posted July 02, 2014 09:52 PM            

I'm here opening this thread because I'm looking for a deeper understanding regarding my relationship with F. If you keep reading, in the end you'll know what's bugging me.

We met at the University, on a vocal jazz group rehearsal. I was a member for 3 years and one day he showed up to try it and ended up staying for more.
There wasn't this "Oh so many good vibes, I really like you, have to know you better" thing. It was the opposite, he didn't really stand out for me and I thought he was kind of cocky.

One year later, on a rehearsal like any other, he showed everybody a song stating it was awesome and that we should definitely do it. I thought "Oh no, shut up", but then the song was indeed awesome and it replayed in my mind for quite sometime. Our teacher thought it was ok, but didn't want to go through the trouble of writting the arrangement score.

I have a musical background and liked the song so, so much, without much thought I wrote it. And then I sent it to him so that he could officially propose it to the group. It was like this little sneaky plan between us, and we did it. That's how it all started.

We talked A LOT via facebook during that month, January, and getting to know each other was truly a delight. Shared interests, love for general arts and music, etc, etc, etc. I don't think there was ever a time we ran out of topics to talk about unless we just didn't feel like talking at all. It was light and fun and intellectually stimulating.

But in February we was off to the United States for a 5 month internship. I was not depressed or upset about it, I think there was just this feeling of "it's a shame you have to go away now that we're getting to know each other". No romantic stuff either, although I admit I always found him cute and he scored pretty high on my "perfect guy checklist". But no, I wasn't falling for him, not then.

Communication wasn't good when he arrived, like he didn't care at all. I would send a message asking how's everything going on, tell me everything about the awesome stuff you've seen so far. The replies were quite brief and vague.

In March everything changed. He actively started messaging, again about a song, in the context of "going back to the beginning". I understood it as an apology. Or maybe that's how I unconsciously wanted to interpret it. To this day I don't know if there was a double meaning, he is somehow complicated, very complex.
Some days later we started skyping. In that period I was actively writting songs for this website, and I was always pleased he liked to listen to my work. During one of those skype hangouts I showed him yet another song, and this one was special because I could actually see him, look at his reaction while he listened to it. I just can't describe his expression, but to me there was something about his eyes... sparkling, enormous, innocent and so, so sweet. I know it was right there, in that exact moment, I fell for him.
The next few days I acted like a total teenager. I was always glued to my laptop in case he sent a message, adrenaline running high everytime the evening came wondering if we would like to skype.

But by late March everything started to slowly fade. He was more sociable to his surroundings, getting to know more people, started to go out more often. We just didn't skype anymore, texting was slow. I don't blame him for it, I understood he was in a foreign country exactly for this, to have new experiences, to enjoy life.

So, in April I said "no more". His detachment was really starting to affect me in deeper ways than I could handle, and to be honest, I had more important problems to deal with than a one sided love. I know it sounds harsh, but I think it's in my system, to cross off people from my mind if I really want to.
And I did it, slowly, everyday was better, and I knew I was over him when I found myself really not caring about having an internet connection or not. I never sent him another message.
His facebook started to have more and more pictures with this particular girl. I saw them, scrolled down and that was it. My mind was set on not caring. Everything was great.
April and May went by easily. I got one or two messages from him during this period with fairly trivial stuff. I would replied out of courtesy, somehow a bit on the cold side.

And in June everything changed again.
He asked to skype totally out of the blue, I said no because it was late. A few days later he asked again. At this point I was curious about what he could possibly have to say, and on the other hand curious about how I would personally deal with it. I was confident about how I was over him and I knew we couldn't go silent forever. His return was around the corner, and after all we had great communication, didn't feel like losing him as a friend over my one sided problems and confusion. So I decided to skype. And it was great, like nothing happened in between. We've been skyping regularly since then.

It's now July, he is coming back in 10 days.
I'm not so sure about how my emotional resistance is handling it anymore. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings and a hard time processing them.
Everytime we talk I know it's the most spectacular communication I've ever had with any guy, but at the same time it's like I can't allow myself to develop feelings for him again.
A close mutual friend confirmed there was something between him and the pictures' girl, and it went wrong because she was in a committed relationship. I don't know much about this matter because I just couldn't ask about it. She also returned to her country by the end of May, which is exactly the time he started to contact me again.
I know he's no good. And I know I'm not up to his standards: the cute and fragile little girl. I'm 4 years older than him, chubby, and the only feminin thing about me is my hair and voice. I laugh like a troglodyte.

I need some closure, to find my way out of this without ruining one of the best friendships I may ever have. And I must do it with and without him at the same time.
I'm sorry for the long rambling, just finished skyping with him, had to get it all out.
So, I was hoping you could take a look at our synastry, some insights would be great, especially on his side. I just can't read him, understand what's making him stick to me.

Note that I'm not used to synastry and relational astrology, so please forgive me if the charts don't have what you need to look at them properly. Let me know if I need to add planets or asteroids, I just picked the ones that resonated minimaly and Amor (1221) because it's "love" in my native language. Both DOB and TOB are accurate. I'm blue, he's red.

Synastry

Composite

posted July 04, 2014 05:48 AM            

You are completing his fixed cross with your Pluto. Your Jupiter and Lilith are part of that too.

You're making a Kite for each other with your Uranus, his Mercury, your Sun stellium, his Mars. The apex is in his Mars. So the whole energy of this config is going into his Mars. But his Mars is on your Chiron and it's being fueled by your Uranus... This is a potentially explosive combo.

There is also a Cardinal cross on your nodal axis with his Sun Moon and your Neptune.

posted July 06, 2014 09:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Astrology aside, as, to be honest, when I see a tight stellium with the SUN and MOON, I see a deep soul connexion potential -- there's a bigger issue here.

Why do you suddenly 'cross people off' and decide to 'no longer care'? I'm wagering self-preservative mechanism, and you greatly fear rejection. Do you feel this is a negative behaviour or a positive attribute?

---

It's definitely a self-preservative mechanism. I see it as both positive and negative.
Without it, I would have suffered a great deal by now, given all my past experiences. On the negative side I think that, more often than not, it blocks me from actually feeling something.

posted July 06, 2014 09:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Leoeve:
It's definitely a self-preservative mechanism. I see it as both positive and negative.
Without it, I would have suffered a great deal by now, given all my past experiences. On the negative side I think that, more often than not, it blocks me from actually feeling something.

But yes, from this guy I'm talking about on this thread, it has crossed my mind mind multiple times that there's more to it than just getting along great. I sense of karma debts here. Not sure though.

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Whew, preaching to the choir, there. Interesting. I'd love to look at your natal. It's dangerous, I'm now learning, 33 years on the planet. Now I'm finally learning to just FEEL. What a doozy!

I was taking another look at the composite, and there are some wonderful things here.

Even though the 8H is very private and hidden, (more so than usual!) it's crucial for the two of you with VERTEX there. Great news -- it's still under MERC's purview, which is wonderfully conjunct the MOON, exactly. Ahhhh!

And the 8R is trine 1H NNODE in AQU, 0°, to boot! Lovely.

There's some wonderful, creative, inspiring, soulful energy here. I DO understand your fears. Thing is, relationships with composites like these -- they get in your soul, no matter what. They burrow in, and there's little you can do. They MAKE you feel.

posted July 06, 2014 09:21 PM            

You do have one 'skipped step', as they say: his early CAN MOON is square your NODES (from what I can tell). I'd need to look at his natal to gain a better understanding; degrees, position, rulers -- all these matter here.

I find it intriguing your AMOR is square your own, and conjunct his MOON.

This is the ol' 'unconditional love' lesson; since the 'skipped step' involves his MOON, and your AMOR, we can see a point at which you failed to love unconditionally and he felt abandoned taking shape. Cancer is the sign there, so perhaps family karma. Since the axis is Aries-Libra this concerns the Self versus Others.

Issues of independence and freedom, self-concern, familial responsibilities and duty, parenthood, tradition, and commitment, marriage, and in some cases, justice -- can be a part of this karmic pattern.

AND his SUN is there; right on your NNODE, really bringing the lesson to bear. This is important for his evolution as well.

I'd need to look at his MOON

posted July 06, 2014 10:51 PM            

Mercury had to be well positioned, it's the main theme, in my oppinion. The relationship evolution was too quick and too natural at the same time, hence the suspicion about karma debt. And everytime we communicate I feel I'm doing some good action, like I'm giving back little by little.

I'll leave you our individual charts, there're so many things I didn't really understand, but you sure know what you're talking about!

Here's mine (Let me know if we have common aspects... I think it's gemini moon in opposition to saturn that gives me the feelings blocks. Or not. What is it in yours?)

And his (his cancer moon is really troublesome for me..)

posted July 09, 2014 01:16 PM            

That could certainly account for there being a very sympathetic understanding between the two of you. Interestingly, it's your CHIRON on his MOON, synastrically.

CHIRON, being 'The Wound' or 'The Wound That Would Not Heal', receives a wonderful nurturance from the MOON -- so long as it's not afflicted. (You seem to be good there.)

posted August 26, 2014 10:50 PM            

He's back from the US, we've been talking every day since then
We mostly talk about common creative projects we have going on, and I've noticed he's finding some excuses/opportunities to call me on the phone. Oh, how I love his sweet voice : )

He's also been suggesting I go visit him sometime. I'm just afraid, to fall back into old habits, idiotically crying if he just doesn't care enough to keep in touch. I was dettached, and I was fine, but he just gets into me like nobody else. And I'm afraid.

posted August 28, 2014 06:06 AM            

There are different ways we could be a person's 'type', depending on their natal chart.

First and foremost I look at...

The 5th house (Romantic Sparks and admiration, being 'blown away' by someone)

The 7th house (Affection and liking, having one's soft spot touched)

The 8th house (deep emotional bonding and physical attraction, like being curious about what's going on inside someone and being magnetized by them)

If we put planets in these houses, or aspect the rulers of these houses, in someone else's natal chart we can stimulate the above type feelings within them.

Then I look at the gender planets... Sun, Moon, Mars, Venus... For indications about they types of gender appropriate behavior we like. It shows how a person would prefer a Men or Women to present themselves, and act in relationships. Again, these planets by sign, house, and aspect, will show a person's gender related ideals. Actual aspects to these planets in synastry shows a lot about the physical and romantic chemistry we have with them.

For one, he has a Leo Dsc and her Leo stellium falls into his 7th house.

She has a Leo Dsc, with the Dsc ruler (also in Leo) sitting in the 7th house conjunct MARS. Mars in the 7th indicates an attraction to Aries, as does Dsc ruler conjunct Mars, and he's an Aries Sun and Mercury.

His Mars in Gemini sextiles her Dsc ruler the Sun very tightly.

She has early Cancer on the 5th house cusp, and he has Moon in early Cancer conjunct her 5th house cusp from behind.

He has Gemini on the 5th house cusp, and she has Moon in Gemini. It's in his 4th house, but this is still a sign match to his 5th.

So there are some relationship house connections.

The sextile from his 5th house Gemini Mars exact to her 7th house Leo Sun can indicate some physical attraction, and a harmonious flowing energy. His Mars also sextiles her Venus by 2 degrees, which is a good yin/yang aspect. So there's some hope, but not necessarily a guarantee.

His Sun conjuncts her North Node so she feels she is learning something being around him. Her Moon is unaspected in the synastry though so she might feel somehow disconnected on a primal feeling level from him. It's not that she doesn't feel for him, but that she can't seem to connect on that deeper level.

The composite Mercury/Moon conjunction does show the awesome communication they share though.

posted August 28, 2014 01:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Let's look at the progressions, Leo. They tend to reveal what's going on at the present time. I'm going to hazard a guess it's quite a bit.

Hang in there. :hug:

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posted August 28, 2014 01:45 PM            

Why I am so obsessed then? What's the aspect?

posted August 30, 2014 07:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Leoeve:
Lotis White, thank you for your extensive analysis. I'm gessing it's not one sided then, but it's just not very strong.

Why I am so obsessed then? What's the aspect?

It's the second time I'm coming near to an emotional breakdown because of him, first in early April and now, late August.

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Here's the thing. PARTS of the synastry are strong, like the aspects I listed in my previous post. However, other parts of the your charts don't connect all. People have different psychological layers. Some layers connect very well, others are not connecting at all. The synastry is a mixed bag.

I think the main aspect that gets you all worked up about him is your 7th house ruler (the Sun) and Venus aspecting his Mars in his 5th house. When he asserts himself and expresses his vital energy, it presses your partnership/affection buttons.

In his chart the Sun, Jupiter, and Saturn all aspect each other. This is an important part of his psychology. Your chart doesn't aspect this complex at all, except with the Nodal Axis which is non-physcial and passive. His chart not aspecting your Moon is another issue to consider as well.