posted August 16, 2011 11:00 AM            

It is the healthiest thing I have done. I was dating a guy for about three months, the first since my split with my daughter's father last July. He was recently divorced with children of his own and although we felt things very quickly for each other, we were both very guarded emotionally, and the hot flash pan passion of the beginning became complicated and frustrated because we both hadn't really dealt with our losses, just buried them and tried to move on like "everyone told us to".

Needless to say, I was upset about the split, and still do love him, but the way we were going, it would have ended badly had we not parted when we did. He had a lot of anger, a lot of hurt that he was beginning to lash out at me over. I am a defensive mama lion, and wasn't vulnerable enough with him to let him see anything except the "healer" I was forcing myself into.

We talked. A lot. And it was decided that since we both have so much to work through emotionally, it's not a good idea for us to be a "couple", but still friends that can take our our carnal needs with each other, if it's feisable in our schedules.

Funny thing is, we still talk as much as we did. All day texting and fb chatting. We are being so hauntingly honest with each other about things, and are really helping each other dig into what is going on with us that we have hidden for years, if not our whole lives, but without the fear of saying the wrong thing because there is no "committment". There is plenty of emotion. We love each other, but are not ready to be "in love" with anybody right now.

And the sex part is phenomenal. Like, spiritual and mindblowing and caring and deep.

This probably sounds insane, but I say if you can honestly separate "in love" sexual encounters and still hang onto a great friendship, letting go of jealousy and regret, it's worth it.

Morally, I don't know. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. It is pretty Uranian I suppose, and being heavily afflicted there, makes sense for me. I've always been able to shift to the "friend zone" easily. Usually when things get too heavy and the "committment" vibe is asking too much of me, so this situation works very well for me.

Maybe it will turn into something more someday, maybe not. I think part of me hopes it will, but another part remembers the things about him that were red flags that I thought to myself "oh, that doesn't work for me for the long term". And I know that when the time comes for me to move on, to want more and be able to accept it, it will be okay because we have talked about everything so much and have a level of open communication I've only dreamed of.

posted August 16, 2011 11:51 AM            

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posted August 16, 2011 11:51 AM            

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Want to see an awesome Psychic?

posted August 16, 2011 01:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
If she "downgrades" herself to FWB I think the chance of a more serious relationship would be gone.

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just want to say... i married my FWB sometimes it's a necessary transition point... as long as honesty is the foundation...

posted August 16, 2011 02:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by emitres:
just want to say... i married my FWB sometimes it's a necessary transition point... as long as honesty is the foundation...

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Really? Hmmm I never heard of it but that is GOOD lol

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posted August 16, 2011 02:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ghanima81:
That is one way it can go wrong, IF she wants it to be more than just friends. And if the person she would have that arrangement with did put her in a different "category". It depends on the connection and the honesty they would achieve.

I think the only way it can work is to not have "in love" feelings for the other person. If one is, and the other isn't, the worry you have Ami would most likely be realized. It really depends on the people and level of feeling they share IMHO.

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posted August 16, 2011 04:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ghanima81:
Does he?

That's my point.

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posted August 16, 2011 06:21 PM            

oh, and btw, thanks ghani and everyone else

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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted August 16, 2011 06:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Being in love within a FWB dynamic is a catastrophe waiting to happen, because the very problems a FWB is supposed to prevent (I say problems, because for whatever the reason it is that one party suggests it--a relationship, time, commitment, or whatever--it must be a problem in some way for that party) are going to become magnified (not eliminated) for the other party.

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posted August 16, 2011 06:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NickiG:
should i ask him how i am classified in his book?

oh, and btw, thanks ghani and everyone else

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posted August 16, 2011 08:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Every guy (among those who engage in FWB) will say either you are number one or that there are no others in the book...only you, so asking generally will not garner a factual response. Guys lie. Sorry. It is what it is.

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My code of ethics will no tolerate a liar.
If he lies to me he is out of my life.
I always right off tell a guy that so they are forewarned.

posted August 16, 2011 09:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Yeah. there are a few good men scattered about. You should tell him you're not a back-up and it's all or nothing. Or that you can be friends only. But since you love him, that complicates things immensely.

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i greatly appreciate your input...and i'm pretty sure this guy is one of the few good guys left to the world....but i suppose i'll just have to ask him so we are clear with everything

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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?