posted July 20, 2020 10:18 AM            

Sat on Ven will have the native notice the "half" of something-rather than its fullness. And this works inside out.

So as much as these men can be critical of others.They don't spare the rod on themselves. Infact,if you would just intercept their thought processes. You will find that a pervasive self-tongue lashing is taking place.

What I have noticed from my perspective (barring the fatalistic interpretations I read) is that I have unwittingly been starving myself off of Venus.

When things go bad.I self blame.I isolate and then beat up on myself.This even when things were really out of my hands

So say I miss a goal in an important match. I will be the player that avoids the public, sits alone in her flat. And replays all the ways that things went wrong.

But say I do score a goal. Then the pressure is on again to not just be a "flash in the pan" i.e " Can i do it again?" "Can I be consistent?" Etc.

So I never allowed myself to enjoy Ven i.e to look at myself in an appreciative manner of "you deserve it" for a long time.

In other words,pain(Sat) & pleasure(Ven) are seen as two sides of the same coin & applied (unconsciously) to every aspect of life.

So the harder the relationship,the better it is(Ven).The icier(Sat)the partner is, the more motivated they get to "win" their affection(Ven).The tougher(Sat)the job,the bigger the reward(Ven).

And this could go on so much and for so long, that they intentionally avoid an easier path. Because they are convinced there is no "gain" to be made there.Not without pain.

There is a bit a masochist here. I got beaten by my father when young(with a belt).And I noticed that it was also the times where I felt slightly aroused(Eros conj Mars also echoes this)🤔

I was not necessarily turned on by him 🤣 But by the act itself.The beating(Sat)felt loving(Ven).if that makes sense.

The book "Why men love Bi**es " is (to me) the Ven-Sat man.In that women who don't tend to give leeway(one way or the other) of their interest in them OR those who are unkind to them etc.fascinate them.

This is true of me too.My physical attraction(Ven)to men who look sadistic/ cruel(Sat)is something I am starting to accept about myself. As the old cliche of the gay man being interested in the aloof guy applies here.

I dont feel safe in bringing "past lives" into this.But perhaps one thing I can say is perhaps there is some humiliation/ suffering that we are willing to suffer in love?

Perhaps we are trying to experience what its like to be in pain(Sat)yet in love (Sat)?🤷🏾‍♂️

I was probably a beautiful playboy in the past or some sexy goddess who broke many hearts and left a trail of tears on my lovepath.(Ven-Jup conj)

So in this life, I am experiencing what its like to have little affection or not being able to ingest all the love around me without a cynical funnel?🤔

posted July 20, 2020 04:31 PM            

I'm close to my saturn return and until now I've been suffering a lot in relationships, mainly because I had self-esteem issues and no boundaries.

Now that I'm close to my Saturn return I'm apreciating myself more and I have boundaries and I'm trying to work this out, even if i think it's a lifetime to work it out.