posted July 14, 2003 01:43 PM         

1. echoes of the book/film _Crash_, in which victims of violent car accidents seek to relive the trauma/pain

2. If the body is a machine/vessel, mostly here to house the soul, haven't we the right to redesign it as we see fit, even if it seems aberrant to others?

3. To everything there is a season, a purpose under heaven....

posted July 14, 2003 03:47 PM         

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

posted July 14, 2003 03:58 PM           

I'd go in for cyberman style prosthetics if i could just because it'd be cool to have a ray-gun built in to my arm but hacking my whole arm off permanently? nup, not for me.

Anyway, its well known in psychology that all you can do is explain to someone what forces are acting on them. Just like hypnosis, or auric manipulation, or whatever, you cannot "MAKE" someone do something they don't want to do.

posted July 14, 2003 05:54 PM           

He's seeking help for it, but it's a tough disorder to overcome.

posted July 15, 2003 10:08 AM         

And I would agree with your astute observation, it's a pity they can't offer that leg or arm to someone who needs/wants it.

What a world.

posted July 19, 2003 04:56 AM         

i used to do this too, mostly when i was a very hurting teenager. i stopped years ago. i still dont know why i did it, i mean i have a general idea but i dont know my specific psychological reason for it. i did some damage... and bear the scars but i also have a lot of other little scars as with the aries moon i am a little accident prone. i am used to them, as i am my tattoo they make people uncomfortable sometimes though, although they arent *that* bad. a friend of mine had far worse. a bunch of my friends used to do this. i dont think that affected me though, to the best of my recollection we all did it privately than one day realized that we all did it. weird.

i hope you are happy and have inner peace... i hope that you arent hurting... in any way.

prox, i saw this news thing a couple of days ago, and it was definitely a little strange. at first i thought ewww but as has been said here, its their bodies, its their right. as long as they arent doing it just to get on disability or something, but db doesnt give you much money so why anyone would do that for a little money is beyond me. too much for too little when you can always fake a mental illness jk jk. i have always been sympathetic with people who change genders, if they feel that nature makes a mistake, so who am i to judge these people? i must admit my first thought when reading it (i came across it on a fibromyalgia forum of all places) i thought to myself 'aha... past lives'.

my father used to tell me about how people in his sawmill would harm themselves on purpose to get on workers comp. that is so sad to me. it certainly doesnt have much a noble purpose, on the surface anyway.

proxie um, weird question but you live in fairfax va and it sounds like you know the president? is this true? im just curious because i guess id be a little surprised, i dont know why i would be surprised that someone who knows someone famous would come to a message board (i mean azelsion is here but thats a little different), but i am surprised all the same. and especially to release such rather sensitive and personal information about a world leader. just sort of threw me for a loop. no offense but i am no fan of the president. i hope we can still be friends, i just will be sensitive about any comments i make about him lol

*hugs*

posted July 19, 2003 01:51 PM           

My particular problem stemmed from when someone i loved very much faked their own death on me (the circumstances were very..odd) and something just rather dramatically cracked, and it took me 3 years to pick up the peices more or less.

Inner peace...is something im still working towards. My cancer Ex used to do it but apart from that nobody else I know has ever felt a compulsion for it - but in my physically immediate social circle im a horse of a different colour anyway.

I'm a very quiet, doormat kind of maverick and then i'll suddenly flare up about something and everyone doesnt know what to think of me anymore.

posted July 19, 2003 03:55 PM         

N_wEvil... Your desires are strong, they'll lead you to the right place. There are lots of ways to self-harm, as you pointed out with alcohol, drugs, and hey, even food (way too much, or way too little). We all develop our coping mechanisms.

Inner peace is elusive for us all...I think few of us have achieved it any sort of constant state. But there are moments...and from reading many of your posts, I know it's there for you, waiting, for you to enjoy in a special moment. Not trying to preach or patronize, I just think you're a cool person with a lot going for you.

Thanks for sharing...it helps us to learn to be more gentle with each other.

posted July 19, 2003 05:52 PM           

I *just meant* that you're not a heavy-duty, all-the-way anarchist.

posted July 19, 2003 07:23 PM         

I went to a Lollapalooza once (hated it), and upon entering the gates was approached by a girl dressed in the whole sepulchral look...she handed me a paper and asked if I wanted to join the 'anarchy organization' she belonged to! Now if that's not an oxymoron...!!! Even MORE ironic, was at the bottom of the page, there was a blurb about their upcoming golf outing! Oh how I wish I had saved that paper!

I told the chick that I "didn't do clubs," and she told me "to get a belly." *sigh*

posted July 19, 2003 10:55 PM         

juni, i am glad your brother has you. i am sorry that he has pain.

proxie yea thats where i got confused. it was this sentence of yours '(Yep, I cleared this reply w/ him b/f posting it.)' and i only know one dubya lol.

when i first came to this forum i asked in my first post for guidance around here, and i seemed to notice that some people might have known each other irl or at least more intimately, and i asked for some info, i just wanted a little introduction as to who everyone was, but it was never answered. i spose i came off as nosy, but i really wasnt, i just wanted to understand the people here and their relationships with each other. ive since also noticed that some people *do* know each other irl, and one couple is married? i think? anyway forgive my ignorance. thats the only reason i want information, to understand better so i dont make these faux pas.

wevil, now i understand more about what we were talking about in the chiron thread. i might change my response there a bit but its still essentially the same message, i guess i just didnt realize that you had so much hurt. ugh i feel i am getting a little personal, i dont mean to put you in an odd position.

i can tell you that i have had something similar occur, a person i felt very close too (although it was online, but i do have very close online relationships, it makes no difference to me online or not) faked a serious illness with 'surgery' etc, and it was a bad bad experience. i had an intuition about it though and my natural skepticism kicked in... i just knew the story was flawed. we did find out about it and it was awful when we confronted him about it to get to the truth. i believe he has mental illness problems... it was just so bad and i feel for you. betrayal of that magnitude is very hard to comprehend. it is very damaging too. dont be hard on yourself because of it, no one knows till they go through something similar how awful it is to go through.

posted July 19, 2003 10:55 PM         

self harming is absolutely a coping mechanism, but i think that there are other coping mechanisms that dont hurt us but rather empower us and contribute to our self esteem. heck, thats what i had to discover. i had a lot of therapy too and i consider myself whole. not perfect or even close, but whole. i dont self harm, dont drink, or drugs anymore, i still have issues but they arent so dangerous, and i am consciously working on them.

how well do you know your chart wevil? im curious because i know that your chart has answers that would help you. it can identify your strengths, but also your weaknesses. when we know what we are facing, its like having a target identified that we can focus on and 'repair' or strengthen, perhaps thats a better word. chiron plays a part in this for sure. i get the feeling you have a lot of aspects to chiron? dont remember if youve mentioned it.

you said

quote:

---

I *try* and *want* to be independant of other people but so far in my life i've had constraints of one kind or another working against me to that goal.

---

these constraints, are they physical? or are they self imposed? mmm?

remember, dear soul, that true inner peace doesnt come from another person, its a process within you, and often involves letting go of something untoward, and accepting certain things that are out of your sphere of control. i think you meant that your cancer ex contributed to your inner peace as a catalyst perhaps, is this correct?

posted July 20, 2003 05:08 AM         

i asked about constraints because i feel you dont give yourself enough credit

hopefully you get a windfall or a great job soon to help you

i will take a peeky at your chart soon! you havent looked at it till a couple of days ago, or you only looked at chiron? probably chiron. you seem to be well versed in your chart. heck i would love it if i could help you. you understand about the drainedness too, so i know you could be patient... ill try as soon as i can

i feel so bad for teva but my hubby will be gone tomorrow DEFINITELY this time (im sad but we need to work forward) so ill have that alone time i need so much to get back to work

take care!

posted July 21, 2003 04:33 PM         

I remember when that ReSearch publication on "Urban Primitives" came out in the early 90s, and I knew some people who were into self-scarification (sp?) at the time... and were quite articulate about what they were doing.

N_wEvil thanks for sharing your disorder (with some help from proxieme ). I'm glad you're "out" and dealing with it. People find ways of coping with the intolerable, and I can think of some insidious ones -- multiple personality is one response, drugs, etc., are others. But as you've been part of Lindaland much longer than I, and I know you've seen how everybody here has scars, and how those scars get responded to by a lot of love.

As for proxie's original quesiton of whether the amputee wannabe situation is a past-life holdover, not sure -- maybe, but it seems to me more of a double-helping of a karmic solution, pre-planned -- during thir life, a person explores all their psychological/healing issues, and in this radical solution pays a karmic debt and makes an atonement -- a word that breaks down into At-One-ment, which ironically is about becoming whole again. So I can see how it could be a specific soul journey.