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Author Topic:   Actual reports in a Mpumalanga Hospital (South Africa) Register
LEXX
Knowflake

Posts: 9745
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 16, 2009 10:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Zala!

Actual reports in a Mpumalanga Hospital (South Africa) Register
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with B only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year..
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

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Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 1008
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 17, 2009 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
spunknini should get the credit for this one

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sunshine9
Knowflake

Posts: 1087
From: Beehive, MD
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 17, 2009 02:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine9     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the laughs! I've seen this before, but it's always funny!

Sunshine

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venusdeindia
unregistered
posted March 21, 2009 04:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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charmainec
Knowflake

Posts: 8746
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 24, 2014 01:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WT..

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 4776
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted April 24, 2014 03:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 27, 2014 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 12, 2015 02:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 4776
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted May 13, 2015 07:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Fun bump!
Thank you!

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NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
Click here to read My Lexigramming Biography/over 1/2 a century to date Lexigramming

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 14, 2015 04:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
YW

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 15, 2015 01:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good stuff!

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 4776
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted May 15, 2015 08:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeppers!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 16, 2015 08:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
People in the medical profession should especially like it.

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juniperb
Moderator

Posts: 9282
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 31, 2015 05:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid


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Partial truth~the seeds of wisdom~can be found in many places...The seeds of wisdom are contained in all scriptures ever written… especially in art, music, and poetry and, above all, in Nature.

Linda Goodman

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 4776
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 01, 2015 04:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 02, 2015 09:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 10, 2015 01:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Funny bone bump!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 62839
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 05, 2016 03:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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