posted November 26, 2002 06:58 PM              

I now have my elderly sick father living with me as well as my 19 year old daughter and the house is crowded but I believe in family. I work to subsidise them but I don't mind that and we have a good life materially.

2 months ago my son came home one night when Dad and I were sitting on the patio just chilling, and verbally attacked me for taking him away from his dad when he was a baby and for asking him to leave when the drug problem first blew up. He says I have ruined his life and is so full of hate. This is not the mild mannered child I know.

On Satuday he erupted for the 3rd time in a month and attacked me verbally again. It is obvious he despises me and resents me but I am at a loss to know why. His venom is frightening and he is like a madman, very obsessive and insisting that these things have to be talked about NOW. It is almost like he is psychotic. It is very hurtful although I react by shutting down. Finally on Saturday I asked him to leave again because I have my father and daughter to think of and I am desperately tired trying to keep this ship afloat. I try to explain that if I sink, we all sink because I have to work to pay for this house etc and I am only human.

Anyway, my son is an Aquarian (Virgo moon and Cancer rising), I am Libra (Gemini moon and Scorpio rising, dad is a Taurus and daughter) who has always been "different" and never seemed to fit in anywhere) is a Capricorn, Leo rising and Aries moon). She has turned into a very psychic and caring young lady.

Is there something in the stars dictating why this is happening to my family? I keep picking myself up and putting on a brave face but truly my life is a misery.

Why has my perfect son turned into a monster these past 2 years? He was my best friend (the sensible, cautious one) and now I don't know him anymore. He drinks too much and smokes too much pot. Is it his genes and is he lost to me?

Pls help because I am v hurt, disillusioned and desperate. I am 43 and keep waiting for my life to start without this constant struggle but it doesn't seem to happen.

Sorry if this is too heavy but I am struggling to find answers and so very tired of putting on a mask to the rest of the worls.

K

posted November 26, 2002 07:37 PM              

and my relationship with my dad has been rocky...but its smoothed quite alot since i moved out.

In terms of drug use...well, too much alhohol is bad. I do drink when i'm upset but since i'm a student and thats our standard pastime i suppose its a little different. Smoking weed isn't my thing, although i do it occasionally.

I'd say if he's that angry about something then the drinking might be symptomatic of that.....what triggers off these eruptions?

For me what does that is the feeling of a lack of space, or feeling contrained and boxed in by other peoples' wishes.

Perhaps you could encourage him to find somewhere else to live? and by that i dont mean kick him out but maybe find some incentive to get him out of the house more..is he interested in a university course or anything like that?

I suppose since im only 20 myself i dont have much experience to draw on but i hope i've managed to offer some insights.

posted November 27, 2002 07:03 AM              

My circumstances were different, my children were able to visit their father every other weekend, but they were very hurtful at times towards me as they were growing up because of how they perceived what was wrong. It took a lot of doing but I managed not to say anything bad about their father. Now they are older and can see him as he is, and not what they want him to be, they treat me with much more respect. I also point out to my son, that because his father behaves a certain way doesn't mean he has to act in the same manner, he is a different person altogether and he alone is responsible for his actions.

As others have said, it will perhaps take time but eventually he will understand, but you do not have to accept his abusive behaviour towards you, you deserve his respect for having provided him with a loving and stable homelife.

posted November 27, 2002 07:38 AM              

I think the Knowflakes above gave you some good advice based on their own experience. I can't add anything, other than that it really sounds emotionally based and your son is reacting to actions that occurred before he reached any age of reason. So, it sounds as though he is looking to place blame for what he felt he may have missed. My only advice is to keep loving him and let him see that love. And know that you did the best in circumstances to give him a better life and one day he will appreciate that.

In the meantime, please keep yourself surrounded in White Light and I am sending some along, too. Also for your son.

posted November 28, 2002 02:24 PM              

Funny thing, after he left I passed him on the way to work but only because I took a different route. As I looked at him I knew he was on his way home and, sure enough, when I rang he was finishing off the path in the garden. His way of saying sorry and trying to move forward I guess.

I will talk to him about what triggers these reactions because he literally walks in the door, starts obsessing and he's off. I am so tired of it that finally I tell him to leave because I have to keep the house running and to do that I have to be able to work. I also feel I have a right to some quality of life.

Again, thank you and I will keep that white light around me. I am hopeful that he will see someone to talk through his anguish because, lets face it, at his age he doesn't think drinking and a bit of pot are a problem but they are obviously masking a deep depression. He says he's never having kids and that he has nothing to live for although he works and is "normal" most of the time. It's just these inexplicable episodes that do so much damage.

Anyway, I can feel your love and I felt sure when I saw him in that unexpected location the other morning that Linda had guided me there. Not my usual route - I only drive it maybe twice a year.