posted July 25, 2011 09:09 AM            

I am at the place where I can look back and see a few things.

I think Co-dependency is a Personality Disorder just as BPD is.
Although Co-dep is not as severe,of course.

A PD is just a bunch of messed up distortions held by cement and bricks.

You THINK they are real.They are not.They are all lies.

posted July 25, 2011 01:58 PM            

Look at Clinton .Look at poor Amy Winehouse--talent in gobs.

posted August 22, 2011 04:14 AM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I suppose my Saturn Retro conj the ASC in Scorpio forces me to climb a grueling mountain for any ounce of self esteem I get.

I am at the place where I can look back and see a few things.

I think Co-dependency is a Personality Disorder just as BPD is.
Although Co-dep is not as severe,of course.

A PD is just a bunch of messed up distortions held by cement and bricks.

You THINK they are real.They are not.They are all lies.

Under them is the truth but how to get under them is the key,the problem, the very,very hard struggle.
Can anyone relate?

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I've been labelled with Borderline, and for me the perceptions are very, very real when I am out of it. I can be taken back to trauma in the blink of an eye and zone completely out of the present from seemingly insignificant triggers.

Rather than get under them, I think you have to deconstruct them. The main difficulty I have is knowing just what emotions/reactions are appropriate whilst experiencing the habitual reactions. It's not impossible, but it's mentally exhausting, I have one eye on my 'hurt self' constantly. I think it's also important to develop a 'now self' separate from the 'hurt self', so you always have a choice how to react if you catch yourself in time, but you are also still recognising the unhealthy reactions as part of yourself. It gets easier, but like I said, one eye on it always, and that's probably how it's alwasy going to be, but I gladly take that, along with the occasional meltdown, than being whacked out on meds and patronised by a psychologist.

I take my eye off- I am unrecognisable, and sometimes I have to because I'm just too tired to keep it on, but I can recognise the beginning of a meltdown now, and can take measures to ensure my safety most of the time, before it hits. As I get older my reactions to triggers seem to be more delayed than, for example, last year, but I think that has a lot to do with learning my physiological reactions. I get a churning in my stomach, throbbing intermittent headaches, I lose my appetite and stop eating, and start to crave alcohol; closer to the point of no return I start having inappropriate sexual feelings (ie for friends, strangers, exes, just people that I would usually stay away from sexually - not in a criminal way), insomnia increases, I get urges to burn myself, my mind starts repeating the same word, phrase, or piece of music for days on end, I start getting obsessed with numbers and doing mundane things a certain number of times, and all the music that comes from me is dark. After this point I generally lose all control, and just have to ride it out, it doesn't help that once I am in it I have an absolute ball, I love the high, the attention, the supposed power over people, my body, and situations, I feel strong - this of course mostly has a negative effect, but I can't see it when I'm in it, only in the aftermath, in which I go through a period of trying to pick up the pieces, and endeavour to be a better person, and look harder at myself and hope that one day I will always catch myself in time before the spiral.

posted August 22, 2011 08:59 AM            

I have been looking through the threads in this forum, and I noticed that you have an interest in BPD, I'm happy to answer any questions you have, from my own experience of living with it, if you think I may be able to help.

posted August 22, 2011 07:49 PM            

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Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Thank you for the opportunity to share.

I have been looking through the threads in this forum, and I noticed that you have an interest in BPD, I'm happy to answer any questions you have, from my own experience of living with it, if you think I may be able to help.

I'm in a good place right now, so talking is relatively easy, and coming from 'functional me'.

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Thank you Voix! I appreciate it very much.

posted August 22, 2011 07:49 PM            

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Originally posted by starfox:
I think it is possible to break that wall and take it down brick by brick.

Then one can slowly rebuild it as to see how it should be.

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Awww You are a Sweetie Starfox!