posted October 23, 2009 04:45 PM         

If you could step out of your shoes a minute and be objective, how do you perceive yourself? Especially to the opposite sex?

It's really hard to do, to try and envision the image that you portray, and whether or not it is congruous with what you are inside.

Do you think you have too much baggage, too many issues? Do you think you come across as too needy, too intense? What do you think?

posted October 23, 2009 07:41 PM         

i think this may be a question that people probably need to answer in the affirmative before they date others! great question you have here though i don't think i've ever consciously asked myself that specific question. but, i have compiled a list of great things i possess that i need for who i am going to marry to possess. so yes i definitely would date myself. i promised myself i wouldn't even consider "dating" or even liking someone until i'm ready to be taken off the assembly line. know what i mean by that?

i care a lot about myself and who it is i'm gonna end up being married to, so i've worked hard to be a good person and do good in this life. like get a great education. get a great job i love to do. be good to my friends and family. i've just tried very hard to be a good person and be appreciative for what i have and be independent as a person first. i'm doing all that i can every day or as the months and years go by to improve something about my appearance, improve something about my habits, improve something about the way i live...whatever it is i strive to always better myself so i am worthy and ready to be with someone. like when it's time to get married, the guy i'm gonna marry won't feel like he's getting ripped off somehow with a girl who has too much baggage or ior whatever negatives that makes one not dateable or whatever you call it.

i feel myself to be a rare gem in this day and age and i'm looking for someone similar to me. the way i am...i know there's not that many men out there in my generation that are like that. i would love to find someone like me.

though i know if i can be detached, or from what i've heard and experienced from others, i can come off intimidating and unapproachable. people seem to think i have men lined up outside my door or that i'm hiding boyfriends (since i never speak of them publicly) mainly because of the way i look. no one really believes that i live a quiet life and i'm a good girl to the core.

i try to deflect people's initial perception of me by being funny or telling them something lame about myself, but that seems to make me insincere like they don't believe me. like they think yeah right, you must live a double life somehow. some people at work actually gossip about me and wonder about me because i don't do anything crazy or out of line--like ever. even when i go hang out in europe, i'm just hanging out like i do at home. i'm not out there drinking or finding some guy to be with. i'm spending time with friends or just shopping or wandering around the streets taking in the scenery. i don't get into trouble or drama. but guys don't seem to believe that. like it's too good to be true or something like that.

so on top of that, my accomplishments seem to freak some people out. and the fact that i'm so whatever about it apparently adds more to the intimidation. i'm from a small town. nothing impresses me much beyond things like loyalty to family and friends and commitment in marriage in this day and age. i don't care about money or status. i just had some goals to achieve and i did them. i don't dwell on them or publicize them.

people tell me that what i've done with my life, perhaps some of the hobbies i do too, and just the way i live my life is intimidating. it's like just being me seems to scare away potential suitors. they ask me questions and i'll answer them truthfully and it's like you can see their eyes widen because they're a bit shocked at what they've heard.

if you don't know me, i guess you may think i'm a little too unbelievable. it's like yeah right. i remember telling this guy what i liked to do in my spare time and he seemed kind of suspicious. i guess what i do in my spare time wasn't exciting enough or involved going out enough. i don't know.

posted October 24, 2009 12:06 AM         

It's weird cause I notice people falling into certain categories. Like for example they are sucessful and accomplished. They have good values and have traditonal attitudes, yet people seem to see them as lackin somewhat socially.

Then you have people (I would probably fit more in this category if we're going to generalize) that haven't achieved "great" things in iife. They don't have super sucessfull jobs or even really want them, yet they are real people people, if you know what I mean. I find people drawn to me for my openess and friendliness and ability to be non-judgemental, yet when it comes down to brass tacks, and I don't have all the other stuff, somehow I'm not as desirable, when it comes down to closing the deal.

Maybe what we look for in friends is quite different then what we look for in potential mates, yet somehow the lines get blurred because when meeting people you have to use your social skills.since we normally meet people in social settings.

Does that make sense?
But I admire your attitude and that you are willing to wait for the right one. That is really healthy as many of us, myself included cannot stand to be alone, and therefore overlook red flags and constantly lower our standards. I think you will get exactly what you are aiming for.

posted October 24, 2009 12:58 AM         

Not so bad actually. Might be better if I could duplicate myself to one with a penis though. The more time alone I spend with myself, the more I learn about true intimacy. It's quite romantic.

posted October 24, 2009 01:05 AM         

I've gotten out plenty in my lifetime. Thanks though. Been there done that. Don't like meeting the same people over and over again. And that's what it's often like. Boring drones.

Im not interested in dating or meeting people right now. Like my alone time too much and there's nothing wrong with that at certain points in one's life.

If I could meet a guy like me, I'd be set for life.

posted October 24, 2009 02:15 AM         

quote:

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I need someone as caring and weird as I.If I could meet a guy like me, I'd be set for life.

---

posted October 24, 2009 02:17 AM         

T, I don't think your being egotistical, I think your being honest in the fact that you don't want to settle for less.

But similiar to the reasons why I never date someone that is my own sign, it feels stangely incestuous.
I would want someone with the same basic value system, but not someone who acts and likes everything I do, because how would we learn and grow if not from anothers opposing point of view or varying interests?

posted October 24, 2009 03:52 AM         

quote:

---

But similiar to the reasons why I never date someone that is my own sign, it feels stangely incestuous.

---

I'm the same way. My first thought regarding this thread was, "I don't do Capricorns."

I have wanted a clone of myself, but not for dating. I want to have one of those creepy twins bands.

quote:

---

I think it makes sense to want to be with someone like you. You want someone who can confirm the things you think you see in yourself, as well as someone to see you the way you want to be seen.

---

Yeah

I also want someone who's not too much of a hassle. Is that bad? I'm not much of a hassle. And someone I can really collaborate with.

posted October 24, 2009 10:26 AM         

I'm glad you all have positve self awareness. That is awesome.

posted October 24, 2009 11:59 AM         

no, i wouldn't
yes, i would
no, i wouldn't
yes, i would

i would love someone like me* if he was different in some respects: he would have to be more calm, patient, relax, chilled...

cause myself i get a bit too gggggggrrrrrrhhh! angry!

posted October 24, 2009 03:19 PM         

Would I go for someone that's independent?
Would I go for someone that doesn't meticulously plan everything?
Would I go for someone that likes the simple life, but who also likes to dress up and go out every now and then?
Would I go for someone that's pretty much always up for sex?
Would I go for a foodie?
Would I go for someone that isn't generally into crowds?
Would I be interested in someone that enjoys traveling?
Would I go for someone with a great sense of humor?

The questions go on and on, but if I put all those traits of mine on to someone else, yes, I think I'd find them attractive.

posted October 24, 2009 03:49 PM         

Those are things about you that would take time to find out. I'm not really saying would you date someone who is compatible with you, cause most of us would.

What I'm saying is: If you saw you, just randomly somewhere, and met you. Had a few words and maybe decided to meet for coffee. Then after a date or two, before you knew the inner stuff would you be interested in you?

Not just on a superficial level, but do you think you put out a neg or pos vibe. Do you think you make good conversation. Do you think your humour and goodwill are displayed or hidden.

posted October 24, 2009 03:57 PM         

thanks for your response to my post. however, i don't mean to be so guarded but in this kind of a forum where i do relate some personal stuff, or what i feel to be very personal, i try to keep specifics private for the rare chance that anyone who may know me comes here. if you guys haven't noticed already, i don't share my name, age, city, job and all that. i do pretty known things or things that can be known in a popular industry, so i have to kind of maintain some sort of anonymity when i post on public boards. but to try to answer your question but protect my privacy i'll say i'm between 25-30. i'm generation y if that helps.

i can be extremely sociable if i want to. i have no problems making friends and acquaintances no matter where i go. i go out when i'm asked to go out but i'll stay home if i have things to take care of at home. i'm an ambivert or have a strange wannabe gemini dual personality but my sun is officially cancer. at my core basically i'm happy doing whatever as long as i'm with people i care about. i'll go out if he likes to go out. i'll stay if he likes to stay in. i'm all about sharing and compromising because i grew up like that.

but i know being friends with someone or making friends is different when you want to attract someone or get to that point of beyond friends. that's when standards and insecurities and all of that pop up and it's not as easy anymore to just be friends. and i do have several male friends here and some are ladies men or alpha males and they accept me completely.

however, i grew up in a small town where everyone is equal and nobody is guarded or suspicious or cares about status. people are proud to be bus drivers or cashiers or doctors, everyone is cherished. my home is about family and friends and the home life. where i live now, it's all about i need to make more money, money this, money that. it's very shallow here and i don't cater to it.

this guy who i feel and sense is my "one," he actually tried to "impress me" by describing the neighborhood where he lives at as having "a lot of money." i just looked at him strangely and was like oh i'm not familiar with that area. i was unimpressed and didn't care. i just cared about him. not by his neighborhood. he could live in a shack and i wouldn't care. but i know he said this because a lot of young men who live here seem to think they need to live up to that social standard of having money and status. it's the same spiel when recruiters try to recruit me and think they can snatch me by offering me money and a swank office atmosphere. when i tell them i don't care about money because i don't need it, they get offended or shocked and demand to know what it is that i need in a job to want it.

everyone here, or at least from most of the people i've run into, are all about money and status and thus think eveyone they run into are into the same things. but i'm not. if you know me, you know i have small town values and am traditional and need things like loyalty and commitment and stability. i have my own money but that's because i worked hard to get it. nothing i have came so easily. i'm just lucky that after all of my hard work, yeah now i'm at the point in my career that what i do seems to come naturally and easily and i get recognized for it.

but because of what i've done and do now, when i try to be me and be low key or humble or whatever about things, people who didn't grow up with me don't think i'm being 100% sincere. they think there may be a hidden agenda and they wanna know what it is. i'm not flashy or fancy at all, but i do like some nice things just like everyone else. i'm not out there toting around LV bags or driving a foreign car, but i will spend a weekend, yes just 2 days, in say Europe just to buy some clothes and come back. but i used to live there so it's not a big deal but people here think it's like posh. people here will spend like $800 on designer jeans or $1500 on a bag. my bag cost me $20. so what's the big deal if i go to europe for a weekend? at least i used to live there and i go there to visit my old 'hood and friends.

i understand i'm at a disadvantage being who i am in the city i'm in and the circumstance i'm in (no friends and family here though i have friends through work now), but that's my choice to live like this, so i gotta make do with what i have.
i try to be as self aware as i can be to try to improve myself. i know i'm responsible for me and what happens to me, so i do what i can to help myself. i don't wanna be some reject or less than perfect person for my future husband. for me to feel secure with someone, i gotta be secure with me and i'm at that point now i can freely admit that now i am ready to consider relationships and just go down that route full force. before it was more like let's be friends or i didn't take it seriously. i remember when this guy asked me out and it was my good friend who was so excited for me. she was the one who saw that he liked me. i was just like whatever about it. i liked him, too, but i wasn't overly excited like she was. she even went on about what i should wear for my "date" and i just laughed and laughed. i just thought i could wear my usual clothes but she wanted me to wear a dress. see, i didn't take that stuff seriously. but now i get it and i do because i'm ready for that stuff.

however, as i've already alluded to and referred to before, i understand there's my perception of me and what i know to be the truth and what people outside of me see and perceive me to be. i don't always like it, but that's the reality of it. if i were not me but approached someone like me, yeah i'll be suspicious too and wonder what it is that i'm hiding or what it is that i'm lying about. and because i'm not from here and have 0 contacts here, it's quite feasible for me to just make up lies. i was told by people when i lived overseas how i should pretend to be a whole new person and that it could be fun and i was just like are you guys mental? the truth is, i keep it real and i'm a straightshooter but people who don't take the time to know me may be suspicious of me.

it's like here i am i act all humble and unimpressed yet i'm taking weekend trips to europe and i have done a lot of interesting things. it's like yeah right what are you hiding? i know if i were someone else in this city and approached me, i'd be needing some more time to validate the facts.

so yeah being a shy person, on my own here and i guess having things and doing things most people can't have or do...sort of works against me. but like...i'm fine with waiting for the right one and the one. i'm fine with being alone here because i have my family and friends at home. i am not alone technically. but like everyone else, of course i want companionship and i want to be married and have children and have a house. but i'm willing to tough it out and in the mean time work on me and improve my life more and more until it's the right time.

posted October 24, 2009 04:10 PM         

If it's the kind of first impression I give, then it can go either way. Some people I click with well right off the bat, and some people I don't. Sometimes I'll meet someone while I'm in a bad mood, and I could really care less whether they're attracted to me as a human being or not.

For the most part I know that I do put out a positive vibe. I thank Gemini for that, though Sag may have something to do with it, too. I don't typically present myself as someone you're going to want to distrust or not like. I'm easy. Easy on the eyes, tolerant, not in your way, maybe a bit disconnected.

posted October 24, 2009 05:12 PM         

i d prolly just **** me and throw me away like a piece of garbage. lol

posted October 25, 2009 04:06 AM         

Ah, first impressions. Now it becomes POSSIBLE for me to at least consider the question. (Since other people, especially an entire gender, is so incredibly varied, I saw it as impossible to answer, at least without a long list of, "In the case of A...in the case of B...In the case of Z...In the case of AA2...BB2" As a very brief example, plenty of men would like I have a gun & shoot, while others would be vastly intimidated, especially if I can shoot better than him )

That really depends on both my mood and also what impression I'm TRYING to convey. Which is to say which parts of myself I emphasize and which parts I downplay. And sometimes the sitch demands the style, like when I show up to entertain at a child's b-day party, for example, I have to dress and act the part.

People like it simple, they don't want to have to think, so to get along I give them what I think will put them at ease. Or when I want a certain kind of fun I dress the part. The closest I have to my "true self" is downright surreal (mismatched arm wraps & leggings, for example, often multiple colors, personally tailored clothes, etc, and I'll even rarely throw on a surreal homemade hair fall, too).

posted October 25, 2009 04:06 AM         

But the first impressions are a bit harder to explain. I'm sometimes judged purely on being white, being blonde, having a Texas accent, or even just riding a bicycle. These have very little to do with what I'm like, of course, but people get ideas based on it real fast. And I'm eccentric enough that their impressions are wrong more often than not (heck, there's a reason I'm not in Texas now, for example ). But if they judge me on such superficial details, then I hope they judge me harshly, for I'd rather not mix with small minds & bigots (some who ironically assume I'm the small minded bigot instead of them ).

Many others assume (often wrongly) that I'm like them. Not always, but like once when leaving The Da Vinci Code that some fundies were protesting and some asked me if it "changed my mind" on anything, and I said no, just a movie, and they smiled at me and chatted like I was a fundie Christian myself. 'Course I only made polite chit chat with them before leaving so I never gave them a chance to reassess me, but their first impression of me (did my accent help?) was that I'd sympathize with them rather than thinking they really needed a life if they thought it was so important to protest a fiction movie. But given that at other times fundies assume I'm a ***** of the devil (even literally!), I prefer to keep things civil between us when possible. Heck, I get along with a Pentecostal neighbor, though we seem to have an unspoken agreement to not talk about many things in any detail (ironically, the only argument we ever got into was over Davy Crockett either "belonging" to Tennessee or Texas, though only she took it seriously).

I think the funniest one was where a little girl I know a little came to talk to me and her grandmother shouted at her to not talk at strangers and her shouting back, "It's ok, I know this girl!" The way she likes to talk to me and the way she shouted that, it was like she thought I was 10 myself.

One guy started talking to me once when he saw me laughing in amusement at some articles in the Weekly World News. He said he liked that I laughed without being self-conscious in public and figured I'd be fun to be around.