posted April 22, 2016 02:18 PM            

I just thought that was interesting because it makes it easy to understand why people who get rejected can fall into a vicious cycle. What happens to people who experience physical trauma? Their body goes numb to block out the pain. The same thing happens with people who get rejected. People who get rejected will become emotionally numb. Studies have shown that people who get rejected a lot have less empathy as a result of being rejected. So rejected people begin to get worse and worse at relating to other people and the problem just snowballs from there. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't self aware and they wont even realize their problems are getting worse and worse over time.

I have firsthand experience with this because I dealt with a lot of romantic rejection and got to the point where I wouldn't have peed on a woman if she was on fire. Fortunately, I became self aware and started actively trying to get rid of my toxic emotions via meditation, creativity etc.

I just wish this was something that was talked about more because it is clearly a major social problem in American society. It's no secret that a lot of people go postal and/or kill themselves here. I wish there was more emphasis put on understanding and coming up with solutions to these problems.

posted April 22, 2016 03:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I have firsthand experience with it, too - and it's amazing what effect even the smallest act of kindness can have on someone.

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this is so very true, Teasel.

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posted April 22, 2016 03:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I have firsthand experience with it, too - and it's amazing what effect even the smallest act of kindness can have on someone.

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posted April 22, 2016 03:13 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I have firsthand experience with it, too - and it's amazing what effect even the smallest act of kindness can have on someone.

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Yeah..

When you stop and think about it, people unknowingly *reject* people all the time, in big ways and small. Whether it's that friend that jerks your head off their shoulder, or the one who is emotionally unavailable in your times of crises, right up to and including being socially ostracised from whatever group one wishes to belong to.

People don't really *see* you, sometimes. As a person. It's like they're looking into a vacuum and reciting a script. If your responses don't match the ones they've been cued to receive from childhood, you're automatically on the *reject* pile (whether or not the rejector or rejectee knows this at the time).

posted April 22, 2016 03:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
^Yes! I agree that this may be at the basis of many societal problems. How could this be tackled? I think it has to start early, in the families and in primary school - empowering children while teaching them to respect others. That way, they might hopefully be able to overcome the pain of rejection better, and be more mindful of others' feelings before and if rejecting others themselves.

A few days ago venus2tinkerbell and I were discussing my daughter's multi-ethnic primary school experience in a different context over at GU. I was describing how the teachers were dealing with the problem of integrating kids from 25 different countries with some remarkable success. Quoting from that thread, since I feel this may be relevant to the problem of rejection/appreciation that you described, by showing one simple measure:

Even my own kid, who gets much parental support and hardly experiences outright rejection (yet sometimes, she does too) loved to be given this shower of warmth, and also loved giving it. Such a simple way of enhancing mutual awareness and appreciation.

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posted April 22, 2016 03:15 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Even my own kid, who gets much parental support and hardly experiences outright rejection (yet sometimes, she does too) loved to be given this shower of warmth, and also loved giving it. Such a simple way of enhancing mutual awareness and appreciation.

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posted April 22, 2016 03:25 PM              

Music transcends all barriers.

(Umm, I think it was "love transcends all barriers". But heck, it's practically synonymous.)

It's great that they stuck to the effort, that's the hardest part in such endeavours.

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Inclusion is therefore possible e.g. if one takes such big projects as a goal and helps the kids realize they can do something marvelous together.

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posted April 22, 2016 09:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:
^Yes! I agree that this may be at the basis of many societal problems. How could this be tackled? I think it has to start early, in the families and in primary school - empowering children while teaching them to respect others. That way, they might hopefully be able to overcome the pain of rejection better, and be more mindful of others' feelings before and if rejecting others themselves.

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posted April 22, 2016 10:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Btw, I'm glad this thread was started, this is getting me to think on a lot of things in a new light. Right now I've got like a dozen things going through my head trying to work this angle in to see its contribution to it.

But I wonder, what was known about the brain scans? Was the rejection by someone close (say family or a romantic partner or spouse of many years), or even by strangers? What's the difference between various sorts of rejection, as far as brain scans show? Are introverts just as affected as extroverts? What was the age ranges of those measured?

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posted April 23, 2016 12:39 AM            

I've been looking a bit up myself. So far, I'm just finding romantic rejection explored by brain scans in any depth (but see below), which reminds me of this that I did know about:
http://youtu.be/OYfoGTIG7pY?t=4m24s

(It goes into being dumped from that height at about 5:35, a little over a minute from where this starts. It also compares and contrasts to addiction.)

That aside, here's the NatGeo article I found: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/03/110328-romantic- rejection-pain-brain-scans-mri-health-science/

This has more detail and also more complexity: http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/the-brain-handles-rejection-like-physical-pain

This takes a more complex view as well, though the MRI scans all seem to be focused on romantic rejection:
http://brainblogger.com/2013/11/28/what-brain-scans-reveal-about-hurt-feelings/

Finally, an experiment in which a person feels ignored in a game:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/guy-winch-phd/this-is-your-brain-on-rej_b_3749885.html

posted April 24, 2016 12:12 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Sigh,
I just saw a meme on facebook that suggested that parents should teach their kids to fight so they can defend themselves against bullies. Now, I dont have a problem with that idea at all, but I did have a major problem with the stuff I saw in the comments. I saw hundreds of adults saying kids who get bullied are just p*ssies that need to toughen up. People like that are the problem. Those are the type of a**holes who raise bullies.

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"My parents hit me when I was a kid and I turned out okay!"
"Do you think it's okay to hit kids now?"
"Yeah"
*leans in really close* "Then you didn't turn out okay."