD it was able to help you assess some of the things you needed for your music? .. And! too, it MIGHT have added to the depth of the depression you went through-- (a let-down period, in a chemical way).

Remember tooooo..... With Neptune in your 10th, and with Saturn travelling through there now?... Be sure to protect your reputation. It can have the potential of setting you up for being sucked into deals with less-than-honest folks. With Saturn coming through it, you could go way up high, and be subject to sudden downs in your career zone. Watch yourself around getting involved with nefarious people, or getting involved with folks who are violent types, organized criminals.

*ahem* ... okay, now that I've scared you sufficiently and got that off my chest??! haha

Just, be careful.

I remember that your Mars Pluto is exactly conjunct an asteroid I call 'the paparazzi' ... That's about getting public attention-- for good or for not-so.
I notice it as sensitive in Celebrity charts.

(A long time ago when Chelsea Clinton had her 2nd child, I 'happened' to be looking at that asteroid and called up her chart. She was having her 'paparazzi'-return! She was 'in the public eye'. I've seen this happen more than once in people's chart.)

transiting Chiron just went into Aries (which is in your 1st House Pisces-asc). This will help you sort out more of your identity, and how you wish to be known.

transiting Chiron will go backwards and come BACK to your ASCENDANT degree, turn around on it, and leave Pisces until you're a little-old-man! LOL (add 50 years to your age right now). Your tendency to ?depression could feel like its back for a shadowy bit in October through first weeks of February. Your birthday will be repeating some of these transits.

Forewarned is forearmed? ..
Knowing in advance helps you pinpoint 'what' it is if it's there?

Try to be balanced and when you start feeling 'off', throw yourself into indulging your Creative work. Turn all your feelings-- your heartache and longings,-- into songs and lyrics that you can perform some day.

You'll not only help yourself through whatever moods you have, but, it's great for you to make money off it in the future. Lemons to lemonade! Your Creativity will be able to help OTHERS who could relate exactly to what you went through....

So! LOL ...

Your chart transit energies have some of your psychic and creative energies stirred and enhanced now.

Neptune in Pisces in the 12th will slowly close in to tighten a nice trine with your Sun over these next few years (Neptune is psychic, ESP, no boundaries in the astral realms).
H12 is dreams and visions.... (and also, insane asylums, hospitals, monasteries, jails and penitentiaries).

There's a lot of Good to look forward to, if you can placate your muse, (stay out of trouble!! LOL), control and monitor your use of alcohol, drugs, mind-expanding substances, -- keep that all in mind -- then you might actually find the success and notoriety you're looking for.

Well... I've probably done a LONG post again! LOL.

Your 'dreams' and dreaming...
could be from the added energies of your transits.
Could also be your body still processing and getting rid of the residuals of the drug you took.

Sometimes with drugs, it's stored in your body fat cells, or in the liver or other organs.

Every once in a while the particle gets released and metabolized.

You might experience a brief ghostly small reminder of it.. even without really noticing. It can pass.
(e.g. LSD, 'flashbacks' can happen for a number of years AFTERwards for some people's bodies).

Your dreaming of your girlfriend ....
wish-fulfillment, your mind is 'showing' you how you feel. Some of your Desires. Some of your good memories.

The two of you had an incredible attraction with your Sun Plutos in Scorpio.

It's up to YOU ..
You had stated reasons for and against, the pros and cons, of getting involved with her again.

She might not really feel that way.. you have to keep that in your head if you approach again.

It could be lust driving you into it.
Consider first--- if this relationship is going to fulfill you (past the sex).

I DO understand 'passion' ... really really well. I know how STRONG that can be to have it all bottled up inside... and going nuts wanting to act on it. ... To be swept up in the wonderful feeling of Love, and the nurture of Belonging.

That is like a 'drug' too...

So. What Ayelet said here and in the Astral Realms, (and what Pearlty adds), would be my suggestions too.

You have the astro on it now too!

How do you feel about it?

posted April 28, 2018 09:24 AM            

Astral Realms forum --
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum15/HTML/004180.html

(music) Love Song (Elton John, perf by Sarah Lonsert and partner) [3:14] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPSWWxO0i-8

lyrics
The words I have to say
May well be simple but they're true
Until you give your love
There's nothing more that we can do

Love is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen

You say it's very hard
To leave behind the life we knew
But there's no other way
And now it's really up to you

posted April 28, 2018 05:23 PM            

And after seeing here and there what you've said, I'm going to tell more to this thing.

Dreams: Well before the Ayahuasca thing, I used to have dreams that have a sort of premonitory thing, like warning me of things to come and all of that stuff, it was more of failures or things going sour, now after the Ayahuasca, I have more lucid dreams and astral travellings more often, and this is the first time that a woman makes me have positive dreams, so constantly, with the adding of seeing her in the day of the dream.

After this last dream I feel like I want to know more how to control my dreams, for the power and the learnings that they can have.

Ayahuasca: I took it in october, the 14 if my memory is good I guess, a saturday. Three hours of the most intense journey I've ever had, showing me all that I have to do in order to improve my life for the better, like be more accepting of my family's dysfuncionality, how to control my big ego in order to succed in music, how to move on from my soulmate that to this day has quite a mark on me, one that makes me really hard to open my heart(and one of the reasons I didn't open to the scorpio woman in the day), and how to be more open with the world, and how to face my deepest insecurities... I almost went completely crazy, but did survive the trip... Still I haven't done anything that the journey said to me, because, I'm too fixed and rancorous to my past that I don't allow me to do.

Drugs: I only drink (socially), smoke weed, and did mushrooms and the Ayahuasca(the last two once). I'm very aware that if I do artificial things, I'm going to get wrecked fast, so I keep myself away from everything else, even if my friends do the other things.

I'm more than happy with my "healthy" dose of weed, don't need nothing else.

The muse and my career: My career is getting better, I'm finally starting to get some notoriety around the alternative circuit and the pro circuit, after a couple of great shows, but no without their share of obstacles and controversies...

As I'm now on a creative (and kinda spiritual) block, I feel like I lost control of my band, but in the process, they are quite getting great at ther thing, so in this case, letting go quite a bit of my grip has made my band into a great one, but still we have so much to improve. And the lack of new material frustrates me, cause the time has come to make new songs to not get stale, but so far I can't quite make a thing now...

And with our band now under the helm of an independent label, with some of the top bands in the city(all of em in the early to mid 20's), and how they're operating to make their brand great, with the DIY ethos, has now make me thing of my career in the long term for the first time, so many questions I have now. With those guys, for the very first time also, I can have finally some help to deal with the more complicate things that a band has to endure to stand still and forge their way. Cause everything so far happened thanks to my wild showmanship, my strong conviction, and to not worry of everything else, but now, now that I feel things are starting to happen, I have to be ready for what is coming, and how to deal with it properly. It's time to grow up musically, it's important to keep the muse happy, and in movement, and learn to give in a bit enough so I can have what I know I see in my future. And how to learn as much as I can, and enjoy that I'm soon to be a part of something that can make great things in my f'ed up country... To be more focused and disciplined with my music and my career, cause it's all there to be reached, if I can be ready for the responsabilities...

I try to mantain a low profile in my career, only on the stage I go all in, after that, I just want to be on the back, having fun... But I know soon things will change... My deep fear is to not handle well the possible fame that I will have, to be consumed by the eternal ******** of rock n' roll. Yeah, some of those things can be quite exciting, but at the end, too much will be quite a pain in the ass...

In my dreams and astral visions, I can hear songs, totally different from what I do, but quite amazing. If I could channel better myself, I know I could have the power to bring them out in the world.

The Scorpio Woman: The reason that I was depressed back in the day was that I didn't listen to my inner guts that was saying: "DO IT YOU ******* " and that I did nothing but shut myself from the very intense feeling.

In that scorpionic november, everything was so owerpowered, that I almost went crazy, I felt luck that she never did felt scared of something on how I was...

And so after I didn't do nothing, I decided to move forward, and let the feelings to die slowly... And then the dreams happened, each one with the same leitmotiv: Me and her together, hugging each other and expressing ourselves as a couple, with the extra of seeing her again in the day each dream happened... If it was one, I would't have been so affecting, as I often had dreams with girls of my past and meet them in the days after the dream.

One of the big reasons of not doing it, is that she's from the circle of people that I was back in 2015, when my life started to change for the better. She and a few other women, have been my first group of lady friends I have in my life, so after a rough first year of adapting with my new extroverted life, I promised myself to not fell in love with those women, and to appreciate their friendship and to make em lasting... And as three years passed by, those group of girls are still the best bunch of girls I've met, and I feel very happy every time I see them, even if with some of then I don't see them in a long time.

But as of now, I feel there's a reason that I have this story as it is, and I'm not giving it the chance to evolve, because at this point, I believe it's more than telling her how I feel, but somehow, this thing is important to my evolution, and I know that somehow, me and her are going to be in the same road for a long time...

And I feel this monday with the full moon is going to be quite intense.

Damn, quite a long post, haha.

posted April 29, 2018 04:56 PM            

You work HARD on yourself... *hug*

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. A humble and mature attitude.

The muse will unstick herself from time to time. Don't think that because you're not seeing the progress you "should" be making, that you are not making forward steps.

The time you've been putting into all the experiences and 'preparations' will definitely be a strength. It's good to know what works and doesn't.

I was happy for you that you reported 'progress' when you were able to let go of the reins when it came to running your band. That's really good. You can share the 'load' of responsibility.

You know what I notice???
You are "speaking" like a star already. Like you ARE one, you OWN it, and are preparing yourself psychologically for meeting that in your future.

WHILE you know where you are projecting yourself, you have EVEN more advantage being the 'back-stage' observer. You are gleaning some really important information you'll need for the future. Don't 'push' it or be too much in a rush? .. 'Allow' the success to be Naturally blossoming (while you continue with normal efforts). ...

Like someone said, It's about the JOURNEY, more than reaching your goal. Sometimes changes come. Life distractions happen.

Sometimes too... there's such a thing as the Fear of Success. You might want to explore that inside yourself. Do some journaling or converse with trusted friend. Sometimes it's little stuck-thinking or feelings that were reinforced (unconsciously, subconsciously) from our past--

There's a fear-dialogue and imagination going on just beneath the surface of our thinking, that comments on everything (sometimes). Bring it UP to a conscious level. Take a good STRONG look at it. Face it, converse with it, note your feelings, FEEL INTO those feelings and own them for a bit. See what happens? .... Sometimes that can work to DISPEL those energies and blocks. Reduce their effects.. so it will be of no-effect, or, just remain in the background.

You can try to 'transmute' or rewrite the energy (self talk) from fear to a more-forward-looking "natural" excitement.

You know I'm a romantic! LOL.
Stay balanced in your approach with Scorpio Woman. Write down all the reasons 'why' it will or cannot workout between the two of you. You BLAME yourself???? PLEASE don't be sooo harsh on you. SHE is the Other. SHE has a mind and has responsibility in the choices too.

Balance!! Remember it takes "two"!

You are an Extraordinary person.
Be Careful in that 'political' thing you plan??