posted December 12, 2016 12:46 AM            

I've been talking to a therapist since then too, but feel the format of therapy may not be the right fit for me in the long run. I've tried before but it feels forced and artificial. But will keep trying.

I feel such a deep sense of sadness everyday. I wake up everyday, go to bed every night and any moments I have alone I do not feel like myself. At work today I just started crying randomly several times which is embarrassing and it's good I have a chance to be alone. The problem is I am alone far too often. I am too isolated which may be part of a lingering depression. Many of the friends we had in common, they were all her friends, I moved to where she lived, etc. She always had a lot of people around, whereas I was always a 1 on 1 person, very close to my parents growing up.

What I've been experiencing seems similar to post traumatic stress disorder from what I've read. Not trying to sound dramatic either but everyday I have flashes. memories, things said, outfits she wore, little things, dreams every single night, things we shared from years ago, I remember every single thing.

I keep unintentionally running over the things I know I did wrong in the relationship, and keep wondering if I realized how my behavior contributed to what was happening, would we be together? I have asked myself this everyday since July.

It's like a history of touches is erased and you're left stripped and alone.

When someone is such a part of your life and history, someone who you're so compatible with (same temperament) and feel so warm around, someone who you loved unconditionally, someone you moved your life for and went through so much with, it's like they become a part of your DNA. When they're gone, I feel grey and absent, like I am no longer significant at all. Ultimately I feel meaningless and not in the healthy, humbling sense. I confided in her so much, she was someone who I could really talk to. I have trouble opening up to just anyone.

It's like you develop your own language over years and then you're suddenly left unable to speak. That's how I've felt since the breakup. All the small things that meant so much to you as a couple are rendered blank.

Sorry for the long post, but does this get better in time? I feel as if this piece of me and my personality, my heart is forever gone. Not trying to sound dramatic either, just feeling devastated on an everyday basis and any comments would be appreciated!

All that said, I really just miss her and all the little things we shared.

posted December 12, 2016 05:51 AM              

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

“What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better.”
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it...”
― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
― David Richo

“Change, like healing, takes time.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

“Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don't really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way."
― C. JoyBell C.

posted December 12, 2016 09:19 AM            

------------------
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posted December 12, 2016 07:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
As a general rule, it gets better at the same amount of time it became so deep. So all in all, it should take you about 7 years to get over it fully, but it should start getting better well before that...but not completely. There's a lot of other factors involved as well.

Sorry to say that you've probably got a long way to go. I have been there, and it was a relief the moment I felt I was truly over it (and to remember the relationship in a way that didn't generate grief and anger), but that was years later. And that's despite all the mutables in my chart.

---

This is true for me as well with my first love. I cried on and off for years over the loss (and I'm the one that ended it). I know it probably doesn't help hearing this at the moment but, eventually, things will get better for you and you will grow stronger because of it.

posted December 12, 2016 08:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann7:
This is true for me as well with my first love. I cried on and off for years over the loss (and I'm the one that ended it). I know it probably doesn't help hearing this at the moment but, eventually, things will get better for you and you will grow stronger because of it.

---

posted December 12, 2016 08:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by charlie:
The feelings of sadness will subside and most likely vanish altogether but having said that, it's not unheard of that people who truly loved and had their heart broken, actually moved away from the place where reminders existed. If this is not an option for you, you shouldn't panic about feeling low. It's OK to be sad!! Actually, when I am sad I make myself even more sad any which way I can Sad music, sad movies, sad books and sad-everything. After a while I feel so pathetic I want to laugh at myself.
We all have a place in our hearts for "that someone" but when all the hurt is gone what is left is usually nice memories that will always be with you.

---

posted December 12, 2016 08:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brendan34:
I've cried everyday since a 7 year relationship ended in July.

I've been talking to a therapist since then too, but feel the format of therapy may not be the right fit for me in the long run. I've tried before but it feels forced and artificial. But will keep trying.

I feel such a deep sense of sadness everyday. I wake up everyday, go to bed every night and any moments I have alone I do not feel like myself. At work today I just started crying randomly several times which is embarrassing and it's good I have a chance to be alone. The problem is I am alone far too often. I am too isolated which may be part of a lingering depression. Many of the friends we had in common, they were all her friends, I moved to where she lived, etc. She always had a lot of people around, whereas I was always a 1 on 1 person, very close to my parents growing up.

What I've been experiencing seems similar to post traumatic stress disorder from what I've read. Not trying to sound dramatic either but everyday I have flashes. memories, things said, outfits she wore, little things, dreams every single night, things we shared from years ago, I remember every single thing.

I keep unintentionally running over the things I know I did wrong in the relationship, and keep wondering if I realized how my behavior contributed to what was happening, would we be together? I have asked myself this everyday since July.

It's like a history of touches is erased and you're left stripped and alone.

When someone is such a part of your life and history, someone who you're so compatible with (same temperament) and feel so warm around, someone who you loved unconditionally, someone you moved your life for and went through so much with, it's like they become a part of your DNA. When they're gone, I feel grey and absent, like I am no longer significant at all. Ultimately I feel meaningless and not in the healthy, humbling sense. I confided in her so much, she was someone who I could really talk to. I have trouble opening up to just anyone.

It's like you develop your own language over years and then your suddenly left unable to speak. That's how I've felt since the breakup. All the small things that meant so much to you as a couple are rendered blank.

Sorry for the long post, but does this get better in time? I feel as if this piece of me and my personality, my heart is forever gone. Not trying to sound dramatic either, just feeling devastated on an everyday basis and any comments would be appreciated!

All that said, I really just miss her and all the little things we shared.

Thanks for reading.

---

I have personally experienced the kind of heart break you speak of and its horrible and you think it will never get better but eventually it does. Its a type of trauma yes indeed and PTSD can involve the loss of a loved one, sometimes a break up feels like the death of someone you were one with and every cell of your body aches, you feel like you are dying.

Time is your friend and things will eventually get better. If I could turn back time and handle that break up in a healthier way I would, I handled it soo poorly. I would practice radical acceptance and stop holding on to something I can't change and let go. Letting go was so hard for me as well as radical acceptance but it was also a very important lesson in my life that I needed to learn. Embracing the way things have worked out and having faith that is for your higher good even though you can't understand it right now is part of it as well as not trying to change the outcome and accepting it truly and then letting go; once you do this you will be free and no longer be in a constant state of torment of your own doing. If I can overcome it and do something positive with that pain so can you! Things will eventually feel normal again and look up again.

posted December 12, 2016 08:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brendan34:
Thank you for the reply Ann. Did it take moving or meeting someone else (eventually) or a change of some sort for you to get through that time period and move on?

---

It took time.

I started dating right away after the split and went through a couple of LTR's, even a second husband. Somewhere along the line I just got over it. I still love him (he is my first love, the father of my oldest and was my partner in crime from the ages of 18-25) but I am not -in- love with him any more and quite honestly I am relieved that we didn't stay together. We grew into very different people and I don't think I would be a happy person today if we had stayed married.

I promise that it gets easier.

posted December 12, 2016 08:25 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
I have personally experienced the kind of heart break you speak of and its horrible and you think it will never get better but eventually it does. Its a type of trauma yes indeed and PTSD can involve the loss of a loved one, sometimes a break up feels like the death of someone you were one with and every cell of your body aches, you feel like you are dying.

Time is your friend and things will eventually get better. If I could turn back time and handle that break up in a healthier way I would, I handled it soo poorly. I would practice radical acceptance and stop holding on something I can't change and let go. Letting go was so hard for me as well as radical acceptance but it was also a very important lesson in my life that I needed to learn. Embracing the way things have worked out and having faith that is for your higher good even though you can't understand it right now is part of it as well as not trying to change the outcome and accepting it truly and then letting go; once you do this you will be free and no longer be in a constant state of torment of your own doing. If I can overcome it and do something positive with that pain so can you! Things will eventually feel normal again and look up again.

Side note: If you feel your therapy sessions are forced love, then shop around for other therapists as you haven't found the right fit for you.

---

posted December 12, 2016 08:32 PM            

I'm so sorry your relationship ended, causing you so much pain. You have been very brave bringing this here and reaching out for others' experiences, and I sincerely commend you for that, it's not an easy thing to expose our vulnerability in this way, and it fares well for your healing.

I haven't felt this pain in particular myself. I have known other forms of devastation though, deep dark places I never thought I would escape from. But I did. And you can too. There's no magical formula other than allowing yourself to feel what you feel. If you don't feel safe, please tell someone. In the meantime, it can sometimes be helpful to imagine that you are taking care of a friend who has lost someone, and treat yourself with the same compassion and regard as you would that friend. A creative outlet can help with the emotions, writing, drawing dancing, painting, crafting, photographing - anything that you can transform your emotions into that is separate from yourself.

posted December 12, 2016 09:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
I have personally experienced the kind of heart break you speak of and its horrible and you think it will never get better but eventually it does. Its a type of trauma yes indeed and PTSD can involve the loss of a loved one, sometimes a break up feels like the death of someone you were one with and every cell of your body aches, you feel like you are dying.

Time is your friend and things will eventually get better. If I could turn back time and handle that break up in a healthier way I would, I handled it soo poorly. I would practice radical acceptance and stop holding on to something I can't change and let go. Letting go was so hard for me as well as radical acceptance but it was also a very important lesson in my life that I needed to learn. Embracing the way things have worked out and having faith that is for your higher good even though you can't understand it right now is part of it as well as not trying to change the outcome and accepting it truly and then letting go; once you do this you will be free and no longer be in a constant state of torment of your own doing. If I can overcome it and do something positive with that pain so can you! Things will eventually feel normal again and look up again.

Side note: If you feel your therapy sessions are forced love, then shop around for other therapists as you haven't found the right fit for you.

---

Thank you so much for your helpful words. If you can answer, was it time that helped you to finally let go? Did this take you years? Or was it a number of things?

posted December 12, 2016 10:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann7:
It took time.

I started dating right away after the split and went through a couple of LTR's, even a second husband. Somewhere along the line I just got over it. I still love him (he is my first love, the father of my oldest and was my partner in crime from the ages of 18-25) but I am not -in- love with him any more and quite honestly I am relieved that we didn't stay together. We grew into very different people and I don't think I would be a happy person today if we had stayed married.

I promise that it gets easier.

---

Thanks again Ann. Growing apart happens to many people, we can never predict how we grow and change through life experiences. I guess the key is being willing to grow together. This happened in my relationship, I feel she felt "held back" due to me taking longer to finish school, find a job and because of a health issue I went through in the last several years.

posted December 12, 2016 10:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brendan34:
Just curious, is No Contact the best option for recovering?

---

That depends.

posted December 12, 2016 10:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by charlie:
The feelings of sadness will subside and most likely vanish altogether but having said that, it's not unheard of that people who truly loved and had their heart broken, actually moved away from the place where reminders existed. If this is not an option for you, you shouldn't panic about feeling low. It's OK to be sad!! Actually, when I am sad I make myself even more sad any which way I can Sad music, sad movies, sad books and sad-everything. After a while I feel so pathetic I want to laugh at myself.
We all have a place in our hearts for "that someone" but when all the hurt is gone what is left is usually nice memories that will always be with you.

---

posted December 13, 2016 02:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Hi Brendan,

I'm so sorry your relationship ended, causing you so much pain. You have been very brave bringing this here and reaching out for others' experiences, and I sincerely commend you for that, it's not an easy thing to expose our vulnerability in this way, and it fares well for your healing.

I haven't felt this pain in particular myself. I have known other forms of devastation though, deep dark places I never thought I would escape from. But I did. And you can too. There's no magical formula other than allowing yourself to feel what you feel. If you don't feel safe, please tell someone. In the meantime, it can sometimes be helpful to imagine that you are taking care of a friend who has lost someone, and treat yourself with the same compassion and regard as you would that friend. A creative outlet can help with the emotions, writing, drawing dancing, painting, crafting, photographing - anything that you can transform your emotions into that is separate from yourself.

Thank you for the courage you've shown here Brendan.

---

Thank you for your sensitive and heartfelt words here. I have been exercising often and finding creative outlets and need to do this more actually. It can be a great outlet and way to channel the emotions. Thank you for input and being so understanding, gracious in your response.

I truly appreciate everyone's responses in this thread and it gives you strength when people truly empathize.

posted December 13, 2016 09:37 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brendan34:
Thank you for your sensitive and heartfelt words here. I have been exercising often and finding creative outlets and need to do this more actually. It can be a great outlet and way to channel the emotions. Thank you for input and being so understanding, gracious in your response.

I truly appreciate everyone's responses in this thread and it gives you strength when people truly empathize.

---

posted December 13, 2016 01:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brendan34:

Just curious, is No Contact the best option for recovering?

---

Each situation is organic but, maybe for now, no contact might be the best (?)

Maybe give her space and see what happens in regards to how both of you feel.

posted December 13, 2016 06:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann7:
Each situation is organic but, maybe for now, no contact might be the best (?)

Maybe give her space and see what happens in regards to how both of you feel.

---

Yes, this is what I have done. She has reached out to me more through calls and texts. I have not initiated contact in the past couple months at all. It's odd to me that she wanted to be "friends" right away, as we were breaking up (after 7 years). I just don't find that realistic or respecting the nature of what a relationship entailed for both individuals.

She reached out to meet recently which I agreed to and prepared myself for mentally but the day of, she was with other friends and couldn't fit me in so to speak. She texted me at 3 am the night before asking if I wanted to meet her and her friends at a bar which I did not reply to. I took this as a sign, even though it's been difficult I decided on no contact right now. We are much different emotionally apparently and how we view what the relationship was.