posted March 21, 2020 09:05 PM            

I slept with two random dudes in between my last period cycle that could potentially fathered. One of them is now becoming my friend and we’re talking regularly. The other one I have no idea who he is or where to find him. Either which of them is, I have an abortion scheduled next Thursday. (I don’t want to hear any weird opinion of anybody, especially men, about what I should do with my body.. Save it)

Right now I would really like to be pregnant and have a baby that I could really love and that would love me. But can’t even dream of carrying this one to term. I just can’t. My family already mistrusts and criticize me too much. The friendly potential father doesn’t want it either so yeah...

I’ve ranted a lot on this blog before, I’ve made very crude comments about myself that reflected my own poor self-perception. I have worked on myself ever since. I swear. Finished school, started university, tried a new hobby, started meditation and now awaiting therapy. It seems I’m always being pulled towards death, void, apathy... I don’t feel like I’ve changed at all. I’m barely able to study. I’m bad at that new hobby too...

But yeah I’ll just keep meditating and continue trying to to cultivate some faith. Any advice? Ever since that Pluto sun Opposition transit hit me in 2016 to 2019, my faith in myself and life has been completely whacked out.

10 July 1998
10:16am
Montreal, Canada

posted March 21, 2020 09:30 PM            

I've found that if the energy is not used up creatively, it moves in the opposite direction, and it is very human to move towards that side I suppose.

posted March 22, 2020 12:37 AM            

unfair to call it a lack of control there's plenty of ways to avoid her situation, plan b included even after reckless decisions

**** happens, people make mistakes, but this particular one wasn't the result of something she had zero control over

willingly having unprotected sex with random strangers while not on birth control and no plan b either while also not being willing to have a child is 100% on her

how this ends up is also 100% in her control

that being said the emptiness of meditation is pretty soothing i think, helps maintain balance and peace which helps with happiness

but also she needs a clear head to find answers

@Davina98

your choices are pretty clear cut, consider it a harsh lesson regardless of which you choose

people find ways to raise kids when **** happens, and alternatively if you choose abortion or adoption then that's still something to take away from

either way this is forcing you to grow up through life altering change and responsibility and i'm sure it'll be a lesson you never forget

instead of harping on all the negative **** you see in yourself and dwelling try working on yourself and improving

a kid being in the picture will leave you with no choice but even without one you can't continue doing the **** you've done to end up in your position

i get it being in bad places leads to **** decisions ive done plenty of that, not your situation but years and years of drug use and stupid ****

so i'm not in some holier than thou place here when i say this, but end of the day you ****** up and now you have to deal with where that led

even if you've been all those things (i doubt youre as bad as you feel, most people with damaged self esteem are never what they think they are) you don't have to be

you can change

you don't need a passion for anything to start taking steps in the right direction, passion comes with time and healing

im not going to tell you what to do about the kid, that's not my place, but regardless you need to make changes for you and to move past this mindset

severe depression is ****** and it makes you feel worthless and like there's nothing, but it's just a feeling and a distortion of reality

you dont have to feel strong to do something that requires strength, you don't have to cause suffering either

people can make mistakes and feel like burdens and still be amazing people, unless youre purposely going out of your way to make people suffer youre not far gone enough to be this down on yourself

the fact that you even care about causing harm to other people shows you aren't hopeless

consider that at the very least as a quality that makes you worthwhile and capable of more than youre giving yourself credit for

this doesnt have to be a bad experience or something negative, even life altering harsh **** can have its upsides

through suffering and major obstacles we learn values and perserverence and many good things can eventually come out of even the darkest ****

posted March 22, 2020 10:11 AM            

...I see from your profile your from Quebec now that make so much sense why that happened!!!

If your unable to hook up someone in Montreal then your either seriously unattractive or extremely unlucky, even Urkel could find a date there, rofl.

Have the abortion and don't tell anyone... these things happen afteral its Quebec and to a lessor extent the culture.

Montreal is one of the few places were you can make a gay guy go straight or let a bi-curious guy give it a try.

.....so I understand these things happen in Montreal, lol.

posted March 22, 2020 08:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MonteCristo:
everyone in your family would embrace the child

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-

posted March 22, 2020 08:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ULT12:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by MonteCristo:
[b]everyone in your family would embrace the child

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-

OP: Sorry for thread-crapping ^. Do whatever you want. I apologize for having no Astrological guidance, and wish you the best all-around.[/B][/QUOTE]

posted March 22, 2020 09:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MonteCristo:
What’s the point of being negative like that? Not everyone in the world has the same opinion as you. If you don’t agree with someone then just ignore it. Otherwise you yourself look like an idiot.

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"Big" as an life-altering? Sure. "Big" the way you meant it, like it's some moral fiasco? **** off, bud.

posted March 22, 2020 09:32 PM            

You have two copies of this thread going. Would you like me to close the other so this one stays open?

------------------
Soul Stars Astrology by The Declinations Guy
Expert birth chart rectification

posted March 22, 2020 10:09 PM            

Dumuzi,
You really seem to get it! I feel so bad at times I wish death upon myself. It’s so hard to stop magnifying the bad and it keeps me from being objective enough so that my next step is in the right direction. It seems I’ve made more and more steps in the very same direction instead.. Until it got worst than ever... I have had a few partners before, never serious. But was never one of my habits to give so much of myself to people I don’t even know. It’s definately a new low. I just felt so worthless and lonely for so long. I though well **** it! Nobody gives a **** anyway..I thought I didn’t... but God I really hope this is rock bottom.

Aries23Degrees,
So crazy! I hadn’t even missed my period yet and I just KNEW something was weird. It was a weird feeling in my stomach that I just couldn’t explain and I had never felt before! Being a Cancer Sun I always knew I would know if I got pregnant without even a test. No nausea, vomiting. A little pain, but even as I saw transit Saturn getting closer to my moon I never expected that this would be the outcome...Understand I have never been pregnant before. I did the test when my period was only two days late. (I have very regular periods). I am now estimating that I’m 3-4 weeks. I took the appointment as fast as I could, while it’s still technically only a mass of cells, so it feels less like murder...

DualGemV2,
Lol!

MontreCristo,
You have no idea, everytime I think of what the baby could look, and feel like once I gave birth to it and held it I have to hold back tears. I really do wish I could’ve carried this pregnancy in better circonstances. I love babies. I do see the innocence, but I know that they’ll lose it one day and if they could see they would understand my decision. If that makes sense? My loneliness won’t end like this. Even with love and light in my arms.. i just hope the universe is not mad at me. I just hope it feels right after it’s done. And I hope I have the chance to be pregnant again when I’m happy and I can go though a pregnancy without so much sadness and void.

Teasel,
I am so greatful to the country that I live in that I am allows me by law to make the choice for myself. Even during the global health crisis the abortion clinics are open. Here in Quebec they do consider this an essential health care service. I am super intuitive and I think the universe will let me know if I am making a mistake bigger than the one I already made.. Just as some things are meant to be, some things just aren’t. I am reslly hoping I get to meet that baby though, maybe in a dream, maybe in a different form....

KannonMcAfee,
Yes please, it was yet another accident (lol) Thank you!

posted March 22, 2020 11:18 PM            

i know what it is to want to die and i know what it is to both actively and passively try in that give up rock bottom way ive been to both places

ive used heroin i found outside by an atm in a bag with a skull and crossbones on it that said because i was already high on pills and just saw it like a lucky break scoring free drugs

so i understand completely what it is to be so low you dont care and you look for anything to make that go away even just for a little while

i get it 100%

i know you can't see the good right now, and honestly i know that it can be almost painful sometimes to see anything good when youre feeling that low

it can come with almost this feeling that you dont deserve to have those good feelings or to acknowledge anything good about yourself because youre so used to feeling bad and picking yourself apart

but you know it's ok to be weak sometimes, everyone can be, weak people can become strong they can grow

you dont have to have strength right now in order to get to a place where you do

no matter how many times you've failed or fell short that doesn't mean your whole life is going to be that

you matter and you have worth, and you show that in your words

you're obviously caring, there's obviously a good person in there who's had some really rough **** going on

that doesnt define you though, the stuff we go through shapes us but it doesnt make us who we are people are more than the sum of their mistakes

the good thing about rock bottom is that you can go up from there it's just a *****

i can tell no matter what you choose it isn't going to be easy, but i can also tell that you're better than you give yourself credit for and however this shapes you and regardless of what you choose you can move forward and get to a better place

consider looking at yourself with the sort of kindness you might give a stranger or a loved one instead of ripping yourself apart

posted March 23, 2020 06:19 AM            

I'd never tell you what you should do but all I'll say is at 21, the plans I had for myself and the person I thought I would or should be.. did not materialize that way at all. I walked away from relationships and pursuits I thought weren't perfect enough, and in the end became very disillusioned realizing I'd been waiting for a fantasy. 

At 29 I can safely say there is no perfect time to have a baby. Of course some circumstances are temporary (finances, living situation, etc.) and those should be taken seriously. But there are also factors that can't be outrun with time. Such as past family trauma that might prevent you from wanting to repeat those patterns with a child.  But if you put your all into therapy and really commit to healing your own childhood wounds, realistically you can do that now just as effectively as you'll be able to later on. 

posted March 23, 2020 10:07 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Davina98:

MontreCristo,
You have no idea, everytime I think of what the baby could look, and feel like once I gave birth to it and held it I have to hold back tears. I really do wish I could’ve carried this pregnancy in better circonstances. I love babies. I do see the innocence, but I know that they’ll lose it one day and if they could see they would understand my decision. If that makes sense? My loneliness won’t end like this. Even with love and light in my arms.. i just hope the universe is not mad at me. I just hope it feels right after it’s done. And I hope I have the chance to be pregnant again when I’m happy and I can go though a pregnancy without so much sadness and void.

---

posted March 23, 2020 01:30 PM            

Please check with those around you and those who can actually provide the concrete, material, REAL LIFE support you will NEED to deal with this situation and see what it is you have in this area before you make a decision.

Whatever you decide, learn from this experience and resolve to move away from the patterns that caused you to be in this dilemna.