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Author Topic:   Love Letters (To: self)
T
Newflake

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posted November 17, 2014 11:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is meant to be an exercise (or discussion) in Self Care - an outlet, or words to provoke thoughts on it. Whichever you choose - to write publicly or not, the point is to provoke thought and not argue or attack anyone.

I notice so many of us are adept at comforting others, giving sage advice to others, but when it comes to ourselves we reach a dead end and are oftentimes at a loss at what to say.


I read somewhere that "Self-care is a Divine Responsibility." and I believe there is a lot of truth to that when you really think about it.

A couple of times over the last few weeks (& especially today) this quote echoed in my head:

The first time I read it, I immediately loved it and thumbs'ed it up and thought "YES!! I need to do that!" .......but why is it so hard to do? Why does it seem easy to help others, but unnatural to do the same for ourselves sometimes?


I was thinking of some women I've known over the years here, who are so wise and loving and giving of their time, wisdom, energy and advice, yet still struggle so deeply...


I thought it might be therapeutic (& maybe kinda fun) to write a letter to yourself - as your Higher Self, or what you think your Wisest Self or Guardian Angel, or All-Knowing Protective Spirit, Experienced Elder, etc might say to you now, especially if you are going through a difficult time.

If you were to take "yourself" out of your own shoes and stand back and look at the situation you are in...

what would you say if you were....

your best friend

your child

your lover

someone else's child

a person you never met but asked you for advice

?

and were going through what you are now?

If you stepped outside of yourself and looked down on the person you are now with a ton of compassion, what would you say?

This was more eloquent in my mind....earlier today, but I'm going to send this one off and see where the thread goes.

If you started a letter titled:

Dear Self,

what would it say?

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T
Newflake

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posted November 17, 2014 11:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
&

(just typed this sticky note & copy/pasted it)

(how Taurean Mercury of me, LOL short and sweet)

if you don't want to type a full out letter....

you can do the same here:
http://www.webestools.com/post-it-generator-free-web20-image-bloc-no tes-post-it-text-generator-online.html

I think many of the best advice and answers come from within. Who knows us better than we, ourselves do, really?

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PisceanDream
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posted November 18, 2014 12:58 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is a lovely idea. Here goes...

Dear PisceanDream,

I think about you every single day. It tires my mind and soul to worry about you as much as I do. I am exhausted of your relentless introspection and your unending self-deprecation. I'm sick of your constant self-objectification. Every night, I think of you and I weep. Every night, I think of how lonely you are, how empty life feels for you, how broken your heart is and I, too, am trodden down with the weight of your hopelessness. I, too, very much like you, want to give up on everything. I hate it when you look at yourself in the mirror and cry for hours. I especially hate it when when you do that thing where you pinch the tip of your nose and tug it upwards to see if you'd be able to smile at your reflection if you went under the knife. I hate it when you call yourself ugly or when you scream at yourself in agitation of your own failures. I hate it when you lie in bed for hours at a time, wasting away your youth on a pillow dampened by your pitiful tears when you should be out there, making memories, exploring the world, and chasing your fantastical dreams.

Why can't you see how beautiful you are? Why can't you see how self-sacrificing you are? Why can't you see that your resolve far outdoes your lack? Why can't you forget that silly little setback that occurred in the summer of 2011, why are you crying about it right now as you recall it? I don't get it. That's not a measure of who you are and what you're capable of. Let go of it. Move on from it. Free yourself from the shackles of your vicious and tyrannical self-criticism. Enough is enough.

Get through college, work hard like I know you can. Stop letting the wind take you wherever it wills. Take control of your life. You are strong. You are empowering. You are so full of love and hope. So do to yourself what you are so blindly willing to do for others. You deserve it.

I am so proud of you for forgiving all the people that hurt you. I am so proud of the way you give people the chance to speak and to be heard. I am so proud of how far you extend yourself to take care of others. Now, please, for once... Do the same for yourself.

I love you more than you know. I will never let you go. No matter how big the tide, it'll never wash you over as long as I'm by your side. So stop fantasizing about driving your car into the river everyday you drive to college. I will never let that happen. Because I believe in you. I hope you never forget that.

Love,
PisceanDream

Wooh... That was tougher than I thought. Thank you for this, T. It's a wonderful exercise.

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T
Newflake

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posted November 18, 2014 02:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow! That was incredibly beautiful, PiscesDream!

btw, nice to 'meet' you!

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T
Newflake

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posted November 18, 2014 02:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
been turning some interesting things up on google:

quote:
Exercise 2
Exploring self-compassion through writing


Part One:
Everybody has something about themselves that they don’t like; something that causes them to feel shame, to feel insecure, or not “good enough.” It is the human condition to be imperfect, and feelings of failure and inadequacy are part of the experience of living a human life. Try writing about an issue you have that tends to make you feel inadequate or bad about yourself (physical appearance, work or relationship issues…) How does this aspect of yourself make you feel inside - scared, sad, depressed, insecure, angry? What emotions come up for you when you think about this aspect of yourself? This is just between you and the paper, so please try to be as emotionally honest as possible and to avoid repressing any feelings, while at the same time not being overly melodramatic. Try to just feel your emotions exactly as they are – no more, no less – and then write about them.

Part Two:
Now think about an imaginary friend who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind and compassionate. Imagine that this friend can see all your strengths and all your weaknesses, including the aspect of yourself you have just been writing about. Reflect upon what this friend feels towards you, and how you are loved and accepted exactly as you are, with all your very human imperfections. This friend recognizes the limits of human nature, and is kind and forgiving towards you. In his/her great wisdom this friend understands your life history and the millions of things that have happened in your life to create you as you are in this moment. Your particular inadequacy is connected to so many things you didn’t necessarily choose: your genes, your family history, life circumstances – things that were outside of your control.

Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend – focusing on the perceived inadequacy you tend to judge yourself for. What would this friend say to you about your “flaw” from the perspective of unlimited compassion? How would this friend convey the deep compassion he/she feels for you, especially for the pain you feel when you judge yourself so harshly? What would this friend write in order to remind you that you are only human, that all people have both strengths and weaknesses? And if you think this friend would suggest possible changes you should make, how would these suggestions embody feelings of unconditional understanding and compassion? As you write to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend, try to infuse your letter with a strong sense of his/her acceptance, kindness, caring, and desire for your health and happiness.

After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back and read it again, really letting the words sink in. Feel the compassion as it pours into you, soothing and comforting you like a cool breeze on a hot day. Love, connection and acceptance are your birthright. To claim them you need only look within yourself.


pt. 2 bold mine*

full here:
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search? q=cache:verwn3g8PgcJ:www.self-compassion.org/exercises.doc+&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

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T
Newflake

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posted November 18, 2014 02:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
& this is exactly what this thread is about:

Bingo...

quote:
How often do you take the time to appreciate the things around you? Do you tell your friends and family how much you love them? Do you do the same thing for yourself?
.
If you’re like us, the answer is, probably not.
.
We can be so hard on ourselves- critical, demanding and impatient. We likely wouldn’t speak to anyone else we love in the same way we speak to ourselves sometimes. And we wouldn’t let anyone else point out all the negative things about us, to dwell on all our faults and pick us apart, yet we do it to ourselves all the time!
.
It’s time to start speak kindly to ourselves, to focus on the things that are great about us, what our strengths are.
.
We’re almost always taught to not brag or boast, we don’t want to get too big for our britches- sure. But recognizing and acknowledging what you love about yourself is an important step in finding out who you really are and feeling good about yourself.
.
So, we’ve got a challenging, but important exercise for you to try- write yourself a love letter.
Ick! I know, it sounds strange and uncomfortable and what on earth would you even say to yourself, anyway
.
But if those feelings came up just thinking of writing a letter to yourself, that’s exactly WHY it’s so important to do this exercise. It feels uncomfortable because you don’t speak kindly to yourself often enough. Perhaps you don’t remember your strengths and gifts in times of struggle. Perhaps you’re so used to focusing on all the things you DON’T like about yourself, your life, or current situation, that you’ve forgotten all the things you DO like.
.
This is an exercise in allowing ourselves to focus on positivity.
.
What would you write in a letter to someone you love, or admire? As a mom, what kind of letter would you write to your children about their gifts and possibilities in life? What would your letter to a friend say who’s been having a hard time, who is self-critical or doesn’t believe in their own strengths?
.
When we say “love letter”, we mean- write from that place of support, encouragement, and non-judgement. Write from the voice of an encouraging mama, a supportive friend, or a partner who knows everything about you and truly loves you. Go ahead and gush about what makes you special, what makes you unique, what you know, what you’ve learned. Tell yourself all the ways that you love and feel grateful for you.
.
It may be a struggle to get started with it- we both had a hard time with it ourselves- but once you get it down on paper, you may be surprised to find that it’s kind of refreshing to think of oneself fondly. It may even lift your spirits right there, on the spot!
.
Just write. Don’t hold yourself back. Make it as short or long as you need it to be. The hardest part is getting started, so try starting with- Dear Self,

Tips on writing your love letter:

1. Write to yourself, from yourself, for your eyes only. If you’re the only one who’s going to read it, you can feel free to be honest about what you love about yourself without embarrassment.

2. Set aside judgement about yourself or the act of gushing about yourself. You’re awesome- embrace it.

3. Mail or email the letter to yourself. Jena gave her sealed letter to her husband to keep safe and mail to her when she’s feeling stressed, or losing sight of things. You can also use FutureMe to email yourself your letter on a particular date (on your birthday? on a day you know you have to face something difficult?)

4. Take time to read it. Listen to what you know about yourself. Read it when you need a little pick me up, when you need encouragement that you’re not finding elsewhere. Let yourself appreciate your strengths, your gifts and all the positive things you bring into this world.

Do you find yourself being critical of yourself too often, or focusing on your faults? Going to try this out?



http://ohmyhandmade.com/2012/heart/dear-self-an-exercise-in-speaking-kindly-to-oursel ves/

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aquaguy91
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posted November 18, 2014 02:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aquaguy,
I know that you often feel like your situation is hopeless and you get so frustrated you want to pull your hair out but you don't need to get so stressed out because you always make it through somehow. Just look at all the things you have been through in your 23 years on this rock and you'll know exactly what I mean. You have been through more stuff than most young men but these things have only made you stronger and wise beyond your years. I really hope that you will keep these things in mind because you should know by now that you can tackle anything life throws at you. You need to laugh and smile more, don't add to those worry lines you already have on your forehead. And on those days when you are down and feel like giving up you need to remember that a brighter future awaits you, things won't stay bad forever. Storms will always give way to sunshine eventually, just be patient!

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ikja
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posted November 18, 2014 03:05 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Ikja,

Since your teens you've struggled with being misunderstood and you often took the negative responses that people had to your passion to heart. Over the years, the perceived rejection has shut you down and made you feel as though there will never be anyone who loves you for you. The truth is, you have seen and been through so much, and your passion is a byproduct of your acquired strength.

You feel deeply and take action because you care, and you try your best to communicate this. Your challenge is to accept yourself, flaws and all. To forgive those who didn't understand your passion and to continue expressing yourself to those who make you feel safe. You've got many ideas to share and stories to tell and over the next few days, or months, or years... you'll continue to meet people who make you feel comfortable and loved. It's been hard, so many people have left you, and more recently, you "lost" one of your parents. You feel alone, you feel misunderstood again. But try not to worry or cry so much, your passion, strength and hope will sustain you and you will reap the rewards.

Take care and stay open. Don't allow the world to shut you down.

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athenegoddess
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posted November 18, 2014 04:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Me,

I know you have had a difficult life full of tests and trials, but the worst is now behind you. its up to you to go on the right path now, and not doing so would be to fail in your own eyes. so as bad as it gets remember that you are being counted on to not fail like so many others have in the past. a lot are depending on you to complete your destiny as it has never been done before. when the road gets tough, don't let it defeat you and look inside the strong heart that got you this far. life is a temporary test that comes and goes, but there is something permanent inside that is all you need to focus on anymore that can undo all misleading appearances and lies. this is hard, and rare to do, but you have to do it, the world is counting on you. in the words of William Shakespeare, to be or not to be. choose to be.

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Faith
Knowflake

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From: Bella's Hair Salon
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posted November 18, 2014 08:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edit, after I asked to be unregistered, unsuccessfully.

LOL

Look at all of us who left this corrupt forum.

Where the moderator Ami Anne baits, taunts, and insults with impugnity.

Don't feel "safe" here at Sweet Peas. You aren't.

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PisceanDream
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posted November 18, 2014 09:50 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by T:
wow! That was incredibly beautiful, PiscesDream!

btw, nice to 'meet' you!


Thank you so much ! I feel a bit better. It's nice to meet you too, darling! Thank you for sharing this.

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Faith
Knowflake

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posted November 18, 2014 09:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edit

Seriously toxic place

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PisceanDream
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posted November 18, 2014 10:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
^ That was beautiful PisceanDream, and btw your nose is great! I saw it!

(Speaking of that, though, I actually had a wonderful dream last night that *I* got a nose job. A $20K nose job...sigh...I didn't want to wake up. )


HAHAHAHA that's a GREAT dream! So funny!

Thank you Faith, you're beautiful! It may not show in pictures, but I have a very aquiline nose. It's strange because Sudanese women don't have noses like mine. That's the Turkish blood peeping through!

Someone once told me that I look like Cleopatra's Bust LMAO! Turns out I have asteroid Cleopatra conjunct my ASC exact! True story

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Faith
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posted November 18, 2014 12:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
-

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PisceanDream
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posted November 18, 2014 01:59 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hahaha! People often find it hard to guess where I'm from... Even Sudanese people get it wrong at time. I have a strange mix on my mom's side... Her dad's half Turkish and half South Sudanese and her mom is Egyptian. So I can attribute the oddness of my appearance to that. No wonder I'm an Aqua ASC

Hahaha that's so cool that you had Turkish friends, not cool that she stole your BF at the time though :P You should see my response to your Diced Salad thread on Quirky Cuisine! I had nooo idea you were so into Middle-Eastern food.

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T
Newflake

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posted November 18, 2014 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:

T,

Do we have some kind of psychic link for real, I wonder? Because I was just thinking of this yesterday. Well...something like this.


I think we do! Which I've noticed is often the case with people who have a personal planet or two (or Asc) that falls in my 12th house or close to Asc, which i think we have.

quote:
For a while, I was good at taking a step back when I was being too hard on myself and asking, "If this was any other person, what would you do?" And invariably, I would just hug that person and say, "It's okay! It's fine, you did your best!" or "We all make mistakes sometimes...it's alright!"

I've gotten out of that habit of trying to be objective and kind to myself...'lost touch with it. But these past few days have been gut wrenching for several reasons, and yesterday I just imagined drawing from the huge supply of compassion that I keep for other people, and applying it to myself.

It's amazing how far even that little bit of self-kindness can go.


That's what I'm trying to do too because I never have been in the habit of doing it. It's important especially when you don't have a support system or close family or friends and the people in your life are not available in that way. Somebody's gotta remind you of these things and sometimes that somebody has to be yourself.

I'm going to put pen to paper and try this exercise later. Might be good to do once a year or even once a month (or more or less) and save to look back on.

I'm glad you like the idea & thanks for sharing those song lyrics

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T
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posted November 18, 2014 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm glad people are finding this useful. I'm enjoying reading your letters from your own higher perspectives.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted November 21, 2014 11:34 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Mae,

I am very proud of you. I know your path has not been an easy one, but you managed to be honest with yourself and confront your demons and your fears one by one. You are getting closer and closer to completion. Do not fall prey to disappointment because things aren't happening as fast as your Ariesness wants it to. It will eventually pay off. You're on the right track. Keep going!

I love you.

The Other Mae

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Lexxigramer
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From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted November 21, 2014 11:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A very very nice thread!

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charlie
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posted November 23, 2014 12:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Charlie,

Skys the limit for you! Don't be your own worst enemy.

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DeepFreeze
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posted November 23, 2014 12:41 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmm.... might give this a try.
If I can.

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DeepFreeze
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posted November 23, 2014 01:30 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Self,

It’s been a very long, painful road. It’s a road that never ends. There is, and always will be work to do. You really need to learn that you are quite attractive you know. Doesn't the evidence throughout your whole life from childhood support this? You know it does. You need to realize that the flaws that you see, are not the flaws that others see. You’re just too damn hard on yourself. If you picked apart others the way that you do yourself, well, I’m sorry to say but you wouldn't have a friend in the world or family member willing to be anywhere near you. I know you’re trying to squash this behavior, and honestly, you’re doing great. You really are, but it’s no time to give up. It really ought to be apparent to you by now that you’re a very appealing, alluring, AND most importantly, lovable. You really should let that last one soak in, good and deep. Others are not you, they see it, they feel it. So get it together and accept it as truth already. It’s been long enough.
Another thing, you need to let go a little. That Pluto on Asc really whoops your @$$. The only person that you are worried about controlling is yourself. That’s great, but you need to open up just a bit you know. A little compromise here or there is not the end of the world, and not a threat to your freedom. Others care about you and just because they look out for you does not mean that they are looking to control you. Just breathe… relax. Again, you’re doing great, I want you to know but it’s a work that’s never done. Keep pushing and open yourself.
One last thing before we move on to some REALLY good stuff!
Man, I have to say. With your natal 12th, progressed 12th, and progressed scorpio asc. You sure do like to hide. Having 4-5 people around you is like having 100 to someone else. Wow is it overwhelming. I hope with this progresses Sag moon that you can get a little better with that. I mean, you DO know that being social is how you make friends, right? You like friends don’t you? Well, no, I know you are far too picky to just give anyone that title. That’s just you, always has been. It’s ok. But dude, you really shut yourself in, away from others. A few people around you is not a big deal. That P-moon in Scoprio is gone now, so maybe you won’t be so… sponging up everything. Just be free man. You’re quite a fun person to be around, very charming, you relax people. Being shut in, you’re just robbing yourself of joy, and robbing others from experiencing your joy and gifts. Give them out man! That’s why you have them!

You have a gift. You emit this energy that I have to believe that almost anyone in the whole world would be powerless to. You can put anyone at ease. You really are wonderful at taking others fears and worries away. Look at your sister when your father passed away. Only you were able to ease her heart. No one else knew what to do. It’s in your voice. It’s in your… heart. It’s in you. Crazy man, you hardly even try. Don’t waste it on trying to heal your own pain. Not that doing that is a waste exactly. But I think giving that gift away to heal others pain is your key to healing your own. Be more assertive, offer to help. Use the gifts that you have. That Gem moon being able to detach itself doesn't mean that you have to be cold. It means that you can stay cool-headed enough to not get sucked in. So you can do your thing. Healing others… that’s where it’s at man. I’m telling you. But the road to doing so, keep looking. But, despite that, don’t forget to keep a little for yourself.
One more thing and then I’ll give your eyes a break. Dude, look at what you already do! You work very hard man. You spread more positive energy into the world than you realize. I mean, you work hard at work. You work hard for things that you want, and for things that your wife wants. Working is like, nothing to you. If you have to work, you’ll do it. If it takes more work, you’ll do that too. That is a great thing you know. Many struggle to not call in sick. Or they just don’t want to work. That’s amazing man. Plus I mean, when you’re at work. You always keep it fresh. You keep it fun! Like when that screen changed to Spanish and you said, “Pagina” over and over like a dirty old man. Your coworker thought it was just like the… laugh of the day or something. Heck, how many times has he expressed appreciation that you’re on his shift? They love you there, you know. They all do. You’re willing to help, you don’t get b****y very often. If you do, people KNOW it must be a really bad day! You make it enjoyable for all those around you. You have no idea how much of a blessing that is for them. So many hate going to work day after day and look, you can be that little Sun, shining your light everywhere in there. It’s a great attitude. We spend so much time there.
Well, I guess the good thing is, you have everything to be thankful for, and nothing to regret. Just remember, you’re always where you should be. I think that’s something that you really crave to tell the world. Even in the bad, you’re always, where you should be. Sometimes life is just a classroom and you have to look to see what it’s teaching you.

I could just write a frickin’ novel about this stuff. You’re amazing. You SO are. Just amazing. Thank goodness the world didn't lose you when they could have. You might have a little poison on the inside, but don’t we all. But the sweetness you have is worth the poison.
Be yourself, love yourself.
Don’t shut others out and well…. The rest is glorious history.

Love,

Yourself

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DeepFreeze
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posted November 23, 2014 01:40 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DP

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athenegoddess
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From: CA
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posted November 23, 2014 07:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
self love is the greatest love of all.

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T
Newflake

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posted November 24, 2014 09:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
These are lovely! I still have to work on mine.

Read this and thought it fit here:

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