posted June 20, 2007 02:51 AM         

everytime i start a job i realize i fall short of requirement for basic success. and that requirment is a graduation certificate. my dad sometimes cries within. i can almost sense it from his face. and i love no one more than i love my dad. not even my brother, not even my mother.

everytime i tell him i will continue engineering as i have no other option he is the first one to have a smile on his face. and each time i make that smile vanish.

the time of the year has come again. and i have a choice. whether to continue engineering or to join a new course. job is not an alternative as there is no future without a degree. atleast not in mumbai, india. i'm puzzled. should i take onto college from where i left and risk boredom and eventual failure again. or should i take up a new course and venture into a region thats unknown and risk the same.

i can't decide. i dont know what the stars have to say. while i have a month to decide about engineering i have only 2 or 3 weeks to join a new course.

i have had many people, including my computer programming professor, telling me that my future is in technical field and that my mind really works there. but self confidence is at an all time low.

each day i meet a person in whoes eyes i'm no more than important person i used to be. simply because theye do something with their lives and i have wasted 5 years doing nothing. i think i'll suffer an identity crisis.

i fear that if i take up to engineering, midway, something will go wrong again. maybe my mom will say and do something to upset my balance. she is of the type who thinks everyone revolves round her and without "her say" in our lives, we would be lost. she asumes power and authority over people. sigh! i cant come to terms with her.

i think practically speacking i have only one option... to live with my parents and complete engineering while my father is ready to pay for it. the question is, what to do when my mom rubs me the wrong way again. i'm sensitive as far as my ego goes, and thats the first thing i have reckoned with in this punishing pluto transit.

i want to make the right choice before my jupiter in sag transit ends.

posted June 20, 2007 03:22 AM         

Your mom and you have VERY diffferent charts no wonder she rubs you the wrong way.

Get up off your booty and move out EXPLORE, go on an adventure! You are almost 24 years of age. You can do this! Mom and Dad will still be just a phone call away.

The definition of insanity is this:
Doing the same thing over and over yet, expecting different results.

Place yourself into a position where you must succeed. Take a chance on you, You Are Worth It!

I am convinced that you somehow just allowed others to decide your future for you. Funny thing: When you wake up in the morning both now and in 20 years it is YOU that you will be facing.
What kind of you do you wish to see?

You have a beautiful writing style perhaps you could capitalize on this?
Write a manual on engineering if you must!

posted June 20, 2007 03:52 AM         

I am a Sagittarian myself, with an Aries Moon and Virgo Ascendant. About me, I was always good with my studies, even have state gold medals, but all those went down the drain as I was in my 12th. In effect I couldn't clear my 12th exams, but I got selected for the Enginnering Entrance. (oh yeah, I couldn;t write one paper because of ear infection), but from there it took me another year to clear my second language. Eventually I wanted to do graduation in Physics (my all time favourite subject), but with "expert" advice I ended up joining Commerce. It was so boring a subject for me, and I decided to leave it mid-way while at 2nd year. That is when my sister )who also is my best friend) asked me to check out "computers", that was way back in 1993. Thankfully, for her, I took up computers (yeah I completed graduation in commerce too), and I am glad for that decision. I eventually have 2 PG diploma in computers, and have been working since 1995.

Now, my problem is that I was never a "job" person. I was good in my work, I am a good team player and a motivator too, but I just couldn't stay back in any jobs I held. Ended up in business (which I ran for 3.5 years) and eventually closed down (for personal reasons). Went back to job, but ended up quitting them AGAIN! hahahahaha

Right now, I am in the process of setting up things for myself yet again, but since I am planning to move out of India by early 2008, i am not going to set up a "brick and mortar" company, but more of a small time internet based business.

My problem always had been lack of self-motivation (though I have always been a motivating factor for others). I also let others control my life in the name of emotions, but no more.

Anyways, I am here, wishing you the very best out of life - if I can survive, anyone can, so that is the brightest part. I also hope someone will surely help you out (psst: hint hint IQHUNK)

Good luck,

posted June 20, 2007 06:53 AM         

thankyou for going through my chart. u said engineering isn't for me. but why is that my mind works well through everything technical. i have never been bored of the actualy study matter. what kills my joy is college routine. assignments and blah! anyway, what kind of communication career should i opt. oh that reminds me. i'm into electronics and telecommunication engineering.

quote:

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My problem always had been lack of self-motivation (though I have always been a motivating factor for others).

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posted June 20, 2007 10:11 AM         

As far as your feelings with others are concerned, I think that perhaps you should read my thread titled 'Self-esteem; does it need to be defined by others?).

As far as not knowing what it is you really, truly want to do, I can assure you that many, many others feel just the same, even some who are in their 30's still don't know. The truth is : THERE IS NO PERFECT JOB. Review your options, choose one and stick to it. Doing something and FINISHING it is far better than spending so much time thinking, not knowing what to do, not finishing anything. Once you have done SOMETHING, it can open other doors, even if you decide to go in another direction....at LEAST you have finished something, at least others (but most importantly yourself) will respect you more then....not that it matters what others think but I know it certainly makes life easier!!

Please don't waste time like I have. I know how it feels. I ended up having children before I had achieved anything for myself because I was so unsure, and now I am feeling the consequences of this....and it makes it difficult for me to relate to others because of this.

But luckily, where I am.....there is still time.

And Time is Eternal.

But the circumstances of life restrict us from our true, Eternal nature. All we have to do is work WITH it.

It may feel like we are trapped at the time. But if we could only remember that really Time is Infinite, then we will see that 2 years or whatever at college or university is really NOTHING! Try to see the good in what we have, not just the bad. It isn't forever.

posted June 20, 2007 10:23 AM         

Have you read or heard about Linda's writings on the 'Labour of Love'- a chapter in Star Signs? Look into your heart. Take some time alone to do this. Write down what you enjoy the most. What are your strengths and weaknesses- make a list. Perhaps you will find the answer.

But if you still aren't sure, be still, listen to your heart for a moment. What is it telling you? Go with it. But this time, stick with it. See where it takes you. See what experiences come with it. Life is a gift; it teaches us to grow. Sometimes difficult lessons come...perhaps life gives difficult lessons where it knows our souls need to evolve the most...perhaps it is tougher on some than others....perhaps this is because some are stronger and are ready for these lessons? Perhaps?
I'm drifting from the subject....

What I'm saying is that it isn't a prison sentence. Life can be whatever you want it to be, when we really put all our energies into ordaining it to become so. But before this can even begin, first of all we need a CLEAR VISION of what it is we want.

Don't feel trapped. Just view life as a journey of learning. We will never be completely and TRULY 'free' in this particular DIMENSION. But this is just ONE dimension. Life is a classroom. We have to keep learning in order to progress.

Wishing you and

posted June 20, 2007 12:21 PM         

If you don't like engineering don't do it. Do something you like doing.

posted June 20, 2007 02:47 PM         

Don't worry about keeping up wih the Joneses. A lot can change in 5, 10 more years, can even turn 180 degrees. I'm 33, so I should know.

I personally am not a fan of the mantra that qualifications and a structured learning/project environment are the be-all and end-all. There must be some route you can take where skills, rather than qualifications per se, are the rule rather than the exception.

Listens To Trees is absolutely right about focusing your abilities. I have a huge number of interests which are technically impossible to combine, but I've figured out a way to do it, and I know I've got the reserves of self-discipline to be able to do it. Ask yourself how much discipline you have. Could you spend ages locked away in your room figuring things out by yourself, for example?

posted June 20, 2007 02:58 PM         

which of the two is a lesser evil? which would take lesser time to complete, and/or take you away from home? which would help you build your self confidence back, since u said you do enjoy coding. it is the routine that bores you.

if you could give exact details (which engg college, what course) being an indian i can give suggestions as to the best alternative for you. (not tht u havent done so already....but it helps, u know)

Evo, there comes a time when u have to take the plunge. not doing anything is worse than doing something. whatever decision u take cannot be as bad as not making any decision, and keeping things in a limbo. You can do it !!

Most importantly, i think you already know what you 'should' do, for your greatest good. And are probably scared/lacking self confidence to do it. Just do it !

posted June 20, 2007 03:07 PM         

quote:

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i have had many people, including my computer programming professor, telling me that my future is in technical field and that my mind really works there. but self confidence is at an all time low.

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How far have u completed your engg? i would also think tht it might be the best option as compared to some 'course' u might take, practically speaking. both lead to the same end result, a job in a technical field, but in one case u have a degree, in another, a diploma. (i am guessing)

I know you have a lot of courage, to be still striving against odds. It takes a lot of courage when our near and dear ones only sabotage our self esteem. the very fact that you are still trying shows that you have it in you.

posted June 20, 2007 10:56 PM         

quote:

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when our near and dear ones only sabotage our self esteem

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i have faced that a lot. a hell lot. they always do it infront of my friends and then say 'we care'. but i think its a master stratgy to control.

i have totally let go the feeling that parents do it because 'after all we care for u..' and blah! i think i have seen too much to eat that crap. i believe even parnets can have ulterior motives.

posted June 20, 2007 11:18 PM         

she took complete advantage of my dads position. he was transfered to a remote place in assam in east india. and the type of lifestyle we live was typical west india. she would call him over the slightest of things. i didnt come up from play when she wanted, i didnt do the school homework when she wanted, i am not wearing the clothes that she wants me to and blah. frustrated, my dad would call my maternal uncle and ask him to 'take care of me'. and then would start the humiliation. there was no room for talk. now when i sit back and think i realize my uncle is not a wee bit sorry for this. he still says 'u were uncontrollable'.

but in reality he is with my mom to break me down. he wants that i leave studies and join his business. he had insisted me on this several times. i thought he was just helping me out. but he actually has been trying right since i completed my 12th grade. there was no reason then to pursuade me. he would say, "what big deal are u going to make after studies. ultimately u will work under someone all ur life like ur dad. why not quit studies and sit in mu business".

actually none of the guys he knows wants to join his business as it has come under the police scanner. he is out these days on bail. its a big narcotics smuggling scam.

"ultimately u will work under someone all ur life like ur dad." about that sentence. actually when he is around my dad he shows him great elderly respect. after all he was there when he wanted help to marry of his two sisters, when he wanted to marry himself and when he wanted money to do business. and he talks about how i should be like my dad when actually my dad is around. how i too should become a manager in some big corporate firm like my dad is and then when he is not around he would contradict what he prevously said. i think my mom's family and my mom try to brainwash me.

some comman themes in what they say are...
1. its all your fault
2. mom is always right
3. u should be ashamed
4. ur mom was fine before marriage. me, my brother and my dad made her mad!
5. and then they contradict "nothing is wrong with ur mom"
6. "i'm headstrong." when things go bad with others "they are headstrong, and evil and unmannered"

posted June 21, 2007 05:00 AM         

I hear your pain

If you have the opportunity to leave home, then do it. You are absolutely right. They are all trying to control you and brainwash you. It is important to one day find it in your heart to forgive them for what they have done to you. It isn't their fault either. They probably don't know any better. They were probably treated this way themselves by someone. They think that this is the way to bring someone up, to make them 'decent'. But it is cruel. And, speaking from my own heart....it is not right. I feel that God is love. These are not actions motivated by love. They probably THINK that they are. But, truth is, deep down, it is actually motivated by FEAR. Not love.

And your human spirit is brave. And strong. Inside, they'll never beat your human spirit into submission, no matter how they want to force you to appear on the surface.

I read an autobiography once which was the most incredible testimony to the strength of the human spirit that I have EVER read. They are the books by DAVE PELZER
He wrote 'A Child Called It' followed by 'The Lost Boy' and 'A Man Named Dave'. 'A Man Named Dave' is definetly worth reading because it shows how he triumphed over all odds and indeed found happiness. This guy was was on the most severely abused children, ever. Now, if a human being can survive this, and still turn out alright, then human beings can survive almost anything.....

My friend sent me this wonderful extract from the children's classic novels of 'Winnie The Pooh':

Beautiful words.......don't you think?

Anyway, good luck

I wish I could help you more right now to free you from the situation you are in...this cage...but I trust that you will find your way, in Time.

posted June 21, 2007 10:15 AM         

I don't think we necessarily have to 'suffer' for us to build character. It can certainly teach us to be more compassionate.....but flowers need gentle sunlight and rain to grow, not drought and darkness.......

posted June 21, 2007 11:32 AM         

...............but Hobbes rules better

posted June 22, 2007 04:57 AM         

Posted by Mirandee in the thread titled 'U2's Grace' in this forum:

"The pearl in Bono's lyrics and in the video reminded me of this:

The Oyster
There once was an Oyster whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand was inside his shell
Just one little grain, but it gave him great pain!
For oysters have feelings, though they all seem so plain.
Now did he berate the workings of fate.
Which had led him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse out the government—call for an election,
And cry that the sea “should have given protection?”
No! He said to himself as he lay on the shelf,
“Since I cannot remove it, I’ll try to improve it.”
The years rolled along, as the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate destiny—stew!
And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so,
Was a beautiful pearl, all richly aglow!
The tale has a moral, for isn’t it grand.
What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?
What couldn’t I do if I’d only begin,
With all those things that “get under my skin!”

That's what grace does with the sands in our life! As Bono says, "grace makes beauty out of ugly things."