posted January 26, 2016 03:16 AM            

There is a guy I've been seeing for a couple of months. Everyone in town knows his story. But I haven't heard it from his mouth. His late girlfriend used to be one of his friend's girlfriend until she dumped him for the guy I'm seeing. Their affair started in 2010, she moved into his home early in 2012. By the summertime she was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and in 2013 she passed away on Thanksgiving Day (which I learned was her favorite holiday) at home in bed. He had come home on his lunch break and I guess found her in his bed (supposedly).

The first time I met both of them was in 2012 on a boat on a lake. They were having a conversation with someone I knew, I wanted to go up and introduce myself but instantly got a "Stay away" vibe from her. I also got a vibe that she was a bit defensive and might have had an attitude problem. I also saw she had a mediport in her chest and figured she was sick so stayed away just like the vibe I got. He made very short eye contact with me but theire was something so deep, intriguing and intimidating behind his eyes. Even now when I look at him. Its so delicious, I just wanna "consume" him and be consumed by him. Anyways, that was the last time I saw him until this past summer, 2 years after her death.

I am a curious soul so I know that this might just be me trying to get the facts as much as I can without asking the guy I'm seeing. I have no intention of asking him about her anytime soon. We've only been seeing each other for 5 months, she died only 2 years ago, ALL of her belongings are in his home, it's as though she still lives there (he works a lot, she wasn't close to her family, she didn't want them to have anything, and he's probably not ready to part with her belongings *cough taurus man cough.*)

Ok so this is where it gets "weird." I'm starting to feel like she's around me now that I'm seeing him. But then again idk if that's me being a Pisces with a vivid imagination haha. It wasn't until a friend of mine let me use their fb account to stalk her page. I looked at every photo, read every one of her posts, even found her old school photo bucket account. It was like I found the stalker's jackpot. I feel really conflicted over how much I want to know her. Sometimes I actually wish I got to know her. I don't know why I have so many questions for her. Despite coming off as a ***** , I feel like she was a great person and I feel like maybe we would have made great friends (wow I feel like a loser for saying that).

Now it gets weirder. One day I was going to his house for a weekend visit. I got to his house before him so I decided to go to the gas station and fill up and get some stuff. Then all of a sudden I knew exactly how I wanted to kill time. What I ended up doing is going to the cemetery she was buried in without even knowing where in the cemetery she was. This cemetery isn't huge but it's not small either.

And now for some more weirdness. As I was driving around the cemetery, one tombstone caught my eye. It had a bouquet of fake pink roses. I stopped the car, got out to walk towards that tombstone and hers ended up being the one right before the one that originally caught my eye. I was so astonished, happy, grateful, sad, and confused at finding her tombstone like that. And as I stood there looking at it, I couldn't help but start feeling this crazy heaviness in my heart. Just now I had to stop typing because I started crying. (Wtf?!?!?) I never knew this girl. Never was even introduced to her officially. I understand wanting to know about her because I really like him, and that was an important event in his life. But I am having a hard time understanding this attachment I think I am developing for her. I really am trying to make sense of why I just cried over her. Why does it feel like my best friend died?!?!? Also to top it off, her birthday #s have slowly become one of my synchronicity #s. It even happened when I was with him once. I saw he was looking at the time, and when I looked, it said 4:26. Of course I didn't say anything to him, idk if he even sees # synchronicities or made the birthday connection.

I just want to know more more more about her. I want to ask him questions about her but at the same time I feel like in due time I'll know every thing I want to know about her.

As for him, I won't get too deep into romantic stuff. But I want him completely. Like I said, his eyes...... They're burning with something. Idk what it is but I want to find it and I want it to encompass me completely.

I wish I can share this with him but I like and respect him to much to ever bring her up out of the blue. Anything he's ever told me about her, he brought up on his own. I'm not trying to **** him off, hurt him, make him feel violated. If anything, I want to help him the way a true friend does, not even in a girlfriendy kind of way. If he wants any help, that is.

Basically I would love any insight from you guys. I feel like a total freak of nature. Also I am an empath to the T. But this doesn't feel ungrounded to me. I've matured enough to know when my head is completely in the clouds. I hope you guys find this as intestining as I do. I just want to make sure this isnt the beginning of a spirit obsession or anything like that. Any comments, suggestions, or whatever intuitive info you get would be really comforting right now. I feel really conflicted and something else about all of this but idk what that something else is.

Maybe you can tell me whats going on with me astrogically?

:sigh: