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Author Topic:   Developing a Thick Skin
Ami Anne
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posted August 30, 2014 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am sooo glad I am. When I came on LL, everything bothered me. Randall told me I needed a thicker skin but I didn't know what he meant.
I have gotten one simply from being criticized so much lol but I feel soooo much freer and sooo much better.

It was all such a blessing!

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TuxLuigi
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posted August 30, 2014 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for TuxLuigi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Developping a thicker skin is synonymous with denying your pain and emotions and acting tough, for a lot of people. Following that definition, I'd say I'm not sure I want to get a thicker skin, particularly if that means fighting back on everything and acting stubborn instead of being more diplomatic and rational.
But then there are many people who are on the opposite end of the spectrum too, who let absolutely everyone step on them and who are anything but opinionated. I guess these people don't need to grow a thicker skin, as much as they need to grow some personality and boundaries of self.

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juniperb
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posted August 30, 2014 12:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I guess these people don't need to grow a thicker skin, as much as they need to grow some personality and boundaries of self.

When one knows the self and imposes boundries for self and others , it all falls into place.
Thicker skin can and often does , cover the pain for short periods.

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Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged.
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Ami Anne
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posted August 30, 2014 07:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Any other comments

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athenegoddess
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posted August 30, 2014 09:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think having a thick skin means you are hiding pain. I think it means you aren't being affected by people so you wouldn't have to deal with any pain they are trying to cause at all.

Its a good trait to have.

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Ami Anne
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posted August 30, 2014 09:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by athenegoddess:
I don't think having a thick skin means you are hiding pain. I think it means you aren't being affected by people so you wouldn't have to deal with any pain they are trying to cause at all.

Its a good trait to have.



Yes, you have wisdom.


I wish more people would

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KarkaQueen
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posted August 30, 2014 10:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarkaQueen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:

Yes, you have wisdom.


I wish more people would


So if athenegoddess has wisdom saying the exact opposite TuxLuigi said does that mean he's foolish?

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athenegoddess
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posted August 30, 2014 11:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think thats what she means Karka. Instigator much?


Thanks Ami. I have overcome a lot in life. Learning from experience is what wisdom means

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Ami Anne
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posted August 30, 2014 11:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think thats what she means Karka. Instigator much?

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T
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posted August 30, 2014 11:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think sometimes being thin-skinned or being ultra sensitive comes from having a humongous ego and not a huge heart.

There seems to be a true noticable difference with people who are naturally sensitive, and aware than someone who gets defensive easily and takes things in a way they weren't intended.

I'm reminded of this....(have your pick)

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T
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posted August 30, 2014 11:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
and before anyone tries to jump down my throat, these are my thoughts on the subject of the thread and not intended to be taken personally by anyone here. Just food for thought.

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T
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posted August 30, 2014 11:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What seems like "thick skinned" to some, might actually be a person who sees through certain things and has learned to not let their emotions or other people control them.

I've known some naturally sensitive people who have been surrounded by hurtful people and instead of let that "take them down" and harden their heart - they learn from it and see through to the root of the matter and thus it's impossible that it can hurt them anymore. They aren't hardened, they just understand better now and it no longer effects them.

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KarkaQueen
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posted August 30, 2014 11:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarkaQueen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by athenegoddess:
I don't think thats what she means Karka. Instigator much?


Yes, I am an instigator. I brought up a question and I wanted her to discuss it. You know me as one who always asks people questions that could be interpreted as either being rude or pure fascination. It is not out of ill will but a simple curiosity. I would like to see what her opinion on TuxLuigi's interpretation of what thick skin should mean.
If she would say what she means to, I would not get offended.

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KarkaQueen
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posted August 30, 2014 11:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarkaQueen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by T:
What seems like "thick skinned" to some, might actually be a person who sees through certain things and has learned to not let their emotions or other people control them.

I've known some naturally sensitive people who have been surrounded by hurtful people and instead of let that "take them down" and harden their heart - they learn from it and see through to the root of the matter and thus it's impossible that it can hurt them anymore. They aren't hardened, they just understand better now and it no longer effects them.


Most of the time developing thick-skin makes you become callous, very fixed to your opinions, abrasive, rough, and less empathetic of others. Then again... that does make you more stronger for you block out other's peoples feelings to affect how you really feel or what you truly want. People are predators out there and when they see a sensitive, sweet-hearted person they manipulate them and use them for their own gratification.

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Ellynlvx
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posted August 30, 2014 11:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You guys are making me hungry.

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T
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posted August 31, 2014 12:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Karka,

A long reply was flowing out of me and my computer shut down. I'm too tired to try to type it out again.

Just wanted to say that I hear what you are saying. My point was that it takes deep understanding and wisdom to not let this world eat you up alive (and no, I am not "there" or haven't made it out yet fully myself and struggle still, daily). The only thing that has somewhat saved me at this point is knowledge i've gained and a willingness to try to understand human nature and accept it for what it is and not leaf it tear me down completely. It's not a smooth, straight or easy road.

Yes, I agree, it's very easy to become callous, rigid and cold-hearted, especially if you've been dealt a rough deck in life. Many people let it eat them up alive and it's sad. All we can do is try to understand and not let outside influences ruin our own life. That is not always an easy thing to do.

quote:
People are predators out there and when they see a sensitive, sweet-hearted person they manipulate them and use them for their own gratification.

Yep. I've been in that position many times, especially as a young child and well into early adulthood. I guess certain things had to happen to me in order that I was able to survive later on in life and make my way in this world. I was way too naive of a soul. I could see how other people might have been completely destroyed and gone down a dark road. I'm not saying I'm better, I'm saying I thank my lucky stars that I had some sort of inner strength from somewhere that got me through - or continues to help me through, and I didn't curl up, give up, or succumb to the darkness. It could've happened many times and is still a daily struggle.

If certain things hadn't happened to me and almost forced me to get a thick skin and learn how to cope in this world, I'd hate to see where I'd be right now. Deep down, I am still a sensitive caring person. Just not someone who let's the little things get to me. And for that, I am thankful.

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T
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posted August 31, 2014 12:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm stronger and wiser and I needed to be tested and beat up in order to be who i am today. I'd not be here today if I wasn't able to learn a lot from hardships or stayed so innocent and naive and trusting.

I think there is a difference between a healthy thick skin and an unhealthy one. Same for sensitivity.

K. Done.

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KarkaQueen
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posted August 31, 2014 01:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarkaQueen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
T what you said really touched my heart. I agree with everything you said completely. A lot of people manipulated me too and while I realized the truth of many people no matter how much it hurts I grow from these experiences.. then again, everyone has their own reality and nothing is truly right or wrong.. so these developments can be completely wrong to someone else but so right for the other.. so fascinating

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T
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posted August 31, 2014 02:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well said. & thanks for really listening to what I was saying.

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teasel
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posted August 31, 2014 03:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know what you're saying. I can't seem to hold onto that less jaded part of myself, without becoming too hard, though.

Ami, I think that what Tux was saying, was that it can feel like that thick skin is great, until you realized that it is just covering up feelings - bravado that crumples when you let yourself feel again. I say this, because I've experienced it quite a bit.

When I'm really unaffected by something, then I tend to stay quiet. I might let people know that I'm feeling great/peaceful, but that's it. That thicker skin can give way to strength, but it happens to me after the feelings are processed.

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T
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posted August 31, 2014 03:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by teasel:
That thicker skin can give way to strength, but it happens to me after the feelings are processed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yep.

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Ami Anne
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posted August 31, 2014 09:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks, Teasel. Maybe lol

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teasel
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posted August 31, 2014 10:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Thanks, Teasel. Maybe lol


What do you mean? I'm not having a good morning.

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Ami Anne
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posted August 31, 2014 10:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know what Tux meant, I mean lol

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TuxLuigi
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posted August 31, 2014 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TuxLuigi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I don't know what Tux meant, I mean lol


I meant that many people are not sure whether "developing a thicker skin" means learning and growing from pain and responding to it in a more mature way, or hiding/rejecting emotions because you're weak otherwise. Some people are thought to have a "thick skin" but are the kind to beat up their wife at home. Some people grow such a thick skin they become distant to situations such as the death of a friend.
"Developing a thick skin" has a tendency to mean different things for different people. From the definition I have seen around myself, I would certainly prefer to be "weak" and "sensitive" than to repress my emotions for the sake of being less hurt by personal pain.

Edit:
Maybe I see it this way because "grow a thicker skin", "stop whining" and "stop being a pansy" all sound synonymous to me and all come off as a personal insult to my sensitivity.

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