posted September 05, 2011 10:43 PM            

I have spoken to him about the things that I have been through and he seems to understanding enough- but he just doesn't seem to get it? he will raise his voice at me in anger and I shut down. I tell him to just leave me alone in solitude so I can brew in silence but he wants to do things like talk and hug it out. not such a bad idea for the person who is receptive but when i am feeling this way, the best thing for me is to just shut down and come back to it. the last argument resulted in some belligerent actions and words that could've been avoided and I have not spoken to him in a week. I won't take his calls at this time because I feel like the demons are still in a state of unrest.

I was in therapy for two years and have taken antidepressants to deal in the past but I made the mistake of taking my elevated self esteem with him as a cure. besides, the side effects were a doozy.

posted September 06, 2011 07:00 AM            

I know he means well but I feel so emotionally unstable, I feel that the damage is irreparable.maybe a week is not enough time for myself. He has called twice since the argument but I didn't answer the phone.

posted September 06, 2011 08:51 AM            

perhaps you can direct him to read about it? here is a very good article on Complex-PTSD. you have to realise that there is a little difference between regular PTSD and C-PTSD. http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/CPTSD.html

also what has helped me a little bit is this thing called EFT-tapping, it was recommended by a therapist (though i am not seeing a therapist at the moment). you can bring out the issues and confront them and work with your concious/subconscious mind. i've come to understand more and more through this, but at the time i am thinking i may need a professional's help who work specifically with C-PTSD, which availability i am not sure about where i live. but at least i will not be misdiagnosed as depressed anymore.

posted September 06, 2011 04:01 PM            

It seems like a classic case of miscommunication... he is not understanding how deeply you are affected by his actions, and maybe he is treating your very real reactions more flippantly, as he's not had to deal with that, therefore doesn't and can't grasp the scope of your feelings....the enormity of the way you feel as a result of your experiences.

I think it would promote healing, and indeed, the health of your ability to maintain relationships currently, if you honestly confronted him ( non-confrontationally) and let him know , essentially 'it's not you, it's me, so stop doing that thing you do that makes me shut off, and these are the reasons and you should respect that there are limits, if you intend to continue being in a relationship with me.'

You should definitely get it off your chest.

posted September 06, 2011 08:20 PM            

One of them tried an amateurish attempt to use EMDR on me for my own PTSD and it may have helped. Though at the same time I was using self-hypnosis to rewrite the script of common nightmares and in "inner child" work where I integrated what I learned and new strengths to my "child self" who had been much more vulnerable, and I think this helped more.

posted September 06, 2011 10:02 PM            

Its hard to cope with because I don't want to feel that I'm losing someone who means a lot to me. All I can hope is that he will read & respond but I'm not going to put too much hope into it.

I've been struggling with this for about 8 years now and I was doing good for awhile. I felt some of it coming back with the nightmares & insomnia but I was hoping to have more self control but I find that I have less of it right before that time of month. I've been dealing with a severe sinus infection for about 2 weeks (one of the joys I must deal with after having the whole right side of my face broken). The pressure required emergency treatment at the hospital. Not to mention that I had to attend the funeral of a dear friend who I had cut off contact with because it brought back bad memories of my past. I saw everyone their and just remembered all the pain that I went through with him because he also did things to them. Not to mention the nightmares and insomnia- I guess the pressure became too much for me. I felt like he wasn't paying enough attention to me & that he was taking me for granted. It was such a primal rage, I can't even remember what was said or done. All I remember is asking him to please let me go home and he refused. He took the keys out the door and I kinda snapped. I feel embarressed and ashamed for behavior but if he only wouldve took to heart what I was saying. I felt suffocated and like a wild animal in a cage.

posted September 07, 2011 10:22 AM            

He needs to understand what happens to our brains under the spell of PTSD. I have had it for years, unknown to me till about 8 years ago when I was diagnosed, also due to a domestic situation.

I am a RN so bear with be....I have reasearched this till the cows come home cause we need to understand what is happening to our brains, cause our brains affect everything! There is little out there re: domestic situations, usually war situations.

When we are put in a fight or flight situation, catecholamines are released to help us survive. Norepinepherine, the main one shuts down our guts, and other body funcitions temoprarily, so that we become hyper vigilant and stronger and more aware, it is the speed of our brains. Then when the situation is over, dopamine and seratonin take over. Dopamine kicks in to make us happy and seratonin to calm us.

The unfortunate thing about PTSD is that after so many of these "situations" the brain no longer functions normally in new situations of fear or something that reminds us of the original situation. And even more unfortunate, norepinepherine is released in truckloads, the brain cant "reuptake it" as it should and even more unfortunate is that seratonin and dopamine are reuptaked more so that we end up with more speed and less calming and happy brain chemicals.

Brain chemistry is altered forever and so are we.

Before I really began a treatment program (deisgned by myself) I remember being really scared when an ex bfriend stalked me (and he still does 9 years later), I would look in the mirror and my pupils would be so dialated, like I was on speed!

PTSD put me in mild heart failure due to all of the stress hormones running rampant in my body.

I am now, at nearly 50 years old, 2 antidepressants and a mood lifter, wakefulness med.

But different antidepressants work different. SSRI's only inhibit the reuptake of seratonin, so we are calm...I am on an SSRI and another that inhibits the reuptake of dopamine and adds a little norepi to the brain.

So baiscally I am chemically altering my brain to act as normal, well as normal as it can.

I also stay out of stressful stiuations, if I can, but my life seems to never let me do that!!!

IF he loves you, he will be interested in what you are going thru, PTSD is a good test for any relationship...unfortunate, but the ones who are worth it stay.

blessings

posted September 07, 2011 12:11 PM            

i was on zoloft for some time and I felt great even though the first few weeks was rough. i have researched this too extensively ( I am studying to be an RN )

I was hyper the the first couple of days it happened but now I just feel depressed and like I am going through the motions. Not to mention I am exhausted- ughhh....but life doesn't allow time for depression and being tired. Lol so i just keep on going.

posted September 08, 2011 12:57 PM            

I haven't read all the responses, but usually when issues like this come up with my boyfriends, I tell them that I need to be with how I'm feeling, that when you put too much pressure on fixing something, especially when you're angry, your heart rate is elevated and it's proven that you don't say what you feel or what's really important to you. Peripheral emotions get amped and core issues ignored. I tell them that it's very important to me to say what I mean and know what I'm feeling because our relationship is important to me.. that sometimes that can take me a few days, but that that accurate communication is very important to me as is the relationship. That I can understand them wanting things to be better sooner rather than later, but I want to make sure what I say to them is exactly how I feel as opposed to what I say being more dictated by my anger in the moment or in this case inflated panic from a past trauma I'm processing. That I can't say how I feel in such circumstances and it's proven most people can't, and that I would hate to lose them over something I said that I didn't mean or feel.

I hope things get better.

I hear there are innovative therapies involving eye movement, but ptsd partially results in a shrunken hypothalamus which is in charge of procedural memory.. and it's been forever since I researched this, but I think laying down new memories. Mindfulness meditation thickens the hypothalamus (attention to intention, textures, thoughts), but compassion helps mitigate trauma to the circuitry and would prevent emotional trauma from shrinking it and along with forgiveness. Neuroscientifically it will mitigate further damage and allow you to stay more centered, if not, entirely negating the ptsd. You can't just thicken the hypothalamus when the trauma keeps resurfacing for reprocessing.. thus the compassion and forgiveness integration and centering. I've got a great illustration of this concept using the Dalai Lama's doctor and his 20 years of torture in China that I may type up later.