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sunshine_lion
Knowflake

Posts: 1265
From: ann arbor mi
Registered: Apr 2008

posted January 12, 2009 10:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine_lion     Edit/Delete Message
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your j eans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone 's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

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aquaspryt69
Knowflake

Posts: 1650
From: Arizona
Registered: Feb 2004

posted January 12, 2009 01:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaspryt69     Edit/Delete Message


And a good Monday morning to you, too Sunsine!


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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 1515
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008

posted January 12, 2009 02:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message

I love this, Sunshine! I have to send it to my friends, they'll definitely appreciate it .. thanks !

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 2336
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008

posted January 12, 2009 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
The pregnancy ones are funny.
Even if I cannot relate much to:
quote:
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.



The estrogen ones I personally cannot relate to.
The only other ones I can relate to are:
quote:
10. Cats' facial expressions.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

However I know guys who can relate to those too.

------------------
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 3919
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted January 12, 2009 08:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

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