posted December 26, 2012 12:14 PM            

Post some of the jokes you find funny and your sun and moon signs.

Cap sun and Libra moon here.

A woman starts dating a doctor. She eventually becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try," he says. The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation, he goes to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What happened?" asks the priest. "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About 15 years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."

How do you catch a baby that's fallen over a cliff?
With a pitchfork.

Son: “Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don’t know what Politics is.”
Father: “Well, let’s take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let’s call you The People. We’ll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?”
Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.”
That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: “Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is.”
Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”
Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit.”

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - it's not that hard."

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - that's why I am here!"

posted December 26, 2012 12:32 PM            

moving to the LLC2 Forum

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posted December 26, 2012 03:23 PM            

answer: It's because they were 'spoiled'

(Hey is it okay to laugh at your own jokes? Some things just tickle me!)[Heard that joke on a Jay Leno opening monologue.]

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TWO BLONDES are driving down the road... The one driving glances in the backview mirror and thinks there may be a police car following behind them.

Driver checks again, then asks passenger, "Is that a police car behind us?"

Answer: Yes!

The police car continues to get closer and closer until it is almost up on their bumper.

Driver asks passenger, "Hey?!... Is that police car flashing its lights at us?

Passenger turns around to check. Looks again and again, then finally reports: yes! no! yes! no! yes! no!

posted December 26, 2012 07:36 PM            

A drunk smelling like a brewery got on a bus and sat next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "It's caused by debauchery, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, and being with cheap, wicked women."

"Interesting," muttered the drunk as he returned to his paper.

Sighing, the priest apologized, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

posted December 27, 2012 06:13 PM            

I laugh at silly/stupid jokes or situation.

posted December 27, 2012 06:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
aqua sun taurus moon

mickey mouse was in court trying to divorce minnie and the judge said" alright let me get this straight, you want to divorce minnie because she is crazy? she doesnt look crazy to me... and mickey mouse got flustered and shouted " No!!!! i said she was Fuking Goofy!!!

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Lol

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 27, 2012 07:18 PM            

I laugh at silly/stupid jokes or situation.