posted November 11, 2014 11:16 AM            

I'm curious about it, if you'd like to discuss.

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Last night the sun was transiting my NN while the moon formed a grand water trine with my NN and moon. For whatever reason, in the middle of the night, I woke up, started thinking about all kinds of long-buried memories of painful experiences, and crying. Usually I barely even think of these things or I have them on "lock down" so they don't trigger any emotional response.

Last night, it's like these emotions all came out like a parade of wild animals. I cried and surprised myself with the intensity of it...like...this is the geyser I keep suppressed inside? Wow

The experience just reminded me how much I keep bottled up. Not that I want to uncork the bottle all the time...but it's good to be reminded of its contents. Pays homage to the path I have walked, the intensity, losses, failures, abominations...everything that has deepened me and that I am oddly grateful for.

posted November 11, 2014 07:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
I know what you mean. and the best thing about those moments in realizing you made it through, you're still alive, and have passed the tests.

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Ack don't get me crying again!

posted November 11, 2014 07:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
I've definitely had the moments you're talking about. As you said, it really is amazing to see what comes jumping out at you when you unscrew yourself and see yourself come unhinged. What you've endured and how you've endured... I hope you're feeling better.

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I'm glad you understand and love the way you put this...there is that rational, objective element of "seeing yourself come unhinged." And being a Cap, that's the part I like...just observing what's there.

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
My catharsis mainly comes from writing and sometimes, it just comes down on me... Out of nowhere. A memory could spark it, a random feeling and I find myself being sucked into this ocean of emotions. It's amazing and it always feels good afterwards. But when the second round comes, it always reminds me that there's more hiding beneath the surface.

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Yup, just like that.

posted November 11, 2014 09:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
... and sometimes, it just comes down on me... Out of nowhere.

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Honestly I am usually calm and go through life like your average, serious Capricorn, more focused on practical things than emotions. I hope everyone believes me. I plead Saturn.

So it's very funny to me, in retrospect, when I lose my composure and turn into a Pisces moon puddle in the blink of an eye, in public.

*edit

posted November 12, 2014 07:57 AM            

Sigh....

quote:

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What "does it" for you? How do you bring about your own catharsis? Does it just befall you? Or do you harness it by probing self-reflection?

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Let me see if I can summarize...hmmm...

There are times when I endure a lot of stress or sorrow and don't cry, I just shove my emotions on the backburner, and sometimes they just stay there for a long time. It gets to the point where I forget about these things, or I forget how potentially volatile the emotions are. And then something triggers them...it doesn't even have to be related to the issue I'm stewing over...maybe I just see something in the outside world with the same kind of poignancy and depth. Or maybe I see someone in a position where they are relieved, and I realize full-force how desperately I want the same relief. This has happened to me once or twice in the grocery store as I'm waiting at the checkout line, staring at tabloids. I see something that just sneaks into my psyche, unlocks the floodgates, and before I know it, I've got tears running down my cheeks and I have to work really hard at regaining my composure.

Crying comes from looking out at the world and seeing people like me...or sometimes just looking at someone who I can sense is extremely compassionate and would understand everything. That's when I realize there is a "place" for my issues to exist, and that's when they come to the forefront.

posted November 12, 2014 10:26 AM            

That's a very very very great reflection. Reminded me of the gif I posted on your Neptune thread: "In the act of observing others, we recognize ourselves." I get like that too, sometimes. When I see people's happiness, it makes me confront my lack of it. When I see people's sadness and pain, it pushes me to acknowledge all the misery I keep shackled and chained in the deepest crevices of my heart.

I agree with everything you said. Sometimes, I cry when I see something as silly as a baby kitten meowing desperately for it mother or when Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls got made fun of by Buttercup because she chalk up the floor with drawings instead of playing "real games". When she started crying, I came undone with her. These are the moments that surprise me most. How I can empathize with a cartoon character or a kitten but not with myself when I break-up with my lover of 3 years.

Thank you for sharing, and in turn, giving me the space to share back.

Hahaha you are toooooooooooooo kind. If that's the best kind of greatness then I do look forward to making you even more uncomfortable... Within reasonable limits, of course

posted November 12, 2014 06:01 PM            

Thank you...maybe it's a need to experience things vicariously? Like, we can't feel sorry for ourselves at the drop of a hat but we can feel sorry for people like ourselves, and that reminds us "oh we're in that same boat, too!"

How adorable that you cry about Bubbles getting made fun of. My children watch vintage Smurfs cartoons and I tell them that when I was little, for weeks I was morose about Smurfette's pet mouse Squeaky dying. I still can't believe those bad*ss writers with their icy hearts killed that precious mouse. Cruel, cruel world!

All our mutual appreciation reminds me of the "mirroring" thing on the Pisces/Neptune thread. So here we go: