posted March 08, 2006 02:29 PM         

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can
be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight !

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

posted March 08, 2006 05:45 PM         

Man are from Mars...

Women are from Venus...

posted March 08, 2006 07:55 PM         

If you think you're fat, you probably are. ROFL!!!!!

I don't know what mauve is either!

This goes for me too; Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

I only have 1 pair of shoes that I wear regularly, and only a few other pairs.

I must be a guy! This is why I get along well with guys!

posted March 08, 2006 07:59 PM         

Well done!

posted March 08, 2006 09:52 PM           

lol!

posted March 09, 2006 09:47 AM         

I'm female and I've been saying this for years.

What's the big deal ladies?

If a male is there, assume that there is a 50% chance the toilet is up. Look before you sit down.

There are a few of those that apply to myself as well. Especially...

"If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear."

Which has lead me to this one:

"Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight !"

But did you know (this woman) men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

_______________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

posted March 16, 2006 04:45 AM         

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've
been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang
out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said
"I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, " Hey, aren't you the
inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end
protrusion.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust.
And finally

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."

So God went to his Celestial super computer,
typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.

posted March 16, 2006 06:32 AM         

what r the ladies doing for the reply?

posted March 16, 2006 07:11 AM         

That is my line
No wonder I get along well with guys

posted March 17, 2006 09:13 PM         

quote:

---

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

---

That's my favorite. Christopher Columbus got lost and refused to accept it. Just like most men. It's not something to be proud of. LOL

posted March 18, 2006 04:59 PM         

I think there are a few things on that list that my husband can agree with.

He's always giving me that irritated look for talking during tv shows.... and I get upset with him for trying to solve my problems when I'm just looking for an ear or a shoulder.

posted April 04, 2006 05:36 PM         

Always keep the lid closed -- then EVERYONE has to lift it up to wherever they need it!!